4 years after my LP course, full circle back to lost (perspective needed)

[George Fil]

Perspective Needed

 

I am 34, living in Amsterdam NL,  work in Finance field and I took the life purpose course almost 4 years ago, because working in Finance was not fulfilling. My LP result '' teaching ethical business fundamentals to youngsters'' didn't do the work for me, as was not even motivating enough to get me rolling, after 3 start ups and close to burnout, I really don't even want to hear about business anymore actually. 

I thought that LP was wrong, not because the material was bad, but because of me, as I thought I didn't do much ''soul searching'' as I answered the obvious questions of the LP based on my work and life capabilities.

Actions that I did after my LP course to find it :

1. I tried to to the LP for second time, and failed miserably as I can not trust myself responses anymore, as I am biased.
2. Then I proceed with therapy for 2 years, learned a shit ton about myself, but still couldn't figure out the LP as tangible one phrase item.
3. I then tried to go through Leo's booklist and read the L. Purpose related books, again not much, as you understand questions like ''what do you enjoy doing, that time flies when you do it?'' to a person who is manager in a start up tech fast pace environment, doesn't do the work, here time flies for even things I hate doing.
4. Then I experimented for passion with few other interests for a couple of months: like poetry blogging and stand up comedy, again nothing that I felt that was it.
5. I did psych trip with truffles, enquiring with my greater self for my LP, he said ''nothing matters'', which I understand from spiritual way but didn't do the work in a pragmatic way.
6.  I even decided to go with the flow and let it find me for 1 year, again nothing happened, except I started getting in touch with playing music again as hobby.
7. I even paid for the strength tests of Gallup & high5, to validate my strength points, but with no purpose & big picture, are useless.

My lifestyle: I do cardio twice per week, I meditate daily. My diet is vegetarian. I trip in psychedelics occasionally. 

My hobbies now: Playing bass psych rock genre with some friends. 

Current emotional state: Recovering from nihilism I fell the last year, in process to create my own meaning. I am not blaming anyone or the product for me being lost, I made a promise to myself to find it, I just feel paralysed and dissapointed that  in my 34 years could not still to figure it out. Do i do something wrong? Even when I hear Leo in the video mentioning the LP, I feel so guilty & useless that I failed to do so. 

 

[Alex_R]

1 hour ago, George Fil said:

Perspective Needed

 

I am 34, living in Amsterdam NL,  work in Finance field and I took the life purpose course almost 4 years ago, because working in Finance was not fulfilling. My LP result '' teaching ethical business fundamentals to youngsters'' didn't do the work for me, as was not even motivating enough to get me rolling, after 3 start ups and close to burnout, I really don't even want to hear about business anymore actually. 

I thought that LP was wrong, not because the material was bad, but because of me, as I thought I didn't do much ''soul searching'' as I answered the obvious questions of the LP based on my work and life capabilities.

Actions that I did after my LP course to find it :

1. I tried to to the LP for second time, and failed miserably as I can not trust myself responses anymore, as I am biased.
2. Then I proceed with therapy for 2 years, learned a shit ton about myself, but still couldn't figure out the LP as tangible one phrase item.
3. I then tried to go through Leo's booklist and read the L. Purpose related books, again not much, as you understand questions like ''what do you enjoy doing, that time flies when you do it?'' to a person who is manager in a start up tech fast pace environment, doesn't do the work, here time flies for even things I hate doing.
4. Then I experimented for passion with few other interests for a couple of months: like poetry blogging and stand up comedy, again nothing that I felt that was it.
5. I did psych trip with truffles, enquiring with my greater self for my LP, he said ''nothing matters'', which I understand from spiritual way but didn't do the work in a pragmatic way.
6.  I even decided to go with the flow and let it find me for 1 year, again nothing happened, except I started getting in touch with playing music again as hobby.
7. I even paid for the strength tests of Gallup & high5, to validate my strength points, but with no purpose & big picture, are useless.

My lifestyle: I do cardio twice per week, I meditate daily. My diet is vegetarian. I trip in psychedelics occasionally. 

My hobbies now: Playing bass psych rock genre with some friends. 

Current emotional state: Recovering from nihilism I fell the last year, in process to create my own meaning. I am not blaming anyone or the product for me being lost, I made a promise to myself to find it, I just feel paralysed and dissapointed that  in my 34 years could not still to figure it out. Do i do something wrong? Even when I hear Leo in the video mentioning the LP, I feel so guilty & useless that I failed to do so. 

 

Maybe you would be interested in starting a family

[Thought Art]

Try going to social events and getting involved in projects with people. I think life needs to be danced with. 

I also took the life purpose course. I think I found my life purpose, but it isn't tangible for me given my circumstances. So now I am just working to develop basic survival. Another purpose will come. I have a purpose to teach qigong as well, which I can see as being promising once I have more life mastery. 

I am also beginning to accept that life is sort of just repetitive and mundane. I am here, I can't escape. I have to live now. 

[Leo Gura]

@George Fil Your failure is good feedback that you need to reframe as just one step closer to finding your passion.

So what? Your initial LP turned out to be unaligned with you. If you reflect on it you should be able to see WHY it failed, WHY it was unaligned -- and make corrections for the future.

Failure is a good thing in business. It teaches you valuable lessons. Very rarely does your first or even third attempt at business succeed.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how passionate are you about teaching business fundamentals to youngsters?

If you are genuinely passionate about a topic, failure at launching a business should not reduce your passion for it.

Sounds like your true passion is music but you are too scared to pursue it. Or it is too obvious for you to admit it to yourself.

[Space]

@George Fil Your commitment to finding and developing your purpose is admirable and not a lot of people have the kind of drive you clearly have.

I just want to reassure you that your situation is not uncommon. I personally had a similar experience. I completed an entire music bachelor's degree (3 years) to only loose interest in it after I had finished. I realised it wasn't what I wanted to do. I know you said you have an interest in music, I'm not commenting on that, i'm just explaining my situation. Music could absolutely be a fruitful path for you.

I then spent another 1.5 years trying to start an online business through Amazon. Had some mild success but nothing substantial - so I let it go. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of hours were put into those two things, and they were both dead ends for me.

I then spent another year feeling depressed and without any purpose whatsoever - applying to random jobs I didn't care about.

But then one day I realised that people literally get paid for drawing and making images. I'd always had a mild interest and some skill in drawing and illustration, but I didn't make the necessary connections. That possibility literally did not exist for me. Now its my number one priority.

But its really important to realise that your purpose/life/career etc is created by you, not discovered like you're trying to uncover a hidden treasure box. I only realised my life vision by trying a bunch of shit that didn't work and then completely and whole heartedly committing to creating that thing I can put 10k hours into. Because it is a creation. You have to be the sculptor of your life.

The process that you are going through, trying lots of things and failing, hitting dead ends etc, is the very process of finding your purpose. Keep going man! You got this! 

[Leo Gura]

@Space Awesome

[George Fil]

Thank you @Leo Gura@Space@Thought Art for the input.

 

I am doing a retrospection on what went wrong as Leo suggested and I think it boils down to be too ethical/logical, and not going with the gut. Is like dismissing the ambitious charming ideas for more pragmatic ones, I am like ''ofcourse I want to help unprivileged youngsters with business education'' but on the other hand, it bores me to death reading advanced financial business models again.

My LP, feels like a shallow morality helping the ''kids'' because is generally accepted as good thing, like a Christian that goes to church because is supposed ''good thing to do'' but not because of his personal choice. Is like I put  too much weight on how society will judge my decision, really got outplayed by my subconscious sneaky ''blue stage'' upbringing.

Will focus on creating some music for now, as an experiment, as I get good vibes from that, although thinking myself as artist is so absurd for my ''ego'' to grasp it.

[Space]

@George Fil I also forgot to mention that I spent 5 years playing in a band in my early 20s only for us to finally realise we weren't good enough and it wasn't going to work. But there was a long period of time where my life plan and purpose was to be in a band. So lots of trying stuff and lots of failure. 

Also don't forget that many of us have many 'potential' life purposes. I could spend 10 lifetimes each with a completely different career focus. So a strong component of creating this life is having the courage to let go of a bunch of different paths and basically just pick something that feels right. And if you try that and it doesn't work, then you go again and choose another path.

[Thought Art]

I have been struggling with the idea of age and the time and effort it takes to really master something, and the odds that that pursuit will work out. This is tough stuff. I am 25 now, and I realize that I will only get older as I go through life. Life purpose is still important to me, but first I think I need stability and a better income, clearer mind, and more self love. I feel kind of scared of reality right now tbh. But, I will persist. 

The pursuit of music is inherently enjoyable, so enjoy that

and maybe read some books on self image to improve that aspect! 

Edited June 8, 2021 by Thought Art

[ItsNick]

4 hours ago, Space said:

You have to be the sculptor of your life.

Amen

Life is a work of art

 

[George Fil]

@Thought Art About the time, is freaking me out too. If Harrari is right on the ''21 lessons for the 21st century'' then we need to face that the simple jobs that you master in short time will be eliminated in the next decades. That probably will increase any career transition timeline by years.

So the scenario will go like this, you will have tech complex jobs that you need years of study, as for simple tasks side hustles like ''uber drive'' and ''pizza delivery'' will get automated. So there would not be any short term solution for simple task work. Then lets hope Universal Basic income will come for the rescue, cause the issue of technology + climate change will through billions of ''non specialized labor workers'' out of the window. 

Edited June 8, 2021 by George Fil

[Leo Gura]

15 hours ago, George Fil said:

it bores me to death reading advanced financial business models again.

THIS is the problem.

You need to find something you ACTUALLY enjoy doing.

You can't succeed in something you find boring. This is the definition of lack of passion. Boring means: this isn't meaningful to me.

What are you ACTUALLY passionate about? What gives you joy to do?

[StarStruck]

15 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

THIS is the problem.

You need to find something you ACTUALLY enjoy doing.

You can't succeed in something you find boring. This is the definition of lack of passion. Boring means: this isn't meaningful to me.

What are you ACTUALLY passionate about? What gives you joy to do?

Is it possible that there is nothing meaningful for a person? I'm a nihilist.

[George Fil]

17 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

THIS is the problem.

You need to find something you ACTUALLY enjoy doing.

You can't succeed in something you find boring. This is the definition of lack of passion. Boring means: this isn't meaningful to me.

What are you ACTUALLY passionate about? What gives you joy to do?

@Leo Gura I get what you are saying Leo, but I am thinking Cal Newport's ''so good they cant ignore you'' as I become craftsman on Finance modeling and accounting the last 10 years, my career capital is significant & satisfaction will get better as I get even better. At least now, I've started applying for jobs in non profit organizations that I can use my skills to empower the ones in need, not to make another rich fucker, richer.

The passion of music (bass guitar) will take years but I can keep it on side until I am semi pro in my late 30's. (Thinking out loud)

[Matt23]

Another perspective from Peter Drucker:

• "People can be skilled in things that don't align with their values.  This is a mistake.  If you ever have to pick between what you're skilled at versus what you value, stick to your values." 

[Bob Seeker]

Maybe try taking it in pieces

maybe for purpose ask: what is the one feeling that if I had, I would be happy forever? And then ask what is that feeling connected to for me?

Maybe for domain of mastery ask: what is my favorite way of pursuing that thing/feeling?

Maybe for domain of mastery ask: what is a unique or exciting medium that would work with the above?

 

[Nobody_Here]

@George Fil Forgive me for being Captain Obvious, but if you're passionate about music and good in Finance, why not blend your strength and passion and work in the music industry? You don't have to work a 9-to-5. Jay-Z is a businessman who started Roc-A-Fella and Roc Nation -- that's the reason why he's a billionaire, even more so than his musical talent.