I forgot how to enjoy life

[tatsumaru]

When I was a kid I used to be able to enjoy playing with my friends or stargazing or going out to the movies or just having fun.
Nowadays whenever I try to have fun it's like the volume knob on joy is dialed back to 10% and the other 90% are replaced by 24/7 constant reliving and remembering of the painful me story or simply by some doubts, uncertanties, boredom etc. It's like I can't give myself permission to have fun anymore because I feel like having fun is wasting time (relative to the spiritual journey) or that it is meaningless and if I accept that it's like I gave up on the spiritual journey or I quit or something like this and because of this I've become super neurotic. It's always about pursuing some ultimate truth that is somewhere beyond and I am just this grumpy, sad person who is always needing something else than what's happening, always finding ways to convince everyone that they are idiots (quite successfully unfortunately) and life is no longer enough. I don't even know what I am trying to do really but I know that I am not giving myself permission to simply live. Such a burden.

[Roy]

What do you like to do for fun now, or you think would be fun that is something you used to do?

[mandyjw]

Well, we don't really guide kids to follow their inspiration much because it's really annoying when they do sometimes. (My 8 year old recently wanted to take apart my glasses so he can make some kind of lens thing for a project.) We teach kids to do their work and do as they are told, and work should not be fun or explorative for the most part. We apply that onto spirituality or life and separate out "important things" from "unimportant things" and throw away joy. Totally not your fault. You can totally stop doing it though. 

[tatsumaru]

46 minutes ago, Roy said:

What do you like to do for fun now, or you think would be fun that is something you used to do?

When I used to think that life is about life then I used to have fun, once I started thinking that life is just a tool to reach enlightenment then being invested in life stopped making any sense to me, now it's just some dream that I want to wake up from. I feel like I will not be able to rest or give myself permission to have fun and relax before I've found IT. One thing that I like to do for fun now is just assembling computer systems - it's like repairing your motorcycle or something like that. I can spend a whole day assembling a PC without even turning it on, just making sure every cable is optimally attached and minimally exposed. I really wish I could get into some hobby like DIY engineering but my spiritual training keeps screaming "DISTRACTION DISTRACTION! WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT, SOLDERING OR TRUTH????"

45 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Well, we don't really guide kids to follow their inspiration much because it's really annoying when they do sometimes. (My 8 year old recently wanted to take apart my glasses so he can make some kind of lens thing for a project.) We teach kids to do their work and do as they are told, and work should not be fun or explorative for the most part. We apply that onto spirituality or life and separate out "important things" from "unimportant things" and throw away joy. Totally not your fault. You can totally stop doing it though. 

I know how to feel my inspiration as I've contemplated inspiration for a while now. I did Leo's Life Purpose course which was pretty cool too. Unfortunately what's really bothering me isn't not knowing how to follow it but that when I want to follow it I get this voice in me screaming DISTRACTION! WAKE UP! 70 YEARS WILL BE OVER SOON!

 

[Roy]

15 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

When I used to think that life is about life then I used to have fun, once I started thinking that life is just a tool to reach enlightenment

How the fuck could life not be about life ? Consider how life could possibly be a tool for enlightenment, when enlightenment is obviously just a part of life? You are enlightened, then what? Does life cease?

15 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

I can spend a whole day assembling a PC without even turning it on

How do you think you'd feel if you did that more often, or at least a little bit every single day? Do you think it's possible to find "truth" within those feelings themselves, if you got that voice to quiet down?

I'd say you've landed the easiest homework assignment of all time. Go build a computer and see what happens 

Speaking of which I need to tamper with my SSD. I need my comp to work for my own fun.

Edited May 26, 2021 by Roy

[mandyjw]

16 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

I know how to feel my inspiration as I've contemplated inspiration for a while now. I did Leo's Life Purpose course which was pretty cool too. Unfortunately what's really bothering me isn't not knowing how to follow it but that when I want to follow it I get this voice in me screaming DISTRACTION! WAKE UP! 70 YEARS WILL BE OVER SOON!

 

Ever notice how no one gives a fuck about Steve Jobs? Like, they think maybe learning about him will give them some sort of insight to help THEM create something or not be an asshole or to be a bigger asshole or something like that but their interest in Steve Jobs is all about them. People are too busy using what Steve Jobs created to create their OWN stuff with, that they don't really care about Steve Jobs himself. Just create. It's all you're already doing anyway. Creation don't stop for no one. 

Literally there IS NO SUCH THING AS DISTRACTION. You are always focused on something. You can focus on being unfocused, and then you call it distraction. You are focus itself. 

[BipolarGrowth]

Enlightenment is here to allow one to truly live life in its full vibrancy. It is not antithetical to life. Think of the most exhilarating “non spiritual” thing you could do TODAY. Go and do it. A lot of this exhilaration and joy may come through connecting to deeper survival functions. 

[Gianna]

15 hours ago, tatsumaru said:

if I accept that it's like I gave up on the spiritual journey or I quit or something

Sometimes being unproductive is the most productive thing you can do. Allow yourself a break from your own judgment– what you should or should not do. If you are having this mentality then it is likely you will not let yourself fall 'off track' for long. Trust yourself. It is a great builder of self-esteem and self-trust. 

[Anahata]

I suggest questioning whether or not what you do for a living is the right 'career' for you. That might have given you burnout and you might have been repressing the frustration. 

You might benefit from starting working on a personal project or something. Please be mindful and do it strategically so that you do not end up broke from choosing to the switch things up too abruptly.

Edited May 28, 2021 by Anahata

[LfcCharlie4]

I get you, I've been exactly where you describe. 

What helped me was realizing 'enlightenment' is not simply some future idealistic moment, but its actually LIVING the understanding meaning living happiness, joy, fun, beauty, creativity etc etc and that is all there is! 

Literally, do whatever the fuck you love doing and just enjoy life, be happy and have fun! Otherwise you will simply live the rest of your days in your head telling you its not okay to enjoy life, its more than okay, in fact you are doing Truth / Enlightenment / Absolute Truth whatever you want to call it a disservice by not allowing yourself to enjoy this amazing creation we call life! 

Its meant to be fun! 

[Javfly33]

Lol this is totally me last 2 years.

I've wasted s shit ton of time and joy. But again the spiritual journey that got me there was needed to be lived .

Ironically now you will have to get an awakening of absolute truth/Enlightment to realize it's time to stop seeking