Dating: Does your body count matter?

[Vzdoh]

@Raptorsin7 i dont judge guys based on body count. I judge guys ONLY on how they treat me. If I get respectful and caring treatment + vulnerability from the guy, I don't care how many women he slept with. 

Body count for women depends largely on their age and looks. For me, I counted like 21-22, but I am 39yo and majority of this happened before age 32. I am much more selective now and have no problem going without sex for a year if I don't fancy anyone or can't build an emotional connection with. 

 

[Harlen Kelly]

@Bando

1 hour ago, Bando said:

One girl I met from TInder told me she went through a nasty break up and I was her 11 guy she slept with in the past month, that blew my mind.

Yup, the average woman has waay more sex than you can possibly imagine, which is not necessarily a negative thing. 

That chick when asked how many partners she's had, will answer something like 8. That's what women typically do.

Edited June 11, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Vzdoh]

@Harlen Kelly i am not judging anyone here, just stating my own observations. And I am not defending or attacking women in here. Everyone can do what pleases them. 

However, I am a part of a few psychological groups for women only. No guys. And women share their anonymously about sex and sexual attraction and dating. And out of thousands of active members in the group, only few % is actually really into sex for sex's sake, i. E. They use apps just to get laid just like guys. And many of these women share openly that this is their way to get validation and boost to a self esteem - nothing healthy about it in my view. 

Sex addiction is possible in women, but much more rare than in men. Women are more wired to have plenty of sex with one guy, than plenty of sex with plenty of guys. That's all. Don't see any judgement in my words from just stating a fact. 

[Andrew John]

16 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

@Raptorsin7 i dont judge guys based on body count. I judge guys ONLY on how they treat me. If I get respectful and caring treatment + vulnerability from the guy, I don't care how many women he slept with. 

Body count for women depends largely on their age and looks. For me, I counted like 21-22, but I am 39yo and majority of this happened before age 32. I am much more selective now and have no problem going without sex for a year if I don't fancy anyone or can't build an emotional connection with. 

 

I would say most women are the same as the mature in my experience, and some men but not as many. 

[Harlen Kelly]

@Vzdoh Are all women with a high body count psychologically damaged from your point of view? Maybe the percentage is higher but they don't want to share that information because then they will be judged, sort of like what you are doing right now.

Edited June 11, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Vzdoh]

@Harlen Kelly so do you think that's healthy? To go have sex with random guys to try to tackle a nasty breakup? 

Instead of like a self aware adult, sit with the feelings and process them? And work on your self esteem? 

Having sex with multiple partners does not resolve the feelings from the break up. If any thing, it might make it worse. For me personally, long time ago when I did ONS, I did it from the pkace of low self esteem mostly, I did not value myself and my body, and how precious it is and felt super bad after ONS. For me it was soul crushing and got me even more depressed than before sex. 

[Vzdoh]

@Lucas-fgm hahahaha. Its not only women that say one thing and do complete opposite - both genders do it - especially when they are on some sort of neurotic spectrum, meaning that cannot express your needs and wants in a direct and assertive manner or allow others to buldose through your boundaries. 

[Harlen Kelly]

@Vzdoh You are extrapolating your ineptitudes on other people. I don't mean to attack you or anything, but not every woman who enjoys sex with multiple people is doing it out of desire to cope with a negative emotion. That is a fallacy.

Usually people who are that judgmental about sex have a neurotic relationship with their sexuality.  

Edited June 11, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Andrew John]

1 minute ago, Lucas-fgm said:

So basically you spent your youth, and the period of time where you were most attractive with the"bad boys". But now you are older and desperate for a nice emotional guy that wants commitment. I don't want to sound rude, but that's what it looks like.

She doesn’t come across as desperate dude. 

[Vzdoh]

@Harlen Kelly in my personal experience, from interacting with women in my life and participating in deep discussions about sex and sexuality with women in chat and forum groups, I rarely see first of all psychologically healthy women, more than 80% have various issues with self esteem, experienced childhood trauma of various sorts, in abusive relationships, i. e. Quite bad at protecting their own boundaries, etc.

And I am just seeing it and this is how it is and its not good or bad, its just reality of growing up in dysfunctional families and socialising. 

So, I rarely saw or observed women who really embrace their sexuality, free with it and actually go fuck multiple guys. Normally these few ladies that found their sexuality, did it within a monogamous relationship in a safety and security of experimenting with a permanent partner. 

[MatteO22]

14 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@Vzdoh Are all women with a high body count psychologically damaged from your point of view? Maybe the percentage is higher but they don't want to share that information because then they will be judged, sort of like what you are doing right now.

I think there’s a big difference between recognising that chasing sex as a means of gaining satisfaction and pleasure may not always be aligned with wholeness and coming from a healed place, and slut-shaming. 
 

Slut shaming isn’t usually even about how much sex someone is having, it’s a manifestation of jealousy and righteousness. 
 

Taylor-Swift was a national scape goat for slut shaming in the public eye (or at least so I’ve heard) and she didn’t even sleep around if I remember that correctly, I just wanna use that example to make a point, btw if that information regarding Taylor isn’t accurate it would still apply as I’m sure there are many many women fitting that archetype.

 

Perpetual sleeping around is usually some form of escapism it’s just a fact, it doesn’t have to condemn or shame anyone. Saying ‘I sleep around as a way of coping with my parental neglect and fear of commitment’ is self-aware and much healthier than saying ‘I sleep around and if you even imagine anything dysfunctional about it you’re slut shaming’.

 

Btw both men and women who chase sex are most likely engaging in some form of escapism. That doesn’t make them bad or defective, it’s a statement of awareness. It also doesn’t make the one who is stating it judgemental or critical, it makes them truthful.

 

Can people slut shame ? For sure, but is ultimately sleeping around healthy and sustainable ? Nope. Not really. Is me saying this slut shaming ? Nope. 

Edited June 11, 2021 by MatteO22

[Vzdoh]

@Lucas-fgm that's your assumption. U are free to assume anything u want, its your mind and your projections ???? has nothing to do with my real situation ?

[MatteO22]

7 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

So basically you spent your youth, and the period of time where you were most attractive with the"bad boys". But now you are older and desperate for a nice emotional guy that wants commitment. I don't want to sound rude, but that's what it looks like.

I can’t stress enough how deeply is your perspective void of empathy for women. 

[Harlen Kelly]

@MatteO22 Not everybody who has regular sex is engaging in escapism. That is not a factual, observable, scientific statement. That is simply an unsounded belief. 

There are people who use sex ( or any other activity ) mainly to escape but that is not the case with everybody. 

''Can people slut shame ? For sure, but is ultimately sleeping around healthy and sustainable ? Nope. Not really. Is me saying this slut shaming ? Nope.''

That is a very unsophisticated and dull-witted conclusion. Human behavior cannot be so simplified like you just did. 

To accurately and thoroughly determine the psychological health of a person one needs to do a deep analysis because human behavior is complex. 

Edited June 11, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[MatteO22]

1 minute ago, Harlen Kelly said:

Not everybody who has regular sex is engaging in escapism. That is not a factual, observable, scientific statement. That is simply an unsounded belief. 

If you’re dragging science into this you might wanna actually look at some studies linking childhood trauma and promiscuity. 
 

 

[Harlen Kelly]

1 minute ago, MatteO22 said:

If you’re dragging science into this you might wanna actually look at some studies linking childhood trauma and promiscuity. 
 

My claim is that everything you stated are merely unsounded beliefs. Those are not factual, observable, empirical statements.  

[Vzdoh]

@Harlen Kelly let's turn the argument around and then my question to you is why would a psychologically healthy woman have sex with multiple guys? Like example with a girl after breakup - 11 guys count in a single month. Out of what feelings she would wabt to sleep with as maby guys? 

[Harlen Kelly]

@Lucas-fgm Be careful not to develop animosity towards women, that will only reduce the quality of your life. I am not saying you are, just a warning.

[Vzdoh]

@MatteO22 same view. I don't actually consider women who sleep around sluts. I feel compassion towards them because as per my observations, they are doing it not from a healthy place and i am part of those women forums to provide support and perspective to other women. And shaming is a big no no in the communities I am a member of. 

There is a difference in the language of stating facts and actually shaming anyone. I hope my language is impartial and fact based. 

[Harlen Kelly]

@Vzdoh That example (the chick who slept with 11 guys after break up) obviously entails a woman who is emotionally wounded. 

This is actually more simple to comprehend than you think. Let's use weed as an example. 

There are people who use weed to escape from their emotions, and there are people psychologically developed who smoke weed out of an innate and genuine desire without getting attached to the substance. 

There are people who eat in order to escape from their emotions and stuff down trauma, and there are other people who genuinely enjoy a variety of food without using it as some type of mechanism to escape reality. 

Analogously, there are people who indeed use sex to escape and run away from their emotions while there are others who do it out of a genuine desire for connection and sex with multiple people.

Saying ''ALL'' human beings share x,y,z characteristic because of a specific behavioral pattern is and will always be a fallacy because humans are complex. You are projecting your ineptitudes on other women.

Edited June 11, 2021 by Harlen Kelly