Healing Unworthiness

[28 cm unbuffed]

Hey guys.

First of all, I would like to share with you my background. I'm a single child, raised only by my mother, who is a narcissist. As you may realize, that caused a lot of damage to my psyche. I wasn't unaware of my true value and felt like shit for almost my whole life, until my spiritual awakening. but still - there are some unresolved issues and one of them is unworthiness.

Not sure how to go about it, really. Whatever I did, whatever I achieved it is still there. 3 steps forward to then make 3 steps backward. And I'm not saying about life and self-development in general here. I am aware that's how it works. But here it's different - every time I make some kind of progress I get to this barrier, this invisible wall that I can't get through. Over and over again. I reached perfection in whatever area of my life I wanted to improve and yet - it persists, It just sucks me back in the black hole of feeling like shit, self-sabotage, you name it.

I am aware, that it might be caused by some situation in my life, where I made an assumption about myself, some kind of trauma that made me think about myself that way. But I can't get to the root cause of it. I'm sick and tired of all of it - I feel like a hamster in a hamster wheel, repeating the same process over and over again without any result whatsoever. 

Edited May 31, 2021 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Javfly33]

There's no single root, really. It's a mixture of genetics (imaginary), childhood, education, environmental coincidences, etc.

Have you tried working with psychedelics specifically for this issue? My last lsd trip was shockingly healing.

Firstly I would suggest to start inspecting your thoughts.

What kind of thoughts you have that make you feel unworthy/hate about yourself, in your daily life? 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Javfly33

Yeah, psychedelics is something I use for my growth and will for sure address that issue too using them. 

About thoughts - I'm not sure, maybe I'm not even aware of them, most of the times I find myself looking for some escape mechanisms, like smoking, shopping, binge eating, when there is something important to do. And it's not just out of procastrination, as I am really productive and disciplined person overall. It is usually connected to earthly things, like material stuff. It's weird, as these things should be my first and main concern.

[Javfly33]

1 hour ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Javfly33

Yeah, psychedelics is something I use for my growth and will for sure address that issue too using them. 

About thoughts - I'm not sure, maybe I'm not even aware of them, most of the times I find myself looking for some escape mechanisms, like smoking, shopping, binge eating, when there is something important to do. And it's not just out of procastrination, as I am really productive and disciplined person overall. It is usually connected to earthly things, like material stuff. It's weird, as these things should be my first and main concern.

What I mean how is it that you know you have a feeling of unworthiness

[TDLH]

On 5/31/2021 at 1:13 PM, 28 cm unbuffed said:

I wasn't unaware of my true value and felt like shit for almost my whole life, until my spiritual awakening. but still - there are some unresolved issues and one of them is unworthiness.

I don't think psychedelics are the answer.  Yes, they can help with awareness, but the feeling of unworthiness usually stems from deep seeded beliefs and trapped emotions from your childhood. 

You may want to look into the ManKind Project 48 hour “New Warrior Training Adventure”.

I did it 15 or 16 years ago and it was one of the best thinks I did back then.  I was 45 years old at the time; lost, angry and felt unworthy.

I did a lot of new age stuff, therapy and spiritual work for 5 years before stumbling on the “New Warrior Training Adventure”. 

The training adventure basically does deep shadow work that digs deep into your core beliefs and mental hang-ups.  They use a lot of “Indigenous Rites of Passage Rituals" that will take you to the edge of where your inner traumatized child is hiding, and then use modern psychological healing modalities to transform the inner child into a competent, self-loving, worthy Man.  A "New Warrior" that is in touch and in balance with his masculine and feminine energies.

Here is the link: https://mankindproject.org/new-warrior-training-adventure/

Note: this training is not for everyone. If you have huge mental disorders and addictions I suggest you seek a qualified therapist instead.  If you are deep Spiral Dynamics stage Blue orientated, this training may really conflict with your deep seeded belief systems.

But if you are open minded and willing to experience some very old indigenous Rites of Passage rituals with modern psychology inserted into it, then this may help you unlock some of your deep seeded childhood traumas and feelings of unworthiness.

They also assign a support person that is available to you after the intense Training, and there are bi-monthly men’s groups available around the world to help you integrate your new found thoughts, beliefs and emotions.

Just a suggestion!

Edited June 3, 2021 by TDLH