I'm a pathological liar

[iceprincess]

I was always somewhat aware how much I fibbed and lied but I kind of realize how big of a problem it is now. I've lied about so many useless things that don't matter and even some big things. I sometimes exaggerate stories or make up some elaborate stories about things that have never happened. My main issue is that I have lied to one guy I've been obsessed with for many years. I've mostly just lied to him about guys that I have dated that have never even existed, to make it look like I'm not obsessed with him. But to make sure those stories seem realistic I've had to make up extra side stories and relay them to people he might corroborate those details with and I'm just sick and tired of all these calculations I've had to make. what's even more frustrating is that this guy does like me and I've realized that if I was 100% real with him he would have liked and respected me even more. I wish I could go back but now I just seem like a psycho if I were to confess everything. How do I come back from this? How do I explain myself, what do I do? 

[ivankiss]

You made the first (and biggest) step. You admitted it to yourself.

I'd say you're in for a ride if you wish to eliminate the bad habit. It will not happen over night. Start with radical self-honesty. Your relationship towards others will eventually change too. But the relationship you have with yourself is far more important.

As a side-note; I'd look into self-judgement and any deeply rooted insecurities. Those are likely to be the source of your lies. Also; trauma.

Best of luck.

Edited May 28, 2021 by ivankiss

[Preety_India]

Do shadow work to look for trauma 

 

 

[Sunchild]

Liar's Paradox warning...

[ivankiss]

3 minutes ago, Sunchild said:

Liar's Paradox warning...

Please elaborate.

[BipolarGrowth]

In the short term:
I would suggest that you learn to incorporate less details into lies. The more information you give, the more chances for a mistake to be caught. 
 

Beyond that, the best thing to do is to just start being honest. Now. Or as early as possible. And maintain that honesty unless full honesty would put yourself or someone in actual danger. You have to build the muscle of saying honest shit you’d rather not. The more you use it, the easier it gets. 

[Zeroguy]

@iceprincess Find another guy. Lots of fish in ocean. 

Losing your mind for nothing, really. 

Edited May 28, 2021 by Zeroguy

[ivankiss]

2 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

@iceprincess Find another guy. Lots of fish in ocean. 

Losing your mind for nothing, really. 

Terrible advice, sorry.

Jumping into a new relationship without working on this issue would result in disaster. It would be the same shit as the previous relationship and worse.

I've been in a very similar relationship as described. Except I was the one being lied to consistently. I cannot describe you the pain of the heart-break.

You don't wanna keep doing that to people. Grow up and work on your shit before you go playing with other people's hearts.

[Zeroguy]

If she is about to start fresh with new values, behaivor etc well do it properly. 

Maybe you will find guy that shares them too and you will actually easily recognize that now. 

He is so special, no he is not. 

[Preety_India]

@Zeroguy what's gd

[Zeroguy]

@Preety_India

@Hulia gaved you answer.

Well she owes me some of them too. Didn't forgot. 

[Kambido]

Funny thing here is you've realized your lying is pointless but you want to change bc you don't want to lie to him anymore bc he accepts you. Understand why that's significant. Your lies seem to be a cry for acceptance and liking from what you've said. With him, if it's long term, he will eventually catch you if he's not a total dunce. So there is two things you can do, come clean now, or come clean when he catches you. Either way you can say sorry i just wanted so bad for you to accept me and i was scared. If he cares enough, he'll accept either way. If you stop lying now, he may never catch you, and if your conscious okay with that, then leave it as it is. If you can't handle that, you will eventually have to let it out. But, in the future it can be funny or he may get mad... i'd probably say he'd laugh at it bc you were being "cute" trying to have him accept you. There are many outcomes, but who cares what happens in this situation... figure out why you want people's acceptance so bad and realize some people will hate you no matter what story you spin... so why put so much extra effort in not being you. 

[mivafofa]

This is the story of a drug addict who practiced these 3 principles rigorously "Be authentic, Surrender the outcome and Do the uncomfortable work" and how it has saved his life + ultimately led him to become a leader. 

@iceprincess I hope it can inspire you.

Edited May 28, 2021 by mivafofa

[diamondpenguin]

2 hours ago, iceprincess said:

I was always somewhat aware how much I fibbed and lied but I kind of realize how big of a problem it is now. I've lied about so many useless things that don't matter and even some big things. I sometimes exaggerate stories or make up some elaborate stories about things that have never happened. My main issue is that I have lied to one guy I've been obsessed with for many years. I've mostly just lied to him about guys that I have dated that have never even existed, to make it look like I'm not obsessed with him. But to make sure those stories seem realistic I've had to make up extra side stories and relay them to people he might corroborate those details with and I'm just sick and tired of all these calculations I've had to make. what's even more frustrating is that this guy does like me and I've realized that if I was 100% real with him he would have liked and respected me even more. I wish I could go back but now I just seem like a psycho if I were to confess everything. How do I come back from this? How do I explain myself, what do I do? 

If you're obsessed with the dude, just be honest here. There's no reason to hold anything back, honesty breeds love. 

[Hello from Russia]

What zodiac are you, princess?

[iceprincess]

@Hello from Russia pisces

[Hello from Russia]

@iceprincess Jesus was pisces too and he lied to his parents a lot about what he was doing, so don't worry too much 

Edited May 29, 2021 by Hello from Russia

[iceprincess]

@Hello from Russia  bruh Jesus was born on Christmas... pretty sure he's a Capricorn 

[yetineti]

@iceprincess Idk why I cared to respond to all of this because I think horoscopes are outright dumb and misleading, and also that it’s not worth it to debate the birth of someone who may or may not have existed - nonetheless, from my experience, most people, including some devote Catholics I know, understand jesus was actually born sometime in the spring.

As if there was not enough controversy in religion lol.

[sholomar]

13 hours ago, iceprincess said:

I was always somewhat aware how much I fibbed and lied but I kind of realize how big of a problem it is now. I've lied about so many useless things that don't matter and even some big things. I sometimes exaggerate stories or make up some elaborate stories about things that have never happened. My main issue is that I have lied to one guy I've been obsessed with for many years. I've mostly just lied to him about guys that I have dated that have never even existed, to make it look like I'm not obsessed with him. But to make sure those stories seem realistic I've had to make up extra side stories and relay them to people he might corroborate those details with and I'm just sick and tired of all these calculations I've had to make. what's even more frustrating is that this guy does like me and I've realized that if I was 100% real with him he would have liked and respected me even more. I wish I could go back but now I just seem like a psycho if I were to confess everything. How do I come back from this? How do I explain myself, what do I do? 

Acknowledge there's a good chance that other people see right through these stories and know you are like this, so there's no point in even doing it. There's a guy at work who embellishes stories and it's so obvious he makes up the majority of the ones he tells, for no other reason because he said he has 1000 bitcoin, that he bought years back from the profits he made selling illegal drugs in Arizona.. if he really had that much he wouldn't be working at a factory... oh and he says he has a large hidden doomsday bunker out in the black hills of South Dakota buried under a rock that you need to use a 4 wheeler to pull out of the way to access the entrance... things like that.  He said he spoke fluent German once so I tested him on it... not a clue.

If your stories are anything like his, everyone knows  you make things up.  He always has this need to one up other people's stories to make it seem like he has the most interesting life.   Here's what you do... stop doing it, forgive yourself for doing it, because it really doesn't matter that you did it, in fact forgive yourself even if you keep doing it, because it really doesn't matter if you tell white lies if it's not hurting anybody... the real question is, is it hurting you? Is it hurting others? That's all that matters.

Oh, and about the guy, if he's taken, get over him. If he's not, come onto him very strongly and just be blunt about your interest. Either he'll respond or not, unless you really enjoy obsessing over him.  There's no point in not acting due to fear. Women can initiate.   The longer you pine over what could be, the more time you waste, and time is precious.  If he's not interested, at least you have closure. Do not spend years pining over a person. There are almost 8 billion people on the planet. You'll find somebody else.  See Leo's video "why women fall for assholes" for some of the psychology of attraction.

Edited May 29, 2021 by sholomar