I didn't kiss on the second date

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's pretty obvious if she doesn't want you.

It's not like she doesn't want you. Maybe she isn't ready for it in the moment wants you take it slow. 

[StarStruck]

Pickup and dating reveals how much resistance I have against life. I don't want to feel all these feelings of fear and possibility of rejection. I thought I manned up after my last breakup but I still feel like a little boy. I guess the only thing I can do is surrender to the moment. Let go of outcome and see where the ship strands. What else could I do? I hate life. I rather go back to my incel life where nobody can hurt me but I would come suicidal when I become old and lonely. 

 

[Harlen Kelly]

@StarStruck @StarStruck Your mind will concoct all types of stories to make sure you don't go out of your comfort zone. Just observe the thoughts and don't give them too much importance.

Don't believe your thoughts, observe them.

[MatteO22]

22 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If she says No then you stop.

It's not complicated. Go for a hard No. Make her reject you or accept you.

It's pretty obvious if she doesn't want you.

I’m not saying no one should ever try to sleep with someone when they’re at their place, I’m saying that a statement ‘if you’re at her place with her alone she wants to fuck you’ is delusional and somewhat dangerous if it lands on the wrong ears. 

[StarStruck]

I still have to read these books:

• Way of the superior man
• No more mister nice guy

I think these books will help me.

She called me a nice guy in between conversations. I was really insulted by that.

I already feel a little bit better. Is emotionally detaching myself from her a good idea? Doing visualizations like she already rejected and left me?

Edited June 10, 2021 by StarStruck

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

already feel a little bit better. Is emotionally detaching myself from her a good idea? Doing visualizations like she already rejected and left me?

 

This is some high grade Incel shit. 

You seem to be having some strong issues with rejection. 

Rejection is a part and parcel of life. Don't take it so hard 

 

You're kinda theorizing rejection 

Edited June 10, 2021 by Preety_India

[StarStruck]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

This is some high grade Incel shit. 

You seem to be having some strong issues with rejection. 

Rejection is a part and parcel of life. Don't take it so hard 

 

You're kinda theorizing rejection 

I'm theorizing everything in my life because theory is part of practise. No?

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I'm theorizing everything in my life because theory is part of practise. No?

Can you explain me how theorizing about rejection is helping you in practice? 

 

[StarStruck]

 

39 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Can you explain me how theorizing about rejection is helping you in practice? 

 

I'm theorizing and trying to understand myself and how I work. Self knowledge is the foundation of all wisdom. 

[Tangerinedream]

2 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

As for coming to guy's place = she wants sex. This is absolutely not true. For example, in lockdown in Singapore, restaurants stopped serving drinks at 21:30 and since I had a flatmate, I went to the guy's place to have another drink and I flat out told him that I am not ready for sex and need to get to know him better. And he took it of course the wrong way and started forcing me. I left and expected an apology. It never came. So I blocked the guy. Ability to read the other and communicate is the key. Don't assume stuff. 

I was once ‘tricked’ into going into a guys place who I was on a first meeting with, it was during the daytime. He told me he needed to use the toilet (we were walking around in the streets) he kind of ushered me into the flat to wait for him, I reluctantly went in the flat even though i didn’t feel right about it..once inside he gave me a beer then started to force himself on me. I felt really unsafe in that moment and started to panic. Out of fear I let him kiss me, because of how aggressive he was, I was worried what he would do if I pushed him off.  
I told him I wanted to go back outside and he was really coming at me wanting to have sex.  
Being very rough with hands all over.
I honestly thought I would end up being forced into sex with him out of survival. 
Anyway my anxiety took over, I got kind of dizzy and I said again I want to leave I don’t want sex. He was really pissed, but let me leave.  
Sometimes a girl will kiss back for many reasons, some of them being out of fear and being forced upon. 
going to a mans house alone does not mean you want sex. 
please guys realise this. 
 

[Leo Gura]

If she shows up to a date at all, she wants sex. But only if you can make it not awkward and not creepy.

A woman who won't have sex with you will not show up on a first date.

[Tangerinedream]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

A woman who won't have sex with you will not show up on a first date

Ridiculous.  Why do you think we go on a first date to see if we like the person? Especially if it’s from a online dating.. you don’t know the person until you hang out with them. 
also some people just date without the intention of sex.  Maybe out of boredom. 

[dharm4]

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If she shows up to a date at all, she wants sex. But only if you can make it not awkward and not creepy.

A woman who won't have sex with you will not show up on a first date.

No offense, but you should probably stick to enlightenment advice

[Hello from Russia]

10 minutes ago, dharm4 said:

No offense, but you should probably stick to enlightenment advice

Leo's advices are actually on point

Her agreeing on a first date with you means you passed her initial filters, but you need pass more and more in order to actually end up in her bed

[Shin]

19 minutes ago, dharm4 said:

No offense, but you should probably stick to enlightenment advice

You think those advices come out of our asses ? ?

It's just how, most of the times it works.

Of course in some cases, like for example when the guy is tricking/pressuring the girl, it doesn't apply.

For the op, which come from an incel background, he doesn't need to care about being too aggressive, cause that's what he is lacking.

He's not gonna turn into a huge macho asshole in one date.

We're talking about date here, not being friend, not being in the friendzone, and if the girl accepted to go on a date, it at least means she, at the time of the date, felt like the op was attractive (I'm assuming it's not an online date he got).

 

[Leo Gura]

56 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

Why do you think we go on a first date to see if we like the person?

You will never go on a date with a guy you're not open to sleeping with. The attraction has already been settled. Now it's about building rapport and him not being a psycho.

[Hello from Russia]

21 minutes ago, Shin said:

He's not gonna turn into a huge macho asshole in one date.

Hey, Shin, nice to have you back here, mate

To be honest I feel like incels are actually more prone to go from acting too much like doormats to too aggressive.

I think a proper assertiveness should be taught and it might be a tricky matter for people who are struggling with a social domain.

Edited June 10, 2021 by Hello from Russia

[Shin]

Just now, Hello from Russia said:

Hey, Shin, nice to have you back here, mate!

To be honest I feel like incels are a bit prone to go from acting too much like doormats to too aggressive. I think a proper assertiveness should be taught and it is a tricky matter for people who are struggling with a social domain

From personal experience you learn to be assertive by failing with women.

Either by being too passive or by faking too much assertiveness while being self conscious.

You can't just become a natural, balanced, attractive man by just reading books or doing affirmations when you come from an incel background, you need to deeply suffer from the rejection.

At least that's my take, and obviously like you said you need to be able to reflect on what happened, be self conscious afterwards and even during the date.

Otherwise you just become a creep and borderline rapy dude like the women on this thread talked about, or stay into a toxic spiral of self pity like the incel community.

[StarStruck]

28 minutes ago, Shin said:

You think those advices come out of our asses ? ?

It's just how, most of the times it works.

Of course in some cases, like for example when the guy is tricking/pressuring the girl, it doesn't apply.

For the op, which come from an incel background, he doesn't need to care about being too aggressive, cause that's what he is lacking.

He's not gonna turn into a huge macho asshole in one date.

We're talking about date here, not being friend, not being in the friendzone, and if the girl accepted to go on a date, it at least means she, at the time of the date, felt like the op was attractive (I'm assuming it's not an online date he got).

 

I met her at a coffeeshop. We went on an instant date in the park. This thread is about the second date. 

She was all dolled up, nice skirt, nice hair. It was an easy job but I didn't want to fuck because of nofap and porn addiction recovery. I need some weeks off to heal. 

I think she wants me for the long haul. If she was interested in something short she would already ghost me after I was wanking around, not leading her to sexuality.

I will be bummed if it doesn't work out but I have no choice. Healing from my porn addiction has the bigger priority than a girl. I don't know if she will stick around for weeks. My porn addiction recovery could take that long. 

[Shin]

4 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I met her at a coffeeshop. We went on an instant date in the park. This thread is about the second date. 

She was all dolled up, nice skirt, nice hair. It was an easy job but I didn't want to fuck because of nofap and porn addiction recovery. I need some weeks off to heal. 

I think she wants me for the long haul. If she was interested in something short she would already ghost me after I was wanking around, not leading her to sexuality.

I will be bummed if it doesn't work out but I have no choice. Healing from my porn addiction has the bigger priority than a girl. I don't know if she will stick around for weeks. My porn addiction recovery could take that long. 

Well tell her that, in that specific context that could be a good thing to be honest about it.

If you don't, she's most likely gonna find someone else cause she won't understand why you aren't going for sex with her ("I am too ugly for him ?" "I am just a way to pass time because he's bored ?" "is he a virgin ?").

What you really can't do is to be as shy and unsure about yourself being close to her again (=no kissing, hugging etc.), that's a big nono, be at ease around her even if you can't have sex with her, or at least try to be despite the inconvenience.