One of the most important thing to understand about women

[intotheblack]

4 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

Kind of true. But women manipulate men to get the necessities met too. It may not be through pick up, but they still have their survival agenda.

And, most importantly, there are a lot of guys that practice pick up because they want something serious like a LTR.

It's not always casual sex or something short-term.

Imagine that you are a guy, how are you going to find a girlfriend if girls don't approach you. Again, you are being biased and kind of selfish.

 

My example was just an extreme one, and let’s be honest most normies doing pickup aren’t doing it ‘consciously’ like people here try and do.  So I’m talking about them, not the ones who are trying to better themselves. And of course women manipulate too lol no denying that. 

[intotheblack]

20 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Of course!

But how often do we see this?

Not often but it’s something for conscious folk to work on. I just found this for ideas on how to bring more feminine energy in to your life.. ?

[mivafofa]

@aaalex lol omg why does he end every of his sentences with "...." as if it's gonna be his last text each time and he's about to fade away but clearly he's not ? cringy af ahahah

 

@MatteO22 lol "desperation and total potatoe-ness" ?  I don't like blocking people. Thxfully most guys eventually stop after I express disinterest once or few times. But I had to block the "So I guess I get the silent treatment!" guy because after the texts you saw, he kept sending a text every 3 days, literally talking alone.

After the block, he went onto another social media platform to ask why I would blocked him, that he was enjoying chatting with me (he was chatting alone for weeks...), and that I was "ruining a nice growing friendship". The delusion, man... I couldn't believe this guy was 42 years old.... not 12, FORTYTWO. He was known to be experienced, yet he was that guy who says nothing when I'm in front of him, only to run back home to ask me out on text... seriously wtf

[Shin]

4 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

I feel like this is a toxic judgement, but my instinct is to agree.

From my POV, every single heterosexual male "friend" that a conventionally attractive woman has is covertly gaining proximity in hopes to fuck.

While I continue to (lightly) hold this belief as true, I won't weaponize this "truth" to judge women's decisions.

To me, it's a no-brainer for hot girls to instantly disown their straight male friends - "if I were a hot girl..." I'd say -

but then I stop, because maybe she has different needs than my myopic male lense of worldly sense-making.

And so I honor her autonomy.

Funnily enough, this is counter productive.

You'd rather not hide your attraction at all, and still be friends.

I member a girl in college, ok we weren't friends in the end, just a girl I saw quite often in class, but still, she knew very well I found her hot, I didn't hide it at all, but I could see how I could have been friend with her without expecting her to date me at some point. Firstly because objectively speaking, I understood she was a high quality girl (too high for me at the moment), secondly because well I don't know, I don't need her or any other girl to be happy, I can just enjoy her femininity without needing to fuck her, we had great and fun conversations, and I appreciated her for that.

I guess most guys are too emotionally insecure and immature to be able to think and feel like that, but it's totally possible to be friend with the opposite sex without expecting anything, but yeah, there is attraction that you can't deny (and shouldn't, it just make it awkward) and it's just stupid or very cutely innocent to expect otherwise

I mean I'm friend with other girls not so extremely beautiful and amazing, and It's not a problem, especially when they already have someone (standard a bit too high now I guess ).

Even if you're an asshole fuck or a nice guy, you'd rather be friends with girls you are attracted to than trying to get them if you feel they aren't attracted, because well, they have friends, you know that's like most relationship starts ... Now I guess that's a catch 22, if you're too emotionally immature to stop being entitled to women you're attracted to, you probably aren't thinking that you can gain anything long term by just being a genuinely good friend, you're in scarcity mod and need to fuck NOW, and that's so sad

Edited June 19, 2021 by Shin

[MatteO22]

@Shin Friendships with girls are much more intimate than with guys in my experience. I’ve never had a healthy or proper friendship with a guy who would talk about their emotions. I’ve always wanted a close guy friend like that I think it would be fantastic, but so far never had one. But with girls - a big bunch of friendships like that. Some of my best friends have been females. I’ve also though had some friendships where the girl would be afraid to be vulnerable as well, so not all girls are like that. 
Friendships with guys have been fun in terms of activities - we’d hang out, go biking as kids, watch anime, play video games, and play poker. Which are nice as well don’t get me wrong, But no real intimacy and emotional support. 
 

 

edit: In fact whenever I’d get emotional with my guy friends when I was young, I’d get laughed off or sometimes the ol’ ‘punch in the shoulder’ - which can hurt more than I’d care to admit ??

Edited June 19, 2021 by MatteO22

[Raphael]

I think that these videos can be quite relevant to this discussion.

 

[RendHeaven]

@Raphael AUGHH THE DISCOMFORT BURNSS

[aaalex]

9 minutes ago, Raphael said:

I think that these videos can be quite relevant to this discussion.

 

Damn. I haven’t watched any of them yet but just watching the last video’s thumbnail give me the chills, it happend to me at some occasions too in India where men recorded me when I was as the beach. It has happend in Sweden but not as openly as they did it in Asia.

Their reaction when confronted is always ”Oops, what, no, me?”

I even had one man who faked getting insulted for even assuming this about him. ?

[aaalex]

2 hours ago, mivafofa said:

@aaalex lol omg why does he end every of his sentences with "...." as if it's gonna be his last text each time and he's about to fade away but clearly he's not ? cringy af ahahah

 

After the block, he went onto another social media platform to ask why I would blocked him, that he was enjoying chatting with me (he was chatting alone for weeks...), and that I was "ruining a nice growing friendship". The delusion, man... 

I just love how you choose your words, I laughed at the bus, pretty hard. ? Yours tho.

”I, harassing YOU and you not falling for that is hurting ME!” Classic, just classic.  
 

@intotheblack I saw your post about how to increase feminine energy and I just wanted to say that I appreciated to see that. ?

Edited June 19, 2021 by aaalex

[aaalex]

6 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

Kind of creepy to be honest. Overcomplicating stuff man. Just back off go find some else to be friends with.

Imo, does not need to be creepy. A mature woman will understand that her attractiveness for some is irresistible and a quality man will not feel the need to adventure the friendship if there is a possibility of the friendship ending. My ex did this and when I finally confessed to him my feelings (took a whole year haha) he said it was always mutual but he’d rather have me in his life as a friend for the rest of his life than risk loosing me if he was being creepy.

He did leave subtle signs chich always made me wonder, subconsciously...  

[Shin]

1 hour ago, Lucas-fgm said:

Kind of creepy to be honest. Overcomplicating stuff man. Just back off and go find some else to be friends with.

It's not creepy, what would be creepy is trying to hide it (which you can't do anyway).

You're too biased on some level about this, I see zero problem with being friend with beautiful women, unless you're a slave to your dick and/or naive and a "nice guy".

Also stop assuming what aaalex or any other people in here means, you do that quite often.

[Zeroguy]

Thanks @modmyth. Still laughing. 

[intotheblack]

7 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

 

Lol. The funny thing is that men like to ask this question ‘what do women want’ when it’s plainly obvious they want emotional connection.  But because guys aren’t capable of that they just pretend they don’t know.

(Spoilers ahead) in the show madmen, the main man Don Draper cheats on his wife and is never present with her or meets her emotional needs. She becomes really depressed.  But he still acts like he doesn’t understand her. She knows he cheats, but she supresses her hurt and ultimately turns into depression. 
That show is an example of toxic masculinity and unhealthy marriage/relationships (and how most marriages were until recently) 

[Shin]

 

[MatteO22]

@intotheblack I think a great question is ‘why do men not want an emotional connection’

I think there are a few parts to that question. First, all of us want to be emotionally connected, in some way or another, the problem is that due to our experiences growing up we often equate emotional connection with some degree of pain, abandonment, abuse, betrayal and neglect. And so we either reject the idea of connection altogether because it’s too painful, or we connect in subtle ways that feel like they’re safe for us - such as men wanting to sleep with girls. If you want a lot of sex, it’s because you crave the emotional connection underneath it all that you’ve been made to feel is either not okay to ask for directly, or has just been too painful. And because most men have had a variety of degrees of pain in the relationship to their parents (often and especially moms), sex becomes a place where they can finally be themselves without being criticised, rejected, taken advantage of or emotionally dumped on. And so they’ll want that a lot.

 

The truth is, girls may have overall a better ability to emotionally connect because they may have been shamed for it less over all by society, but when it comes to the pain that’s been created in their relationships, it may just be about the same. Women have too been betrayed, abused, abandoned and neglected. Some too develop a very positive association to sex and want to have a lot of it, in order to feel safe to connect.

 

Its not too wild of an idea that we all want to be connected to ourselves, to others and to spirit. Men and women, cats and dogs, you name it. Connection is needed underneath it all. And all of our trauma is in the way making assumptions about things that are often imaginary.

 

So are we going to pretend like it’s a war between genders, or a war the human race has been waging against intimacy for millennia.

[Zeroguy]

@MatteO22 Wow man you are nailing it. 

@intotheblack But Truth is that guy that can provide you "Emotional connection" is not the guy you are after. You are after pre selected one who is not about "emotional connection". Sorry I do sound harsh. 

[intotheblack]

15 minutes ago, MatteO22 said:

@intotheblack I think a great question is ‘why do men not want an emotional connection’

I think there are a few parts to that question. First, all of us want to be emotionally connected, in some way or another, the problem is that due to our experiences growing up we often equate emotional connection with some degree of pain, abandonment, abuse, betrayal and neglect. And so we either reject the idea of connection altogether because it’s too painful, or we connect in subtle ways that feel like they’re safe for us - such as men wanting to sleep with girls. If you want a lot of sex, it’s because you crave the emotional connection underneath it all that you’ve been made to feel is either not okay to ask for directly, or has just been too painful. And because most men have had a variety of degrees of pain in the relationship to their parents (often and especially moms), sex becomes a place where they can finally be themselves without being criticised, rejected, taken advantage of or emotionally dumped on. And so they’ll want that a lot.

 

The truth is, girls may have overall a better ability to emotionally connect because they may have been shamed for it less over all by society, but when it comes to the pain that’s been created in their relationships, it may just be about the same. Women have too been betrayed, abused, abandoned and neglected. Some too develop a very positive association to sex and want to have a lot of it, in order to feel safe to connect.

 

Its not too wild of an idea that we all want to be connected to ourselves, to others and to spirit. Men and women, cats and dogs, you name it. Connection is needed underneath it all. And all of our trauma is in the way making assumptions about things that are often imaginary.

 

So are we going to pretend like it’s a war between genders, or a war the human race has been waging against intimacy for millennia.

I agree. Fear of intimacy is a human problem and not specifically gender problem.  
But this emotional unavailability is more apparent in men because they will use sex as a way to try and get that connection.  But women sometimes do this too. But I feel like the only difference is that men would be praised for it, and are more capable of keeping emotions out of the picture. whereas a woman would feel more insecure for it and be labelled a slut.  
so both genders with intimacy issues would be more likely to engage in casual sex,  both of them are craving emotional connection underneath, but are too afraid to open up to it.

[intotheblack]

5 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

But Truth is that guy that can provide you "Emotional connection" is not the guy you are after. You are after pre selected one who is not about "emotional connection". Sorry I do sound harsh. 

Hmm no that’s not truth. I have a great emotional connection with my boyfriend. 

Maybe your idea of emotion connection is different to mine. 

when I say emotional connection I pretty much mean someone who you can be present with, be yourself with, have trust with and feel safe with. 
 

[MatteO22]

6 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

But this emotional unavailability is more apparent in men

Yes, i appreciate your choice of words. I would say men can be seen as more overtly unavailable to the point where it’s almost assumed. Women while perhaps embodying the same degree of emotional unavailability may be a little covert about it, or it can be somewhat overlooked.

 

I can’t express how many times my mom would do something abusive/manipulative or just avoidant, and everyone around would just say ‘oh she’s just doing this because she loves you so much’ or ‘she’s just worried about you she’s not trying to control your life and make you do her bidding… not at all no  it’s someone else’s mom man not yours… she’s a good mom! Right ?! Right ?!’…. Unavailable women can be more covert than men.  

 

It took me years of healing and parts work to get through it. And I’m still healing. 

[mandyjw]

18 hours ago, Shin said:

I just don't think that the people who needs to understand her comment, will understand a post that abstract and conceptual.

Only guys who already understand what she's complaining about would be able to decipher that comment imo.

Mind cannot communicate with mind.