I enjoy suffering (insight)

[caspex]

I was laying in bed, trying to go to sleep, when it dawned on me that, I actually enjoy suffering. Lemme explain

Only reason why we love limited things like "a Good productive day" or "a warm cozy feeling inside your blanket in winters" is because we "don't like" the opposite and are repelled from those experiences. Without the other, neither is fun. Unlimited suffering, not fun untill there is pleasure at somepoint. Unlimited pleasure/joy, not fun without some suffering after a point. Pretty basic insight.

But thing with what dawned on me was that, it isn't even about "earning" the pleasure through suffering, or 'refreshing the clock' after some amount of pleasure/suffering. It's just literally, I enjoy suffering. I enjoy suffering and that's why I suffer. I enjoy pleasure, joy and good experiences, and that's why I aim for them and get them(or literally be happy as a natural state). No roundabouts, no nothing in terms of mental gymnastics, I just straight up love suffering and it has always been that way.

It's weird because this love goes 'before' even the love of anything limited in general. It does not feel like anything. If I suffer rn, I'll get the feeling of hating it, I will want to get out, I will try my best to not suffer. I will say I regretted my earlier decisions(if the suffering is great enough, I will even kill myself to escape it.), but, I will be loving the suffering like I always have been. 

Challenges are enjoying, results are enjoying, dark nights of the souls are enjoying, spiritual highs are enjoying, pleasure is enjoying, pain is enjoying, death of a loved one is enjoying, birth of a new loved one is enjoying. Literally everything is enjoying. I literally love everything, and I have no say in it. 

Edited May 27, 2021 by Swarnim

[Anahata]

I suggest investigating a bit 'till you see suffering for what it actually represents. It's not a treat to be enjoyed but a catalyst for transcending attachment & identification with the ego-mind.

Edited May 28, 2021 by Anahata

[Blackhawk]

@Swarnim No you don't.

If you enjoy suffering, it isn't suffering.

Edited May 29, 2021 by Blackhawk

[vladorion]

You don't enjoy suffering.

You think you enjoy it because you're attached to it.

And you're attached to it because you believe you'll get god's good grace by suffering enough.

[Kambido]

@Swarnim

This is so void of actual suffering i don't know what to say. Only people that haven't actually suffered could say something like this. Have you ever been tied up and taken advantage of? Have you ever been an addict with nothing, and gave nothing to the world but pain? Have you ever met true evil directly? You can't say you "enjoy" that? If you do, you are just as bad as them. I think you aren't finding the right words here. It's not that you enjoy it, you understand it, even if it's happened to you, that it's for some reason... it "could be" that you did it to yourself. You created it. Idk who you are, how woke you think you are, if someone ties you up in a basement, tortures you, takes advantage of you... you won't sit there and say you "enjoy" it. It's about letting go and understanding it exists, and if it happens to you, how does it make you stronger. Why is it added to your experience, what did you want to learn from it. When you accept it this way, you won't add to the suffering by making yourself needlessly suffer more... since even if you are tortured, only you can torture yourself the longest, and make yourself suffer the longest bc that's in your hands... but suffering by definition isn't something to enjoy. Don't let your brain fall out with this stuff. 

[RedLine]

3 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

@Swarnim No you don't.

If you enjoy suffering, it isn't suffering.

No, you enjoy suffer, you enjoy ego, that's why you are not enlighten

Same way probably you will get enlighment when you don't enjoy it anymore.

 

Edited May 29, 2021 by RedLine

[Blackhawk]

17 minutes ago, RedLine said:

No, you enjoy suffer, you enjoy ego, that's why you are not enlighten

Same way probably you will get enlighment when you don't enjoy it anymore.

If I enjoy suffering, that means I'm not suffering. Then why are you telling me to stop enjoying suffering? And why do you think enlightenment is a good thing, since it means you will stop enjoying suffering (you will start suffering for real)?

According to your logic, I definitely shouldn't get enlightened.

[RedLine]

19 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

If I enjoy suffering, that means I'm not suffering. Then why are you telling me to stop enjoying suffering? And why do you think enlightenment is a good thing, since it means you will stop enjoying suffering (you will start suffering for real)?

According to your logic, I definitely shouldn't get enlightened.

It is a paradox.

Reality is paradoxical. It is not my fault.

 

From your actual pov enlightenment  is not something good (I mean experiencially, not the idea). Actually for you, enlightment is the worst thing in the world because it is death. If you accept 100% your fear (fear of death), you will get enlightment.

 

And by the way, I don´t agree everydoby should pursue enlighment. I don´t think this path is good for most of people. You should pursue it only if you have a strong existencial displeasure with life and thirst for truth imho. You did wrong assumption.

 

 

Edited May 29, 2021 by RedLine

[fopylo]

Yeah I get that "loving everything" sometimes. I would describe it as the joy of just experiencing vs. escaping and thus not fully experiencing. Experiencing in and of itself is quite liberating, simply being. I would redefine your word "suffering" for more like things which cause you certain low emotions (which doesn't mean bad). And once you're cool with it then it is not suffering, for you at least, from your experience. Don't relate it to others' experience and say that their meaning of suffering (or suffering you once experienced) isn't suffering for you, right now, but you enjoy it and therefore believe to enjoy suffering. I also sometimes look back at the things which caused me suffering and now I'm more cool with them, but it isn't suffering anymore. You might not be suffering right now something serious