In retrospect, I had my first awakening when I was 7. I was sitting on my folding bed, looking at the painful wound on my knee. A thought popped out of nowhere "What if this is not real? What if this painful wound is an illusion?" Then my sense of reality changed. I suddenly experienced existence as a dream. I felt I was in a dream. Then more insights flooded my mind. "I am actually in a dream. I have always thought this world is real. But everybody and everything knows this is an illusion. Even this folding bed knows it is inside a dream. The biggest culprits of all are my parents. They have pretended all along they are real, and my experiences are real. My parents exist to fool myself into thinking I and my experiences are real, when this is all an illusion. I am in a dream." Then I felt tremendous horror. Then I thought to myself "Why am I having these thoughts? And why do I feel I am in a dream? Am I crazy? But I was not crazy yesterday?" The feeling of having gone crazy intensified the horror I felt, then my mind went blank. I was traumatized by that experience, I buried it in my soul for almost 30 years. I dug deep into my childhood in my entire twenties to understand why I had severe anxiety and depression, and completely broken. I had uncovered all or almost all "traumatic" memories except the "I am in a dream" memory. I recovered this memory only last year (2020) or early this year. I am sure it was triggered by Leo's claim that "Everything is imaginary". I was a normal kid. I liked toys and played with other kids. I was even an "alpha" kid. I dominated and bullied other kids my age ?. But there was something different about me. I was extremely curious about everything, especially nature. I was always wowed by trees and grasses. Every time I went out with my older cousins to hunt birds in the forest, I felt I was in paradise. I remember one time, I was playing with the other kids in a field and found a beautiful greenish brown grasshopper. I was very fascinated by it, I stared at it the entire afternoon. All the other kids left me because it was already dark, after spending many hours in the field. But I remained there, deriving tremendous pleasure staring at the grasshopper.    I am now amused by that "I am in a dream" childhood experience, especially that many deeply spiritual humans claim that existence is a dream, not real. I feel it in my soul as an intuition that I really am in a dream. But somehow, I can't accept it to be true. I still have doubts about it. I am open to the possibility that I am just deceiving myself. If I experience that "I am in a dream" childhood experience again, maybe or probably I will finally take it as truth.