Autobiography of Existance

[The Buddha]

So I just discovered this and I'm pretty excited, always had difficulties keeping up a journal so I think this is a great opportunity.

Since this body was born I have endlessly searched for the Truth. Almost everyone searchs enlightenment for a reason, I have absolutely no idea why, I didn't even choose this, it feels like it choose me and till it's not complete it will be with me.

My main concern is that I always have been so puzzled about existance about all this that just appeared and seems like it had some kind of order and sense and I can interact with it. Everyone feels like this shit is all normal. I always have been like wtf??? For real, from nothingness you have this? And then u say it's all cool, I just appeared here that's all I know and I have to live, with other beings that seem to be alive as me. Idk, it always seemed very rare to be alive for me, it is a very curious feeling for me this existance.

So I will just write here my journey and when I stop writting, well u know what that means.

 

(PD: Deep respect is expected to all that read and write here. It's not a shit u read online, it's my life, it could be your live, one thing is to see another to experience, be mindful, compassionate and loving. Lots of love and welcome beautiful soul)

[The Buddha]

I'm done with this endless cicle. I surrender all my wordly desires, all my attachments, all my ego. It does not serve me anymore. I know they will call back, I know they will try to trick me, I know I may fall down, but everything has changed. I've finally come to see that absolutely nothing in this world can make me happy, absolutely nothing, I cannot even take a breath without dying in my deep need of realization. I cannot stand this play anymore, it is not out of hate that I decide, it is out of love for myself and God to be one and the same. It is a reality, I've come to understand that this cannot give me what I want, this cannot give my that which I long for. I must follow the most supreme path, I aim for the highest of the highest, all my efforts are for the supreme. I'll play the game of human life and I'll play it well, but I won't miss, I won't get lost again, I won't go into the beautiful flowers, I won't go into the mud and shit, i drop all that for the divine and for God. For it is hard to be in this path that is why I fall back, for it is an absolute torture not to devote my whole to this, I prefer to die right here and now, for a life of suffering and pleasures, for a life of happines and sorrow for a life of glory and downfall, for  a life of birth and dead, I desire no more that, I drop all that, it is non sense. Yet how the dream is going to helpme? YEt how the illusory reality is going to help me understand what I'm already now, for this is the great mistery. This is my last rebirth, that is all. For later no-one will be born and I shall be the same. May I live a life of full devotion to God, may in all my breaths remember him, may i follow the steps of the gurus as light in the dark, may i need God as I the need of fresh air when drowning, may i be loving and compassionate, may i be peace and give peace, live in truth and stand in my power, for the whole existance and cosmos is behind me. I desire no more to desire than the desire that will set me free from all desires, for it has thousand names for it is one.

Oh my Lord have mercy upon me and reveal yourself to me, may i cannot stand one day more without you, Oh my beloved God I cry at your feet, for when will you reveal to me? For when will we reunite again? For when all this will be done. I cannot stand this game anymore, i'm tired i can't play it, i can't keep going on and on, i just die fore you, i literally die for you, oh please may you reveal to me your glory, may I be delighted with your presence, I trust u and i trust my path and your divine plan and divine timings, may u listen to my words and feel compassion for it is only u that i desire, it is only u that i creave, not even the step before u will satisfy my soul, nothing but you is what i desire, Oh please, please PLEASE, reveal yourself, oh my beloved GOd, you are my light, you are my refuge, you are my love, you are myself, for how long we have been playing? For eternity we will, u and me seaching both each other, for this game is what is, and we both enjoy but as this game starts this game ends, when we will reunite? When will u reveal to myself? When I'll be revealed to yourself? For what is the matter of all existance but your holy game, for this player cannot stand anymore, tired and done he is, for you is his only craving, for the desire that will free himself from all desires. Oh God to your divine mercy, compassion and love I surrender; guide me with your benevolent way towards you, I leave my life into your hands, may the highest of the highest manifest in my life for it to reunite again, oh I know that i've been listened to and I know that everything was given before i asked, also i know that u wanted me to cry at your feet for your hug, oh my god, my beloved God I love and that is all, that is all, that is all.

 

[The Buddha]

The duality of guru and sinner is an ilusion that I create. Both are the same, u do not have to choose. Liberate yourself from it.

[The Buddha]

If u renunciate the world u are renunciating God. For it is not this endless cycle and suffering his play? His Lila? Please tell me, where is it that Brahma is not? It is u that sees problem in this, no problem, no solution there is. Lemon tree, lemon fruits, do not ask for apples, do not complain because it is acid, for it is the nature of the tree, the nature of existance. You and only you see a problem, there is in fact no problem, no solution. That is all.

[The Buddha]

Om,

Yesterday was crazy, good ego bashlack: The main realization was I have to love suffering. I had a light activation and seems that the earth is going through some massive energetic shift. For the feelings, this is something big in comparison with other updates. This may be the preparation for the guru purnima, I feel it's going to be savage this year. On the other hand, the earth is still grounding the new while more new than ever is coming. This year will be the last in preparation, in 2022 the massive shift will manifest and the new souls will start incarnating, till 2030 we will be getting used to the new world and earth. From 2030 we cannot even imagine what is coming, earth and heaven will be one and the same, all religions arround the world will reunite, as they all are waiting for this moment. Science, religion and spirituality will merge as well as psychology and shamanism. Psychedelics will be the tool so that no one is left behind not being able to follow all earth. From 2030 the momentum will be strong enough and will maintin by itself. (Written on 18/06/21)

On the other hand, today I'm fresh and just chilling a bit, trusting the procces and relaxing. Crazy how things change in less than 24h, feeling hopeless and now I'm great as always. My guides always tell me that it's normal, that this chaos is necessary procces and I know it, but when the chaos is a reality it nublates my sight and I cannot realise what I know, well I understand it but I feel like shit anyway and I resist that shit feeling so more shitty is and so on so on. From there comes to love this suffering. I trust the procces, I am a porwerful being, I am divine, I am strong, I am peace, I am light, I am Love.

[The Buddha]

Do not pray, for what is that meaning? Are u in disagree with God, the Universe and the reality? OF course not, I totally agree with life, I accept it and I'm in tune with it. If he wants to do it, it will be done, if he doesn't want to, it will not be done: I'm fine and at peace with that. I am not a bussiness man, I do not negociate with him for this or for that, I do not desire to change what is, what was or what could be, that's his bussiness not mine and I accept. I surrender and love whatever is done is your will, your manifestation and literaly You, oh please tell me then, where is it that Brahma is not?

Not my will, but yours be done. Not my will, but yours be done. Not my will, but yours be done.

[The Buddha]

Life is fucking savage and in fact I love it, it's a nice experience overall, it's worth having.

Meditation and Love, that's all, the perfect balance, what else do i need? For the wisdom and knowledge is nice, for a second of silence and love is all that and more. From that, then the wisdom and knowledge arises as water from a fountain. For no ammount of wisdom of the ultimate is comparable to a second of profound and intense silence and love. It doesn't matter from where u taste the sea, it is salty, no need to understand the sea, no need to philosophise of the sea, no need to understand or see the sea, just taste it in yourself, it is salty as all reality, u don't need anything else. For enlightenment, is much easier than I could have ever thought of, (just saw the joke, thought xD), it is just being. It amazes me, lots of teachings lots of masters, however very few are able to make me taste this silence, it is so incredible and it's funny that I've already heard the truth I'm sure, but every time I'm wiser, so I understand better the words of the great Masters, it is me the one who layer by layer keeps grasping the supreme that they point at. When the last layer is removed there is nothing. Silence perhaps, love perhaps, both perhaps, nothing perhaps: Who knows? That is the question and the answer. Om

[The Buddha]

Oh Holy dead, my holy mother dead. When u come, let it all be. For I was born from life, from also u must take me. Oh beloved death, my death, I love you, for setting me free, for knowing that all this will end, that you will kiss me and hug me, for knowing that all this started, all this one day must also end, oh death, my beloved death, thank you. May I be at peace with you, may we be friends as I am friends with life, may we love each other, may I rest in your darkness, may I taste your silence, may I die one day at peace and love with you. May I remember you every second of my life, for my death has already happened, may I be concious of your, may u remember me when u take my hand. Oh death, Oh my beloved Death, may your will be done and not mine, may I always be at peace with it, may I always love it. For all death is a new birth and all births are an old death. I always feared you, now I love you. I love Life. I love Death. Great Peace I am. Inmense Love I am.

 

[The Buddha]

The guru disciple relation is ending, for the next way is friendship. The new world and way will be trhough friendliness between fellow human beings, we are all brothers and sisters. This is the new way of teaching. The first were Osho and Paramahansa Yogananda (Self-Realization Fellowship). It is beautiful to understand where the flow is going, what a lovely way of the new earth being born, by friend teaching, so lovely. What a lovely world is being born that very few have eyes to see, and people were impacted with the internet, just wait!

 

[The Buddha]

It's funny the essence of worrying, we know it doesn't serve us yet we play with sometimes. Also anxiety is a very curious energy, for I am fully concious about the whole procces of anxiety from the start to the end, yet it is impossible not to play with it. It gives this sense of urgency, u arrive late, u have to do this or that, u don't find whatever... It is all as drawing in a lake, it all comes back to stillnes, it must. However, the movement, usually very innecesary is like a pendulum. For to much peace is charging this trigger points and this trigger points are charging the peace. Maybe that's why all great masters always valued so much stillness, probably they were talking about the stillness of the pendulum, between both polarities, when a meditative mind and loving life blossoms by the supreme principles, it arrives to the stillness of the polarities, of dualities, that is the great stillness Masters talk about. That is why Paramahansa Yogananda said that God is stillness, it was not the dual conception, it wasn't even only the transcendent, it also explained this game and it's cure. Supreme stillness. As he said: Always remain in profound stillness, expect when action is needed, then start action, once it is started remain again in the stillness. This great words were the way of stopping the oscilation of the pendulum, for arriving to the balance point, the supreme stillness. In this life, you have already listened to the supreme Truth, yet u have not understood, for the ear can only listen what is ready to listen. For my great amazement, lately I do not learn new quotes of the great Masters, I just relearn what they have said, I just follow the fragrance of their words. For each word is able to enlighten u, so it is about finding that quote that u want follow: like the perfume of the divine, to find that hidden rose in the forest. Lately, a quote that had an inmense impact was: Become wordless. Osho. It is funny because I probably heard this pointer thousands of times, however this one I really got it, because each time was a pointer using the mind as an arrow, so the mind got triggered and thoughts (words) manifested, for in this case no. Because mind=thoughts=words, it is one and the same, so this time the great Buddha Osho very wisely said become wordless and so was it, so I understood, it is funny because it's the exact same pointer of Ramana Maharshi, this concious presence, this wordless state, this no-mind clarity, this isness. They are all saying exactly the same, it is just to find the ones that most suit you. All religions, all science, all human activities in fact are guiding us towards this absolute pointer, some go arround and arround, other go directly, others take a beautful path... For who am I to judge all this paths? They all lead to the supreme. For I have fallen into the trap of believing better paths than others but if u try to get to Moscu by plane with someone who is terrified of planes is not gonna work, better to go by train, he will arrive later but he will arrive and enjoy the procces. Who am I to say the plane is better than the train? The non-dual is better than the catholic or the islam is better than the pagan. Who am I to say this path is the path? Who am I to limit the infinite to a finite path? for then the infinite would not be. For it is the doorless door, who can enter? No one can, nothing can get u there, nothing can make u go through, there is no one to cross that door, for there is no key, no door, no me. Yet all this so likely profound wisdom, is not even comparable to a second of silence and love, it is nothing compared to what they are pointing, that is why I will always try all methods and ways, for all paths are his path, for who know if maybe I'm a bicicle fan and i'll go to Moscu in one of them? Yet, all boils down to silence and love. What a great discovery that, both are the essence of supreme liberation and enlightenment. It is not about any strange thing, what a bullshit of things I had, when silence is, mind does not exist, when love is, what else do u need? For, surprisingly an enlightened being experience is silence and love, that's how they are. They can have very mistical or simple experiences built on that, but the core is that, they may have wisdom, they may have devotion, the may be super fit, they may say god exists or does not exist; yet the core of the existance is the same silence and love, for that is Brahman in fact, or I would better say the supreme antidote to realize Brahman, to see what already is here and now but the smoke of the ego, ignorance... does not let us see clear. How simple is enlightenment, silence and love. How could I not realize this? Silence and love. It is so inmense so unfadomable, they all point to the same, and the same is That. That's all; for now.

Om.

[The Buddha]

This few days are the days. On this summer solstice one of the greatest energetic shifts will manifest in earth, the elementals and humanity. We are asked to step into the new earth fully, it is time. From that day and in Guru Purnima (24th July) expect massive shifts, take those days for yourself. It is a global change yes, but all that happens inside, so FULLY embrace all that happens tomorrow and the 22, because if u are reading this you are the one, you are being asked to level up beyond anything u expected. You know that sometimes u level up in your way of living and being, so this days are for that. Guru Purnima will be the day you will fully wake up your inner master and guru, you will stop following Leo or who ever is the one u love the most, and he will take second place. In Guru Purnima you will be your own master, your own guru, your own enlightened being, and u are asked to devote yourself fully to that inner guidance and knowing. It may be very different from anything u have ever heard, yet it's the perfect and sublime path for you, divinely trust that inner guidance that u will start receiving from your own inner guru, your own inner master, your own inner eternal wisdom.

For the ones that read this words at divine timing have received the message, shall they act as their heart tells them, you have free will, please use it. The message has been given. Embrace all dimensions and aspects of live, for it is all sacred, fully embrace it all, and then breakthrough in all: manifest your enlightened natural state of being, your own Buddha nature, your own Self: manifest it/integrate it/be authentic: for it is already you, just be in tune with yourself. Nothing else required, than being you, here and now, for the highest good of earth and the Universe.

[The Buddha]

Lovely is being, lovely is what always is, silence is what always is, then layer plus layer is added. To find that which always is, is to find yourself, yet how are u gonna find that, it's impossible to find by definition, for the finding is a layer upon that which is. It is true that it cannot be found nor explained, not attained, it is a recognition I would say. To recognise what is, to see clearly, like the clouds moving and finally seeing the sun, the sun was always there, the clouds were temporarly there, the same way all events always bring you to this puntual recognitions of your own nature, once you taste u always return to it, in one way or in another. You try thousands million methods of doing or non-doing, and sometimes like a blessing you just see the sun again, your own sun, which shines so brigth that once seen leaves you blind. You always return to this state, it is utterly normal, it is what is now and here, I seem like a broken record But I must emphasize because when clouds come and I loose this clarity I get again in the trap of doing/non-doing, which is pure non-sense, pure delusion, because neither by doing nor by non-doing this state can be attained. I also don't know then how this recognition manifest and it's inner mechanics if it has such things, it just snaps you from time to time and I'm like ahhh, but well then at least i don't want to delude myself to achieve this, which is unachivable for definiton. So at least, don't waste your time in thinking that your path is leading you to somewhere, i mean you are the path and end, however I just see how clearly that is a fucking enormmous trap if misunderstood. It is not about not doing your practice which you should always do diligently, full hearted and single pointed, it is about expecting/non-expecting that by it you will arrive to this state. I'm gonna have great time translating this when clouds come back xD. I would say that practice is about degree of self-realization but sometimes u just fucking wake up and see it so clear and u need no one confirmation not outside not even inside, so the natural question that arises is how to maintain this state then? It is clear that it's also pure delusion that question, it's just what is, however clear is that clouds come back, yet I see no problem now, for that clouds change the sun? No, it is everpresent. Then what is the problem if u recognise it or not? If u see it or not? If u feel it or not? If u know by a fact that is ever present and that u have directly experienced and I am experiencing it now, so me from the future, which is also now because nothing changes bear that in mind. Yep, getting weirdo changing time-lines. Well, let's get back, I don't know what to say and that is the problem and the solution, for there is nothing to convey or to understand, but in a true Non-dual sense but it is not anything as an amazing experience, is just astonishably normal. So if u want to come back u must clearly Understand: You are losing your time it does not work like that and u know it, why u want this anyway? Aren't clouds good enough? I see no problem in them, love the sun and the clouds (yeah said the sun obviusly xD), man it is what it is. Love playing from relative to absolute, for what point has to be said about the Absolute?

[The Buddha]

Do not give advaice again if not asked for. Do not be condescente. From this experience learn to be silent, that's why it happened. Be so silent people forget your voice and are rejoiced when they hear it.

God is a concept, it has to be destroyed, to ironically experience him. For to realize him, there is god and there is no god, but u truly have to be inmersed in both realizations. U must also drop the desire for god-realization and stop trying or chaising. Just be, it's as far as u can possibly get: to be you cannot go beyond. Everything else does not matter and is delusion, but sometimes delusion is useful so who knows, each one has it's path and way, just sharing mine. It is time to stop talking about all that I'm going through, because it is so far beyond regular paradigma and also I do not want to preach even though it may be dharma. For I have nothing to say if I'm not asked directly for it. The one who asks will open my heart fully and will take what he desires, if not profound silence and love will be continuosly cultivaded. I follow my path alone and my way, I shall begin my silence , it is my own business, my own things my own realization, all this shall also pass, the one that searchs me will definately find me. For the rest all are blessed in my silence, in their own path in their own way and I shall love their way, their path and their live, for I do not know how is it to be in their shoes. Profound and intense comprehension towards all life is beggining, may I understand all sentient being without the need to change them, may I accept them as they are, may I love them exactly as they are. All beings are perfect and enlightened, it is my own projections towards others, it is my own ideas of myself projected unto others, for it is not the truth. Shall I talk all beings from now on and fully awake Buddha Crist and liberated beings, as myself also in that process. I surrender. I surrender. I surrender. I let go and flow , I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am. May this new chapter flourish with the grace of ganesha, I take refuge in my inner guru, I take refuge in my inner wisdom, I take refuge in my inner Light, Love and Truth.

OM

[The Buddha]

U will never get any further than this here and now. Just glimpse this half-second and all your search is done. It's your natural state. Look half-second to the future, never comes, look half-second to the past, does not exist. Look now, there is nothing. Be in your natural state. Be yourself, what effort is required? Be, how can u go further than that? Not even non-dual absolute infinity is more than u being, here and now. Just be. Breath. Be conciouss, you are sitting, you are watching the computer, u are reading, feel the temperature, the preassure of the chair in contact with your skin, your feet with the shoe, your own saliva, your blinking, your heart beat. Be just be, be in your own natural state. No effort or absence of effort is required to be. No awakening needed, no realization, no nothing, u are, aren't u? That's it, how can u go any further? This is the ultimate and supreme liberation, so simple, so Truth, that everyone always miss it. Om

[The Buddha]

It's funny how important emotional mastery is. U may have whatever realizations, goals, purpose... However if u feel like absolute shit all that doesn't matter. U know is a temporal cloud, yet the shitty fealing is more real than real. By further investigation, I'm noticing that emotions and thought are united but there must be another factor also. It may be the heart or just randomness that sometimes u must also feel bad 4 whatever reason that is. So it's a field I'll have to invest also some time in it. It's not a decisive factor at all, yet if that factor is not everything else is in second place. Also, those emotions can be useful for transmutation mastery, but meh I feel like I don't have to bypass those feelings even though is not bypassing but elevating it's frequency. I think I have to understand them well, because all emotions can be transmuted but idk I would be able to transmute the feeling of the death of my parents, I mean I totally could, yet there is something to be learnt from that, rather than just being a rocketship elevating your frequency all the time. I also want to master each level and phase, which is in fact abut useless now that I realize but I think it's my path. It has always been in fact, to master all levels and then rise up. I have to really understand all stages, I really don't know why 4 the moment. I mastered, christianity, atheism, agnosticism, philosophy (lol endless mind games don't know why I loved it so much). In progress, buddhism and university (very much would have enjoyed monkhood but yeah all the stages i have to master), and lots of things. It's like a blessing and a curse. I cannot bypass anything, all has to be understood and embodied, i must have the biggest picture always. I think it's also to embody great compassion, u can't understand others if u have not done this process, it may also be to help others in their path even though that is also a trap in itself, but great compassion so I can't help it. I think it as a doctor, u don't study 12years of your life just to heal yourself, I mean u can but wtf?, the same in your spiritual path, yeah it's for u, but also in service of all sentient beings. Even though we all know the Absolute and this things, do u know any better way to live your live than in service to others? I mean it brings me to tears, a live of service to everyone, how lovely to spend your life like that. Just living to make a better world, to make all humans happier and more loving, to make all animals plants and sentient beings blossom. It may be only my path, but what a lovely path, meditation and love, from relative to absolute and beyond, full circle, service to others and being myself. I also don't understand how can I be so blessed, beyond my understanding, idk what's going on in my life and why is everything so incredibly divinly planned. Maybe everyones life is like this and it's just me who sees this astonishing and sublime timing and perfection in all events. Who knows? I don't and I'm pretty fine with not knowing lately. To love the mystery, the raw naked truths, it's lovely. Also suffering, pleasure and pain are lovely, it is all lovely, it's my delusion towards it what creates any problem at all, yet that problem is also lovely. I see no problems in life yet I still play the game and ask 4 things to change which idk if it's hypocrit or just normal. How could I not ask 4 passing that university subject lol. I mean yeah, I would absolutely love any outcome, because my job is to love life not to decise what should or should not happen, but anyway from that understanding, I still ask and engage in the play, anyway lately it's more like I ask and then let the supreme good be manifested and not my will, that I think is the way at least for the moment. U manifest saying hey this is what I want to co-create with you Oh beautiful Universe, yet my understanding is also limited let the highest supreme good manifest and not my will. And sometimes the supreme good is shall it be done what u want, so that is also amazing, others u are aligned with that supreme good which is also amazing. Anyway, lovely, existence is lovely. Yeah just realized I wrotte it wrong, but that mistake is also lovely, that is life a great mistake to be lived. Lovely, and u the random guy who for any reason is reading this, u are lovely, profoundly lovely, and i love u so much, beyond imagination, feel free to talk with me whenever u want, u have a friend here, another me, another u, who is willingly to help u in whatever u may need.

Serve all, Feed all, Love all.

OM

[The Buddha]

My own self and my reality experienced as dual, are a mirror one into each other: of my real Self