Shin

One of the most important thing to understand about women

486 posts in this topic

Just now, Vzdoh said:

@Windappreciator i never mentioned that I expect the guy to be always masculine. I actually appreciate the guy who has emotional side to him and certain softness. 

But if this soft behavior is like 80% of the time, then I would be repelled. 

A balance of 80% masculine and 20% feminine is ideal personally for me. 

Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssss

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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@Vzdoh

No, your whole comment is an attempt at justifying to yourself not accepting that.

You will be a waft towards exactly that type of dating and relationship dynamics the PUA is talking about if you don't let go fo your man ideals.

Edited by Windappreciator

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10 minutes ago, Thunder Kiss said:

Maybe someone can help me understand something…the whole masculine/feminine thing confuses me..how much of it is this and how much of it is simply personality and upbringing…the way it is spoken here makes me feel like I am not feminine enough, because I don’t like this over alpha men…This type of man I was never attracted to..  but I’m very girly, I’m quiet and peaceful and don’t like this over dominating vibe In my presence.  I like guys who are more chill but have direction and have there own life purpose and things going on. I don’t like too much when a man is doing too much for me. It also wouldn’t turn me on if a man was showing dominance.  I don’t know if I have a problem with sexuality or not being feminine enough… on one hand I think I’m very feminine but on the other hand I think maybe I’m not feminine enough … but how much of this is just my personality..

Your problem here is wanting to be feminine enough for some skewed ideal not your level of femininity.

If you are not attracted to strongly male dominated men, consider yourself lucky. 

Women who are accracted to male dominated men are not necessarily strongly female dominated themselves.

Edited by Windappreciator

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@Thunder Kiss I think the main issue is that there is an assumption that women are seen as feminine and men as more masculine due to the social and familial roles we play. And that would make sense wouldn’t it…

 

but whether you have dominant feminine energy or masculine energy has actually nothing to do with your gender and everything with how you grew up and how your childhood dynamic went. Basically which ever parent in your family was the more dominant ego structure, you take on their imprinting whether it’s mom or dad, masculine or feminine. 
 

Just because a man plays a masculine role doesn’t mean they are rooted in their masculine energy, there are feminine guys in masculine roles who have to overcompensate with inauthenticity and people pleasing.

 

So embrace who you are and work with that. If you feel rooted in your feminity allow yourself to embrace that, receive, feel and love yourself. Eventually your masculine energy will come online and you will be able to tap more into it, and the dance begins as the inner feminine starts reconciling with your inner masculine, it’s a journey of receiving love and the letting go that eventually heals all wounds. It’s about being able to make empowered choices (masculine) while being rooted in the love and compassion of the feminine. The whole idea that men are masculine and women feminine makes sense only on paper and in red pill ideologies, but when you really see what’s going on, it is all very silly, to think that gender plays a role in the balancing out. 

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12 minutes ago, MatteO22 said:

@Thunder Kiss I think the main issue is that there is an assumption that women are seen as feminine and men as more masculine due to the social and familial roles we play. And that would make sense wouldn’t it…

 

but whether you have dominant feminine energy or masculine energy has actually nothing to do with your gender and everything with how you grew up and how your childhood dynamic went. Basically which ever parent in your family was the more dominant ego structure, you take on their imprinting whether it’s mom or dad, masculine or feminine. 
 

Just because a man plays a masculine role doesn’t mean they are rooted in their masculine energy, there are feminine guys in masculine roles who have to overcompensate with inauthenticity and people pleasing.

 

So embrace who you are and work with that. If you feel rooted in your feminity allow yourself to embrace that, receive, feel and love yourself. Eventually your masculine energy will come online and you will be able to tap more into it, and the dance begins as the inner feminine starts reconciling with your inner masculine, it’s a journey of receiving love and the letting go that eventually heals all wounds. It’s about being able to make empowered choices (masculine) while being rooted in the love and compassion of the feminine. The whole idea that men are masculine and women feminine makes sense only on paper and in red pill ideologies, but when you really see what’s going on, it is all very silly, to think that gender plays a role in the balancing out. 

There is still a different percentage of natural masculinity and femininity in each of us.

What I mean is that there is such a thing has a true percentage of masculiity and femininity that is set in each of us, and even after healthy integration of both side, it is still there.

You can't truly know how it is naturally balanced until you've done shadow work and healthily integrated both sides, for men that can't be done without a life purpose on top of that.

But like you said, upbringing and life experiences can change that core and natural balance (which is not 50/50 for most people).


God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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1 minute ago, Shin said:

for men that can't be done without a life purpose on top of that.

That’s a limiting belief. Life purpose is a social construct made of ideas, nothing to do with balancing out your polarity. It can be a part of it, but you’re putting unnecessary emphasis, which is also Leo’s agenda - he sells a course after all doesn’t he. 

2 minutes ago, Shin said:

But like you said, upbringing and life experiences can change that core and natural balance (which is not 50/50 for most people).

It’s precisely 50/50 for all human beings who are not traumatised by their experiences. Which is close to no-one on planet Earth. The natural state is equal balance. If you don’t have an equal balance you have something that’s called an ego. Which is fine, we just have to say it as it is. 

 

5 minutes ago, Shin said:

What I mean is that there is such a thing has a true percentage of masculiity and femininity that is set in each of us

There’s a percentage outside of the 50/50 balance that’s been conditioned, not ‘set’ as in some sort of determined destiny that somehow overrides the 50/50 default. Again to say that there’s an ‘imbalance of masculine and feminine polarity’ that is set is a limiting belief, because as long as there’s imbalance, there’s going to be some form of pain lingering unresolved creating some form of toxicity and overcompensation.

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@Shin btw even to say 50/50 is misleading, it’s more like it becoming one thing. I’ve experienced this that as I heal more and more the distinction between masculine energy and feminine start dissolving because they start working in such a harmony that they become indistinguishable. It just takes time and usually is a life long spiritual journey of healing and awakening. 

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5 minutes ago, MatteO22 said:

@Shin btw even to say 50/50 is misleading, it’s more like it becoming one thing. I’ve experienced this that as I heal more and more the distinction between masculine energy and feminine start dissolving because they start working in such a harmony that they become indistinguishable. It just takes time and usually is a life long spiritual journey of healing and awakening. 

Then it's not realistic to talk about femininity and masculinity as if everyone can achieve that.

It's more useful for 99% of people to talk about what attract and is fulfilling for both mind.


God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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3 minutes ago, Shin said:

Then it's not realistic to talk about femininity and masculinity as if everyone can achieve that.

It's more useful for 99% of people to talk about what attract and is fulfilling for both mind.

Agreed. 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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1 minute ago, Shin said:

Then it's not realistic to talk about femininity and masculinity as if everyone can achieve that.

It's more useful for 99% of people to talk about what attract and is fulfilling for both mind.

Depends, I think it’s useful allowing everyone to embrace where they’re at with awareness and self-compassion. And not try to gaslight people into thinking that they should be somewhere where they’re not at already. Silly isn’t it :D. (This isn’t me accusing you of gaslighting btw I think you’re one of the more sane people here). 

You should be more ‘masculine man’ or ‘more feminine woman’… tbh what does that even mean because that’s gonna mean a different thing for all of us.

 

Just be as you are, come as you wish (which is a great Matt Kahn quote), and be honest about your experience, which translates as ‘I feel this’ not ‘my partner should do XYZ in order to allow me to avoid ABC’ that’s how we create intimacy, and that’s when healing begins. 

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@Shin I think ultimately the reconciliation between genders is a journey of forgiveness, the masculine forgiving itself for what it didn’t recognise in the past as hurtful and abusive, and the feminine forgiving others for what it survived at the hands of all perpetrators. And it happens in phases and takes time and that’s fine, but at least we don’t need to pretend like there’s something else going on! :) 

Edited by MatteO22

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You guys, one can definitely become more in tune with their feminine and masculine side. It's not something you are clear about by default with yourself.

Edited by Windappreciator

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47 minutes ago, MatteO22 said:

whether you have dominant feminine energy or masculine energy has actually nothing to do with your gender and everything with how you grew up and how your childhood dynamic went. Basically which ever parent in your family was the more dominant ego structure, you take on their imprinting whether it’s mom or dad, masculine or feminine. 
 

Is this how it usually goes? This would make sense for me…my dad was the dominant parent, very emotionally unavailable, unpredictable and my mam was the submissive one dependent upon him. 

so growing up I suppressed my divine feminine.  
As I started growing into womanhood I had a fear of intimacy, was hardened and very defensive, I started my periods and kept it a secret and tried to hide them. I would wear baggy clothes and didn’t like to show my figure.  I was afraid of having anything intimate with boys. I constantly had a guard up.

Suppressing my feminine created a shadow feminine in me.
  
when divine masculine qualities are suppressed this creates a shadow masculine (what we see a lot with aggression, controlling, overly dominating etc.) 

So for example a guy who has a dominant female figure around would suppress his divine masculine.  Am I understanding this right? 


 

 

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9 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

Is this how it usually goes? This would make sense for me…my dad was the dominant parent, very emotionally unavailable, unpredictable and my mam was the submissive one dependent upon him. 

so growing up I suppressed my divine feminine.  
As I started growing into womanhood I had a fear of intimacy, was hardened and very defensive, I started my periods and kept it a secret and tried to hide them. I would wear baggy clothes and didn’t like to show my figure.  I was afraid of having anything intimate with boys. I constantly had a guard up.

Suppressing my feminine created a shadow feminine in me.
  
when divine masculine qualities are suppressed this creates a shadow masculine (what we see a lot with aggression, controlling, overly dominating etc.) 

So for example a guy who has a dominant female figure around would suppress his divine masculine.  Am I understanding this right? 

Yes, thank you for your example that’s exactly it, with one exception. 
Guy needs a dominant ‘feminine figure’ in order to develop feminine traits not female. E.g If you had a child and brought it up in the state in which you were conditioned (imbalanced  masculine), your child would have the same energetic predisposition as you, assuming you’d be the dominant parent. 
 

In my case it was a bit of a chaos, cause my parents switched who is more dominant quite frequently, which to an extent happens probably to everyone but not always in such an extreme as me, regardless overall my mom was a little more dominant so her imprinting was much deeper than my fathers. And the relationship I had to my dad was mirroring the one my mother had to him. Which also mirrored the relationship I had with my masculine energy. 

Edited by MatteO22

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On 15. 6. 2021 at 8:51 PM, Karmadhi said:

@mivafofa The thing is that guys believe that girls actually want to fuck them but will pretend like they do not want to so they wont look like a slut or easy. That is why guys are taught to push for sex until they get a hard NO. Honestly if a guy did not push for sex at all his success rate would decrease dramatically. If a girl says like hmmm i dont know, maybe im not feeling ready etc that to me is not a hard no. A hard is no is exactly what it implies. NO!!!

I am sorry you are so RedPilled. Get those nonsense teachings out of your mind, it is not helping you. You seem like a really lovely human being who has a lot of compassion, but I would not be surprised if somebody here got triggered by what you say. I think you are very loving and kind, but just naive and oblivious to what is happening in the real world, sorry to break your illusions, but it is so. I am happy you are showing interest in learning about this. If I can ask you, are you a virgin?

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5 hours ago, Lucas-fgm said:

@MatteO22

Hey man, even though some men are more feminine, it's not 50/50. Most men definitely have more masculine " energy" than feminine. Not only spiritually, but even biologically and evolutionary speaking too. Go read some work of a serious evolutionary scientist or, at least, a spiritual teacher about sex and attraction. Stop posting non-sense stuff. 

All your points remind me of this video, I’ve been thinking about it all this time it’s so funny xD 

Instead of all this talk, go tell your dad that you love him ! Granted he’s alive and well, and your relationship isn’t too broken beyond repair… hopefully ;) 

 

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@Harlen Kelly Obviously Preety knows about these rape statistics, she lives them. It is weird of you to assume that she Is not aware and to continue bashing things into her head that she already knows. The girls in this thread have shown guys so much love and understanding it is actually surprising considering the topic is rape and trauma. It is actually insane what kind of girls we have here. Can you please assuming that these girls are biased in a way that somehow overlooks your experience when that is clearly not true? Stop assuming feminists hate you, stop assuming women just want to target you. They love you so much even though you act this way, it is amazing, you just do not see it and keep acting hurt... Realize your worth and move on, you are lovable man, all these women have shown you. I am sorry you live in such a bad reality when a better one is literally offering itself.

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@bejapuskas There is a considerable amount of assuming on your comment. If you want to know my stance on a particular topic, ask me concisely. 

Edited by Harlen Kelly

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@Thunder Kiss Yeh after all it is another imagined duality, dont take it so personally, have fun exploring :) It is no big deal to just be and do what you want. Of course there is an element of upbringing etc. that is why I say, dont take it so personally. You can be whatever, its fine, express yourself, communicate, find a compatible person who Is clear and all. 

Normally I dont agree with people using this masculine-feminine binary duality. It is uninclusive language towards certain people, which occupy even this forum, although they arent seen as often perhaps because they feel marginalized. 

However in this thread where we discuss gender specific issues and their perception which is very strongly affected by biology and life experiences connected to biology, I think its extremely useful for us to use this terminology, differentiate between male and female POV.

 

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