My deadbeat dad friend

[Andrew John]

Just looking for people's take on this.

Someone whom I have known for 25 years has not since his children for 3 years. Me and a couple of others friends tried to speak to him about this and he mainly deflected and blamed his ex (whom we know well) and even the children themselves whom are now teenagers. We know he is just being lazy because it would have been difficult for him to be an active father and he never seemed to have much energy. 

He was my lodger for 3 years and I allowed him to have his children once a week to my inconvenience, and I did that for him. Now he has to stand on his own to feet he is to up to it and that really gets to me. 

I want to make sure I am not making unfair judgements but i want nothing to so with him anymore and its difficult because we were close.  If I man does not show love for his children I find it inconceivable as I had step daughter whom I raised for a few years who I can no longer see because I have no legal rights nor permission. 

Am I right to cut ties with this guy? 

[Preety_India]

@Andrew John Yea you can cut off with him. 

Whats the point of keeping things with him anyway if he is not going to change. 

He also comes across as a person who would bother others with his issues. Not a good company. 

Cut his drama out of your life completely. 

I had a person like that in my life who was constantly dragging me into his drama, he would not see his child and complain about his ex non stop till it became a headache to deal with him and his constant whining and to make matters worse, his ex was nothing like what he described, she was a hard worker who was raising his child all alone and was a good mother. 

I was constantly being dragged into it by expecting me to help him, I also helped him many many times, but I got frustrated and tired 

 He wouldn't change his attitude and it was getting increasingly difficult to keep dealing with his lack of responsibility and general disrespect for everything. 

He was a great inconvenience to the point where I was thinking whether to even continue talking to him

 

It was a huge lesson in the end to not invite such people into your life because they make your life really difficult. 

I had to let him go and I feel extremely free and happy after letting him go 

 

 

[Andrew John]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

@Andrew John Yea you can cut off with him. 

Whats the point of keeping things with him anyway if he is not going to change. 

He also comes across as a person who would bother others with his issues. Not a good company. 

Cut his drama out of your life completely. 

I had a person like that in my life who was constantly dragging me into his drama, he would not see his child and complain about his ex non stop till it became a headache to deal with him and his constant whining and to make matters worse, his ex was nothing like what he described, she was a hard worker who was raising his child all alone and was a good mother. 

I was constantly being dragged into it by expecting me to help him, I also helped him many many times, but I got frustrated and tired 

 He wouldn't change his attitude and it was getting increasingly difficult to keep dealing with his lack of responsibility and general disrespect for everything. 

He was a great inconvenience to the point where I was thinking whether to even continue talking to him

 

It was a huge lesson in the end to not invite such people into your life because they make your life really difficult. 

I had to let him go and I feel extremely free and happy after letting him go 

 

thanks for the insight. 

To be honest he does not drag me into his drama. I wanted to help him but he feels that he is doing the right think by abandoning his children. Thats what I cant get past. 

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

 

 

[intotheblack]

The way I see it is there are these options: 

1. you continue as you are and accept him 

2. you have an intervention with him, tell him exactly how you feel and what you don’t like about his behaviour. Tell him he needs to step up and take responsibility.  See how he responds. 

3. Distance yourself from him and eventually cut him out of your life if he’s not willing to change. 
 

usually this type of person needs a wake up call. 

[Andrew John]

10 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

The way I see it is there are these options: 

1. you continue as you are and accept him 

2. you have an intervention with him, tell him exactly how you feel and what you don’t like about his behaviour. Tell him he needs to step up and take responsibility.  See how he responds. 

3. Distance yourself from him and eventually cut him out of your life if he’s not willing to change. 
 

usually this type of person needs a wake up call. 

sounds about right. Thanks. 

[Preety_India]

@Andrew John even though he is not dragging you into it, it is still a form of unnecessary drama you're dealing with 

[Harlen Kelly]

@Andrew John If you can't accept him unconditionally for who he is right now then cut ties with him.