How do 'Nice Guys' tie in with Spiral Dynamics?

[kever]

I was thinking, is the (socially constructed) fenomenon of 'nice guys' something from all times or does it have to do with the current levels of spiral dynamics we/the 'nice guys' are in? Or is it just a lack of stage red?

[Harlen Kelly]

@kever There are ''nice'' and ''not so nice'' people from every possible level of psychological development. 

[Dryas]

Don’t think you need to tie this in with spiral dynamics 

[Snader]

People have personality traits which shine differently in different stages.

At Red, more vicious personality could make a great mob boss and would avoid Blue type of living to the last teeth, while the benevolent one would stay as a low rank wannabe gangster and find his way faster to communal Blue.

[Nos7algiK]

What type of "nice guys" are we talking about here? People who are genuinely nice, but lack the confidence or social skills to get a girlfriend? Nice guys that are just being fake nice to manipulate women then turn into an ass after they get rejected? Nice guys who are pretty much borderline incels?

[Leo Gura]

How do people with one eye tie in with Spiral Dynamics?

[Superfluo]

@Leo Gura Actually the question ties nicely with Spiral Dynamics: shy guys usually come from a somewhat dysfunctional home, and they have shadows usually of Stage Red and Stage Blue, sometimes even Orange. But, as always, there are other factors.

[Cireeric]

19 minutes ago, Superfluo said:

@Leo Gura Actually the question ties nicely with Spiral Dynamics: shy guys usually come from a somewhat dysfunctional home, and they have shadows usually of Stage Red and Stage Blue, sometimes even Orange. But, as always, there are other factors.

A "shy guy" can come from so many different  backgrounds and contexts, thats a gross generalization, its not so easy.

[Superfluo]

@Cireeric

It depends on what you define as dysfunctional. The more you heal yourself, the more you understand how deeply dysfunctional the standard family is. It also depends on the country, the culture, your emotional and psychological tolerance, the way you frame your past experiences, the way you see yourself, and so on.

So, yeah, it's a generalization, I agree with you, but I'd say not a gross one, rather a useful one.

Shyness usually comes from a negative self-image, negative beliefs about the world, trapped negative emotions in the body, traumas, shame for various aspect of yourself, dysfunctional relationship patterns with people and with yourself, lack of groundedness in yourself and your core masculinity/femininity, etc. And where does all of this come from?

Also, family is the first instance of a social structure, so it is the first context in which you are socialized, which gives the starting point for other relationships and experiences.

[kever]

@Husseinisdoingfine What do you mean? 

[Arcangelo]

One thing has nothing to do with the other. Nice guys can come in any color. Even yellow and turquoise.

But wouldn't  you guys say that the majority of nice guys are green and blue?

Another question:

Can someone at stage RED be a nice guy? 

I know you guys have read the books please let me know

Thanks

 

Arc

[kever]

@Nos7algiK Yes, something like that. So people who try to please others with unspoken expectations (call it manipulation), putting others (specifically women) on a pedestal, being unassertive etc. 

[kever]

@Arcangelo Haven't read the books, but I thought 'nice guys' were people who haven't integrated stage red in their psychology. So I think someone who is 100% red can't really be what I would call a nice guy.

[Arcangelo]

13 hours ago, kever said:

So I think someone who is 100% red can't really be what I would call a nice guy.

No one is 100% anything but I get what you mean and I agree. I wasn't saying that you read the books I was referring about other forum members.

Where are you guys?