If the dating market is a market, then why it's not regulated,at least online dating

[Jacob Morres]

@knakoo i think its not virgins but not celibate 

[Emerald]

10 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Seems from here like you're overreacting to overreacting

If you actually understood the shit that women endure from men just like us, there would be no room left to leverage notions of "smartness" against them whenever they express their discontentment.

Well, I get why Wavesintheocean reacted that way and part of me is glad for the shock reaction. And part of me is envious.

Women have dealt with this objectification so much that we are able to handle it a bit better thought it’s still triggers many wounds, collective and individual. 

But it’s a bit like drinking vodka. If you only take one shot every once and a while it stings a lot and staggers you. But if you’re drinking vodka every day, you can look like you’re drinking water because you’ve acclimated to it.

And women unfortunately learn that the only way to cope and have empowerment in the face of dehumanization is to appear as rational and cool headed as possible. Otherwise no one listens and no one will take you seriously. You have to come across as a stronger and more respectable man than the man you’re debating.

So, being male, Wavesintheocean is shocked because he does experience or witness this treatment often. And he hasn’t had to learn that expressing shock and disdain will be used against him. This is how I envy him. But I’m glad for his shock.

[Harlen Kelly]

@knakoo Vaush did a video about it. 

[Applegarden8]

58 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Men are mostly seen as subjects where women are often viewed as objects. Hence the underlying assumption of this post of ‘woman as resource’.

May I add to this. I would say that objectifying is a masculine tendency that is unfortunatly expressed too much in men and women. It is usually about, well I have this, what do you have? If you are a young male you should be having this and this by 25, or I will not value you. Alot of older generation has this, conservatives especially. They will not accept you for who you are and want to be. You have to do what they were doing and have what they were having and even then, you will not be accepted as an equal. 

[RendHeaven]

5 minutes ago, Emerald said:

So, being male, Wavesintheocean

Hah WHAT 

I swear their profile said "female" a couple months ago. Hence my assumption that they were a "she."

7 minutes ago, Emerald said:

This is how I envy him. But I’m glad for his shock.

I hear you 

[Jacob Morres]

 

13 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Well, I get why Wavesintheocean reacted that way and part of me is glad for the shock reaction. And part of me is envious.

 

hurt people hurt people

[RendHeaven]

Oh I had @WaveInTheOcean confused with @Surfingthewave haha~

[Emerald]

1 minute ago, Jacob Morres said:

hurt people hurt people

I’m not glad because it hurt him. ?

I’m glad and envious that a man sees the objectification of women and is shocked and appalled. 

Partly, it makes me feel seen. Partly, it makes me jealous that he has not witnessed much of this type of thing.

[Emerald]

4 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Oh I had @WaveInTheOcean confused with @Surfingthewave haha~

Oh! That makes sense.

[Jacob Morres]

5 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I’m glad and envious that a man sees the objectification of women and is shocked and appalled. 

 

isnt being appalled a sign for a shadow aspect though? 

[Emerald]

1 minute ago, Jacob Morres said:

isnt being appalled a sign for a shadow aspect though? 

It could be but isn’t always. Sometimes you are just genuinely appalled by something without having that trait in your Shadow. 

Though it’s always wise to examine triggers like that. You can learn more about yourself that way. Not as to say it would necessarily turn out that he is a secret objectifier. But it can turn up many realizations.

[Emerald]

35 minutes ago, knakoo said:

Seriously ??? Where did you get that number ?

The numbers aren’t correct.

Here’s what they really are according to the CDC.

@Harlen Kelly

Edited May 27, 2021 by Emerald

[Karmadhi]

@Emerald I stand corrected. The numbers i provided were for past year sexual activity. Therefore a non virgin that has not had sex in 2 years still counts in the 1/3 ratio. Pure virgin ratio is as you say it. 

[Emerald]

7 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@Emerald I stand corrected. The numbers i provided were for past year sexual activity. Therefore a non virgin that has not had sex in 2 years still counts in the 1/3 ratio. Pure virgin ratio is as you say it. 

That’s about 30% of sexual inactivity for men within the past year, with a comparison between stats from the year 2000 and the year 2018. I chalk this up to everything being very online now.

But for women the stats are 19% sexual inactivity within the past year, which is a disparity but not a super extreme one.

But clearly it isn’t a “men can’t get any sex because they’re undesirable incels” problem. The majority of these sexually inactive men in the study have had sex before.

Otherwise, men and women’s average virginity loss age wouldn’t be the exact same. And there would be significant disparities in numbers of male vs female virgins when there simply isn’t.  
 

 

[Javfly33]

3 hours ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@RendHeaven Without the usage of foul language, how could you infer that I am overacting? 

Your perspective on what women go through because of men is childish and juvenile. The reality is that both men and women cause each other tremendous suffering. 

Thats a very victim mentality of the mind.

How could anyone cause you suffering? You are the one projecting that other people can make you suffer, particularly emotional suffering, which is the one we are talking here.

[Karmadhi]

@Preety_India

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

If you're sexually attractive, whether male or female, you have a guaranteed place in the market. 

It is very true that both genders struggle in dating. Both genders face difficulties and suffer. Even pretty cool girls go through hard times so it is not that they have it easy. However there is 1 thing which i cannot wrap my head around, maybe you can help me.

I have noticed that when guys struggle with dating it is usually that they cannot get ANYTHING, they have 0 girls interested in them. Meanwhile girls when they struggle it is because they cannot get that 1 VERY high value guy they want and even though they have A LOT of cool guys they can get, they are not happy with them. They only want THAT 1 SPECIFIC guy. 

From my male biased mind it seems like guys complain that they are starving and have no food while girls complain that they have food but they want that great lasagna, only that will do it for them.

Thing is most of the guys the girls can get are pretty decent guys, they are not lame or shitty guys but they are not safisfied with them. They only want that specific guy. That guy sometimes is not even thattt great, it is just the idea that i want  X and dot mindset more than anyone else.

Even though i might seem like an Incel from these threads i have interacted with legit hundreds of people through my life. I am very social and have a lot of friends from both genders, from all looks levels. I notice consistently that the guys that struggle with girls usually struggle to get ANYTHING while girls struggles are about getting a very high caliber or specific guy they might want. They usually have guys into them but do not want them. Very few guys i know are very picky with girls, usually they are very good looking guys or feminine guys. Masculine guys tend to fuck anything that moves but they will not commit hahahahahaha

Edited May 28, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Harlen Kelly]

@Javfly33 So human beings don't cause emotional and physical suffering to other human beings, is that what you are implying? 

Edited May 28, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Karmadhi said:

@Preety_India

It is very true that both genders struggle in dating. Both genders face difficulties and suffer. Even pretty cool girls go through hard times so it is not that they have it easy. However there is 1 thing which i cannot wrap my head around, maybe you can help me.

I have noticed that when guys struggle with dating it is usually that they cannot get ANYTHING, they have 0 girls interested in them. Meanwhile girls when they struggle it is because they cannot get that 1 VERY high value guy they want and even though they have A LOT of cool guys they can get, they are not happy with them. They only want THAT 1 SPECIFIC guy. 

From my male biased mind it seems like guys complain that they are starving and have no food while girls complain that they have food but they want that great lasagna, only that will do it for them.

Thing is most of the guys the girls can get are pretty decent guys, they are not lame or shitty guys but they are not safisfied with them. They only want that specific guy. That guy sometimes is not even thattt great, it is just the idea that i want  X and dot mindset more than anyone else.

Even though i might seem like an Incel from these threads i have interacted with legit hundreds of people through my life. I am very social and have a lot of friends from both genders, from all looks levels. I notice consistently that the guys that struggle with girls usually struggle to get ANYTHING while girls struggles are about getting a very high caliber or specific guy they might want. They usually have guys into them but do not want them. Very few guys i know are very picky with girls, usually they are very good looking guys or feminine guys. Masculine guys tend to fuck anything that moves but they will not commit hahahahahaha

Feminine attraction has to do with feelings. Feelings compel a woman to want to pair bond with a specific guy. 

And any random guy simply isn’t going to push the buttons and create the feelings that compel a woman to pair bond. It’s only that one guy that can do it.

And it’s not even that that guy is objectively the best in any category. He may be objectively average or below average across the board. 

But female attraction is non-objective and very specific. 

Women generally don’t have strong sexual or romantic cravings towards men in general. It’s always that one particular guy.

When a woman falls for a man, it is super special to her. She craves him and his humanity in particular.

So, the way you’re biased is because you’re looking at female sexuality through the lens of male sexuality.

Men crave women in general. A man wants sex in general. And it is high reward and a challenge to get.

Women don’t crave men in general. Women don’t crave sex in general. It’s always specific. So, women’s access to sex/men in general (which men see as enviable) is a currency that doesn’t confer value to us. It’s low reward for us. It doesn’t have any pleasure or libidinal charge to it. 

But the feelings about that one guy are just overwhelmingly intoxicating to the point of obsession... rending your garments level of spicy hot desire. And every other guy feels meh.

Seriously, if “feminine desire” were a drug it would be everyone’s favorite. It feels so good to gush over just that one guy.

And again, it isn’t because he’s got some laundry list of qualities. It’s not rational. It just hits like a Cupid’s arrow where thinking about that particular guy or being around that particular guy pushes the ecstasy button.

So much dopamine, endorphins, serotonin, and oxytocin all in response only to ‘Johnny’

[Javfly33]

2 hours ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@Javfly33 So human beings don't cause emotional and physical suffering to other human beings, is that what you are implying? 

They can think they can, but in reality is you who cause you emotional suffering and THEN project that she/he hurt you. Of course emotional suffering is of your creation and responsability.

Physical suffering is more difficult to trascend. It requires insane mystic levels of controlling the body and mind. I am not advocating for that kind of control as a goal for people. 

 

[WaveInTheOcean]

10 hours ago, Peter Miklis said:

@WaveInTheOcean lol you might wanna hide this post. No need to be vulgar for no reason.

No need for anything at all

Just love

10 hours ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@WaveInTheOcean You did not engage intellectually with the post. 

Exactly.

I don't want to.

It's a silly game you're playing and I don't wanna waste time participating, yet here I am?!

10 hours ago, Emerald said:

Yeah, the framing of women as a ‘resource’ is certainly disturbing... but also unfortunately very common.

I get the response as it’s how I (and other women) feel about these kinds of posts.

But unfortunately they’re just going to turn it back on you for picking up on the ‘woman as commodity’ implication and say that you’re straw manning and misreading.

But really you’re just noticing the underlying meaning of the post... and responding to the dog whistle.

Disturbing indeed.

Hehe.

The last part about the dog whistle, can you elaborate? I feel autistic for not fully getting what you meaning; you're saying my unintelligent vulgar post is just more wood to the incels bonfire?