One of the most important thing to understand about women

[mivafofa]

9 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

Lol, I didn’t see anything particularly mean said here but there are lots of toxic or mean comments said regularly around this forum 

Sometimes you don't really see/feel how mean or aggressive a comment is, until it's addressed directly to you, or your point of view.

[MatteO22]

6 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

There is some toxic comments going on in the other thread the  ‘broke up with my older girlfriend’ one 

Do you mean how the individual in question bashed all step parenting all together ? I just  had a glance at it and that was the comment that struck me the most, if so yes it shows an inability to empathise and narcissism, it’s alarming and should be probably banned. Because there are vulnerable individuals posting who might take him seriously.

[Harlen Kelly]

16 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

How would you moderate this particular discussion?

Ban people because they stuff that you don't like lol?

@Raptorsin7  Safe spaces.

[Raptorsin7]

@Harlen Kelly What's funny is I bet some guys reading this will think that how you are acting isn't attractive to woman lol

[Tangerinedream]

16 minutes ago, mivafofa said:

Sometimes you don't really see/feel how mean or aggressive a comment is, until it's addressed directly to you, or your point of view.

Yea you are right. I missed that one. 

[Shin]

1 hour ago, MatteO22 said:

I’ve seen it, it didn’t resonate at all. It seems that I’d have to put myself into a position for being loved for what I do. But that’s not unconditional love, unconditional love is given regardless of what you do, just on the basis of who you are. 
 

I also am coming from a place where In the past I was in the position of valuing myself based on what I can do for others, and in the name of health and healing that had to fall away. In really simplified terms, men who feel like they are valued based on Their actions didn’t have unconditionally loving moms and there’s a big shadow in that relationship. 
 

edit: let me specify, if I said my self-esteem was about being useful and needed that would be me being insecure. It’s much more different than saying I have the ability to be useful and needed, and yet it’s not a condition of why I am loved or lovable. 

We're not talking about inconditional love, but attraction which is necessary to create and sustain intimate relationship and parenting.
A woman can inconditionally loving you and not wanting  to fuck you or be with you, usually that translates by friendship.

I mean, imagine if you had to be in relationship with every person you inconditionally love ?
The more you go deep into spirituality, the more that becomes pratically impossible and incestuous

[Harlen Kelly]

42 minutes ago, assx95 said:

All of them, in some way or another, would withdraw, and some reacted violently asking me to fuck off or stay away from them, or it would be as subtle as not contacting me ever again, and some would just leave me on read.

Women particularly despise needy or weak behavior. I understand your situation and trust me when I tell you that it can get a lot better, crazy levels of better but you had to continue developing your social skills. Why did you stop? Did you have a wingman?

[mivafofa]

Well guys this was truly fascinating. We went from women's fear in the streets,
to fear of trusted friends who turned rapey,
to some rapey men in general,
to defining consent,
to mixed signals and balance,
from safety to pleasure,
to fe/male's attraction & sexuality and bj,
to Alpha and beta,
to aggressive comments,
with an indian simp story as bonus

What a journey.  I say we all deserve a good margarita or lemonade 

[MatteO22]

5 minutes ago, Shin said:

woman can inconditionally loving you and not wanting  to fuck you or be with you, usually that translates by friendship.

I mean, imagine if you had to be in relationship with every person you inconditionally love ?

Of course you’re right 100% haha. But I find that if we don’t realise that we are worthy of unconditional love, we won’t be attractive to other secure people who feel that way. 

 

We can create attraction by learning to be more assertive and masculine in the dating stage, but this will also entail attracting girls who may not be ready for a stable relationship. You charm a girl like that, and the next day she’s threatening to kill herself in order to gain attention (this actually happened to me many years ago right before my healing began, I called the cops and she got beat by her parents who opened the door).

 

You learn to charm a girl, and you learn dating by learning about the masculine and feminine polarities and that kinda works, but keeping a healthy and loving relationship is a whole another ballgame. And there we need to dive deeply into - am I worthy of love, or do I feel like I am unlovable ?

 

But you are correct.

[Shin]

9 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

Women particularly despise needy or weak behavior. I understand your situation and trust me when I tell you that it can get a lot better, crazy levels of better but you had to continue developing your social skills. Why did you stop? Did you have a wingman?

 

He could also just have a feminine mind as a guy, and be very confused about it.

 

Stop the quote war/gender war and be more mindful of how you communicate towards each other please.
The posts that are off topic have to stop too.

Get back on topic and don't derail from it

Otherwise you leave me no choice and I'll pm mods to tune down all that, and you might not like it

Edited June 16, 2021 by Shin

[Raptorsin7]

Just now, mivafofa said:

Well guys this was truly fascinating. We went from women's fear in the streets,
to fear of trusted friends who turned rapey,
to some rapey men in general,
to defining consent,
to mixed signals and balance,
from safety to pleasure,
to fe/male's attraction & sexuality and bj,
to Alpha and beta,
to aggressive comments,
with an indian simp story as bonus

What a journey.  I say we all deserve a good margarita or lemonade 

Thread's not closed yet

[Etherial Cat]

27 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@Etherial Cat  My comment was directed at her take, not the person. Her comment was directed at me, interesting that you don't find her take offensive isn't it?

I also found rude how you told @ivankiss his post was "off topic". And that has nothing to do with being biased towards women.

But If you want to talk about gender... You've got also a domineering way of addressing women in particular and that's pretty obvious. Usually, it's an attempt of taking power in indirect way as well as in more direct ones.  And while this behavior is very common outside of the forum, people here are trying to open up and develop themselves.

Your pattern is like "I'm here to win the argument and prove I'm the best" when most are interested in sharing. And it's problematic because this is pushing people to close off and feel unsafe. 

[Etherial Cat]

5 minutes ago, Shin said:

 

He could also just have a feminine mind as a guy, and be very confused about it.

 

Stop the quote war/gender war and be more mindful of how you communicate towards each other please.
The posts that are off topic have to stop too.

Get back on topic and don't derail from it

Otherwise you leave me no choice and I'll pm mods to tune down all that, and you might not like it

Hihi, sorry Shin.

I anyway got to go. Gonna block the forum with Self-Control because I've got a pile of work to do.  

[MatteO22]

@Etherial Cat hey! Thanks for speaking up and good luck with your work  you’ve got this. 

[Vzdoh]

@Shin this is actually fascinating! @MatteO22 just repeated exactly the argument my ex NZ beta guy gave me - that he felt like I loved him with a condition - and he took - in my view purely masculine qualities like providing protection and positive containment for a woman - as condition on my love for him. He told me exactly the same thing - that he wants me to love him unconditionally - and when I asked him how he actually sees that happening? Like if he wants me to love him unconditionally, then how he is going to show his love for me then? 

To which the reply was - drum roll - that he will simply be... at that point my libido for him committed a suicide ????⚒️??

I really understand where he came from. I had poor self esteem and childhood trauma before too and did not love myself unconditionally. So I really tuned in to his trauma. 

But the conclusion I made out of this situation is the following. People who truly have high self esteem and unconditionally love themselves, actually do not need anyone to love them unconditionally. Because they already actually give themselves all the unconditional love they need. This is based on my internal feeling. Before I craved someone to love me for who I am, unconditionally. 

These days, I want to love someone and give them love unconditionally to the best of my ability. But I am also realistic and look at attraction and feminine/masculine polarity realistically. And I understand that every men is different and I need to find a way to show my love in such a way that he feels the most loved - meaning there are certain conditions I nees to keep in mind if I want the most impact. For example, a man whose love language is words of appreciation, will not feel as loved if I say do something for him or give him gifts, he will feel the most loved when I say every day how much I appreciate him. This is simplistic example. It's actually much more complex. 

But overall my conclusion was that to get a guy to love me - not only there r certain conditions, but also there certain actions and behaviour I have to adopt to make my man to feel happy, fulfilled, loved. 

So in conclusion I think the best approach is to learn how to give yourself unconditional love and don't demand it from others as this is a position of neediness. When you do that, u will feel so much love ovetflow that it will be so easy to give your love and care to others and understand on a feeling level that if your partner does not love himself unconditionally, most likely it will be impossible for him to love you unconditionally. 

And last point - women perceive men as a force of nature, creation, innovation and forward action = masculine men image in my mind. Therefore, in my mind, simply being for guys = action. Simply being for females = state of balance, quiet energy. 

That's why I think it's super hard for a feminine woman to be attracted to a guy who does not equate his being = taking action or how Leo puts it = penetrating the world. 

[Windappreciator]

@Vzdoh

Understand that men have a female side as well and it is not only in his nature to always complement your female side with his masculinity. Sometimes it's the other way around.

If there is a balancing interplay between a man's female and male side and a woman's female and male side, is when the relationships are stable.

Do not expect men to always be in male mode for you.

Edited June 16, 2021 by Windappreciator

[MatteO22]

9 minutes ago, Windappreciator said:

Do not expect men to always be in male mode for you.

Thank you ! I wouldn’t have thought of explaining it the way you did but that makes so much sense.

 

Men can be under so much pressure to be forever some sort of a provider and what not, at the end of the day we just want a break sometimes. It gets exhausting to always have to be the strong guy paying for everything, having to put up with all kinds of stuff, always perform at your job and what not… exhausting! 

[Preety_India]

I appreciate the feminine side of a man when I'm especially feeling vulnerable. I don't want him to dominate me during this time with strict manliness or by being too blunt. His softness can do wonders for me. 

In general I like soft men with a hard side, hehe, 

 

Edited June 16, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

@mivafofa sometimes I feel like I can die for a guy if I'm deeply in love with him. Hehe, I will gladly drink that lemonade. 

 

 

[Vzdoh]

@Windappreciator i never mentioned that I expect the guy to be always masculine. I actually appreciate the guy who has emotional side to him and certain softness. 

But if this soft behavior is like 80% of the time, then I would be repelled. 

A balance of 80% masculine and 20% feminine is ideal personally for me.