Getting over a girl you really really like that rejects you, trauma related

[electroBeam]

I've been doing some courses on the deep mechanics of relationships and attraction on a more subconscious level. What's fascinating is we tend to look for partners that remind us of unresolved traumas of our past. We seek to resolve those traumas through being with that partner, or exposing ourselves to that partner. When the other person rejects us, we get really hurt by it, because it triggers the trauma again in us. It kinda reinforces the trauma, makes it seem more real. If they accept us, it makes it seem less real.

I'm wondering, how do you release this trauma when the other rejects you? How do you kinda make yourself more aware that the attraction with the other person has got nothing to do with how special that person is, but more to do with you trying to heal yourself of something that hurt you in the past. How do you kinda explain that to your subconscious mind.

Specifically, I've realized in myself that the girls I'm attracted to, tend to be girls who I believe have the potential to make me feel valued and important. I seem to have had a past where people didn't value my ideas, contributions, my boundaries, my beliefs, my views, my needs and wants. And so I tend to date girls that have a very motherly figure who tend to like to be the boss. I enjoy when a girl gets me to do tasks, or asks me for help, because it makes me feel like a valuable contributor to her life, and appreciated and respected. I also tend to be super attracted to girls that do the exact opposite, persistently not value me at all, and go out of their way to prove it, and I just keep getting burned over and over. Its like im addicted to keeping the trauma in my system.

Edited June 9, 2021 by electroBeam

[Preety_India]

You need to work on self esteem. 

You're exhibiting codependency traits 

I used to have that whereby I wouldn't see any problem if a guy bossed me. 

But I worked on my self esteem in the past 6 months and I'm over it. 

Now I want to be with men who care about me. 

(since I don't know much about your past dating history or dating psyche, I'm throwing shots in the dark. I could easily be wrong)

 

Edited June 9, 2021 by Preety_India

[SamC]

Let yourself feel what you feel

[Human Mint]

I don't think being atracted is about trauma at all.

You seem very attached, that's why it hurts when you get rejected imo 

[Eren Eeager]

King is back? ?

Shadow work is essential. Work on the basics.

[tatsumaru]

7 hours ago, Preety_India said:

You need to work on self esteem. 

You're exhibiting codependency traits 

I used to have that whereby I wouldn't see any problem if a guy bossed me. 

But I worked on my self esteem in the past 6 months and I'm over it. 

Now I want to be with men who care about me. 

(since I don't know much about your past dating history or dating psyche, I'm throwing shots in the dark. I could easily be wrong)

 

Do you feel that female submissiveness (i.e. "punish me master") is related to self-worth trauma or is just a personal kink/preference. I had a girlfriend who was really into bdsm, but was also cutting herself and hated herself and so I am wondering if both go together, because I kind of enjoy it, but wouldn't enjoy it that much if I knew it was actually an expression of trauma.

Edited June 9, 2021 by tatsumaru

[Windappreciator]

@Human Mint yes indeed, when someone tortures you in a dungeon for couple months you will feel traumatized because you are attached to your dignity and health and well being.

[Preety_India]

@tatsumaru I'm still very submissive even if I remove the trauma part. 

I will never really know. It's sort of a mystery. 

 

 

 

[Javfly33]

It's all very fucking simple.

Either you love yourself, or you hate yourself.

As long as you don't slowly elevate your vibration from hate to love, you will keep suffering this things.

You are creating everything.

[Applegarden8]

14 hours ago, electroBeam said:

I've been doing some courses on the deep mechanics of relationships and attraction on a more subconscious level. What's fascinating is we tend to look for partners that remind us of unresolved traumas of our past. We seek to resolve those traumas through being with that partner, or exposing ourselves to that partner. When the other person rejects us, we get really hurt by it, because it triggers the trauma again in us. It kinda reinforces the trauma, makes it seem more real. If they accept us, it makes it seem less real.

I'm wondering, how do you release this trauma when the other rejects you? How do you kinda make yourself more aware that the attraction with the other person has got nothing to do with how special that person is, but more to do with you trying to heal yourself of something that hurt you in the past. How do you kinda explain that to your subconscious mind.

Specifically, I've realized in myself that the girls I'm attracted to, tend to be girls who I believe have the potential to make me feel valued and important. I seem to have had a past where people didn't value my ideas, contributions, my boundaries, my beliefs, my views, my needs and wants. And so I tend to date girls that have a very motherly figure who tend to like to be the boss. I enjoy when a girl gets me to do tasks, or asks me for help, because it makes me feel like a valuable contributor to her life, and appreciated and respected. I also tend to be super attracted to girls that do the exact opposite, persistently not value me at all, and go out of their way to prove it, and I just keep getting burned over and over. Its like im addicted to keeping the trauma in my system.

I would turn to @Emerald for more details.