Is casual sex a sin?

[Preety_India]

I hate casual sex. I have never indulged in casual sex in the past. 

I have always thought of casual sex as something dirty, unhealthy and cheap/shallow etc. 

I come from a religious background where casual sex was made to look like a sin (a haram in certain religions). I grew up with that attitude where I looked at it as sinful and bad. 

I still believe the same thing. I don't actively condemn it whereby I'm open to the idea of people engaging in casual sex and I wouldn't demonize them or judge them as bad people per se, since I believe in the principle of freedom of personal choice, yet I myself would never want to engage in it. I always had a solid relationship but not casual sex. 

Do you think it's a shadow on my part to think about it that way or do you think it's healthy to think so. 

The other ideas/thoughts I have regarding casual sex is that it compromises with the moral compass around sex and may become a precursor to cheating in future relationships /marriage etc. 

What are your standards and opinions on casual sex and do you have a negative outlook on it (like it's sinful) on it or do you think there's absolutely nothing wrong with it? 

Share your thoughts. 

 

[Peter Miklis]

I'd say casual sex is fine, as long as you don't overdo it. In my observation, women, but also men who have had many sex partners were trying to fill some sort of hole inside of themselves. It's ironic, but especially women were trying to find love throught casual sex. Which of course, doesn't make sense, but it doesn't have to.

It's fine, as long you treat it as new experience. But once it becomes your source of happiness, that's when it becomes problematic.

[Preety_India]

@Peter Miklis thanks for the input. That's a new perspective I appreciate. 

 

[ivankiss]

I don't think it's a sin. But it can surely become a problem.

As long as you're being real with yourself and your partners; I don't think there is harm in casual sex. It all comes down to who you are and who you're having sex with. Also; how frequently you change sexual partners, how needy you are, etc. That's something to think about before going down that road - I'd say.

I had some pretty good casual sex in the past. Not too frequently and not with too many partners... but casual sex I had.

I don't have a negative belief about it. I think it can be relevant on one's journey to have casual fun and release some steam, here and there. Just do it in a healthy and safe way.

 

[soos_mite_ah]

Casual sex is fine but it isn't for everyone. For some people it's healthy but for others it isn't. 

Just because it isn't right for you doesn't mean that it's sinful. Honor your needs and your emotions but don't judge others who partake in casual sex as sinful. People aren't always messed up for having casual sex. Again, it can be healthy for them. I think what matters more is WHY you decided to have casual sex or not rather than IF you decided to have casual sex or not. The decision itself doesn't matter but the reason behind it does. 

[Preety_India]

@soos_mite_ah thanks for the input, I appreciate the perspective. 

 

[Preety_India]

11 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Casual sex is fine but it isn't for everyone. For some people it's healthy but for others it isn't. 

Just because it isn't right for you doesn't mean that it's sinful. Honor your needs and your emotions but don't judge others who partake in casual sex as sinful. People aren't always messed up for having casual sex. Again, it can be healthy for them. I think what matters more is WHY you decided to have casual sex or not rather than IF you decided to have casual sex or not. The decision itself doesn't matter but the reason behind it does. 

I never engaged in casual sex. 

If I imagine myself doing it, it feels very inauthentic to me, it appears hedonistic to me and it feels like it will compromise my moral integrity and mess with my moral compass because I can't have sex with someone just for sex. I want full emotional connection and authentically love someone and form a solid relationship as I have always done with my past boyfriends. 

So I'm not open to it as of yet. You're right that I shouldn't judge or moralize others who partake in it. 

Yet I can't imagine myself doing it as it feels shallow, cheap and devoid of complete authentic relationship to me. 

It feels like I'm cheating my own morality. 

But of course this is just me.. I know people don't necessarily think like me

 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

15 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I never engaged in casual sex. 

If I imagine myself doing it, it feels very inauthentic to me, it appears hedonistic to me and it feels like it will compromise my moral integrity and mess with my moral compass because I can't have sex with someone just for sex. I want full emotional connection and authentically love someone and form a solid relationship as I have always done with my past boyfriends. 

...

Yet I can't imagine myself doing it as it feels shallow, cheap and devoid of complete authentic relationship to me. 

I'm very much the same way. It simply doesn't resonate with me though for me it doesn't come from a place of moralization. 

I think casual sex can have a bad reputation (especially for women partaking in it) because some people assume that it's always shallow and that you must be messed up in the head, or you have a gaping hole in your soul. While people can have a bad relationship to casual sex, for some people it can be a way of exploring and getting to know their sexuality. It can be a way to get to know the different things they like and different ways of having sex. It can be away to gain more sexual confidence for people. I think coming at casual sex as an exploration perspective is a healthy way to go about it. 

20 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

So I'm not open to it as of yet. You're right that I shouldn't judge or moralize others who partake in it.

20 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

It feels like I'm cheating my own morality. 

But of course this is just me.. I know people don't necessarily think like me

It's perfectly fine if casual sex doesn't resonate with you or if it feels wrong for you personally. IMO, I'd still be vary of the moralizing, even if you're just moralizing to yourself. Sure casual sex isn't the thing that you want/need now but imo it isn't healthy to shame yourself out the possibility. Your needs and wants can change later on and that's fine. And even if they don't change, that's fine too.

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I'm very much the same way. It simply doesn't resonate with me though for me it doesn't come from a place of moralization. 

I think casual sex can have a bad reputation (especially for women partaking in it) because some people assume that it's always shallow and that you must be messed up in the head, or you have a gaping hole in your soul. While people can have a bad relationship to casual sex, for some people it can be a way of exploring and getting to know their sexuality. It can be a way to get to know the different things they like and different ways of having sex. It can be away to gain more sexual confidence for people. I think coming at casual sex as an exploration perspective is a healthy way to go about it. 

It's perfectly fine if casual sex doesn't resonate with you or if it feels wrong for you personally. IMO, I'd still be vary of the moralizing, even if you're just moralizing to yourself. Sure casual sex isn't the thing that you want/need now but imo it isn't healthy to shame yourself out the possibility. Your needs and wants can change later on and that's fine. And even if they don't change, that's fine too.

That was very encouraging and insightful. Thank you. 

 

 

[Flowerfaeiry]

I've had "casual sex" but I feel like the term is a bit of a misnomer. 

[bejapuskas]

@Preety_India  I feel you, I also had this judgement, its fine. I guess the judgement does not come from nothing, right. Even if you communicate, one person might be shy or afraid to tell the truth about their feelings and this can lead to collateral damage. It is tisky. But I think its less risky than most people imagine, if you communicate well though only... People are naturally so dumb, they can't read each other so well, you gotta talk about everything, then its fine. For me I always judged casual sex, then I tried it. It was a nice way to explore my sexuality and to become less of a slut-shamer because I saw the value of opening up in it. It made me understand myself more, there certainly was a shadow. I think you might try if you have any respectful men in mind... Did it suck tho? Yes, first time definitely. Its just not as good as having sex with long term partner where you know each others bodies and minds well and youre way more comfortable. But I guess you can become more comfortable with time and experience. Still for me though, relationship Is the way to go if one wants good sex. But I dont judge casual or even polyamory at all, Its just more complex, risky and sloppy.

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@bejapuskas I don't think I will ever engage in casual sex. 

 

Sorry but it goes against my main moral  principle of sexual integrity. 

 

Should I be shamed for sticking to my core moral principles? I don't think so. 

But I get the part where I shouldn't judge those who engage in it. 

Yet I'm not going to change what I'm comfortable with morally.

 

[bejapuskas]

@Preety_India Yeh its fine, people can benefit from it. IMHO it kinda sucks though and being in a long term relationship with good boundaries and communication where you both are compatible is waaay more pleasurable. So you arent missing out on much dont worry.

[Preety_India]

@bejapuskas  I agree. 

 

[bejapuskas]

@Preety_India Yeh dont feel like its a sin or anything but like also its fine to stick to your values and choices if they make sense to you and you dont feel the urge to explore. Its totally fine to not be open to it its up to you. No shame.

 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@Preety_India Yeh dont feel like its a sin or anything but like also its fine to stick to your values and choices if they make sense to you and you dont feel the urge to explore. Its totally fine to not be open to it its up to you. No shame.

 

^ this. 

 

[bejapuskas]

@Preety_India You know in my case I was just so judgemental, but also horny at the same time. And like doing these one night stands, having these after sex cuddle talks made me realize so many things about women. You know hooking up with a girl from a different culture made me the person I am now, because she was the one who told me all these traumatic experiences a woman has to go through. So I guess it created a lot of good. Like for me I am glad I did it and I was careful not to cause any harm, no rape or playing with emotions.

[soos_mite_ah]

25 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

It is tisky. But I think its less risky than most people imagine, if you communicate well though only... People are naturally so dumb, they can't read each other so well, you gotta talk about everything, then its fine.

I agree with this. Also, some people misunderstand what they actually want and aren't honest with themselves which can also lead to messiness and people getting attached when they thought it wouldn't happen. I feel like people who deep down want a relationship but don't want to be honest with themselves get into situations like this. 

4 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@Preety_India Yeh dont feel like its a sin or anything but like also its fine to stick to your values and choices if they make sense to you and you dont feel the urge to explore. Its totally fine to not be open to it its up to you. No shame.

I second this.

Sex isn't a big deal.

A lot of people interpret that statement as *yeah sex isn't a big deal, everyone should sleep around and if you think sex is deep and emotional you're delusional/ religious/ prude/ *insert rude and judgmental name here**

But the way I personally interpret the statement "sex isn't a big deal" is that if you want to have casual sex or wait for a committed relationship, each way is fine as long as they fulfill your needs in a healthy way. Do whatever feels right for you, it isn't a big deal and there is no need to judge yourself or the choices of others. 

[Preety_India]

@bejapuskas good for you 

 

I'm a typical woman who likes a loyal faithful committed long term monogamous relationship. (example lifelong  marriage/partnership ) 

 

Not shaming polygamy but I'm not that type. 

It could be the influence of my culture or it could be my own moral compass has evolved through my own thinking 

 

I'm a bit strict when it comes to love. 

I never take love matters lightly. But that's just me. 

 

My dating history is solid relationships till now. No casual flings, hook ups or any of the related things. 

 

 

[bejapuskas]

@Preety_India  I am the same only. But had to experiment to get there. Like hookups for me and the other person were good. Dont have to be for everyone but they dont deserve a bad reputation. Dont worry about dating history and shit I know Its an issue in India and all these uncles and aunties are constantly slut-shaming you and others so it gets kind of attached to you this mindset. But like if you arent constantly fantasizing and you feel grounded in your values thats fine. This spiritual idea of values and stage Blue being biased is itself biased. I dont think you can live without constructs or values. Just choose what makes you feel nice.