Is it ethical for a guy to break a girl's heart ?

[Harlen Kelly]

@Preety_India You should stop having sex with that person, not because having sex without commitment is ''bad'' or inherently creates suffering, but because you are emotionally attached to him and this relationship is creating suffering in your life. 

It isn't healthy because it's actively creating suffering. You won't be able to let go of hearts expectations because you are emotionally attached. 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Rajneeshpuram]

When I was young I was very good looking. Some girls feel in love with me. Casually, they didnt like me, so I rejected them, and break their heart.

But I never was searching for that responsability in the first place? Should I marry the first girl who fell for me to not hurts this feelings?

[Roy]

These are just classic problems of people not being honest about what they are after and communicating it.

Anytime you are being dishonest about your intentions, or manipulating communication, it's unethical. This is obvious.

[Preety_India]

@Rajneeshpuram falling for someone is totally different from seducing someone into a relationship. 

Even if a guy fell for me,  I can still reject him and a guy can do the same. I won't call it breaking heart after a relationship has developed, I would simply call it rejection. 

This is completely different from engaging in a relationship and creating hope for commitment and then abandoning after sexual gratification.  

It's like you are in love with a girl and she is also in love with you and you both made plans for a commitment and you both made promises and after a few passionate times, she simply abandoned you because she only wanted it temporary. However this intent wasn't expressed in the beginning. Then it's definitely a proper heart break. Because she got you  emotionally and sexually involved and then abandoned. 

You don't have an obligation to marry if the relationship doesn't even exist.  Obligations are only discussed when a relationship develops and emotional attachment happens. 

 

[Preety_India]

11 minutes ago, Roy said:

These are just classic problems of people not being honest about what they are after and communicating it.

Anytime you are being dishonest about your intentions, or manipulating communication, it's unethical. This is obvious.

Would it be considered guilty pleasure to sleep with such a guy and even if its guilty pleasure,  what's the cost of enjoying such pleasure (morality, sexuality and emotionality  wise)?

 

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

22 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@Preety_India You should stop having sex with that person, not because having sex without commitment is ''bad'' or inherently creates suffering, but because you are emotionally attached to him and this relationship is creating suffering in your life. 

It isn't healthy because it's actively creating suffering. You won't be able to let go of hearts expectations because you are emotionally attached. 

And what happens if I don't develop emotional attachment for him(if I consciously console myself to not have emotional attachment ),  would it then be healthy for me to get addicted to his sex and continue it with him and compromise with my principles related to commitment?

Would it be morally and emotionally healthy/unhealthy  or come with zero consequences?

 

[Roy]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Would it be considered guilty pleasure to sleep with such a guy and even if its guilty pleasure,  what's the cost of enjoying such pleasure (morality, sexuality and emotionality  wise)?

Guilty pleasures are still pleasures.

The cost is how much of your soul are you willing to sell to the devil ?

I've had many first dates where I've had sex knowing it would taint the relationship right from that start, but I did it anyways.

I wised up and learned though because I started being honest about the cost, and my own values.

You ask too many questions, go do some experimenting and action!

[Preety_India]

@Roy so you mean to say it's bad to do it and it should be avoided?

 

[Harlen Kelly]

1 hour ago, Heart of Space said:

@Preety_India  Thank you.  I'm very happy you brought up this topic.  I think men need to understand this.  

It's very important that we protect women from this piggish males and their gross behavior.  It's disgusting me how some men view women to be used in this manor for their physical pleasure.  It's not right in my opinion.  

Perhaps I'm being too harsh, but it's just how I feel on this subject.  I feel very strongly this way.  

''It's important that we save these defenseless, sublime females from the wrongdoings of these male monsters'' 

Lol

Edited May 24, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Heart of Space]

1 minute ago, Harlen Kelly said:

''It's important that we save these defenseless females from the wrongdoings of these male monsters'' 

Thank you.  I couldn't have asked for a better paraphrase. 

[Roy]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@Roy so you mean to say it's bad to do it and it should be avoided?

 

You've been here long enough to answer such a question.

[intotheblack]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

But also don't forget how often sexy girl breaks a guy's heart and don't gives a fuck.

 

[Shin]

I wonder if faking being friend with someone, and making that person spends lots of time and energy by giving me affection and money, while knowing I will stop talking to that person as soon as I get what I want, ethical ?

[Preety_India]

@Shin isn't that similar to the question of breaking hearts?

 

[Zion]

 

6 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Should one let go of the hearts expectations and simply give into the attraction felt in the moment or should one stop surrendering to it and preserve oneself for something more committed?

 

Thats all up to you. 

Some good questions to ask yourself & contemplate would be:

- Why does it have to be either, or?

- Why am I attached to commitment?

- Why am I attracted to manipulation?

- Am I ok with the manipulation?

- Why am I ok or not ok with the manipulation?

- Why am I ok or not ok with casual relationships?

- Do the reasons I use to answer why, feel like excuses or whole-hearted answers?

- Why can't I accept ____?

- Why can I accept _____?

- Am I considering all options?

- What would someone who's got this figured out be doing?

[Barbara]

Why is it important if it's ethical or not?

[Applegarden8]

16 hours ago, Barbara said:

Why is it important if it's ethical or not?

I am having the same question. 

[Preety_India]

@Barbara @Applegarden8

A) just the simple curiosity to know whether it's ethical or not

B) if it's unethical,  it's much easier to avoid wanting to be with such a person since there are no moral blockages so you don't feel like you really missed out on something. In case you got hurt, it's easy to understand why and a satisfaction or closure as to why such a relationship can hurt. 

C) if it's ethical, then there is too much moral confusion. Not easy to make a decision here. It could easily mean that I/you are being in the wrong for being hurt, which leads to feelings of unresolved guilt, or feelings of not only hurt but also the feeling of being wrong for being hurt, there is no closure for this hurt,  it creates more confusion knowing that if you're wrong for being hurt, you now have to address this wrong however the hurt feeling happened naturally so there was no way you could have not had it,  so it might feel like double punishment. 

An analogy I can come up with is this. 

Let's say I don't know whether stealing is  ethical or unethical. 

Now person A stole something from me. I feel hurt.  But someone told me that it's completely ethical what person A did. However my hurt remains because I suffered a loss even if someone told me that there is nothing unethical about what the robber/thief did. This then begs the question -why did I feel hurt? It also creates a conflict in thought that the hurt came naturally, it did not feel forced,  then what's the solution to this hurt and how is it going to be resolved if everything was ethical, it creates moral confusion because now there is no closure to this hurt, its like pain without cause, which sounds absurd because for every effect there is cause which takes it back to the same question of whether it's ethical or not. 

Unresolved hurt/pain can lead to trauma. Sometimes you feel like you're being denied the acknowledgement of the source of the hurt. 

 

[Applegarden8]

@Preety_India thanks for your answer. Well, at least I feel, ethics is an axiom that came from morality which came from law, at least in my underestanding.

Ethics may involve an element of empathy. But at the end of the day, it's all about the reception of the loss or break, betrayal e.c.t. while ethics is a flexible pool of notions about how one should act, the pain for whatever reason is pretty solid. I don't think a binary answer is not applicable to this question, if it can be answered at all, and what an answer can explain (both yes or no to this question in particular)? 

[Jodistrict]

It’s unethical to lie.  Giving false promises would be an example of a lie.  But, I believe it is also unethical to be dishonest.   You can be dishonest by not saying anything and leading someone on without correcting their misunderstanding.   Having someone give you love and then withdraw it creates an intense state of suffering and betrayal and makes the world that much meaner.   Also, false gurus do the same thing to manipulate people – love bomb and then withdraw affection to control behavior.  It is cruel and evil.  I actually prefer strong women who are street smart and don’t fall for this.  They tend to be very positive about men and don’t have the traumas that the next man has to deal with.