One of the most important thing to understand about women

[Harlen Kelly]

53 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

You can take the lead and be assertive and still ask for consent and check in. 

A guy asking me "do you want me to pin you down and have my hands around your throat?" is basically dirty talk. Nothing unassertive about that. 

If you can't ask for consent in the middle of sex, you're probably an awkward creep who can't talk dirty. There is nothing sexy being an awkward creep who can't talk dirty . 

Fatuous, dull-witted take. 

[MatteO22]

Here’s something interesting to raise the awareness around male issue to emphasise more empathy towards men, and more self-compassion in men.

I heard this form Mark Groves who is a fantastic dating expert, I do not have the original source.

 

There was a study in which young boys were about to be vaccinated with a needle. There were those who cried during the procedure, and then there were those who didn’t. Those who cried were the ones who were originally circumcised at birth, and were experiencing PTSD. Imagine the standard of how little boys are treated, and so little awareness is paid to the actual effects and their pain. 
 

Just now, Harlen Kelly said:

Fatuous, dull-witted take. 

this does not help a productive discussion in the least and aggressive statements like this should be avoided at all costs, so please tone down the aggression or condescension thank you. 

[Harlen Kelly]

@MatteO22 What specifically is aggressive about that statement? Be specific

Edited June 16, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Preety_India]

What's a hard close?

First time hearing. 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

13 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

Fatuous, dull-witted take. 

Sounds like what an awkward creep who cant talk dirty would say 

[soos_mite_ah]

@Preety_India A hard close when you keep going even if the woman hesitates or says she isnt sure unless you hear a hard no and she tries to fight you off. Basically unless shes screaming NO FUCK OFF assume she's into you and everything you're doing. 

Edited June 16, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[Harlen Kelly]

1 minute ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Sounds like what an awkward creep who cant talk dirty would say 

Very thought-provoking.

[MatteO22]

12 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

@MatteO22 Maybe it's your real nature ( be more feminine) or you are not in touch with your masculinity. I don't know.  If it's the last case, maybe go camp in the forest, practicing sports may help you. I don't know where are you from, but northern Europe is pretty boring, maybe you should put your self into challenges or dangerous situations hahaha. I really like guys like John Wineland and David Deida, maybe their work may help you, who knows.

Yeah… it’s clear, I’m in a dire need of help. Being mindful of my emotional needs moment to moment, fuck man this shit needs to be eliminated, send me to a femininity conversion camp before this shit spreads like the rona ???.

[Vzdoh]

@mivafofa I feel ya... Happened to me exactly in the same way on another thread. I openly shared how I pick guys and what's important for me, only to be attacked for the fact that I don't find beta males attractive and don't want to fuck them. Lots of triggers for beta males on here for sure, but it's not a justification to attack for something u simply have no control over - feminine women are mostly attracted to strong masculine men - alpha men. Cause its expression of polarity. Teal Swan talks about this dynamic a lot. 

[RendHeaven]

@Vzdoh I found your comments to be perfectly reasonable, truthful, and even convincing.

It was pretty hilarious to see the extent to which your words were misconstrued.

[Harlen Kelly]

@Vzdoh 

8 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

I don't find beta males attractive and don't want to fuck them. Lots of triggers for beta males on here for sure

I have noticed that most women on the forum unfortunately romanticize dating too much and don't admit this reality. You are an exception for sure. 

- Sugarcoating what they are attracted to (which most women do), very predictable.

- Giving advice about a fantastical ideal of dating instead of the actual interaction women and men usually have.

Edited June 16, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Preety_India]

I find alpha males attractive with a slight bit of beta in them. 

 

[Vzdoh]

55 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

@Preety_India A hard close when you keep going even if the woman hesitates or says she isnt sure unless you hear a hard no and she tries to fight you off. Basically unless shes screaming NO FUCK OFF assume she's into you and everything you're doing. 

Sounds rapey to me

About continuous check in and consent while in the process. 

One dude I tried to date, I told him I am not ready for sex but don't mind like kissing and making out a bit. 

So we were doing exactly that but I didn't want to go any further cause I knew him like maybe for 2-3 weeks only and did not build the trust yet. 

And he completely disregarded the need for checking for consent in the process. Basically like many guys on here and hard close principle, he kept on going although I tensed and was trying to physically stop him and escape his embrace. 

When he let me go finally, I told him again that I am not ready for sex, apologised for what I thought - leadibg him on - and left. 

He basically gave me silent treatment after that like a 5 year old. Needless to say, he joined my whatsapp blacklist/blocklist after that silent treatment. 

Checking for consent in the process is important. Girls not always want to have sex immediately and with the guy they did not build the trust yet. Pushing for sex in this situation is being rapey. 

[Preety_India]

I don't like an extremely feminine man. 

Masculine man with a slight feminine bend is the right thing for me. 

 

[Vzdoh]

@Harlen Kelly thanks dear! I am 39y old and don't have rosey glasses when it comes to dating. I am also quite authentic as per feedback of my female friends and guys I date. I speak my mind truthfully always. Because to love yourself deeply, u need to be true to yourself first and formost. 

And I am very much in touch with my feelings and emotions - and I actually observed wild swings in my libido - desire for a guy, when he behaved like alpha - action driven, moving forward, assertive, takes good care of me, provides positive containment and security and safety. My libido just went through the roof to be honest and I couldn't wait to jump the guy. 

But all the non-alpha behaviours like splitting bills, calculating investments in the excel, treating me like an equal/dude, not providing containment, not taking care of me, actually demanding my support and care like a little boy, not going out of his way to make me happy - with these types of behaviour I noticed my libido dropped like a rock and I simply stopped desiring that guy. 

This observation is actually fascinating for me. I digged deep to understand why my libido reacts this way and when I came across Teal Swan video on positive containment - I finally understood why. ???

[RendHeaven]

16 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I find alpha males attractive with a slight bit of beta in them. 

No, you don't lol:

On 6/9/2021 at 6:46 AM, Preety_India said:

I don't like judgemental type of guys. 

Ew. Gross. 

"beta" in men is pretty synonymous with insecure judgement

[Vzdoh]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I don't like an extremely feminine man. 

Masculine man with a slight feminine bend is the right thing for me. 

 

Yeah, my type as well. I love alpha guys with very developed emotional intelligence. Super rare breed though! 

Guys i meet especially in Asia are almost autistic when it comes to EQ. 

[Harlen Kelly]

13 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

action driven, moving forward, assertive, takes good care of me, provides positive containment and security and safety. My libido just went through the roof to be honest and I couldn't wait to jump the guy. 

But all the non-alpha behaviours like splitting bills, calculating investments in the excel, treating me like an equal/dude, not providing containment, not taking care of me, actually demanding my support and care like a little boy, not going out of his way to make me happy - with these types of behaviour I noticed my libido dropped like a rock and I simply stopped desiring that guy. 

You are indeed a very rare and aware female. Most women would not admit that in a thousand years.

[Vzdoh]

@Lucas-fgm he sounds exactly like my ex NZ guy who I dropped because I didn't feel masculine polarity with him as he basically transmitted to me that he needs appreciation, care, reassurance, constant validation, he needs to be wanted and desired. All of these made me feel masculine, not feminine and that's when my libido dropped like a rock and I practically stopped wanting him. 

Maybe this is the reason why my comments about beta men and in particular sharing that experience about my ex, triggered him so much to the point of attacking and trying to diagnose me with multiple issues and so many assumptions were made on my behalf, it was quite scary actually, to observe such severe reaction. 

[MatteO22]

2 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

Being authentic, not lying to make her like me, would make her trust me more. 

These are actually somewhat feminine traits because they encompass emotional vulnerability.

5 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

100% sure, that when I was assertive and led the relationship, and could provide the feeling of protection without being needy.

I’m right there with you I’m not opposed to being that way what so ever, being a leader doesn’t exclude the awareness of your own emotional well-being at all. It’s quite the opposite, it’s because you’re aware of your emotional self and are taking care of yourself in such a good way, you extend that self-care and self-love onto others by positive containment. It doesn’t have to do anything with doing extreme sports, it has to do with the ability of taking positive ownership of those around you, and for that to be done well you actually need a good feminine background of emotional sensitivity, otherwise you won’t be able to intuit the needs of others.