Fear of ageing as a woman

[Tangerinedream]

I know this isn’t exactly a serious emotional problem but I didn’t know where else to write it... 

I, like many women no doubt have fear of ageing and looking older.  It’s not about whether or not I can attract people, this is not my fear. 
this is more about how I feel, looking at myself and feeling down, looking tired more easily etc. I have always been self conscious about my appearance and I feel I’m getting worse confidence wise, not better.

How can I change this and be more radiant no matter how many wrinkles I have? 
 

Edited May 25, 2021 by Tangerinedream

[mandyjw]

I absolutely love seeing and meeting women who are much older and are living inspired lives. I've always been fascinated with older women who look so comfortable in their skin, they have this presence and confidence far greater than any younger beautiful woman that just shines through. I think the self love part is true beauty and it only gets better and better with time, especially if we pay attention to how we feel and let go of self-criticism and limiting beliefs. That's the true foundation of beauty.

A lot of us have been taught a lot of BS things about beauty from people trying to sell us things and people who haven't really taken the time to stop, look and see the world for what it really is. The world and human beings look much different when you truly look, with an open mind and take in the beauty of it. 

Older women are absolutely beautiful in my opinion on their own, and gray hair and wrinkles in no way detracts from their beauty. You are not the body but the light which shines through it. Pay attention to what you DO want over what you don't want. Always look to try new things and find things to appreciate. You get more of what you focus on. Make well being and feeling amazing a priority, try yoga, try new healthy recipes, try new creative pursuits, and new challenges but do it from a place of inspiration and chose what you are truly inspired toward, not from a place of "I need to do this to slow the clock" or something like that. If you see the world and your self with new eyes, and open to a sense of childlike wonder which is your TRUE nature, aging and time itself will be the last thing on your mind. 

 

 

[Flowerfaeiry]

Start doing facial massages. I love this one. It's a method from a Chinese doctor. 

Follow Along Facial Massage | Full Version | Lymphatic Drainage Face Massage | Anti-Aging Massage

These facial massages are the bees knees and will help you with your problem of looking tired all the time. It lifts and tones the skin. 

Your post is more about being confident in the skin you already have and part of that is upping your self care and doing things that make you feel pretty. Explore that. 

 

 

[mivafofa]

yeah I feel the same as you.. Not only in appearances but in practice.  I'm afraid I will no longer be as effective in my sports, in fact I already feel the difference than just few years ago: my recovery process is slower, I need longer to get to a warmed up zoned and it doesn't last as long as it used to be . I used to be able to go through days with lack of sleep but now when I do, you will see it right away on my face, my skin, and body. I also like the feeling of appearing young to people, there is a certain access to a wider range of what you can do without being judged. Not to mention and let's be really honest about this, in this generation 1rst world country, people tend to have a soft spot for you if you're a young looking woman. You will be treated differently than if you were an older man.  Those are privileges I believe is part of the journey of womanhood we need to learn to slowly outgrow.

The notes that I keep telling myself, is that we are all aging together. You're not aging alone. There are lessons to be learned ONLY when your physical body doesn't follow your mind anymore or the physical self-image you have in mind. When our face is no longer as glowing as it used to be, when wrinkles and white hair appear.  You can maybe slow down the process with the technology advancement nowadays but ultimately, you can't fight this. You have to accept it. Perhaps embrace it for better measure, celebrate it for having survive this long. Part of the human experience I think is to learn to let go. Right now, especially because of the media, we put so much values in youthful appearances and disregard the beauty found in every age.

Whenever I see any aging signs surface, I automatically think I'm perishing and decomposing, that these are signs my face & body is about to go downward from here on and I mourn a little. I then remind myself that while I worry about my aging and upcoming death, I forget the present and how right now, at this moment, I look and feel the youngest I can be.  And I must enjoy while it lasts, because 10 years from now, I'd probably wish I'd look and feel as I am now.  And so forth.  

[tatsumaru]

Well mivafofa,
Aging is a disease so there's nothing romantic about it. That being said if one takes good care of their body they can age gracefully and live a relatively disease-free life all they way until the end. In my experience they can even remain sexy and attractive almost forever - for example I find certain actresses who are into their 60s incredibly sexy and attractive e.g. Julianne Moore or Michelle Pfeiffer to name a few. They are both 30 years older than me and I would still definitely date them if I had the chance. Hot hot hot...

Actually you might want to look Aubrey de Grey up on youtube. He's a really smart biologist and computer scientist who's currently working actively to solve aging. He's received significant funding from major companies and investors and his and his team's efforts are already resulting in certain therapies which seem promising. There's speculation that aging will be solved within the next 50 years, so if you survive another 50 years there's a good chance you will be able to reverse your age and remain 20 indefinitely. This isn't science-fiction, look it up. (For more details: the book "Ending Aging" or "Lifespan: Why We Age—and Why We Don't Have To").

As a nutritionist, I can say that the best nutritional remedies for skin health, elasticity and anti-aging that are scientifically proven to work so far are collagen, vitamin C, resveratrol, fasting and an overall good diet. Getting a good night's sleep seems to be critical too. None of these can reverse aging like what Aubrey de Grey is trying but they can slow it down. Add some cosmetic therapies to your regimen and a good mindset and you might look like Jennifer Anniston or better in your 60s.

Good luck.

[Windappreciator]

You figure something out, don't worry about it too much, it's really not the end of having a good life.

 

 

Edited May 27, 2021 by Windappreciator

[Arcangelo]

I am 41

[integral]

Most spiritual gurus don't age much, might want to look into that magic formula.

If it makes you feel any better, im 31 and slept with much older women past 65. It made no difference. 

[kai0]

Hypothetically if every one was blind

do you think you would still have the same fears?

 

Did this thought experiment give you a little relief?

Edited May 26, 2021 by kai0

[Harmine]

It sucks how our society puts so much pressure on the appearance of aging women especially women . Western cultures are really tough and inhuman to the elders while in other societies they are respected for their knowledge and experience . 

Considering your self confidence issues, I wish you the best, I would say old women can be beautiful even looking tired and all... I'm still young so I'm not thinking too much about it yet but indeed... everything is fleeting, nothing ever stays still...

[Tangerinedream]

Thanks everyone ❤️ 
 

[Tangerinedream]

I know it’s mostly societal programming and how women are treated based on their looks, especially in the west. 
It’s even prominent on this forum the way women are spoken about and judged by their appearance. How women are thought to lose value with age. It’s so deeply ingrained that I think of it as true.  So when I see myself ageing I see myself as loosing value.
I wish this could change I’m hopeful ❤️ 
I probably sound like I’m being a victim, but just been feeling a down lately so that plays a part in how I feel and my inner radiance.

Edited May 28, 2021 by Tangerinedream

[mandyjw]

@TangerinedreamThere are people who hold awful feeling perspectives about themselves which they reflect on others, but you if you are practicing self love and focusing on the things you love and that are life giving, you will not take it to heart. 

YOU ARE LOVED.

People will rate your value only as a reflection of how well they rate their own. It has nothing to do with you. You are love itself.  

Start to notice how often in thought you shame yourself. Notice you do it pre-emptively, before anyone else can. Consider looking into Brene Brown's work, books and talks on shame. 

[Zeroguy]

On 5/27/2021 at 0:05 AM, integral said:

Most spiritual gurus don't age much, might want to look into that magic formula.

If it makes you feel any better, im 31 and slept with much older women past 65. It made no difference. 

What?!

You couldn't find anything younger?

[Heart of Space]

On 5/25/2021 at 3:30 AM, Tangerinedream said:

I know this isn’t exactly a serious emotional problem but I didn’t know where else to write it... 

I, like many women no doubt have fear of ageing and looking older.  It’s not about whether or not I can attract people, this is not my fear. 
this is more about how I feel, looking at myself and feeling down, looking tired more easily etc. I have always been self conscious about my appearance and I feel I’m getting worse confidence wise, not better.

How can I change this and be more radiant no matter how many wrinkles I have? 
 

 

On 5/25/2021 at 3:30 AM, Tangerinedream said:

I know this isn’t exactly a serious emotional problem but I didn’t know where else to write it... 

I, like many women no doubt have fear of ageing and looking older.  It’s not about whether or not I can attract people, this is not my fear. 
this is more about how I feel, looking at myself and feeling down, looking tired more easily etc. I have always been self conscious about my appearance and I feel I’m getting worse confidence wise, not better.

How can I change this and be more radiant no matter how many wrinkles I have? 
 

Whenever I see a post like this I think, "how do I tell this person that they are okay?"

I ask you, what's the best way for me to tell you you are ok? 

Tell me, I'll say it, and mean it.  

[Harlen Kelly]

On 5/28/2021 at 3:11 AM, Tangerinedream said:

It’s even prominent on this forum the way women are spoken about and judged by their appearance. How women are thought to lose value with age. It’s so deeply ingrained that I think of it as true.  So when I see myself ageing I see myself as loosing value.

I have bad news for you, most hetero men judge women based on their looks automatically, unconsciously and that will not change just because it makes you feel insecure. That is biologically ingrained on men to get the healthiest woman possible to reproduce with.

The ''value'' you think you will lose is a complete fiction, you don't have any value because value does not exist, it is not an inherent, observable property of reality in other words, you have infinite value. 

The actual solution to your problem is to stop deriving your sense of self from your appearance and instead ground your sense of self on the entirety of reality, that is the long-term solution to your issue. Any skin care or other procedure you part take in will not work because your appearance will keep deteriorating exponentially as you grow older, that's part of being a human being. 

[Etherial Cat]

On 28/05/2021 at 9:11 AM, Tangerinedream said:

I know it’s mostly societal programming and how women are treated based on their looks, especially in the west. 
It’s even prominent on this forum the way women are spoken about and judged by their appearance. How women are thought to lose value with age. It’s so deeply ingrained that I think of it as true.  So when I see myself ageing I see myself as loosing value.
I wish this could change I’m hopeful ❤️ 
I probably sound like I’m being a victim, but just been feeling a down lately so that plays a part in how I feel and my inner radiance.

It's a common one. Even the men I know are not keen on aging. 

Regarding men and attraction... If you scrutinize the forum, you'll see two type of men. Those who have anima issues (and will be keen on trying to disempower women, and are projecting their own feeling of disempowerment on you) and those who have a healthy relationship with women are the type of catches you'd like to date.

A man who tells you that you're only worth something at 20 and try to make you feel unsecure about aging is a man you don't want to date - and this even at 20.  So there is really no loss here.

The catch are and always were the ones who are into you because you are that specific woman who caught their attention. Physical capital is loss as time goes by but your personality and consciousness mature and that is of greater value. 

[Zeroguy]

@Etherial Cat Really? 

Isn't it just your belief, fundamentally? 

Are you trying to convince yourself in that? 

[Striving for more]

On 26/05/2021 at 11:05 PM, integral said:

If it makes you feel any better, im 31 and slept with much older women past 65. It made no difference. 

I honestly have a BIG fantasy to sleep with older women & I'm early-mid twenties. 

I genuinely find women in their 30's - 60's more attractive than women my own age. 

I fantasise about sleeping with older women WAY more often than I do about younger.

I also seem to notice older women a lot more often in public & have a bigger desire to flirt with them than the rest. 

 

You can maintain looks for a long long time if you do lots of self care (physical spiritual mental) 

I find older women who have bubbly personalities & don't decide that they're "old" are especially more attractive to me than younger because I intuit an ongoing, incessant love of being which isn't fleeting or dependent on being "20 or in college" 

I see no point in the mindset that "your best times in college" or "after college you can't have fun or ... "after 30 you must now be serious & boring" 

 

 

Edited June 11, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

On 25/05/2021 at 11:29 AM, mandyjw said:

I absolutely love seeing and meeting women who are much older and are living inspired lives. I've always been fascinated with older women who look so comfortable in their skin, they have this presence and confidence far greater than any younger beautiful woman that just shines through. I think the self love part is true beauty and it only gets better and better with time, especially if we pay attention to how we feel and let go of self-criticism and limiting beliefs. That's the true foundation of beauty.

This but also I genuinely find older women more physically attractive . Or at least it's a different kind of physically attractive that is no worse than that of a young woman (& often times more enticing)

Like my ideal fling would be with a bubbly hot lady in her late 30's, 40's + (or even 50-60's) & who's like an experienced yoga instructor, meditates a lot is really chill & at peace, that would be like heaven for me. 

Edited June 11, 2021 by Striving for more