Dating: Does your body count matter?

[Vzdoh]

@MatteO22 yeah, criticism like this almost always means deep internal critisism and lack of love for yourself. 

I have that too and really working on eliminating it right now. Basically I realised that when I criticise others, I disconnect from them and from myself and i reject myself = this is lack of self love at a very core. 

[Vzdoh]

@Lucas-fgm ?????????????????

[Jacob Morres]

my thoughts arent so deep on the topic but it seems unfair to have double standards. as long as she's loyal now idrc

[MatteO22]

9 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

@MatteO22 yeah, criticism like this almost always means deep internal critisism and lack of love for yourself. 

I have that too and really working on eliminating it right now. Basically I realised that when I criticise others, I disconnect from them and from myself and i reject myself = this is lack of self love at a very core. 

Yeah, I feel you girl. 
 

I think women can go through a lot of pain that is unacknowledged by men or by the patriarchy.

 

And men can go equally through much pain that is unacknowledged by others, societally, women and so on. 
 

It’s just about seeing the truth of our authentic emotional expression in each moment and not rationalising why something is or ain’t okay. The question for all the money in the world is ‘does it hurt underneath ? Okay, then you deserve love and compassion, and not a rational judgement.’ 

[MatteO22]

1 hour ago, Harlen Kelly said:

There are people who use weed to escape from their emotions, and there are people psychologically developed who smoke weed out of an innate and genuine desire without getting attached to the substance. 

I think that habitual weed can’t really be celebrated as a healthy substance use - it’s relying on substances to change your state, and giving away your power to something to feel a certain way.

 

Essentially what you’re suggesting is that  things that are addictive when used responsibly don’t create an addiction or an addictive pattern.

 

So how different is it from a smoker who says ‘I can quit whenever I want’ and then puffs another cigarette every other day.

 

Im not saying we should restraint ourselves and repress our urges and cast away all addictive substances as a form of repression.

 

Im saying have awareness like ...’huh I don’t think this substance or pattern (whether drugs, sex or video games) is totally healthy. Maybe I should be mindful around my drive towards that thing because I deserve to respect myself in a way that doesn’t perpetuate enabling harmful habits into my system.

 

I have this with video games, sometimes I play a little too much, it got much more frequent and long winded during COVID for obvious reasons. And I don’t really feel guilty about it, I even enjoyed (and still do) it. And yet! I am not going to pretend like I wanna do this for life, like divinity original sin 2 is the ultimate goal and the best source of pleasure for me!  

I have this habitual pattern, and I’m outgrowing it slowly but surely, but I’m not gonna stick my head in the sand and try to convince myself and everyone else how healthy it is. It ain’t. And I still do it! And that’s okay, im cool with having something to heal and outgrow. 
 

if I was sleeping around I’d have the same attitude. 

Edited June 11, 2021 by MatteO22

[Harlen Kelly]

19 minutes ago, MatteO22 said:

I have this with video games, sometimes I play a little too much, it got much more frequent and long winded during COVID for obvious reasons. And I don’t really feel guilty about it, I even enjoyed (and still do) it. And yet! I am not going to pretend like I wanna do this for life, like divinity original sin 2 is the ultimate goal and the best source of pleasure for me!  

 

What is wrong with enjoying a hobby in moderation (video games in this case)? 

Is it objectively wrong to enjoy something you like that is not creating collateral damage to other people?

Being conscious and partaking in a hobby of yours are not mutually exclusive, you actually enjoy your hobbies more when you are conscious.

[MatteO22]

2 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

What is wrong with enjoying a hobby in moderation (video games in this case)? 

Nothing.

2 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

Is it objectively wrong

Not even a little bit.

 

3 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

Being conscious and partaking in a hobby of yours are not mutually exclusive, you actually enjoy your hobbies more when you are conscious.

It’s not a hobby it’s an addiction. I’m not saying that to shame myself. I’m fully okay having an addictive pattern. I accept that, and I accept I won’t and don’t desire to do this forever.

 

you say interesting things such as ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.

 

Right and wrong are dualistic constructs of the mind. They are judgements you place around things that elicit emotional responses.

 

Addiction is not wrong, it’s just something that will be healed over time when the time is right. 
Nothing is wrong, nothing is right, it’s just the way it is. Nothing to control and nothing to manage, there is just the direction of evolution taking place. 
 

I think that you’re just petrified of how guilty you would feel had you admitted to yourself the potential Harmfulness of certain habits. And so you deny, you rationalise, you avoid and you argue on the internet with people who promote wholeness and healthy habits. And even that’s okay, not even that is wrong. Not even a little bit. Nothings wrong. Everything is okay. 

[Harlen Kelly]

@MatteO22 Question, can you enjoy video games in your case without being addicted to them? Is that a possibility?

Does moralization lead to wholeness as you suggested or does consciousness of this moment / contemplation lead to wholeness?

Funnily enough, moralization usually leads to more unhealthy habits which does not mean that a bad habit should be recognized.

[MatteO22]

@Harlen Kelly you’re right. Moralisation leads nowhere, that’s why right and wrong are not a part of the equation.

 

I can’t really enjoy video games that much because I feel the effect they have on my energy and my body in general - it’s not that great. And so there’s a cognitive dissonance - I don’t feel fantastic after doing it, and yet I am still drawn to it. It can be a painful stage of healing where you’re aware of something having a harmful effect and not making your body feel the best, and yet emotionally and psychologically you still crave it enough to give into it. Essentially it’s a passage for surrender, where the inner conflict eventually becomes resolved through healing all my unaddressed emotions of guilt, abuse, trauma and shame. 

[MatteO22]

7 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

Does moralization lead to wholeness as you suggested

That is not what I suggested in the least lmao.

 

You’re the one who’s moralising things as right and wrong, Jesus you’re a hardcore gaslighter.

[Harlen Kelly]

@MatteO22 Do this next time you play video games: Instead of judging yourself for playing video games, become fully conscious while doing it, put your attention in your body while playing video games and see what happens. 

My prediction is if you actually do this exercise a couple of times you will not use video games as an escape and simultaneously you will enjoy them like you never have in your entire life. 

Give it a try.

[Harlen Kelly]

@MatteO22

5 minutes ago, MatteO22 said:

That is not what I suggested in the least lmao.

You’re the one who’s moralising things as right and wrong, Jesus you’re a hardcore gaslighter.

''Does moralization lead to wholeness as you suggested?'' That is a question not an affirmation. That's why it has a question mark at the end.