Detaching from the beliefs and motivations

[Lincisman]

So I started reading Byron Katie book and started to question some of my stories and beliefs about myself and reality. Here is there it gets confusing.

My problem is this: firstly, I identify  thoughts behind my negative feelings:

" I feel bad about myself because I have not accomplished anything in my life and I have no skills to provide value"

Then I investigate the underlying belief about that thought which might be:

" I should accomplish something big in life and achieve my goals" After that I use four questions to deconstruct this belief:

Question #1:  Is it true?

Answer: Yes, I think it is true.

Question #2:  Can I absolutely know that this is true?

Answer: No because I haven't,  so it is not true (True in this context is what is reality or what exists). And in general sense it is not necessary that I should or must.

Question #3: How do I react, what happens or feel when I believe this thought?

Answer: It makes me feel useless. I feel inferior and makes me feel bad about myself and my abilities.

Question #4: Who would I be without the thought?

Answer: I would feel freer and more relaxed. I would have more confidence and energy about what I do. I would have more motivation and feel happier. I would be more centered and present.

Then the turnaround happens:

" I should accomplish something big in life and achieve my goals" -> " I shouldn't (I don't have to) accomplish something big in life and achieve my goals"

The idea is that I just love what is. The story that I should is not true and contradicts the reality and therefore cause me all the suffering and discomfort.

And at this point I  am afraid to lose motivation for this goal because the belief is that I should and it feels that I will never attain it if I get rid of it.  As far as I understood the motivation for any actions after the belief is destroyed,  is love- you do it because you love reality as it is( but I'm not getting there either. )

And this is hard for me to grasp. On the one hand I have a belief that really doesn't feel good. On the other hand I need that goal because I want to have big accomplishments. I feel like if I don't have this belief then I can't accomplish anything.

Also if I just love and accept what is, I feel that I would just sit and do nothing.

So how do you solve it in your own mind?

(Another belief question to be investigated and put on 4 questions  is " I am responsible for my life" I seems that it doesn't hold to true for second question and now tell me, tell me : how is this empowering ? )

P.s

Leo, don't forget to eat organ meats on a carnivore diet

 

 

[OctagonOctopus]

The story that you should or shouldn't do anything is not true. But what if you replaced it with could? 

You could love and accept what is, if you want. I would do it as otherwise is suffering. The more you can love the more you just feel great unconditionally. Why would you not want that? 

Could you be happy if you never achieved great things? You see, if you let go of the belief that you have to achieve great things, then you can be happy regardless of if things go the way you want or not. You realize you could achieve anything you set your mind to, and you love what is, no matter the outcome. 

If you highest desire is being here in the Love of Now, then you can just flow with life. Doing whatever the heart wants. 

[JosephKnecht]

3 hours ago, Lincisman said:

So I started reading Byron Katie book and started to question some of my stories and beliefs about myself and reality. Here is there it gets confusing.

The Technique of Byron Katie is useful for resolving past trauma and shadow work. You should ask those questions about things that have happened in the past. It should not be used for planning your future.

If you are looking for motivational techniques that will help plan your future, there are other motivational techniques that can help you with that. 

[Lincisman]

So what OctagonOctopus is saying is that I can love and accept what is and that in this case means letting go of my attachments to should and shouldn't thoughts (as they are ultimately not true and cause me suffering).

Instead I can say  : " I could ( want to)  accomplish something big in life and achieve my goals" which is very different and probably much more  healthy motivation for my actions. I'll have to think about it more.

23 minutes ago, JosephKnecht said:

The Technique of Byron Katie is useful for resolving past trauma and shadow work. You should ask those questions about things that have happened in the past.

I'm not really sure about that because there is a chapters in her book about underlying beliefs and self-judgements that  indicates that The Work can be applied more broadly. Sure I can be wrong.  

Thank you for the answers.

Edited May 30, 2021 by Lincisman

[X_X]

You're reading the wrong book. It's Peter Ralston you need. 

You didn't achieve any empowerment or freedom from the attachment because you remain identified as the self "X" that needs thing "Y". It's a matter of simple survival principles. 
To free yourself from "needing Y" and the suffering that comes from not having it, you must become a self that doesn't need Y. A self where Y is irrelevant.

Right now you think you're someone who when isn't accomplishing goals suffers as a consequence. What needs to happen to free yourself from this struggle, is the realization that any suffering you experience is something you are doing right now . Unless you realize that, you're gonna remain stuck in the belief that needing Y is just a natural need of yours that when lacked, you suffer. Agreeing that you're doing it isn't enough, it only works when you experience / become conscious that you're doing it. Once you become conscious of that, relief, freedom and detachment follow naturally and instantly (because at that moment you realize you're not self X that needs thing Y) 

Edit:
To become conscious of yourself doing it, you need to contemplate deeper. In your case, after 
" I should accomplish something big in life and achieve my goals",
you need contemplate what lies under that. Why do you think that's true? Why do you need it? What are you trying to avoid? What's behind that belief? What would happen if you didn't?" What's its purpose? 

Contemplate (in a focused meditative state ideally) the origin of that belief / neurosis. Don't try to figure it out through thinking, but allow yourself to experience / feel it with a wondering attitude and intent to understand it and understand what lies under it and where it's coming from and why. Hold this questioning attitude for the duration with a genuine belief in the possibility you can become conscious of what lies under it.  Keep questioning and going deeper.  You'll know you're there when you experience great relief

Edited May 30, 2021 by X_X