Depersonalization

[SaaraSabina]

Hi! 
I’ve been dealing with depersonalization since December of last year. I got sick and went trough trauma. Since then I’m not able to be present. It’s like I’m detached from myself. It’s a really painful existence and I’m so tired of this.
 

Anyone else have this experience? How did it stop? 
 

Besides this I also experience a lot of physical pain and other symptoms that interfere with my daily life.  

[BipolarGrowth]

I would suggest reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. This should help with your situation in general.
 

Once you have a good understanding of that or if you already currently do, you can try to use your physical pain as a portal, per say, into the present moment. If you focus enough on such an intense sensation, it will fill your focus. You will be present if you do not allow yourself to use distraction techniques to change your focus from the painful sensation. This is the nature of pain. It is hard to ignore. 

 

So now, your whole present moment experience is filled with pain. If you stopped there, it would feel like a failure. Next, you need to use his techniques and suggestions to bring yourself away from judgment of that sensation. As soon as you can sit with your pain without judging or even labeling it as pain or negative, this will give you a tool to help handle these hard times. 

[fopylo]

@SaaraSabina Oh man, I know what you're talking about. It's a fucking disturbing state to be in. From my experience you need to integrate yourself more so that you can feel more centered, here, flowing with life and experiencing without running away into fantasy. And so I found that the best way for me was through mindfulness with labeling. Leo has a great video on it, highly recommend!

Just want to say that mindfulness was perhaps the most life changing thing I've experienced to this point. I certainly felt more like a child, flowing through life, experiencing what is without too much label and running away. This is still mind-blowing me today!

[Flowerfaeiry]

Do you like being in nature? Also, a therapist may be helpful in this situation.

[OctagonOctopus]

I find getting out and doing some kind of physical activity can be really important for dealing with depersonalization. Get out of the mind for a bit and use your body. 

[The0Self]

2 hours ago, OctagonOctopus said:

I find getting out and doing some kind of physical activity can be really important for dealing with depersonalization. Get out of the mind for a bit and use your body. 

^^

Meditation is probably not the best thing right now.

[SaaraSabina]

I would love to do more physical activities but my heart rate is insane and this makes me scared to do so. I’m paralyzed with trauma and the physical pain is so bad at times that I’ve just want to throw myself into a wall to make it end. 
 

Don’t know what’s going on, but if I didn’t have this feeling of depersonalization it would be easier at least. 

[Eternity]

Have you tried The Sedona Method or seen the course?  I've seen it online, not sure if it is for free or just discounted.  I bought it used and it's a simple method of learning not to resist things that most of us would resist.  The saying "what you resist persists" is very true.  Resisting pain, whether mental or physical will prolong that pain.  The Sedona Method teaches in steps starting with small things and building up to just letting go and letting them float away.  There are some yt videos introducing the lessons.  I think I went through all the CDs in 1 or 2 evenings.  It also reduces anxiety due to teaching you to let go of trying to control your problem (a typically egoic thing to do).

Edited May 29, 2021 by Eternity

[SaaraSabina]

I will look at it. Been doing breathing exercises, wim hof method. I do try to work out, even though not as before. It’s very easy to tell someone that what their doing is an act of ego. Of course it is. I’m not just going to sit and watch my life drain away. I was physically well and strong, I did have my issues many of them but I was full of energy and will. Now I’m like a ghost of my formal self and it’s scary. I might be wrong but I think most would me scared and frustrated.

[OctagonOctopus]

@SaaraSabina

I would suggest going to see some kind of therapist. Especially if you feel you keep getting paralyzed by trauma.

Perhaps do some light activities that don't increase heart rate a lot? 

Wim Hof breathing I found very useful for dealing with feeling paralyzed with trauma. I think it is good that you are doing that. 

When did this depersonalization start? What seems to bring it on? 

 

 

[SaaraSabina]

2 hours ago, OctagonOctopus said:

@SaaraSabina

I would suggest going to see some kind of therapist. Especially if you feel you keep getting paralyzed by trauma.

Perhaps do some light activities that don't increase heart rate a lot? 

Wim Hof breathing I found very useful for dealing with feeling paralyzed with trauma. I think it is good that you are doing that. 

When did this depersonalization start? What seems to bring it on? 

 

 

I got Ill. Had an infection in my lungs and while having it I started to feel this depersonalization, it’s like a wall between me and myself I’m not able to get trough. I feel scared of everything. It’s like my personality is gone there’s nothing. This came to be initially when I got sick, a few days in eating antibiotics not feeling any better I read something in my journals and it was written in such a way that I thought it was a death sentence. So I panicked really, planned what was going to happen with my kid called everyone and was living petrified for a few days. It was huge trauma. After that nothing has been the same. Even my appearance is changed, I’ve aged at least 5 years by now. And ever since I’ve had pain in both my neck, throat, heart rate issues and headaches every single day. Also infections coming and going. 

[OctagonOctopus]

@SaaraSabina

Did you do anything to rebuild the bacteria in your gut after taking the antibiotics? I remember that being something that changed my mood significantly. 

I have been threw times where it feel like being consumed by disassociation and pain. It is important to be kind to yourself, tell yourself it is ok. The truama feelings need to be eased into with caring attention, understanding how it connects to the all the thoughts and the feelings in the body. 

Going to see someone who specializes in some kind of body therapy, like massage, would probably be a good idea for you. Having someone work on your body at a feeling level helps rejuvenate stagnant traumatic energy. Would still recommend going to talk to someone, sometimes you can even find a practice that does both. 

 

 

 

[SaaraSabina]

I’m working on it with diet changes and kefir, and supplements. Yes seeing a physiotherapist within a few weeks to start. 

[OctagonOctopus]

@SaaraSabina

That's great 

I loved making my own kefir, it is fun experimenting with different ingredients. It took a couple months for me to notice any changes with it, helped my digestive problems a lot.

[Podie45]

Hey man, I had bad depersonalization as well. I have a copy of the Depersonalization Manuall if you know what that is, and I guess I can recommend it. However, for me, I cured it with Wellbutrin. It's actually like an antidote... whenever I get a DP relapse it gets rid of it within days.

I cannot guarantee that wellbutrin will work for you since my DP seems to come from hormonal issues instead of anxiety but it's a tool that you could consider. Better than the SSRIs you may be thinking about trying I'll tell you that.

[kras]

Ist Depersonalization part of spiritual awakening?

[Grateful Dead]

48 minutes ago, kras said:

Ist Depersonalization part of spiritual awakening?

On 28.5.2021 at 9:52 PM, SaaraSabina said:

How did it stop? 

If depersonalization occurs after trauma usually it stops after you find the root of your trauma and face it. To do this you should be as stable as possible, otherwise it could get worse.

So working with a psychotherapist is a good start to find some balance and investigate your emotions deeper.

[Matt23]

Here's another resource.  David Treleaven is a psychotherapist who is really involved in mindfulness.  Specifically, he noticed that, through his mindfulness training, some people with trauma histories were being given poor advice when issues came up in their practice.  They would often be told things like "just sit with the pain and it will heal."  He noticed these guidings can exacerbate trauma symptoms, and trauma needs to be approached differently in meditation. So he developed this new approach to mindfulness which is "trauma-sensitive".  

Here's a little clip.  

 

And his website.  https://davidtreleaven.com/

He's also got a book: https://www.amazon.ca/Trauma-Sensitive-Mindfulness-Practices-Safe-Healing/dp/0393709787/ref=sr_1_1?crid=376PR3SA5YBXL&dchild=1&keywords=trauma-sensitive+mindfulness&qid=1622476226&sprefix=trauma-sensiti%2Cstripbooks%2C233&sr=8-1

 

 

Edited May 31, 2021 by Matt23

[Matt23]

22 hours ago, kras said:

Ist Depersonalization part of spiritual awakening?

I heard Daniel Ingram (he's an author on Leo's book list.  super knowledgeable and experienced enlightened meditator.  very down to earth) speak about the difference between dissociation (which is, I think, probably different than depersonalization) and detachment.  He thought those two things were often difficult to really distinguish. 

Also, here's Shinzen Young's perspective on depersonalization-derealization disorder and enlightenment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zIKQCwDXsA

I also got a chance to speak with Shinzen briefly.  I asked him about a similar issue I had.  He said that depersonalization is when the fear or negative states that can come with an enlightenment persist long after the awakening.

From the extremely little knowledge and experience I have, it seems to me that depersonlization is almost like enlightenment taken badly.  And isn't necessary for enlightenment.  They might even be two very separate things requiring very separate approaches to overcome and deal with.  In this case, I'd suggest ideally seeing if you can find a therapist who is experience with non-duality as well as the basic therapeutic/psychological models.  

Michael Taft, according to Shinzen, apparently cured DPDR.  So asking him about it might help.  

[cigologic]

I was able to work through depersonalization with help of a therapist. During that time I also read/listened to a few authors mentioned in this thread. I suggest to check if it's possible to find a therapist that specializes in trauma. The one that helped me only had partial training and focus on trauma specifically yet still it worked, however. Be easy on yourself and know that recovery is possible.

Edited June 1, 2021 by cigologic