I didn't kiss on the second date

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, MatteO22 said:

If you do this you heavily risk infantilising the girl which isn’t good for anyone.

I see it as a matter of consent. It's a date not a relationship. 

 

[StarStruck]

5 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@StarStruck NO. Dude, you will blow this. Vibe with her, talk about topics that elevate your and her emotional state, kiss her on a high emotional state, move her around, pull her and nail her. 

Your focus should be fun and having a good time. You can get into serious stuff after you nail her, not before. 

 

First I have to recover from my porn addiction. I'm not confident to go to bed with her right now. My dopamine receptors got smashed because of all the porn use during the quarantine. I'm afraid I will get ED.

[MatteO22]

Just now, Preety_India said:

I see it as a matter of consent. It's a date not a relationship. 

 

Consent is reading the situation and leaning in and seeing her reaction, and allowing her to reject the offer of the kiss, non verbally. the date often sets up expectations for the upcoming dynamic in the relationship. 

[Harlen Kelly]

@StarStruck I will also highly advise you to choose carefully which advise you are going to take, because if you take every advise on this thread about this situation seriously, you will have paralysis by analysis and will end up not pulling the trigger with the chick. 

Focus on the advise that will help you accomplish what you want to accomplish with her and disregard the rest. 

3 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

First I have to recover from my porn addiction. I'm not confident to go to bed with her right now. My dopamine receptors got smashed because of all the porn use during the quarantine. I'm afraid I will get ED.

This is an excuse, pull her to wherever you plan to have sex with her even if you don't plan to have sex with her, just pull her. 

Edited June 10, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Ghost]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I don't see any harm in asking. 

In fact I would be outraged if a guy didn't ask and directly touched/kissed 

I'm like - what about consent? 

It would feel rapey especially if it's first date. 

 

I never kiss on first date unless she comes up to my place.

She coming up to me is consent, having second date is consent.

 

You may not be attracted to masculine dominant men like most women are. It's fine.

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Doesn't girls want romantic shit? I think, "can I sit closer?" would be a better move.

In a similar way you can also ask about kiss and other stuff. Try doing it next time. Don't be hesitant. 

If you are not sure, ask the girl that you would want to do something. 

Nothing wrong. 

She might get excited that you're ready and interested. 

 

[StarStruck]

3 minutes ago, Ghost said:

Nooooo, don't tell her. Rather act like you have 10 other women fcking you and for that day you were just not feeling it.
This is the attraction phase, you don't have to be super honest with her.

Women hate excuses like this. Explaining yourself to her will just lower your value in her eyes.

You didn't kiss her because you haven't decided if you like her enough. 

Accept that you didn't kiss her and just be fine with it, don't make a big deal out of it. Next time you'll go for it. 

You'll be fine!

Damn, you are a life safer but my porn recovery will take like 1-2 months. I don't think she will wait long enough if I'm not honest about what happens behind the scenes. I think she is a sexual person but she also likes me.

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, Ghost said:

You may not be attracted to masculine dominant men like most women are. It's fine.

The irony is that I like masculine dominant men just not sexually aggressive. 

Being a Masculine dominant male shouldn't give him the right to act like an asshole 

 

[StarStruck]

4 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@StarStruck I will also highly advise you to choose carefully which advise you are going to take, because if you take every advise on this thread about this situation seriously, you will have paralysis by analysis and will end up not pulling the trigger with the chick. 

Focus on the advise that will help you accomplish what you want to accomplish with her and disregard the rest. 

 

That is a good point. Sometimes I can be desperate.

Quote

This is an excuse, pull her to wherever you plan to have sex with her even if you don't plan to have sex with her, just pull her. 

I thought pulling meant taking her home and having sex with her.

[Harlen Kelly]

@StarStruck Not necessarily, but I want you to pull her to your apartment after vibing with her and kissing her the next time you meet her. This should be your goal. 

You must get on the habit of pulling chicks as soon as you can to your apartment. This is easier when the date takes place close to your apartment which is ideal for logistics.

Edited June 10, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[StarStruck]

19 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@StarStruck Not necessarily, but I want you to pull her to your apartment after vibing with her and kissing her the next time you meet her. This should be your goal. 

You must get on the habit of pulling chicks as soon as you can to your apartment. This is easier when the date takes place close to your apartment which is ideal for logistics.

8 hours ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@StarStruck Lol, it's ok, don't beat yourself up. Go for the kiss (preferably for the lay) next time you meet her. 

If this event affects your emotions negatively and she notices that, your chances of getting her will be slim to none. 

Something else, there are 100s of millions of blondes, if it does not work out with her then meet somebody else.

8 hours ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@StarStruck

 

 I feel like she will expect sex when I bring her to my apartment. 

 

[mivafofa]

@Preety_India haha it seems we have different preferences 

 

18 minutes ago, Ghost said:

If you insist on kissing her:
Don't ask, just go for it.

She rejects you? Don't act butthurt, make fun of it, or just continue the conversation.

Yes please.. Personally I don't like when they ask. I feel an impulse to say No. I'd prefer they man up and have the balls to take on a physical rejection.  Even if I reject you, at least I can respect you, for all the courage it took. Of course they have to make sure eye contacts and social cues were made foremost, and that they're not kissing out of the blue when I was looking elsewhere. that's a nightmare.   

24 minutes ago, Ghost said:

Try it 10-15 minutes later, more than likely she won't reject you again, why? Because now you've grown some balls in her eyes.

..Ok no, now that's kinda rapey lol.  More than likely she won't reject you out of pressure.  Then spend the rest of the evening regretting it.  10-15 mins later is too soon. If I were to reject a kiss.. I either don't want you or don't want it today, let alone in 10 mins. 

[Harlen Kelly]

@StarStruck Just pull her for god's sake. Whatever happens, happens. You might have a great time with her and if you don't, who cares. 

[Preety_India]

To be honest, most suggestions on this thread are rapey. 

It's all about what men want and how fast they can close it. 

Not at all thinking about what the woman might want or what she might be thinking of you in her mind 

 

Most threads on this subforum guide men to take it quite aggressively. Out of the excessive insecurity of being friendzoned. 

Try it and see. 

If a woman turns away when you are trying to kiss, it may not be because she doesn't like you, but maybe because she finds you too sexually desperate, and desperation tells a woman that's its not the best idea to submit to that kiss

Like I said try it. And in most cases a woman will pull away and you'll simply take it as rejection whereas she was only trying not to be too uncomfortable and probably turned off by sensing the desperation to hurry up things. 

 

You guys don't know how to be gentle and still be masculine without being a feminine friend to her. In your mind masculinity is taught as being aggressive and getting what you want. 

For a lot of women, "get what you want" kind of men register as a threat physically or sexually. 

You people just don't understand female psychology. You need to make her feel safe, not insecure. 

Making her feel insecure will backfire badly  if she is a healthy self assertive self assured woman. 

 

She will move away from a kiss that wasn't a part of her plan. 

If a woman really wanted a kiss she will give you signals and leverage. There won't be a bag sitting in between. She wouldn't make you feel unsure about a kiss. 

In fact she will give clear signs and you'll have absolutely no problem with kissing her unless you got problems of your own to work out. 

If she is not giving clear signs, don't take big risks or she will reject you forever and never want to see you again, because in her mind you came off as more aggressive than she would have liked. 

 

[Harlen Kelly]

@Preety_India

11 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

To be honest, most suggestions on this thread are rapey. 

It's all about what men want and how fast they can close it. 

Not at all thinking about what the woman might want or what she might be thinking of you in her mind 

 

Most threads on this subforum guide men to take it quite aggressively. Out of the excessive insecurity of being friendzoned. 

Try it and see. 

If a woman turns away when you are trying to kiss, it may not be because she doesn't like you, but maybe because she finds you too sexually desperate, and desperation tells a woman that's its not the best idea to submit to that kiss

Like I said try it. And in most cases a woman will pull away and you'll simply take it as rejection whereas she was only trying not to be too uncomfortable and probably turned off by sensing the desperation to hurry up things. 

 

You guys don't know how to be gentle and still be masculine without being a feminine friend to her. In your mind masculinity is taught as being aggressive and getting what you want. 

For a lot of women, "get what you want" kind of men register as a threat physically or sexually. 

You people just don't understand female psychology. You need to make her feel safe, not insecure. 

Making her feel insecure will backfire badly  if she is a healthy self assertive self assured woman. 

 

She will move away from a kiss that wasn't a part of her plan. 

If a woman really wanted a kiss she will give you signals and leverage. There won't be a bag sitting in between. She wouldn't make you feel unsure about a kiss. 

In fact she will give clear signs and you'll have absolutely no problem with kissing her unless you got problems of your own to work out. 

If she is not giving clear signs, don't take big risks or she will reject you forever and never want to see you again, because in her mind you came off as more aggressive than she would have liked. 

 

Fatuous take. 

[Vzdoh]

I think this boils down to the ability to read another person's verbal and non verbal clues and signs. Having that and genuine empathy helps a lot in reading others. 

Personally, if a guy asks me about if he can kiss me, it tells me two things, both negative and both will put me off of him. 1) he obviously cannot read me to actually see if he can, 2) he is insecure in himself to take initiative abd the lead as guys should. 

It only works if it's actually a playful statement where he asks but already going in for a kiss or when u kissed already and this is teasing/flirting. 

My BF asks me at the end of every date if he sees me again. And we are officially BF and GF. I find it charming, cause it is coming from a genuine place and it tells me he does not take me for granted. 

As for coming to guy's place = she wants sex. This is absolutely not true. For example, in lockdown in Singapore, restaurants stopped serving drinks at 21:30 and since I had a flatmate, I went to the guy's place to have another drink and I flat out told him that I am not ready for sex and need to get to know him better. And he took it of course the wrong way and started forcing me. I left and expected an apology. It never came. So I blocked the guy. Ability to read the other and communicate is the key. Don't assume stuff. 

[mivafofa]

21 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

She will move away from a kiss that wasn't a part of her plan. 

Oh interesting.. never thought of it that way

Quote

If a woman really wanted a kiss she will give you signals and leverage. There won't be a bag sitting in between. She wouldn't make you feel unsure about a kiss. 

In fact she will give clear signs and you'll have absolutely no problem with kissing her unless you got problems of your own to work out. 

Yes very very true.. I really do give all the clear signs when I'm ready. But that's also why I feel it's silly when they ask whether I want it or not.  It's like Now that you've asked, congratz you've just turned me off. I can't help but think he's being either a wuss, or just an idiot for not getting the obvious signs.  Pardon my judgement. 

Quote

If she is not giving clear signs, don't take big risks or she will reject you forever and never want to see you again, because in her mind you came off as more aggressive than she would have liked. 

I also agree to this, it can be quite frightening when a man confuses assertiveness with aggression

[Preety_India]

Just now, mivafofa said:

Oh interesting.. never thought of it that way

Yes very very true.. I really do give all the clear signs when I'm ready. But that's also why I feel it's silly when they ask whether I want it or not.  It's like Now that you've asked, congratz you've just turned me off. I can't help but think he's being either a wuss, or just an idiot for not getting the obvious signs.  Pardon my judgement. 

I also agree to this, it can be quite frightening when a man confuses assertiveness with aggression

Yes a lot of men sadly don't understand this part 

They try to be aggressive instead of assertive..

Its one thing to be manly and assured about yourself and your needs in place and another to exert and pressure those needs on a woman, imposing your will as a man on her. 

The former is seen as confidence the latter is seen as aggression and lack of sensitivity. 

 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, MatteO22 said:

This sounds mildly rapey. I know of several situations where this didn’t apply in the least . 

If she says No then you stop.

It's not complicated. Go for a hard No. Make her reject you or accept you.

It's pretty obvious if she doesn't want you.

[mivafofa]

1 hour ago, Shin said:

She lets you be alone with her in your/her apartment = she wants you to fuck her

I usually invite men that I only consider friends lol. If you're at my home, then you're already friendzoned.. it might be just me though
 

14 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

As for coming to guy's place = she wants sex. This is absolutely not true. For example, in lockdown in Singapore, restaurants stopped serving drinks at 21:30 and since I had a flatmate, I went to the guy's place to have another drink and I flat out told him that I am not ready for sex and need to get to know him better. And he took it of course the wrong way and started forcing me. I left and expected an apology. It never came. So I blocked the guy. Ability to read the other and communicate is the key. Don't assume stuff. 

Urghh This is horrible. ?‍♀️ what a lunatic