What did I do wrong with this hipster girl?

[StarStruck]

So today I rolled the dice couple of times. I did like 5+ approaches. 2 stood out. One was a very cute girl but she had a bf but we had a nice connection. And the second one was a very hot 25 year something hipster chick with stunning eyes in a smart shop (she is an employee there).

I want to talk about this chick a little bit more. We talked about LSD and I just told some stories of my trips and I think I portrayed wide range of emotions on my face, more than I would liked too; and we created a very interesting bond. Unfortunately she had a bf, she told me that I didn't ask her, but I just kept talking and said  "I would have invited you to be my trip sitter if you didn't have a bf" indicating that I'm not interested in friend zone but in the sex zone. She said they were growing apart indicating she is open to come to my home. Omg, I smelled a chance and I jumped on the opportunity asking her number. I thought I would get her number too but she said I should give her my number and she would call me. We had a little fuss about that and we parted our ways. I hope she calls me to be my "trip sitter" but my experience tells me nothing is going to happen. As I said she works in a smart shop so I can visit her again.

In the last part of the conversation I think I ruined my chance. When I asked her number she was very reluctant to say yes, so I picked up my phone out of my pocket and there were couple of moments of silence, I saw her being very fidgety in the corner of my eyes looking for pen and paper. I think it was the silence that ruined the deal? Is it ok to have silences when exchanging numbers? Well, I gave her my number but she didn't give me her number. This happens to me a lot and I was kind of insulted. What should I do when a girl does this to me again?

Edited May 28, 2021 by StarStruck

[universe]

First, you are not being insulted. Maybe you two didn't had a match, or she wasn't in the right mood, or you where not in the right mood. But it didn't seem like anyone was insulted here.

Of course it is better to get her number but sometimes that is not possible.

Then you can either say bye, ask again later or go for something like her number, instagram, twitter, facebook, whatever.

One thing you could try is to ask earlier for the number and then stay in the conversation a bit afterwards. Otherwise it may seem like you only wanted her number.

Her being in a relationship can also be a good reason why she is not giving away her number (if she doesn't want her bf to find out).

 

[StarStruck]

@universe perhaps I was hurt but I do get her position. Next time I think I will apologize for pushing her to give her number, she didn't like that and I could tell that from her face. Also I bailed right after asking her number, not getting it, me giving her my number which wasn't nice I guess.

[Bando]

You didn't do anything wrong it just happens she has a bf and was probably hesitant to make a move that might put her in the path of cheating on him.

The best time to get the number is either at the end of a small convo or after an emotional spike, (you make her laugh with a joke or some time of story ect.), don't have another convo after getting the number unless your planning on setting up an insta date, from my experience it just drags out the interaction and doesn't really add anything

[blueplasma]

Actually you should always give your number itself.. firstly it shows confidence and abundance mindset, secondly you save yourself from flakes.

[StarStruck]

45 minutes ago, Bando said:

You didn't do anything wrong it just happens she has a bf and was probably hesitant to make a move that might put her in the path of cheating on him.

The best time to get the number is either at the end of a small convo or after an emotional spike, (you make her laugh with a joke or some time of story ect.), don't have another convo after getting the number unless your planning on setting up an insta date, from my experience it just drags out the interaction and doesn't really add anything

I was so needy to get her number at the end. I think I messed it up but we will see.

[tatsumaru]

8 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I was so needy to get her number at the end. I think I messed it up but we will see.

You probably already know that, but for some reason these things tend to work out better when you don't care if they are going to work out or not. If you need her in your life you become needy, if you want her in your life you are just cool. You should only need stuff from yourself and not become a slave to circumstance or other people's whims. Try not asking for a phone at all sometimes and just say 'thanks, it was a pleasure' smile and leave and see how powerful it is for her to see you are simply enjoying her company and your life. Next time when you go there and see her again she will remember that you aren't needy and desperate and she might offer you her phone herself. Or she might not. As long as you are enjoying the ride it doesn't really matter.

Edited May 28, 2021 by tatsumaru

[StarStruck]

@tatsumaru I know abundance is very attractive to girls. This is the thing: in conversations I try "to be" instead of trying "to do". When I'm "being" genuinely disappointed, should I just suppress that? I don't know what to do with the unjustified feeling of rejection.

This "being frame" is great for being authentic but it is a double edged sword. Authenticity can attract but also repel.

[tatsumaru]

2 hours ago, StarStruck said:

@tatsumaru I know abundance is very attractive to girls. This is the thing: in conversations I try "to be" instead of trying "to do". When I'm "being" genuinely disappointed, should I just suppress that? I don't know what to do with the unjustified feeling of rejection.

This "being frame" is great for being authentic but it is a double edged sword. Authenticity can attract but also repel.

My understanding of the mating process is that not all people are compatible regardless if they are attracted to their biological suits. Therefore it's good to be rejected by the wrong people. I am not saying that everyone who rejects you or who you reject wasn't compatible, but it's important to realize that rejection can also be a friend. In business for example it's very important to disqualify customer leads who don't match the avatar of the ideal client because they are probably inquiring for the wrong reasons and will only be wasting the time of your staff. There are some people like Jordan Peterson who say stuff like "when women reject you they are implying you should not exist because they are literally saying they feel your dna isn't worth propagating" but in my opinion this conclusion is ignorant and is simply rooted in failing to understand that compatibility isn't universal. Of course it's possible to be rejected simply because you are a loser, but you can only be a loser if you aren't self-actualized. Once you realize who you are it's simply a matter of mastering the basics of good communication and seduction and enjoying life.

I am not sure that "abundance" is the best way to put it, because that implies that you are only cool because you have enough of something already which implies that you are needy in the first place and your coolness is dependent on external circumstances (i.e. you are only cool because you have money or because you date a ton of girls etc.). You simply have to uncover a reason to be excited and to enjoy life that is deeper than your relationships, friends or sex. Think of the musician who wakes up excited with a new idea about a song or an entrepreneur who is inspired to build the first electric propulsion airplane or whatever. When you are like that you are a giver not a beggar. You share your excitement and happiness with your partner rather than look to your partner for happiness and meaning. This is what's truly attractive. If you are trying to figure this out maybe check out Leo's Life Purpose course.

I totally get where you are coming from. Sometimes you are already great and did everything right and it still didn't work out. Sometimes you know you are one in a million and a girl still won't appreciate you. Sometimes you know you are special and a girl still treats you like it's okay to pass on you. You can be angry, you can be sad but realize that sometimes it's the girl's fault for not being aware enough to realize you are great in which case do you really want this relationship anyway (this goes back to my first point)? Girls are human too don't expect them to be perfect. They say shit they regret all the time too. They say no when they wanted to say yes, they say yes when they wanted to say no. A lot of them are dealing with trauma or are biased by their previous relationships or self-sabotage. At the end of the day you can't solve all that in one little meeting. I would say that you should always be genuine but that genuineness should be rooted in self-actualization not neediness. You will see that once you aren't as needy it will be okay for things to not work out with a girl because that's not what your life is all about. Girls really hate drama because it reeks of desperation. Don't suppress drama instead realize where it comes from and dissolve the whole shit (hints mentioned above). Also I would suggest to learn to release your attachment to "Yes" before you approach and rather think of it more like you are investigating if that's the right person for you or not - you don't need a Yes from the wrong person and you don't have to worry too much about a No when it's the right person because the attraction is simply too strong.

There was this one time when I met one girl online and we were perfectly or near-perfectly compatible. In all my life I've never met anybody like this before. My soul was orgasming listening to every single word she wrote. Tears of joy. We had 1-2h online chat and we were in total harmony. She kept asking stuff like "Are you still there?" even when I went away for 10 secs to check on my meal in the kitchen because we were totally hooked. At the end of all that I said that I wanted to spend more time with her and gave her my IM info and asked her to add me there now and she suddenly became hesitant. She started talking about how she isn't sure if she's ready for something serious bla bla bla, the usual spiel... So I listened to all that nonsense calmly and simply told her that I knew how she felt and how she's the kind of dreamer girl who has these high standards about the man she wants in her life but when she finally meets him she gets scared and sabotages the whole thing because deep down she's actually scared that she isn't good enough for him and so she defaults to mediocrity where she feels superior and in control. Then I went silent for a bit to allow her to process that. Now it's not important what actually happened afterwards because it was too context-specific but suffice it to say I saved the situation by letting go of the outcome and that by allowing her to go without being desperate she actually came back on her own will.

Consider this scene from Nocturnal Animals:

Now believe it or not this guy is actually not the loser in this situation, she is. She is actually madly in love with him but she dumps him because her mom keeps telling her that she needs to marry a rich guy so she dumps him and gets married for a rich guy and regrets it for the rest of her life. Our guy tells her that "when you love someone, you work it out, you don't just throw it away, you have to be careful with it, you might never get it again..." and that's exactly what happened to her, she was silly and scared and quit on her love for safety and status and she never got it again. You can actually see that when she says "You have to realize that this is not working" the way she's feeling is not at all aligned with what she's saying. She's saying she wants out of the relationship but the way her voice is trembling you know she's already aware she's making a mistake. When she says "I can't do this with you anymore Edward, I just can't" it doesn't feel like she actually means it. You can see that what she's doing is she's actually trying to convince herself of what her mommy told her even though her soul screams "BS!".

She's just immature and is too scared of disappointing her mommy and by the time she realizes it it's too late. So you have to realize that a lot of the time girls are being ruled by their fears, not by their love and when this happens you might have to figure out a way to help them realize what they are doing because if they are not careful then well... They might never get it again.

P.S.
Sorry I know this post is all over the place, it's just how I think, feel free to only take away whatever you resonate with from it. Oh and by the way check a band called ' Cigarettes after sex ' out. Listening to them helps me calibrate, they might work for you too. Slightly melancholic, mostly dreamy and carefree though. Makes you feel like it's all a movie and there's not much to worry about at all.

Edited May 28, 2021 by tatsumaru

[hyruga]

Don't compare yourself to her bf. You aren't going to win because she is with her bf for several months, if not years and they do have some connection and activities together. Unless her bf is a total jerk who beat her up constantly, you are not going to win. 

You must not be needy. Watch your RSD program again.

Edited May 29, 2021 by hyruga

[NoSelfSelf]

Asking about bf indicates you want to be one and it loses the mistery and shes working she probably doesnt want to give number she could get fired but congrats on approaches..

[tatsumaru]

2 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Asking about bf indicates you want to be one and it loses the mistery and shes working she probably doesnt want to give number she could get fired but congrats on approaches..

Asking about bf is lame, because most great girls have bfs and that shouldn't stop you, but hiding your intentions and suppressing your sexuality will just get you friendzoned. There's no mystery about what men want from women so there's no point in pretending. You have to be clear about what you want.

14 hours ago, hyruga said:

Don't compare yourself to her bf. You aren't going to win because she is with her bf for several months, if not years and they do have some connection and activities together. Unless her bf is a total jerk who beat her up constantly, you are not going to win. 

You must not be needy. Watch your RSD program again.

Girls ditch their boyfriends for new ones all the time and their current bfs don't have to be jerks or losers. It's enough for the new one to be much more compatible and then the old one has to go. We are all seeking soulmates and everything that doesn't match that is expendable from our point of view because it's probably a better fit for someone else.

Edited May 29, 2021 by tatsumaru

[Roy]

Well really you shouldn't be trying to get her number or pursue her after she said she has a boyfriend. Whether she is lying or not, or says they are growing apart. You STOP trying to advance things and respect that.

I'm surprised it isn't being said more. It's pretty selfish (and needy af) behavior to go after someone in a relationship. Subtly encouraging someone to cheat or opening up the opportunity for it as the outsider is basically as bad as the cheater themselves.

Go get your own girlfriend and don't dwell on this girl. There are always single people.

 

 

[Preety_India]

She doesn't want you that's why she was reluctant in giving her number. 

The biggest reason for this is the fact that she has a boyfriend. 

When you continue to approach despite knowing that there is a bf in the picture, you signal weakness and neediness.. 

She can sense that you want her so bad that you don't care if she has a bf. Furthermore its not good policy either. Like snatching someone. 

Anyway the chance is really low when someone is already in a relationship because it takes time to switch. Unless the bf is a horrible guy she is desperate to leave. 

 

Once a woman says that she has a bf, it's a failed chance whether her relationship is great or failing. You simply have to drop the moment a woman mentions a bf. 

 

[Roy]

6 minutes ago, dflores321 said:

@Preety_India unfortunately or fortunately (depends on how you look at it) this is simply not true.

A girl can mention her boyfriend, hell she can even send pictures of him to you and still hook up with you. 

Not the best option in my experience as it makes things complicated but totally possible. 

If you want to be a selfish scumbag devil, yes it is possible 

[Preety_India]

@dflores321 but she ain't gonna start a relationship. 

[StarStruck]

20 hours ago, tatsumaru said:

My understanding of the mating process is that not all people are compatible regardless if they are attracted to their biological suits. Therefore it's good to be rejected by the wrong people. I am not saying that everyone who rejects you or who you reject wasn't compatible, but it's important to realize that rejection can also be a friend. In business for example it's very important to disqualify customer leads who don't match the avatar of the ideal client because they are probably inquiring for the wrong reasons and will only be wasting the time of your staff. There are some people like Jordan Peterson who say stuff like "when women reject you they are implying you should not exist because they are literally saying they feel your dna isn't worth propagating" but in my opinion this conclusion is ignorant and is simply rooted in failing to understand that compatibility isn't universal. Of course it's possible to be rejected simply because you are a loser, but you can only be a loser if you aren't self-actualized. Once you realize who you are it's simply a matter of mastering the basics of good communication and seduction and enjoying life.

I am not sure that "abundance" is the best way to put it, because that implies that you are only cool because you have enough of something already which implies that you are needy in the first place and your coolness is dependent on external circumstances (i.e. you are only cool because you have money or because you date a ton of girls etc.). You simply have to uncover a reason to be excited and to enjoy life that is deeper than your relationships, friends or sex. Think of the musician who wakes up excited with a new idea about a song or an entrepreneur who is inspired to build the first electric propulsion airplane or whatever. When you are like that you are a giver not a beggar. You share your excitement and happiness with your partner rather than look to your partner for happiness and meaning. This is what's truly attractive. If you are trying to figure this out maybe check out Leo's Life Purpose course.

I totally get where you are coming from. Sometimes you are already great and did everything right and it still didn't work out. Sometimes you know you are one in a million and a girl still won't appreciate you. Sometimes you know you are special and a girl still treats you like it's okay to pass on you. You can be angry, you can be sad but realize that sometimes it's the girl's fault for not being aware enough to realize you are great in which case do you really want this relationship anyway (this goes back to my first point)? Girls are human too don't expect them to be perfect. They say shit they regret all the time too. They say no when they wanted to say yes, they say yes when they wanted to say no. A lot of them are dealing with trauma or are biased by their previous relationships or self-sabotage. At the end of the day you can't solve all that in one little meeting. I would say that you should always be genuine but that genuineness should be rooted in self-actualization not neediness. You will see that once you aren't as needy it will be okay for things to not work out with a girl because that's not what your life is all about. Girls really hate drama because it reeks of desperation. Don't suppress drama instead realize where it comes from and dissolve the whole shit (hints mentioned above). Also I would suggest to learn to release your attachment to "Yes" before you approach and rather think of it more like you are investigating if that's the right person for you or not - you don't need a Yes from the wrong person and you don't have to worry too much about a No when it's the right person because the attraction is simply too strong.

There was this one time when I met one girl online and we were perfectly or near-perfectly compatible. In all my life I've never met anybody like this before. My soul was orgasming listening to every single word she wrote. Tears of joy. We had 1-2h online chat and we were in total harmony. She kept asking stuff like "Are you still there?" even when I went away for 10 secs to check on my meal in the kitchen because we were totally hooked. At the end of all that I said that I wanted to spend more time with her and gave her my IM info and asked her to add me there now and she suddenly became hesitant. She started talking about how she isn't sure if she's ready for something serious bla bla bla, the usual spiel... So I listened to all that nonsense calmly and simply told her that I knew how she felt and how she's the kind of dreamer girl who has these high standards about the man she wants in her life but when she finally meets him she gets scared and sabotages the whole thing because deep down she's actually scared that she isn't good enough for him and so she defaults to mediocrity where she feels superior and in control. Then I went silent for a bit to allow her to process that. Now it's not important what actually happened afterwards because it was too context-specific but suffice it to say I saved the situation by letting go of the outcome and that by allowing her to go without being desperate she actually came back on her own will.

Consider this scene from Nocturnal Animals:

Now believe it or not this guy is actually not the loser in this situation, she is. She is actually madly in love with him but she dumps him because her mom keeps telling her that she needs to marry a rich guy so she dumps him and gets married for a rich guy and regrets it for the rest of her life. Our guy tells her that "when you love someone, you work it out, you don't just throw it away, you have to be careful with it, you might never get it again..." and that's exactly what happened to her, she was silly and scared and quit on her love for safety and status and she never got it again. You can actually see that when she says "You have to realize that this is not working" the way she's feeling is not at all aligned with what she's saying. She's saying she wants out of the relationship but the way her voice is trembling you know she's already aware she's making a mistake. When she says "I can't do this with you anymore Edward, I just can't" it doesn't feel like she actually means it. You can see that what she's doing is she's actually trying to convince herself of what her mommy told her even though her soul screams "BS!".

She's just immature and is too scared of disappointing her mommy and by the time she realizes it it's too late. So you have to realize that a lot of the time girls are being ruled by their fears, not by their love and when this happens you might have to figure out a way to help them realize what they are doing because if they are not careful then well... They might never get it again.

P.S.
Sorry I know this post is all over the place, it's just how I think, feel free to only take away whatever you resonate with from it. Oh and by the way check a band called ' Cigarettes after sex ' out. Listening to them helps me calibrate, they might work for you too. Slightly melancholic, mostly dreamy and carefree though. Makes you feel like it's all a movie and there's not much to worry about at all.

Thank you so much for this advice. I get what you are saying but it is hard to implement. Especially when this neediness is so deep rooted. If you are interested you can read my approaches from today: see the last post

 

[StarStruck]

25 minutes ago, Roy said:

If you want to be a selfish scumbag devil, yes it is possible 

You get a lot of girls so you can have "morals" and be on your pedestal, but for the hustler with average looks, every lead counts.

[Roy]

4 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

You get a lot of girls so you can have "morals" and be on your pedestal, but for the hustler with average looks, every lead counts.

Don't distract from the truth of what I said by making it about me. You don't know anything about me.

It's entirely possible for a hustler with average looks as you call it, to make progress while still having principles. Consider that possibility.

 

[StarStruck]

4 minutes ago, Roy said:

Don't distract from the truth of what I said by making it about me. You don't know anything about me.

It's entirely possible for a hustler with average looks as you call it, to make progress while still having principles. Consider that possibility.

 

I don't know anything about you? I read a lot of your comments, and your success with girls, I have seen your picture in the member's picture topic. What more do I need to know to make conclusions?

I'm not saying I shouldn't have principles. Perhaps my principles are different from your principles. Perhaps not everybody had the opportunities and privileges you have/had.