Intuition Or Strategy In Dating?

[AJoyfulSound]

Having a life issue that relates with many of the topics discussed by Leo- authenticity, life purpose, intuition, culture, masculine/feminine energy...I need help figuring this out and I don't know where else to turn. It goes like this- I'm a 36 year old woman. I'm not married and don't have kids. I believe that I want to be a wife and mother but I can't tell if it really is my deepest desire or if it's just because society sends a message that if I end up an old maid I'm basically a failure. I adore children and that makes me feel like being a mother really is what I must do to self actualize. It feels like the most profound thing I could do with my life.  But that could just be because I've been told by society to value that. So, my first problem is how to figure out the difference between what I truly and deeply value and what society values. It's harder than I thought it would be to make that distinction. The reason this is on my mind is because I have developed close feelings with a man who is 10 years younger and doesn't want to settle down. However we have a special connection that would undoubtedly be worthwhile to explore. In the past I have had relationships with men who didn't want to settle down and told me so, but I had the relationship anyways and ended up growing enormously from it. I'm faced with the same choice now again and I don't know what to do. To walk away from this relationship feels counter-intuitive. But I am developing this feeling of shame and humiliation...like there must be something wrong with me that I settle for these kinds of relationships rather than find a relationship with a man who will make a lifelong commitment to me. I feel like it's part of my feminine nature to seek commitment, and that denying that reality would be foolish. Last night I talked about this with the man I'm seeing. He brought it up and I was glad to talk about it at first....but now I feel awful. He told me he wants to be in my life but that because of my age he's afraid he will hurt me if he realizes I'm not the one because I will have wasted 2, 3 years when time is not exactly on my side. Hearing him say these things that I believe are true made me slip into a very emotional low consciousness state. I felt like I was suddenly in a trance. I got upset and told him I wanted to be alone. Then he got angry and stormed out. Ever since then I just feel sick to my stomach. To summarize, I am caught between two of Leo's videos- the first is "how to be strategic" and the other is "how to listen to your intuition." If I am strategic, I will not see this man and will only date men who want to settle down. If I follow my intuition, I will explore this relationship or any relationship that feels inspiring even though I know it will distract me from my ultimate goal. And then there's the other issue of whether this really is my goal or if I'm just scared to go against society. Right now I'm just very confused and suffering.

[Zane]

I feel like for dating, there needs to be a strong balance between being strategic and intuition! Dating can be whatever you make it and it can be a trial and error process where you meet guys you connect to or guys where you feel no spark with! I'm in my early twenties and I'm looking at the present and also the future! Instead of seeking out relationships, I'm experimenting with creating a social circle of true friends. I realize that it's perfectly fine to be single whether you're a male or female because it frees up a lot more time, it gives you plenty of time for contemplation, and it allows you to balance both intuition and strategic thinking. It's fine if the man doesn't want to settle down and it's fine for you to discover your authentic goals and go against society. Dating can be very confusing and counterintuitive! I'm focusing on detaching from the need to dating and marriage and focusing more on cultivating close friendships. I honestly don't really care if I'm a bachelor for life! What matters is that I focus on creating my own unique social circle rather than looking for the One! I realize that there are many best friends out there rather than one ideal person! Maybe you can read more about the issue you're dealing with and be both strategic and intuitive about solutions! 

Edited November 7, 2016 by Zane

[Live Life Liam]

15 hours ago, AJoyfulSound said:

Having a life issue that relates with many of the topics discussed by Leo- authenticity, life purpose, intuition, culture, masculine/feminine energy...I need help figuring this out and I don't know where else to turn. It goes like this- I'm a 36 year old woman. I'm not married and don't have kids. I believe that I want to be a wife and mother but I can't tell if it really is my deepest desire or if it's just because society sends a message that if I end up an old maid I'm basically a failure. I adore children and that makes me feel like being a mother really is what I must do to self actualize. It feels like the most profound thing I could do with my life.  But that could just be because I've been told by society to value that. So, my first problem is how to figure out the difference between what I truly and deeply value and what society values. It's harder than I thought it would be to make that distinction. The reason this is on my mind is because I have developed close feelings with a man who is 10 years younger and doesn't want to settle down. However we have a special connection that would undoubtedly be worthwhile to explore. In the past I have had relationships with men who didn't want to settle down and told me so, but I had the relationship anyways and ended up growing enormously from it. I'm faced with the same choice now again and I don't know what to do. To walk away from this relationship feels counter-intuitive. But I am developing this feeling of shame and humiliation...like there must be something wrong with me that I settle for these kinds of relationships rather than find a relationship with a man who will make a lifelong commitment to me. I feel like it's part of my feminine nature to seek commitment, and that denying that reality would be foolish. Last night I talked about this with the man I'm seeing. He brought it up and I was glad to talk about it at first....but now I feel awful. He told me he wants to be in my life but that because of my age he's afraid he will hurt me if he realizes I'm not the one because I will have wasted 2, 3 years when time is not exactly on my side. Hearing him say these things that I believe are true made me slip into a very emotional low consciousness state. I felt like I was suddenly in a trance. I got upset and told him I wanted to be alone. Then he got angry and stormed out. Ever since then I just feel sick to my stomach. To summarize, I am caught between two of Leo's videos- the first is "how to be strategic" and the other is "how to listen to your intuition." If I am strategic, I will not see this man and will only date men who want to settle down. If I follow my intuition, I will explore this relationship or any relationship that feels inspiring even though I know it will distract me from my ultimate goal. And then there's the other issue of whether this really is my goal or if I'm just scared to go against society. Right now I'm just very confused and suffering.

I really hope this video helps you out. I know society can be a very hard thing to overcome but ask yourself, do you want to survive or do you want to live?

Also realise that even if you do leave the relationship you did not waste your time. Every choice is the right choice and every path is the right path.

STOP guilting yourself. Stop being self hating towards yourself. Realise right here and NOW your not anything that has happened to you or ever will happen to you.

It goes into detail in the video advice on overcoming your fears so you can make the right choices. 

Edited November 8, 2016 by Live Life Liam

[Bizarre]

@AJoyfulSound I don't know you, but I think there a lesson in here somewhere.  And I think the lesson is you are required to take charge of decision making in your life.  Resolve your doubts and act and then learn from the action you take.  It looks like you are afraid to make a choice for yourself - yeah I know it looks like you imagine yourself to be independent but reading between the lines you re split between all these damned "authorities" that you think hold the answer.  None of those ideas hold the answer for you right now, you hold the answer and life is presenting an opportunity to master this aspect right now.  Unless you learn to do this, master the developmental milestone of making a choice and throwing caution to the wind, then you will be stuck with this situation until you do whats required of you.

 

Edited November 8, 2016 by GTITurbolover

[avk123]

On 11/7/2016 at 9:45 PM, AJoyfulSound said:

Having a life issue that relates with many of the topics discussed by Leo- authenticity, life purpose, intuition, culture, masculine/feminine energy...I need help figuring this out and I don't know where else to turn. It goes like this- I'm a 36 year old woman. I'm not married and don't have kids. I believe that I want to be a wife and mother but I can't tell if it really is my deepest desire or if it's just because society sends a message that if I end up an old maid I'm basically a failure. I adore children and that makes me feel like being a mother really is what I must do to self actualize. It feels like the most profound thing I could do with my life.  But that could just be because I've been told by society to value that. So, my first problem is how to figure out the difference between what I truly and deeply value and what society values. It's harder than I thought it would be to make that distinction. The reason this is on my mind is because I have developed close feelings with a man who is 10 years younger and doesn't want to settle down. However we have a special connection that would undoubtedly be worthwhile to explore. In the past I have had relationships with men who didn't want to settle down and told me so, but I had the relationship anyways and ended up growing enormously from it. I'm faced with the same choice now again and I don't know what to do. To walk away from this relationship feels counter-intuitive. But I am developing this feeling of shame and humiliation...like there must be something wrong with me that I settle for these kinds of relationships rather than find a relationship with a man who will make a lifelong commitment to me. I feel like it's part of my feminine nature to seek commitment, and that denying that reality would be foolish. Last night I talked about this with the man I'm seeing. He brought it up and I was glad to talk about it at first....but now I feel awful. He told me he wants to be in my life but that because of my age he's afraid he will hurt me if he realizes I'm not the one because I will have wasted 2, 3 years when time is not exactly on my side. Hearing him say these things that I believe are true made me slip into a very emotional low consciousness state. I felt like I was suddenly in a trance. I got upset and told him I wanted to be alone. Then he got angry and stormed out. Ever since then I just feel sick to my stomach. To summarize, I am caught between two of Leo's videos- the first is "how to be strategic" and the other is "how to listen to your intuition." If I am strategic, I will not see this man and will only date men who want to settle down. If I follow my intuition, I will explore this relationship or any relationship that feels inspiring even though I know it will distract me from my ultimate goal. And then there's the other issue of whether this really is my goal or if I'm just scared to go against society. Right now I'm just very confused and suffering.

Im not going to give you advice, we are all facing crap on our own and we are not professionals. 

Best I can advice is seek a professional counselor if you are really serious about the relationships you have in your life.

It can be a therapist who can help guide yourself to what you really want. 

Best of luck,