Problem field in Upbringing/Parenting

[Windappreciator]

• We assume a child cannot give itself sufficient love, therefore needs the love from the parents and seeks it
• We assume appreciation/recognition from others is an easily recognizable form of love for a human
• We assume a child has its own preferences, towards their manifestation it strives upon development and growth
• We assume the child is not a psychopath

A child is at a stage with certain preferences, naturally living these preferences out it gets fulfillment from, it can grow and learn then more easily.
The parents have their own preferences for what they recognize as good in a child when seeing them in form. Both a preference of a child meets that of the parents ( or parent ) the child gets recognition for this, which is a form of love the child sees as such, which is what the child seeks, so everything is fine. When the parents' preference does not meet that of child, then either

1. the parents recognize it still, which would be a recognition a with weaker feeling of love behind, but still fine, I suppose.

2.  it stands in conflict with a preference of the parents and therefore is neglected or discouraged.

if we have 2. then the child gets in a conflict with itself. On one hand it has its preference but on the other it seeks the love from the parents, since it is not getting it from the parents for that and it cannot love itself sufficiently, it has to bend or deny itself to continue to get love.

if the intersection with 1. and case before is high then I suppose it will get a healthy upbringing in that regard. if it is low, then the child could get entangled in a lot of conflictive thoughts and feelings, especially if the parents preferences were lower quality, than the quality of the preferences of the child, or at least where those could lead to. Unraveling those as an adult could then become very difficult or even to see through them to begin with.

 

 

I'm sorry for my selfishness

Hoping you

You never wake again

I'm sorry but I am only here

Only real when you dream of me

 

The more I try to feel you

The more I disappear

 

Close your eyes

And make me real again

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Windappreciator
grammar

[Windappreciator]

On 6/21/2021 at 9:45 AM, DragonLover said:

The issues raised are always relevant, thank you for bringing them up! Problems, or rather, difficulties are added by third parties - for example, grandparents or educators. Teachers and caregivers can look at the subject of conflict in different ways, and the task of parents, among other things, is to convey everything as accurately as possible to those people who care about their children. Therefore, when choosing Brooklyn Child Care, we paid special attention to the teaching staff and settled on Little Scholars Daycare. In general, I follow the child's condition very closely, perhaps a little too much. But it's better this way than the other way around.

I enjoyed your answer although I am not familiar with brookline child care. Thank you.

[Windappreciator]

 

This video fits here. Themes behavior to avoid as parents from arising point  2. in children.

Edited August 17, 2021 by Windappreciator

[Terell Kirby]

On 5/24/2021 at 1:06 PM, Windappreciator said:

• We assume a child cannot give itself sufficient love, therefore needs the love from the parents and seeks it

 

The child has no concept of love other than what is experienced through their relationship with their caregivers.

I think you underestimate how helpless children are at birth, on an emotional and physical level. Childhood trauma is rampant across the globe simply because abused children become parents, and transfer that trauma to their kids. This happens from generation to generation.

[Windappreciator]

26 minutes ago, Terell Kirby said:

I think you underestimate how helpless children are at birth, on an emotional and physical level. 

Can you point out where I underestimate what?

Edited August 17, 2021 by Windappreciator

[Windappreciator]

This video also fits here with a simpler explanation of point 2. 

 

Edited August 20, 2021 by Windappreciator