How do I delude myself into believing I'm not ugly

[Onecirrus]

Every time I look into the mirror I want to dowse myself in gasoline and light myself on fire. I was born with a benign vascular tumor above my upper lip and was bullied throughout all of school for it (I actually had it surgically removed at 15 but that didn't change a goddamn thing, I'm still ugly without it.). I've literally never had any sort of relationship and I don't think I ever will, which really fucks with my self esteem so I'm super uber arrogant to compensate. I want to delude myself into thinking I'm not ugly not because I want sex or a relationship, but because I think it will drive me to suicide if I don't. It is like a fucking curse that has haunted me since I was born, it isn't a belief, it is reality, it is so real I think it is hurting my business, I think people are ruder and less compassionate toward me because of it, I think its why I could never make friends. How can I just deny it and then deny my denial of it?

I'm 23 btw

[Kambido]

Don't deny it, just make it your past. I love your post, i can relate to it in so many different levels. I'm the type of fool that people say "your beautiful" but never have i seen it... at this point i don't give a fck. Who cares my dude... who cares what the answer to your question is. Just keep continuing to be you. All this i'm ugly or not is pointless. Some will think you're ugly asf or some may find beauty... even if that's few. Who cares though. I can get any laid i want... but what is the point. I understand how it gives me some privilege's like people liking me... but crap, i like people that are real, bc i feel fake bc of the acceptance, so be you, bc i will respect that and need you to exist. As a person others call beautiful ... i need you to call me ugly. Understand that my dude, i need you.  

[Harlen Kelly]

@Onecirrus Let's assume you are objectively ugly as a thought experiment, what is fundamentally wrong with being ''ugly'' if you stop deriving your sense of self from your appearance? 

[mivafofa]

I'm a big believer that 

imperfections we all have, but we also have compensation.  

And the more you lack in smthg, the more you're compensated elsewhere.

You probably have smthg extremely unique, a strength or many, perhaps smthg that is so natural for you that you don't even consider it as a strength - so ingrained in you, you didn't even notice. I bet you oversee your exceptional qualities and disregard the greatness within you. Maybe appearance is just not where you need to focus anymore... Maybe look is just not your fight and you could try to learn to let it go.  If you manage though, you could gain quite an advantage from the rest of us, because now you won't waste your time looking at the mirror like 90% of us are doing.  You'd have more time, more focus and mental energy to make inner growth and/or work on some skillsets you want.

[Barbara]

The way you lay things is mainly the cause to your suffering, not being whatever you are.  

“How do I delude myself into believing I'm not ugly”

Do you want to be deluded? How do you want to believe in something that you know it’s not true? How do you think that’s gonna play for you? 
That’s no remedy, friend. It will solve nothing. 

I would say firstly to start looking for something in other people other then beauty. Explore there. Engage with every type of people and be attentive to what might be so special about them that surpasses beauty. Maybe do that exercise in you!

Besides that I would work on reshaping two types of understanding there. 
If you notice, nothing happens to you outside of your understanding. For exemple, the same unpleasant situation can generate different reactions for different people. Why do you think that is?

I think it’s because our entire world is ruled by our perception and understanding of it. And if you let that sink in, it’s a game changer. Because you realize you have and had the power and responsibility of shaping your reality. And that’s only by doing adjustments in the mind. 
With that comes the second understanding, your self image. Once you established the above you can apply it to your liking and you can try it also with your self-image. It’s the way we perceive ourselves, physically, emotionally and every other aspect. Notice that is not the “way we are”. What does that even mean actually? What we are is not static, it’s differently perceived by others and by ourselves at the same time and so will always be relative, at least in my understanding of it. So I would stop looking for the objective and absolute reality of being beautiful or ugly, cause there’s no such thing. 

Into books? There’s this one Psycho-Cybernetics that was written by a plastic surgeon that started to spot patterns in people’s self perceptions after the surgery. And some people after the surgery were objectively beautiful according to beauty standards, but that did not moved an inch their self perception. 
Doesn’t that tells you something? Explore what that might be. 
You can also check Leo’s video about self image. It’s great. 
 

Changing this would be a life savior for you. The effort is 100% worth it. Be patient and committed.  

Edited May 30, 2021 by Barbara

[mandyjw]

 

[JonasVE12]

It all matters until it doesn't. If you would go out into the world and everyone would love you, think you are amazing, and when you would feel powerful and alive, you'll come back home, look in the mirror and you'll fucking love your face. It's not really your face and appearance, it's your sense of powerlessness and weakness that gets projected onto it. We all need our reasons for why we can't. It's all self-deceptive projection and confirmation bias. Post a pic of your face here, for real. Do it. Start releasing this shame here and now by posting that pic. What emotion comes up thinking of posting a picture here?

Go out in the world and find ways to become powerful. From what I sense from you is that you are scared of women, so go become powerful and grow courage to approach. Stop the bullshit excuses such as 'I'm ugly' and do it. Find other ways to feel powerful as well. Go learn self-defense. Hit the gym. 

[MatteO22]

14 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

Every time I look into the mirror I want to dowse myself in gasoline and light myself on fire. I was born with a benign vascular tumor above my upper lip and was bullied throughout all of school for it (I actually had it surgically removed at 15 but that didn't change a goddamn thing, I'm still ugly without it.). I've literally never had any sort of relationship and I don't think I ever will, which really fucks with my self esteem so I'm super uber arrogant to compensate. I want to delude myself into thinking I'm not ugly not because I want sex or a relationship, but because I think it will drive me to suicide if I don't. It is like a fucking curse that has haunted me since I was born, it isn't a belief, it is reality, it is so real I think it is hurting my business, I think people are ruder and less compassionate toward me because of it, I think its why I could never make friends. How can I just deny it and then deny my denial of it?

I'm 23 btw

Hi there. I’m truly sorry about your struggles. If you wish to receive some words of wisdom, the only thing that’s going to work is sitting with the trauma and discomfort of it all without a need to turn away.

 

If you perceive yourself to be ugly, it is because you have felt that others in your life have turned away from you. As a result and adaptation we start turning away from ourselves as a way of matching the behaviour that has imprinted us on the inside. So feel the pain, feel the shame, and dare not to turn away. Embrace yourself and break the cycle of shame by being the first person that dares to witness you fully, no matter how ashamed you’ve come to be of your own beauty. 

[BlackMaze]

There are always things you can improve. Work on them. Work on your health, fitness, emotional stability, traumas and spirituality. If you feel good inside you will radiate outside. Work on yourself so much that you feel so good that your eyes are like flames revealing your soul. Everyone will see beauty in you no matter how you look. Work on each insecurity one by one taking every step you can take to change everything you can change and accept fully everything that you can't. 

[Zion]

Change your understanding of what ugly means, only then will you truly resolve this issue.

Consider that physical beauty is subjective & it's irrelevant to your capabilities. 

I've met plenty of what-society-standardizes-as-"ugly" people, that aren't ugly at all. 

Chang your understanding of ugly & it won't bother you anymore.

[IAmReallyImportant]

Maybe you can save money for a major face surgery. I mean really, at least it would give you hope.

Or try to concentrate on career, become enlightened etc. Shift priorities. 

[JonasVE12]

1 hour ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

Maybe you can save money for a major face surgery. I mean really, at least it would give you hope.

You should read the book 'Psycho-Cybernetics'. It is written by a cosmetic surgeon who reported that after so many years of doing cosmetic surgery on patients, rarely would it be effective in satisfying their expectations. People would still feel ugly, or they would find something else to project their sense of unworthiness onto. 

But yeah, I guess it would be better than being apathethic about the issue. Maybe even in the end, he can see that it had nothing to do with his appearance after all. 

[EnlightenmentBlog]

The same way you delude yourself you're ugly.

[Leo Gura]

Take psychedelic and let it show you how beautiful you are.

The delusion is thinking you are anything other than infinite beauty.

What you seek is Truth. Delusion is what causes your suffering. Truth is Love, and Love will set you free.

Your fundamental problem is that you lack connection to metaphysical Truth and Love.

This is an opportunity for you to discover profound Truth and Love.

[Preety_India]

You aren't ugly. 

 

[RendHeaven]

On 5/29/2021 at 6:08 PM, Onecirrus said:

it isn't a belief, it is reality, it is so real I think it is hurting my business, I think people are ruder and less compassionate toward me because of it, I think its why I could never make friends.

Lies

[Karmadhi]

On 5/30/2021 at 3:08 AM, Onecirrus said:

I think its why I could never make friends

Dude i know a guy with 1 arm that is super popular and has way more friends than some other good looking guys i know. Regarding friends, respect, admiration etc looks play a very small role. I would say for us guys it is so small it is not worth talking about. I despise the notion "looks do not matter to get girls" but when it comes to making friends, even friends with girls i have to agree that they do not matter. If you are really insecure then try to maximize your looks (workout, good haircut, glasses if they fit you, good clothes etc). What really matters to make friends is your attitude, social skills, being funny, positive, empathetic, uplifting etc. I am 5 8 in height and most of my close friends are taller than me, some way taller. They never treated me with disrespect, made fun of me etc because of the way i behave. If you wanna be liked and respected, behavior is like 95 percent of the equation. 

 

 

[diamondpenguin]

Get plastic surgery I guess. Or grow hair to cover it up. (Just ideas)