This field is basically preventing me from moving on

[tryingToBeBetter]

Hey guys, I was wondering if I could get some external perspective on this, especially if you're someone experienced.

So, long story short, I found Leo's channel some years ago and this man literally changed my life. I went from being a depressive loser to a fairly successful entrepreneur and most importantly, an overall happy person. I even managed to get pretty advanced in consciousness work and had some extremely inspiring and life-changing mystical experiences (with psychedelics and stuff) very similar to the ones Leo describes. If I look back at the person I was before and compare it to the one I'm now, the difference is enormous. There's just one field in which I always seem to get stuck and can't master it enough: getting good with women.

Don't get me wrong, I *did* get a lot better in this field (at least if we compared to how bad I used to be). I even managed to get a beautiful girlfriend some time ago. But I still can't get to that point of 'feeling confident enough around women'. I still don't feel I'm good at this. And this is a recurrent problem to me since I feel it distracts me from advancing in my spiritual work, it's a 'trauma' that's always been there. It's a field I always wanted to master but couldn't.

What I'd really love to do is to exhaust this field (as Leo says: 'getting it out of my system') so I can transcend it and move on. But the thing is... it's pretty hard. I'd say it's the hardest sh*t I've ever tried to do. And I *did* achieve some hard stuff in my life, but this is like too much. I don't know if it has to do with the fact that I've always been an introvert or what but the amount of anxiety I feel whenever trying to approach *any* stranger is abysmal. (Let alone a pretty girl). I've had some stuff happening with pretty girls in the past but it was mostly luck.

This may sound silly but it really *is* a problem to me and I'm kind of desperate. I also think it'd be a lot easier if I were able to go to clubs or bars in my city (I can't because of COVID) and trying to do day game is hard man, so HARD. It feels weird and wrong. I start to shake like an idiot whenever I try to approach. I truly feel hopeless and stuck and it's something I really can't discuss with any of my friends. 

And I have another question. Can you really transcend this? Like, do you get to a point where you got so comfortable around women that you don't really care about all this silly stuff anymore? Because I'd really like to get to that point one day.

Anyways, that's it. I'd really love some advice. Thanks! 

[Gili Trawangan]

45 minutes ago, tryingToBeBetter said:

trying to do day game is hard man, so HARD. It feels weird and wrong. I start to shake like an idiot whenever I try to approach.

This is where it's at. There's no easy way around it, just force yourself to approach. I remember when I first started trying daygame. I would walk around for hours without being able to approach a single woman. I'll never forget my first approach, it was awkward, I was shaking... all I can say is that it gets better. Way better. And it becomes incredibly fun, it's just such a beautiful process. If you want this part of your life handled, you'll have to go over the hump. It's worth it.

48 minutes ago, tryingToBeBetter said:

It feels weird and wrong.

By the way, this is your mind tricking you. I used to feel that way too, but at a certain point I started to get positive feedback (like having beautiful girls thanking me for approaching them), all of that ridiculous mind chatter just went away.

 

51 minutes ago, tryingToBeBetter said:

Can you really transcend this? Like, do you get to a point where you got so comfortable around women that you don't really care about all this silly stuff anymore?

Yes. It goes full circle. You get to a point where you can just be yourself and things fall into place. It stops being important, dating is a beautiful part of life but it doesn't consume you. But you have to do the work in order to get to that place.

[Harlen Kelly]

3 hours ago, tryingToBeBetter said:

Hey guys, I was wondering if I could get some external perspective on this, especially if you're someone experienced.

So, long story short, I found Leo's channel some years ago and this man literally changed my life. I went from being a depressive loser to a fairly successful entrepreneur and most importantly, an overall happy person. I even managed to get pretty advanced in consciousness work and had some extremely inspiring and life-changing mystical experiences (with psychedelics and stuff) very similar to the ones Leo describes. If I look back at the person I was before and compare it to the one I'm now, the difference is enormous. There's just one field in which I always seem to get stuck and can't master it enough: getting good with women.

Don't get me wrong, I *did* get a lot better in this field (at least if we compared to how bad I used to be). I even managed to get a beautiful girlfriend some time ago. But I still can't get to that point of 'feeling confident enough around women'. I still don't feel I'm good at this. And this is a recurrent problem to me since I feel it distracts me from advancing in my spiritual work, it's a 'trauma' that's always been there. It's a field I always wanted to master but couldn't.

What I'd really love to do is to exhaust this field (as Leo says: 'getting it out of my system') so I can transcend it and move on. But the thing is... it's pretty hard. I'd say it's the hardest sh*t I've ever tried to do. And I *did* achieve some hard stuff in my life, but this is like too much. I don't know if it has to do with the fact that I've always been an introvert or what but the amount of anxiety I feel whenever trying to approach *any* stranger is abysmal. (Let alone a pretty girl). I've had some stuff happening with pretty girls in the past but it was mostly luck.

This may sound silly but it really *is* a problem to me and I'm kind of desperate. I also think it'd be a lot easier if I were able to go to clubs or bars in my city (I can't because of COVID) and trying to do day game is hard man, so HARD. It feels weird and wrong. I start to shake like an idiot whenever I try to approach. I truly feel hopeless and stuck and it's something I really can't discuss with any of my friends. 

And I have another question. Can you really transcend this? Like, do you get to a point where you got so comfortable around women that you don't really care about all this silly stuff anymore? Because I'd really like to get to that point one day.

Anyways, that's it. I'd really love some advice. Thanks! 

Welcome to the forum! There is no easy way to do this, you must expose yourself and interact with women in order to get good at interacting with women. 

Try doing visualization everyday for 10 minutes, that can help you a lot. 

What happens after you get good at reliably and consistently attracting beautiful women is that the almost fantastical idea you had of dating beautiful women disappears, it becomes normalized in your brain and it's not a big deal anymore. 

Edited May 28, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[tryingToBeBetter]

@Gili Trawangan It's good to know I'm not the only one going through this painful process. I won't give up. I'll try to approach this with lower "dosages" and slowly escalate my way so I don't die from anxiety within the first week lol. Thank you very much for the advice and insights. 

[universe]

Yes entirely possible.

Start with the Sedona Method and do the exercises in Leo's Body Awareness video.

You get tense and shaky because you have unfelt Emotions, a terrible mindset and have lost connection with your body.

Unfelt Emotions

You might have some deeply stuck feelings in you. Like sadness, bitterness, feeling not good enough, you name it. These Emotions are heavy. But they are not bad. You have to realize that you will have to face those Emotions head on. And there is nothing wrong with feeling them. These Emotions are not your enemy. Quite the contrary, they are your friends. They point you towards deep insights and realizations about yourself and the way you currently live your life.

Another area to look at is your needs. Big ones are the need for validation, need for control and need for protection. See how much you experience them on a daily basis and evaporate them by going deep into the feelings.

Future readings: Emotional Mastery, Sedona Method.

Terrible Mindset

"Dating is Hard" "I can't do it because I'm an introvert".

You need a big paradigm shift in your thought process. The way you are thinking right now simply doesn't cut it. It drains you out and keeps you from moving forward. Do a deep inventory of your mindsets and replace them with mindsets that are more aligned with Truth and Self-Love.

Lost connection with your body

When we feel uncomfortable in our body we tend to get squeezed into our heads. Make yourself at home in your body. Be in the body. Feel your feet, you thighs, your heart. All these areas. Stop thinking and instead notice your body more.

 

All of the above mentioned exercises are meant to make you lighter. Mastering your Emotions will naturally make you rise. Letting go of heavy feelings there is no other way to go. Changing your mindset to experience more joy in your life. Savouring each moment and just being are enough. Relaxing into your body the stiffness will fade away. You become flexible and at ease.

❤️

[tryingToBeBetter]

@Harlen Kelly Thank you very much, that really gives me more hope. I'll try not to give up!