Control vs Letting Go

[EmJay]

I just watched the latest the Actualized.org video "How Modern Branding Exploits & Abuses You" and man its so valuable. I urge you to watch it if you haven't. 

It reminded me of some insight I wrote in my journal not long ago. and thought I could share it with you, here it goes:

 

Let me tell you my story with the barber shop, I go to this barber shop for a while now. There are 4 men who cut hair, me being the kid I am. I go there, whoever is empty I sit. Until one time I got a bad haircut, and I went back to them after a couple of days to fix it and almost shaved my head (not really, just had to get a really short haircut) now when I went there, I was angry, one of the barbers asked me to sit, and I cashly (straight forward without hesitation)  said to him I don’t want to. And I went to the person that I know can fix my haircut, I sat there mad, and he told me one thing which cant be more true. He said: Its your fault that you went and sat on that barbers chair. To this day, I stopped sitting with the barber that ruined my hair. But I still sat with other barbers that I did not want to cut my hair. (and got bad haircuts  ) and I would say to myself things like: they're not that bad!, maybe this time they'll do good with my hair, now apart of that is actually true, but I can confidently say that 90% of why I sat where I don’t want my hair to be cut is because of shyness, because I did not want to make anyone feel bad at all, yes to this degree and its obviously toxic.

In the video Leo talks about how being a people pleaser is of course Not the highest Love and it enforces the devilry qualities in people. One of the most egoistic qualities I found to be enforced by people pleasers is this:  (another insight from my journal)

This leads us to another problem with a lot of people In general, which is: when you give someone something (whether its time, or money..etc.) they start expecting it from you every and all the time. And that is just dumb, so dumb if you think about it. Ego makes us dumb and illogical, and the worst thing about it, it makes you believe that you’re right. We can take this deep example of a person dying at the age of 30 lets say. And instead of realizing the true nature of life that every human life will end in death, he does not accept that he's dying, because he really expected to live a long life, he might even get mad which is so dumb, getting mad with god, forgetting, totally forgetting that god gave him 30 fucking years of life. If god did not give him life at all he would not have complained. You see?. So back to our problem, we shouldn’t be so naïve to fall into this trap, yes we are humans and it feels bad when a friend don’t invite us to an event, or when someone stops talking to us, but we have to understand that it reached beyond our control, and this where we should let it go.

There are things that "belong to us", and here is where we should make our own decisions. ( like which barber I sit with) and there are other things that simply don’t belong to us, and so we shouldn’t try to control. (like: a friend ditching you, its your choice to talk to them or not, but if they don’t wanna talk back its 100% their choice! They don’t owe you shit!)

I've always been that shy person that didn’t want to "hurt" anyone. And when I got to self-development and heard that you should let go instead of trying to control, I thought I was doing the right thing. however, I was too far towards the end of the spectrum, and the ego is so sneaky when it justify itself.

One of the core things I learned in life is to find balance, and this applies everywhere. (in this example: yes don't be be an asshole, but also don't be a doormat.)

Find balance between Controlling and Letting Go

 

Thank you for reading

Edited May 30, 2021 by EmJay