If the dating market is a market, then why it's not regulated,at least online dating

[4201]

13 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@4201 If you have a certain behavioral pattern that is pushing people away but you believe it is a good behavioral pattern, does the behavioral pattern become a ''good'' behavioral pattern just because you believe is good? 

Personalities are not good or bad, certain behavioral patterns are more effective than others when interacting with people. 

The statement ''your personality is never bad'' does not make any sense simply because some behavioral patterns can be detrimental for your growth and your ability to interact with others. Being emotionally attached to a behavioral pattern that is detrimental for you is not very rational. 

You aren't the way you acted in the past. If you define personality as just a way to identify with past behavior then your personality isn't you.

Doesn't matter which word you use, just don't think you are shit basically. That's what insecurity is. If you fully let go of all identifications, you don't need to do 3D chess analyzing your behavior patterns to try to seduce that girl at wendy's.

Edited June 6, 2021 by 4201

[Harlen Kelly]

@4201

7 minutes ago, 4201 said:

you don't need to do 3D chess analyzing your behavior patterns to try to seduce that girl at wendy's.

Do you understand that some behavioral patterns are more effective at eliciting attraction or creating friendships than others? 

If a set of behavioral patterns were sabotaging your ability to connect with other people, shouldn't you strive to replace them for better behavioral patterns?

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Honestly, it's because I get easily demoralized after getting constantly rejected by countless women from everywhere. It often makes me question whether I will be able to improve my skills with women to a significant degree or will I will always just have to rely on luck to hopefully get another girl who has chemistry with me.

Any idea why they reject you? 

Did you ever have a long term relationship of at least a year? 

 

[RendHeaven]

@Hardkill Sorry if my earlier comment was hurtful, I meant it as a playfully provocative wake-up call.

Edited June 6, 2021 by RendHeaven

[4201]

4 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@4201

Do you understand that some behavioral patterns are more effective at eliciting attraction or creating friendships than others? 

If a set of behavioral patterns were sabotaging your ability to connect with other people, shouldn't you strive to replace them for better behavioral patterns?

Yet the best way to replace them is to let go and follow feeling. Conceptualizing about the behavior patterns is not going to help you get better ones. The behavior pattern has a root cause (neediness/insecurity) and trying to keep those while artificially changing the behavior is a waste of time. If you stop being needy and insecure you'll stop acting that way. 

If you approach someone and you care about all of the "behaviors" you need to NOT have, you are worrying. It's stressful, unnatural and this unease will be felt by the person you are talking to. Now you want to "identify" this uneasiness as one more behavior pattern or try to find all of it's symptoms? You'll just end up with an evergrowing endless list of things "not to do" rather than just follow feeling which is infinitely intelligent and always knows what to do without worry, struggle or unease.

It's like you are trying to replicate what feeling does through heavy conceptualization but that will always produce results that are worse than feeling.

[4201]

9 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

@Hardkill Sorry if my earlier comment came off as rude, I meant it as a playfully provocative wake-up call.

I was quite rude to you as well, my apologies. At least it sparked some good conversation 

[RendHeaven]

@4201

[Harlen Kelly]

@4201 For a person that is having issues with socializing like hardkill as an example and has been having those issues for their entire life, the advice ''follow your intuition'', ''follow feeling'', ''be yourself'' is correct in theory, in practice it does not help that person at all. 

What you are saying is not necessarily incorrect but it does not, at all, help somebody who is unable to connect with others because for them ''be yourself'' means doing what they have been doing and what they have been doing is not working. 

Letting go is a behavioral pattern that can help you connect faster with others, not analyzing too much is another one, etc.

[Hardkill]

2 hours ago, 4201 said:

That's just your assumption. For someone to be turned off by your personality they need to actually know you. If he's trying to do pick up in the street I'm not surprised if that doesn't go anywhere.

There's so many other possibilities too, the guy could be 4'2 for all I know....

FYI, I am 5'9.5". Though most people tend to perceive me as taller than that because of my posture, long arms, long arms, and broad shoulders.

I got a few lays from online dating/apps and got a girlfriend from cold approaching after being rejected by hundreds of girls for over 3 years.

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Any idea why they reject you? 

Did you ever have a long term relationship of at least a year? 

It used to be when I started off that I came off as way too needy with my texts. Also, I would sometimes talk about sex too early.

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about 5 months ago after we were together for almost 3 years.

 

[Preety_India]

18 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 

It used to be when I started off that I came off as way too needy with my texts. Also, I would sometimes talk about sex too early.

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about 5 months ago after we were together for almost 3 years.

Sorry to hear about your breakup. But it's a positive thing that you were together for 3 years. There must be a few things you learned out of it. And about the needy part, you can try to cultivate self love and work on your self esteem so the neediness goes away 

 

To be frank, neediness is a huge problem in today's society because people have stopped connecting as a result of technology. More people are interested in playing their phones than talk to their colleagues. So loneliness is going to be the greatest epidemic and loneliness is a precursor to neediness and so you'll need robust mechanisms to cure your neediness before it goes out of hand. This is not just for dating, it is also for regular socialization, needy people are generally dismissed and ignored which in turn fuels the neediness even more, so you will néed to brutally cut it out. 

 

[StarStruck]

This thread is really a gem. lmao

[tsuki]

Ahahahaha, the reframing in this thread is just glorious! Hahahahaha

Great job @Karmadhi you got me there for a second .

[knakoo]

On 27/05/2021 at 7:16 PM, Emerald said:

The biggest problem right now at the societal level that contributes to this is that we live in a very atomized and isolated Stage Orange society, where most people live in their own bubble. And social media has made this a more comfortable bubble to live in. And porn certainly makes this comfort zone more comfortable for men to stay in as well.

And because relationship to community is the healthy organic way to meet partners, young men who live in such an atomized way may simply miss the opportunity to socialize with friends and potential partners. A young man may have to go out of his way to socialize in ways that his father didn't have to go out of his way for. 

So, the best solution to this issue on the individual level for the man (as @Etherial Cat said) is to integrate the feminine more which entails being more emotionally aware, more in touch with his instincts/body, and more social which will counter-intuitively make a man more relatable and more attractive to women, as intimacy is only possible with an integrated man. So, the integration of the Anima is key to healthy and attractive masculinity and it also cuts down the anxiety because the man is not grappling with and projecting his feminine side.

But collectively the best thing we can do is to connect with the feminine more which will lead us more into Stage Green which is community focused and will act as an antidote to all the isolation that comes from the hyper-masculinity and individualism of the Stage Orange paradigm.

Stage Blue was also community focused and the good part about it was the community and the connection. The bad part about it was the control and inability to be authentic and the need to fit a very certain mold.

But Stage Green community is more expansive and very inclusive while still having that tight-knit connection factor.

I think a big part of this shift to Green will be a move away from single family homes and atomized communities into more centrally planned communities like communes. 

I think you'll also see the rise of more polyamorous relationships as this shift happens. 

 

Do you know very conscious people in healthy polyamorous relationships ? 

I thought the following conversation on this topic was very good :

It is really a broader conversation about conscious dating and sex

[Karmadhi]

@StarStruck @tsuki Yeah it started like a dumb thread that demanded sex communism and then it became a thread about sexual education and teaching guys to be more social and skilled at getting girls. Also it underlyed a huge problem in today's world which is not talked enough about which is the increasing trend of guys that struggle with girls. 

What pisses me off is that you have some guys that i personally know that are intelligent, kind, caring, relatively confident, cool to talk with and overall great people that are either virgins or had sex like once and then you have some fucking pieces of shit like John Anthony and other PUAS with legit hundred and hundred of girls that they slept with. Purely disgusting.

[LuluHKing]

Just a tip, I tend to buy alt of make up - I get it, but I ENJOY doing it, who cares if I look the way I look, but don't go weird when we don't wear any, who cares if I spend £500 every 3 months on Cosmetic stuff. sorry just felt I had to put that out there, but yeah just go talk, accept personality - looks fade but personality lasts & evolves forever.

[LouieShill]

5 minutes ago, LuluHKing said:

Just a tip, I tend to buy alt of make up - I get it, but I ENJOY doing it, who cares if I look the way I look, but don't go weird when we don't wear any, who cares if I spend £500 every 3 months on Cosmetic stuff. sorry just felt I had to put that out there, but yeah just go talk, accept personality - looks fade but personality lasts & evolves forever.

@LuluHKing  I mean I agree with you when it comes to looks & I agree looks aren't everything, also love that quote at the end, but can I just ask how do you spend that much on makeup? each to their own but that's mad! I can't even buy a can of coke for £2 without stressing haha! 

[bejapuskas]

@Karmadhi You are idealizing women. They are just as uneducated and full of struggles. They are not automatically able to select people who are good for them. They are not omniscient perfect godesses. Do you think you base your value and the value of other people according to the quantity of sexual experiences they have had because of pressure or because of your own feeling and ideology? So many of these PUAs come out to be depressed because they are not authentic. They just chase somebody else's values and ideals. Sex is good and fine, but like how you look at it and how you experience it can change and it makes a big difference.