The Goddess Kundalini

[Dumuzzi]

I was wondering whether anyone else had experienced Kundalini as a Goddess.

During the initial stages of my awakening, during 2011-2012, I experienced Kundalini as a serpentine energy, as descibed by most people and classical works on the subject. During the latter stages, the sensation became physical and whenever Kundalini was active inside me, I experienced a black serpent wriggling around in my body, along the spine, gradually rising ever further upwards and bumping its head against energetic blocks in my body in a rhythmic fashion.

When the serpent got stuck, just above the heart chakra and couldn’t push its head through the knot found there, I experienced intense chronic chest pain, heart palpitations, neurological symptoms, such as memory loss and slowness of movement.

I then prayed for divine intervention and the Goddess appeared to me in person, performed shaktipat on me, then united with me energetically and allowed me to experience enlightenment, a breakthrough at the final knot at the top back part of the head (I believe this is called Brahmarendra, the cavity of God), which broke with an audible cracking noise. Then, liquid light came roaring in, I expanded in all directions in an ecstatic bliss and became boundless and all-knowing, at least for a short while. In that state, I felt universal and understood everything about reality, universe, life, or whatever else you can think of. When i eventually returned to my body, I only retained a tiny portion of the knowledge I had access to in the universal state. I also felt constrained and suffocated by my own body, but I gradually returned to normal consciousness.

The Goddess aspect of Kundalini is rarely emphasised, or if so, usually only in abstract terms, but I wonder how many people have been visited by her as a living Goddess and how common this is?

I found a reference in the book of essays, Kundalini Rising, by Lawrence Edwards, whose experience closely mirrors my own. I’m not sure how much I can quote from his work, before triggering the copyright bots, so I’ll try to quote only the most succinct sections, that are most relevant to this point.

Chapter:

Kundalini  Her Symbols of Transformation and Freedom LAWRENCE EDWARDS, PHD

THE GIFTS OF MAHA KALI  

“ Once a renowned author who had written about Kundalini came to meet my guru, Swami Muktananda. Baba, as my guru was known, was revered for his exalted visions of the Kun- dalini and his rare ability to give shaktipat. The author, too, had visions of Kundalini, but to him she appeared quite unimpressive, looking like an ordinary woman, not like a God- dess at all. As he waited outside the room where Baba was receiving visitors, he was astonished to have a vision of the Goddess Kundalini herself entering the room where Baba was—only this time she appeared in her most regal and resplendent form, magnif- icent and awe inspiring … Baba, he asked why it was that she appeared so ordinary to him, while for Baba she came as the Goddess of the Universe. Baba replied simply, “Because I worship her.” …

The intense practices I began doing culminated in a series of meditation experiences in Baba’s ashram meditation hall during a weekend retreat in 1982. Various forms of the Goddess began appearing fully and spontaneously in meditation, as real as any person standing in front of me. I worshipped each in turn, trembling and awestruck as I did and only able to do so because of the strength the Shakti gave me in the moment to withstand Her Divine presence. Goddess after Goddess appeared until finally Maha Kali was present there before me. I prayed with all my heart to be able to stay conscious. Her skin was blacker than black, like deep black velvet in a darkened room. Yet in some miraculous way Her form was radiant, revealing Her own richly magnificent blackness. A thought ap- peared in my mind: “My God, this is Kali! She’s the Great Mother, Goddess of the Uni- verse, creator and destroyer of all that is!” But She was in the most exquisite, beautiful, loving form, not the fearsome presence She is usually depicted as having. This was Her hidden form. I did the only thing I knew to do: I did puja to Her, an ancient Indian form of worship, while shaking with a mixture of fear, awe, and overwhelming love. Tears flowed down my cheeks. Then the Goddess came forward and embraced me, wrapping Herself around me. Everything slowed down. I could feel myself gradually merging into Her, and I could hear Her laughing the wildest, most ecstatic laugh! We disappeared from the ordinary world. My awareness shifted, and I could see the whole solar system with all its planets, and then stars and galaxies being withdrawn into Her. The entire universe was merging into Her, and all the while it was merging, the infinitude of the cosmos rever- berated with Her ecstatic laughter. Finally, I disappeared into Her as I dissolved into infi- nite Light and Love, and then into a nothingness beyond even that, beyond the mind, be- yond any duality of experience. There simply was no “me” left; I was gone, gone, gone be- yond. …

The experience ended; feeling profoundly grateful, I bowed to my inner guru, my Goddess Kundalini. This had all unfolded as a re- sult of shaktipat from my Siddha master, Muktananda Baba, years earlier, and my prayer to know the highest form of worship of Kundalini. Complete worship merges you with the one you worship. Through worship and prayer, the Goddess reveals the mysteries of Her creation to Her creature: the seeker—you! …

No words can describe how overwhelmed and truly awestruck I was by the appearance of the Goddesses classically depicted in the chakras, followed by Maha Kali Herself. These were the Goddesses that Kundalini manifests, as well as Her primal form as Maha Shakti, the great power, that takes the form of Maha Kali, the Black Goddess. It is this highest power that dissolves the universe as She merges into the sahasrara, creating it once again as She descends from that transcendent realm. …

Just as the aspects of Divine Consciousness were being presented to my awareness sym- bolically in the forms of the Goddesses, in the same way the union with those Divine forms was symbolized by sexual union. Readers familiar with the experiences of mystics of many spiritual traditions will recognize that this is a common way for union with the Di- vine to express itself. Very often the Tantric traditions, both yogic and Buddhist, that deal with the Divine Feminine depict union in this way. Carnal symbolism and the experience of that form of symbolic merger in meditation are often confusing for people, especially Westerners, who take it literally.

From: Kundalini Rising: Exploring the Energy of Awakening. Sounds True Inc. Short Excerpts from pages 294-298 “

So, this is really interesting to me, as it is so close to my own experience of Union with the Goddess and her many visits to me. Maybe it is a bit esoteric (on in other words, Tantric), but I would really like to hear from others who may have experienced this.