I didn't kiss on the second date

[StarStruck]

19 minutes ago, Shin said:

From personal experience you learn to be assertive by failing with women.

Either by being too passive or by faking too much assertiveness while being self conscious.

You can't just become a natural, balanced, attractive man by just reading books or doing affirmations when you come from an incel background, you need to deeply suffer from the rejection.

At least that's my take, and obviously like you said you need to be able to reflect on what happened, be self conscious afterwards and even during the date.

Otherwise you just become a creep and borderline rapy dude like the women on this thread talked about, or stay into a toxic spiral of self pity like the incel community.

I didn't want sex. I just wanted to kiss and slowly build up the intimacy towards sex so she can become my gf. I just messed up by forgetting man to female frame and just going in for physicality and a kiss. 

[Shin]

I would tell her about the problem you have just after being confident to kiss her and be playful with her for at least an hour, she should be happy enough to accept it by then, and if not, then at least you did the best you could.

[Bando]

Bro don't stress about it so much you will experience this over and over in your pua journey, there are so many cute chicks out there who have good personalities, I promise you if you keep going out and take action you will meet another girl like this. 

Typically when you stress about a date like this things take a left turn, do you think shes being this over analytical about the date she had with you? I'd  be focused on just trying to get a second date with her, if she doesn't flake on you beforehand which is most likely going to happen.

Don't even worry about "closing" right now you should be focused on the experience of dating a girl your extremely attracted to. Dating hot girls vs girls your moderalty attracted to is two different dynamics get experience in both so you can be authentic no matter what what girl your talking to.

[universe]

You can break this situation down to tension and mindset.

Tension

Engaging in a kiss is building up tension.

Mindset

How you think about the whole situation. Is it O.K for me to kiss her? Will she reject me? And so on.

 

So how is your relationship to tension. Are you good with tension or bad with tension? If you want to turn any situation into male/female pretty quick it is by going into tension.

And how is your mindset. Are you constantly worried or think it's a big NO NO to kiss a girl? Do you think you don't deserve to kiss her. Or do you think it's natural to kiss a girl you are dating and that girls enjoy kissing. Do you think a rejected kiss is bad? Do you need her validation so desperately that if she rejects your kiss, you would drown in an ocean full of tears? Or do you think it's normal for a kiss to get rejected and it is not the end of the world. This kind of stuff.

[StarStruck]

@universe my female friend told me "the kiss would happen naturally". Seriously. This is the last time I'm going to listen to female advice when it comes to dating as a male. 

During the first date there was good eye contact. She held the eye contact. During the second date, it was a little bit less. She broke off eye contact when I tried to hold it at the end. 

How can I get it back to before where she was holding eye contact?

[StarStruck]

1 hour ago, Shin said:

I would tell her about the problem you have just after being confident to kiss her and be playful with her for at least an hour, she should be happy enough to accept it by then, and if not, then at least you did the best you could.

I thought about kissing her right at he beginning of our next date. 

[universe]

10 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

@universe my female friend told me "the kiss would happen naturally". Seriously. This is the last time I'm going to listen to female advice when it comes to dating as a male. 

Haha yeah, for woman it happens naturally

Don't worry about the specifics to much.

It's like jumping from a 10 m springboard.

You either decide you want to do and do it. Or you are too afraid to do it (Like I said Mindset and Tension).

You don't go and analyse the right angle you will jump from. Maybe if you are competing in the olympics.

[StarStruck]

3 minutes ago, universe said:

Haha yeah, for woman it happens naturally

Don't worry about the specifics to much.

It's like jumping from a 10 m springboard.

You either decide you want to do and do it. Or you are too afraid to do it (Like I said Mindset and Tension).

You don't go and analyse the right angle you will jump from. Maybe if you are competing in the olympics.

How to build up the tension again though? As I said, she held eye contact the first date. Second date the eye contact was a little less. She broke it off quicker. 

[universe]

33 minutes ago, universe said:

Engaging in a kiss is building up tension.

The first step is to be comfortable in tension and not try to run away from it. The rest will follow automatically.

[Shin]

49 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

How to build up the tension again though? As I said, she held eye contact the first date. Second date the eye contact was a little less. She broke it off quicker. 

Well no kiss second date, she starts to think she is too ugly or stupid for you, or she thinks that you are too shy which is way worse ?

 

Edited June 10, 2021 by Shin

[StarStruck]

3 minutes ago, Shin said:

Well no kiss second date, she starts to think she is too ugly or stupid for you, or she thinks that you are too shy which is way worse ?

I want to kiss her next time (if she accepts a date) but if she doesn't hold eye contact I can't build up tension. 

[StarStruck]

@Shin hhaaha that made me laugh. I really want to throw myself in the garbage bin.

She keeps texting with me so I guess she is ok with me. She is busy this week. Next week I might schedule a new meeting with her but chances are big she will just reject me because I'm just not a man.

If I could redo it I would just move closer to her. I waited for her permission or something magical to happen so our lips would meet. It is stupid really. One thing is sure, if I get another date, it is either make or break.

[Harlen Kelly]

5 hours ago, dharm4 said:

No offense, but you should probably stick to enlightenment advice

That's not an argument. That's a silly, nonsensical comment. 

[Shin]

Don't have too much hope for that girl.

If she said that she has too much stuff to do next week and she had issues holding eye contact in the second date only, it's very ominous signs of imminent rejection.

She might just continue to text you to not feel rude because she already knows she's not gonna date you anymore.

I mean this is just speculations of course, but just don't hold that girl too much in your heart it will help if it turns out to be true, plus there is so many other girls you shouldn't hold her too much in your heart anyway.

Edited June 10, 2021 by Shin

[mivafofa]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

If she shows up to a date at all, she wants sex. But only if you can make it not awkward and not creepy.

A woman who won't have sex with you will not show up on a first date.

Well.. I understand why you say that, while it's not entirely true, most women needs a lot more time to feel attraction. Only then she might want sex.  Sometimes a woman could feel attracted without even wanting the sex (yet). A woman could also come to a date just for fun, curiosity, exploration or just to vainly flatter her ego. 

But I understand that "she showed up to my date = she wants my D?" is actually a very important notion for men to keep in mind while dating, in order to stay motivated and asserting confidence. And when done properly, this confidence might trigger an attraction in the woman that wasn't there before

[Logan]

@StarStruck Try the book Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty

[mivafofa]

@StarStruck if I were you, I would date other girls simultaneously.. Increasing your options so you don't come off as desperate and needy. Until it's official and exclusive, you're a free man

[Logan]

2 hours ago, StarStruck said:

@Shin  I really want to throw myself in the garbage bin.

 

You're lacking self love. You can't love another until you love yourself. Watch the language you use with yourself.^^^^ Start seeing yourself as the hero in the journey of life. If you feel like garbage, it will show and people will treat you like it. If you have self respect, then people will respect you. You set the standard for how others treat you. So treat yourself with kindness, compassion, and keep working at it. 

Edited June 10, 2021 by Logan

[Zeroguy]

Sky just fall. Jesus Christ. What a problem. 

[MatteO22]

9 hours ago, StarStruck said:

 

Pickup and dating reveals how much resistance I have against life. I don't want to feel all these feelings of fear and possibility of rejection. I thought I manned up after my last breakup but I still feel like a little boy. I

 

That’s okay. Oddly enough I can relate to all this, I’ve felt the same way. But dating didn’t cure this. Dating just swiftly made me realise that the reason I felt  like a little boy was because I had unresolved trauma in the relationship with my mother, and partially my father even though my dad affected me in different areas. 
 

Dating can very well though bring up all those painful emotions you might have repressed in the relationship with your mom (feeling like you’re not good enough, failure, unlovable, rejected). So that’s great and it seems to be happening for you. Just be patient and kind to yourself, and take care of yourself emotionally no matter the outcome.