Can you actually change your personality? I hate my personality

[ShardMare]

Yes you can change your beliefs, change a bit but can you actually do a 180° turn? Can you actually change your personality? Like fake it till you make it? Or its just creates problems? How much do you change when you are in your teens? Is it hard when u've grown up? What is personality anyways? 
My traits:
Who am I: loner, quiet, passive, irritable, numb, unemotional, neurotic, uncreative, no strong personality no style, sometimes serious sometimes just depressed, thoughtless, honest, practical, calm, openminded, loyal, a bit hopeful, a bit selfish idk else.
What i value: improvement, freedom, creativity, concern for others, kindness, knowledge, love, resourcefulness, truth,achievement,curiosity, feelings, purpose,spontaneity,individuality
Idk its weird, why do i value these things? Why i dont have none of those then?
When did u guys experience huge personality change? A huge dose of dmt would feel really good, maybe my personality would change ...

[Leo Gura]

Sounds to me like if you socialized a lot you could change many of those weak parts of yourself.

This is what you need, not psychedelics:

https://www.actualized.org/insights/high-status-communication

[kinesin]

@ShardMare  Can you list some values and traits which you think you don't have?

[ShardMare]

@Leo Gura Yeah that will help but its hard to meet people here in my town and at my school i dont want to cringe at myself and i dont want to get to know other students idk the whole conversation and the chat would be about petty stuff. Idk how to get attention, how to be interesting... Nobody starts a conversation with me and im usually carrying the whole chat... I will try to be more interesting, get more emotional, chat and meet people here online then maybe people IRL will start caring about me.

@kinesin  traits:Energetic,adventurous, confident, noisy, thoughtful, hardworking,creative,spontaneity,kindness,originality, imaginative,artistic.

Values: f.e. change. I cant really name more...

[kinesin]

1 hour ago, ShardMare said:

traits:Energetic,adventurous, confident, noisy, thoughtful, hardworking,creative,spontaneity,kindness,originality, imaginative,artistic.

You can't think yourself toward developing new traits - they're things you realize about yourself when you involve yourself in things which require them.  So the question really is - where can you put yourself that you'll begin manifesting those traits?  Imo one of the best answers you'll find is to join a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class.  That'll make you energetic, adventurous, confident and hardworking.  The people you meet there will make you noisy, spontaneous and kind.  As to being creative, original, imaginitive and artistic?  Take an art class.  Learn an instrument.  Go to a yoga class.  Try your hand at whatever people with those qualities tend to do.

Think of yourself like a piece on a game board which takes on new qualities when moved to different places on the board.  You want a specific quality?  Physically move yourself toward situations which bring it out of you.  Truly, the hardest part is actually taking the action to put yourself in such situations - but if you develop the ability to do it, then a whole new world of possibilities will open up to you.

[JonasVE12]

I think it's good to remind yourself that your personality is not static and permanent. Rather look at it as something that is very dynamic and expands given a certain input of experience. It seems that your values are things you wish to claim that you currently lack. Almost opposites of your current personality traits. You described yourself as the following: "loner, quiet, passive, irritable, numb, unemotional, neurotic", and seem to want to allign your personality more to other traits such as confidence, feeling and purpose. I think what @kinesin said is very relevant. How can you engage in activities that stimulate the growth and expansion of your personality, so you can adopt more of your values as personality traits and claim them in your being? I think the proces for you starts when you can identify exactly where you lack confidence. You can do that by observing fear & limitations. Where do they manifest? Where do you hold back? 

After that, you can slowly step into the tension required to gain that confidence. If you feal physically intimated often on the street by people, you can learn to step into tension in martial arts for example. If you are socially anxious, you can expand in this area as well as gently step into tension to gradually expand your comfortzone and adopt social freedom. (This actual practical proces deserves a new topic in itself because there is a lot of nuance involved in it.)

As a result, you break through a lot of personal barriers that currently keep you from living in allignment with other values as well. Let's say you become more confident, automatically, you become more emotionally expressive and feel more emotions, as it is not repressed by shame, fear and apathy anymore. 

You start living more in allignment with yourself and become more authentic if you aren't ruled by fear, which in turn allows you to shift your attention from this state of lack to a more expansive mindset of free creative expression and creation. You might find your life purpose in this state of being. 

The key is developing awarenss and forming a long term vision in which you confront these parts of yourself so you can grow out of them. Reading books, spirituality and doing other self-help activities are fine, but remind yourself that working on the level of the intellect does not by itself bring out a real emotional change. You really want to come face to face with yourself and get into a space that challenges you. Start living on your edge, instead of your bedroom/basement. That's where real expansion happens. 

[ShardMare]

@kinesin thank you now i get it. Just look for certain environments,activities, people. Ok

@JonasVE12 thank u 

[mandyjw]

@ShardMare What we value is who we are, but you gotta drop the doubt. People who enjoy humor are funny. People who truly love beauty are artists. They don't even think about it. People who love it when they see kindness in the world are kind. Just stop doubting yourself and focus on what you want to see, in yourself, in another, wherever you see it.

No wiser words have been spoken. "He who smelt it dealt it."

[Girzo]

@ShardMare It will come with age, if you work at least a little bit on it.

Check out Charlie from Charisma on Command channel on YouTube, he has some good tips. Watch the videos, do the exercises, you will become quite charismatic, quite fast.

He also has a video course for $597, which is pricey as hell, but full of structured exercises. It's a quality product, but doesn't even come close to the price/quality ratio of the Leo's course, haha.

You know what I would do? I would watch videos on Charlie's channel and try to put them into action. Gain some experience, for a month or two let's say, and then trip on 100 mcg LSD and try to understand how charisma works even deeper and integrate it into your personality. But nothing will work if you don't put the work in.

[kinesin]

7 minutes ago, ShardMare said:

@kinesin thank you now i get it. Just look for certain environments,activities, people. Ok

Yes, just look for the environments and activities which require the traits you're seeking, and take part in them.  There will be anxiety, you'll feel nervous and unsure, that's normal.  Power through.  Ignore videos, forget trying to change your mindset or your focus, simply put yourself into the situations.

[Raptorsin7]

@ShardMare Psychidelics can be very dangerous and I've had many trips where i got violently sick etc. 

But I've experienced complete personality shifts on psychidelics after resting as pure awareness and breathing deeply into this experience. Felt like a completely different person. It was like my entire being got a software update. Complete transformation.

But psychs are not a quick fix. I had already meditated for years and I essentially combined self inquiry with my trip. Just the drugs alone won't work. And even then It's not a guarantee they work everytime

[Jacob Morres]

3 hours ago, Girzo said:

You know what I would do? I would watch videos on Charlie's channel and try to put them into action. Gain some experience, for a month or two let's say, and then trip on 100 mcg LSD and try to understand how charisma works even deeper and integrate it into your personality. But nothing will work if you don't put the work in.

?? i like it 

[Brenzo2]

Dude! You are going to have to cringe at yourself. Its going to happen! Cringe is the best medicine; if reflected on or experienced consciously! 

[DIDego]

@ShardMare Chakra blockages?

Just an easy readable example, you got to both seek more about it and practice(if you dont already know this)

https://chopra.com/articles/learn-about-your-seven-chakras-and-how-to-keep-them-in-balance

Yep, works at least for me, my view what i as human being had belief was in concrete and really hard to accept until it was AHA- got it.

Well being seems stem from: Clean water, NON processed and if possible organic food, meditation, exercise-movement body, yoga(India) and various activities that not makes life one-sided.

Minimalism when it comes to news and particular our day-to-day toxic media, that even makes the most positive person unhappy easily.

Of course there are much more to change personality, if you want to do it.

Let go of resistance, to be able let go, of what you not want in life.

[DIDego]

Spontaneous extension of former post 

Im serious and want to be understod when do post in this forum, there is possible develop skill in everything, also how to write, thru practice even for almost me as was finish 12-year in school, more or less as an uneducated person but as a experienced practical person = it gets better and less time consuming nowadays write, and to top that these post are not in my native language.

Help others have helped me be in many ways, motivated to heal, break limitations and able start learn what needed to be holistic.

Share personal perspectives, can also be a way to help others.

@ShardMare This might be a video as a bridge that you appreciate.

I was traumatized in early years, so was not able grasp the school of theory and be that fully academical educated that society nowadays often set on a unreachable piedestal.

Mostly of my experience comes from in-person perspectives, that have been awful painful and gave tremendous suffering.

❤️ Now it is awesome and makes my life wonderful, from nowadays "180 degree" point of view or how to say it..

❤️ Yes, some comes to the surface sometimes that not handled(trauma based), i get surprisingly glad nowadays, to get aware and be able do something about it, in my search to be free, step by step.

When someone that lack the written word, and try write to someone, there are many well educated that can express better in words, in words that got most said logical or get most attention at least.

So therefor try to compensate that somehow, i will use more of from my point of view, related videos, to enhance my written post.

//

Edited May 25, 2021 by DIDego
Correcting grammar issues

[Matt23]

The term personality could be seen different ways.

In a more psychological sense, usually it is something more fixed and doesnt change much.  Like your Big5 or Myers Briggs types.

In a personal development sense, you can absolutely change your beliefs, behaviors, feelings, thoughts, interests, fears, etc.  

I see it like everyone has a more fixed personality type which just sort of "comes through" naturally, and the perso  themselves probably isn't very aware of it as much as others are.  But then you've got all the other stuff, like behaviors and feelings and thoughts etc., which you can change.  

Basically, i think it's part working on changing what you can change and want to change, and part accepting yourself as you are authentically.  

 

Work towards creating the you that you want to be. 

Discover and accept yourself and authenticity exactly as you are.

Edited May 25, 2021 by Matt23

[ShardMare]

@mandyjw thank you

The problem is that when theres so much stress and sh*t in your life you go through life as a blind person. Theres so much distraction, unconsciousness that u lost who you are, u cant remember ur values. 

@Raptorsin7 yeah ik psychedelics are not an answer but it seems easy. I just smoke it and i just get an aha moment...

@DIDego yes i know about chakras they can be helpful. Thank you for ur kindness. I would love to hear more from ur story. 

@Matt23 well i hope my big5 and mbti will change...

 

[Eternal Unity]

@DIDego Thanks

[hyruga]

You can change your personality enough to the point where people thought 'you have changed', 'you are someone else'. Most certainty, you do not have the same personality when you are 3 year old, 13 year old, 23 year old, 33 year old and more. People change all the time. 

Now all of you will be violently protesting against what I just wrote. Read up 4 reasons why MBTI sucks https://steemit.com/psychology/@saunter/5-reasons-why-mbti-sucks

1. MBTI misinterprets Jung's theory

2. Poor psychometric properties

3. Overestimation of type significance

4. "Type dynamics"

The hardest to change part is the introvert/extrovert but you can change it enough such that others will think you are an extrovert.

Other type such as INTJ to INTP can be changed easily when you become a less judgemental and become a more feeling person.

INFP to INTP also can be done when you do a lot of reading and thinking and simply decide to think more instead of relying on feelings.

When people grow older, they also tend to have more wisdom and they tend to see the bigger picture so people become more intuitve when they grow older (Eg ESFP to ENFP)

 

To change your personality, you should read up on Freud, Adler and Jung's theories too.

Edited May 26, 2021 by hyruga

[Harikrishnan]

Imagine a personality that has every value you want. How will he behave, how does he feel. now act like him, imagine scenarios, then feel like how that personality feel. slowly incoporate that into your normal day activities. also script, write story about yourself in new set of value. also you can write a different past stories, dont just cling to one, rewrite your whole life. Be creative, this is your life, you can make it however you want.