how to work through thoughts/feelings that aren't beneficial?

[devoid]

hi,

noob questions here, i'm not very advanced with my self development yet.

i'm currently starting to learn about "the 9 stages of ego development", and there was something i thought about. if there is a lot of thoughts and feelings typical for lower stages in a person (not necessarily regarding this model, but in general), but the person recognizes that those thoughts/feelings makes no sense and aren't beneficial, is that equally as "bad" (for lack of a better term) as having those thoughts and feelings but not even questioning them and taking them as a truth? like, is there a significant difference there or not?

i will state some examples so you can kind of see where i'm at in my self-development journey:

- a thought that just popped up in my head was that i don't want everyone in the world to actualize themselves, because then i wouldn't be "good" at it or that they would be "better than me". which i instantly realize is just a bunch of crap, like that would actually be great, first and foremost for the world but also directly for me, since that would mean i would get so so much help with this work just by talking to people since everyone is trying to do the same/similar thing. of course i do want others to actualize themselves, and i try to not be pushy towards my friends about actualizing themselves. but still, i did think this and felt threatened.

- on a similar note, i often think that i know better than people who just want to pursue money and material things, and every time i have such a thought i get so annoyed with myself. i'm not better than anyone else, and i also can't know what is best for other people in their life right now. i don't want to have this "oh i'm so smart and better than you" feeling, but sometimes i do and it sucks.

- in part two of the ego development videos, leo mentioned something about not fighting with one's partner. i do recognize that what i find bothering has only to do with myself and nothing with my partner really, and i wouldn't say we ever fight really. but i do feel a lot of anger over some things, which i just surpress since i know this is my issue and not his. (note: we have a great relationship, the anger i'm talking about is like "why the heck can't you vacuum for once")

thoughts and feelings like this has been with me for years (well, probably all my life, but i have actively recognized them in the last couple of years). does anyone have tips for how to work through issues like these? i do recognize the thoughts and feelings, i let them exist but i don't agree with them, but that doesn't seem to be enough. and also, does it mean anything that i do recognize these thoughts, or does that not matter in regards to how far one has come in their self actualization journey? what should i do to move forward?

[kag101]

On 26/05/2021 at 8:59 AM, devoid said:

i don't want everyone in the world to actualize themselves, because then i wouldn't be "good" at it or that they would be "better than me"

Haha...

 

I think you're judging your judgments way too much. This only adds to the problem. It's just like people who only want to think positive. Sooner or later, it backfires.

I have this tendency of overly self-justifying. I can't just do something "because I feel like it". No... I have to have tons of arguments on why I'm doing that.

So really, try not to fight with the thoughts you naturally have. Thoughts are neither good or bad, they're just thoughts. Don't take them too seriously.

 

On 26/05/2021 at 8:59 AM, devoid said:

not fighting with one's partner

Sometimes there's got to be confrontation in a relationship. Being loving does not mean being a pushover.

If you partner doesn't vaccuum once, then I think you have all the right to be angry at him. Obviously, we can't go to the other extreme and start yelling and being rude.

It's a matter of being firm without being aggressive.

[devoid]

yeah, that's a good point kag101. judging my judging won't really help haha. thank you for your perspective