What does it mean to take 100% responsibility?

[BlackMaze]

I want to take full responsibility. For everything. But what does this mean? My parents ruined my life. This is a fact. I did stupid shit but only because i went through a lot of shit and i still do to this day. 

There is no anger. There is no blaming really. It is what it is. It's not exactly apathy either. I dealt with this the best way possible. There is no emotional garbage in my system really. But i still have to deal with their shit. 

I want to take full responsibility but does this mean that i was at fault? Because i wasn't. This is a fucking fact. No grudges or anything. But a fact is a fact. Does taking responsibility mean that i say that the way my life is right now is my fault? Because that would be a lie. There is a book someone suggested me to read called mistakes were made but not by me. I haven't read it. If this book says that everything was my fault or something like this that would be a complete lie. It's the way it is i was unlucky. I also don't want to be a victim and have responsibility so how do i do this? 

[OctagonOctopus]

If there is no blaming then why are you looking for something to point to and say it is at fault? 

Part of taking responsibility for life to me is realizing that nobody is at fault, it is just life, people get stuck in nasty ways of thinking, really the only way out of that is taking responsibility for the development of your own way of thinking. 

 

[BlackMaze]

@OctagonOctopus ok maybe there is a bit of blaming left. I can't help it, i still have to deal with their emotional problems and stupidity. Every fucking day. I can't leave this place unless i have alot of money. Even if i have i feel that i need to support them financially. Cause we are poor and they are fucking stupid. I'm just tired of seeing their faces or hearing them talk. How long will this continue? I already lost so many years because of their stupidity. 

Should i take their responsibilities too? Cause i have a young sibling and it's the only person i really care about. 

I'm just bound to this fucking place dealing with their shit and not free to just go live my life alone how i want. 

[OctagonOctopus]

@BlackMaze

Do you have any plans for how to move out? 

Take responsibility for yourself first, once your life is stable it'll be much easier to help your family.

I'm not sure what your situation is like, but I had to leave the family house and not talk to anyone in my family for awhile because I felt I was being crushed by them. Eventually I came back and built and even better relationship with them. 

I worked as a janitor for awhile well focused on healing my being in my free time. Was a very important time for me to learn about responsibility.

[Raptorsin7]

@OctagonOctopus What did you do to heal your being

[OctagonOctopus]

@Raptorsin7

Oh many different things, psychedelics, contemptations, meditations, yoga, basically anything I learned about that I felt had something to help bring me to a state of peace. Anything to release knots hindering the flow. 

[BlackMaze]

29 minutes ago, OctagonOctopus said:

@BlackMaze

Do you have any plans for how to move out? 

Take responsibility for yourself first, once your life is stable it'll be much easier to help your family.

I'm not sure what your situation is like, but I had to leave the family house and not talk to anyone in my family for awhile because I felt I was being crushed by them. Eventually I came back and built and even better relationship with them. 

I worked as a janitor for awhile well focused on healing my being in my free time. Was a very important time for me to learn about responsibility.

Well thanks anyway. To be honest i'm not really sure what answer i expect to get. I'm feel trapped having to live here and i think that i have to take care of everyone sooner or later. My only plan to get out is getting rich with life purpose, investing and grinding at work. 

I already did that in the past not even talking to them for 3 years but here i am again. It sucks, i want to live my life and i am stuck here dealing with their shit. I don't have it as bad but i watch the years passing by while i stay stuck in here. I can't continue living like this for much longer. The only way out of this is money. 

[Nobody_Here]

@BlackMaze, I can definitely relate. Since you can't move out right away, develop some strong psychological boundaries. Yes, your parents made a mess of your life, but you're an adult now (presumably), and you're ultimately responsible for your life, not your parents. They're only responsible for their own lives. You're not responsible for them, either, no matter what anyone tells you. If you want to help them, that's on you.

I decided to take responsibility for my life at 34. I moved out of my parents' house at 37. I'm 39 now and have no intent on moving back. My parents and I get along great (although that wasn't always the case before I left.) I could write a book about what took so long for me to get my act together, but this a post in a forum, so I'll save my story for later. My point is that taking responsibility for life and moving out can happen at any age and time. If I can do it, anyone can. 

 

 

[BlackMaze]

@Nobody_Here thank you for your answer. Yeah it's a bit complicated. My relationship with them is nothing like 10 years ago. It's just that they are really stupid and live for drama and always create problems. They don't even live together anymore. 

Even if i could leave right now i would feel like abandoning them the way they are. I do care about them but at the same time my life passes by and i am stuck. I guess the only option is to make enough money to earn my 'freedom' and help them at the same time. Or maybe like you said i am not responsible about them... Either way without money i am stuck here whether i like it or not. 

[OctagonOctopus]

@BlackMaze

I would say do your best to surf threw the family drama, stay in your center. That is if you have the space to work on yourself well you are living with your parents. If you don't, it might be best to find a way to live alone. 

[Nobody_Here]

1 hour ago, BlackMaze said:

@Nobody_Here thank you for your answer. Yeah it's a bit complicated. My relationship with them is nothing like 10 years ago. It's just that they are really stupid and live for drama and always create problems. They don't even live together anymore. 

Even if i could leave right now i would feel like abandoning them the way they are. I do care about them but at the same time my life passes by and i am stuck. I guess the only option is to make enough money to earn my 'freedom' and help them at the same time. Or maybe like you said i am not responsible about them... Either way without money i am stuck here whether i like it or not. 

What your parents have done is not your fault. It is not your job to fix them, nor are you abandoning them by moving out. If you want to help your parents, the best thing you can do for both them and you is to make enough money so you can support yourself and help them (if you so choose.)

I realize that it's hard to get out of this mentality as I was in your shoes five years ago. I am only telling you that not only is it possible to live life on your own terms, but it's also your birthright.

Five years from now, you could be living in your own place, making your own decisions, and living your own life. You would be as involved with your parents as you want to. I only live 10 minutes away from Mom and Dad, but that was a decision I made. My next move, if and when that happens, will be further away. Baby steps...

[BlackMaze]

@OctagonOctopus you are right being centered is the only solution. No thank god we are not on the same floor otherwise i would have found a way to leave already. 

@Nobody_Here thank you very much this really helps. 

Edited June 12, 2021 by BlackMaze