Is it ethical for a guy to break a girl's heart ?

[Preety_India]

Is it ethical for a sexy attractive guy to game a girl, seduce her, have sex with her and then break her heart by walking away  after getting her heart and body ?

I've thought of scenarios where the guy is totally irresistible but he breaks the woman's heart after getting her involved sexually. Is it fair? Can we call it love ?

What if he does it to every girl who is attracted to him and enjoys his game ? Would that be loving for him to do this?

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Preety_India

[Leo Gura]

No

Suffering should be minimized.

But also don't forget how often sexy girl breaks a guy's heart and don't gives a fuck.

Girls ain't angels.

[intotheblack]

No, knowingly using someone isn’t ethical. 

But sometimes hearts get broken and it can’t be helped.  Because In the beginning there is lust and after that is gone you awaken to the incompatibility. 

 

[EnlightenmentBlog]

[Karmadhi]

@Preety_India Both genders have messed up people that will toy with emotions of others and break their hearts. This is not a gender thing. What both guys and girls should do is try to scan these kind of people and avoid them as much as possible. Big fatty juicy burgers are irresistible, does not mean you should eat them. Have some wisdom regarding who you sleep with. Just like you have wisdom regarding what you put in your body. Sometimes the best things for you are not very obvious from a pure hedonistic point of view, like plain salad for example. Nuance.

And btw this is not a gender thing, both genders fall prey to this. This advice works on everyone

Edited May 24, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Preety_India]

@Peter Miklis abandoning after sex(once or after multiple times).

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Peter Miklis he wants the "high" of winning a person, attracting them, achieve sex/sexual pleasure arising from this attraction and then when it's achieved, leave. Just attracting and seducing some girl for enjoying the  "high" of winning or conquest and then being bored after sexual encounters. But making promises of forever Love, yet lacking emotional commitment, Just wanting to game in the name of love and enjoying trapping the girl's heart.

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Preety_India

[Karmadhi]

@Peter Miklis It is not ethical behavior for sure. Just because you can do something does not mean it is ethical to do.

[Ferdi Le]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

No

Suffering should be minimized.

But also don't forget how often sexy girl breaks a guy's heart and don't gives a fuck.

Girls ain't angels.

I hear what you are saying, but I guess for a lot of girls those situations can serve as entrance points to develop themselves more.  Being attached to a random attractive guy makes the girl about as sophisticated as a dog.

Edited May 24, 2021 by Ferdi Le

[Preety_India]

@Peter Miklis  I mean obviously the girl can enjoy the short time that she gets to spend with the guy, especially the  sexual attraction phase which is very strong in the beginning few weeks,  if the girl doesn't keep expectations of an emotional commitment, yet the problem is that girls need emotional  connection, they (or at least girls like me ) find it difficult to be attracted to a  guy who is not giving the vibes of commitment,  so the attraction to a guy is not only sexual but also emotional, and this is picked by the guy,  so he isn't hesitant in playing her emotions because that's the way he is going to get her attention,  but once he spends sexual time with her, he knows in his mind that he is fooling her but he wants his chance with her anyway, he also knows that he doesn't want anything long term with her,  not just her any other girl as well, because the likes the fun of sexual chemistry and attraction and once that is achieved, he quickly abandons.  However the girl faces a dilemma.  Whether to continue to want to have sex with this dude, especially if he is too hot to resist sexually and romantically,  or forget him because of his lack of commitment and look for a guy who is more committed even if he is not attractive.  

It's the the brain enjoys the attraction game he plays yet the heart is not impressed, even disgusted at such games.  But the mind craves the chemistry he creates. 

It's like the body produces chemicals for the guy when he is around  and without much effort yet the heart says no to such hurtful games,  but the mind finds it hard to resist the sexual attraction.  Of course the girl can enjoy it temporarily as long as this seductive player guy gives her sex.  Or she can  decide to move on. 

It's a battle between the heart and sexual chemicals. 

What is healthy for her in this situation?

 

[Karmadhi]

@Peter Miklis That is what i advised people to do, have some wisdom on who they decide to sleep with. Of course people do not like to do that, so my comment was conveniently ignored

[Harlen Kelly]

@Ferdi Le The same could be said for men. 

@Preety_India The factual, observable reality is that men don't owe you a monogamous relationship, and you don't owe men sexual relationships. 

The faster you realize this, the less you will suffer. The idea that a guy has to have a monogamous relationship with you after he nails you down is a made up, selfish expectation that will only create suffering. That rule only exists in your mind, you made it up. That also applies to all your other expectations. 

If somebody does not have the behavioral patterns you desire, you can simply meet somebody else, but unfortunately you cannot force a guy to be with you, and a guy cannot for you to have sex with him. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Harlen Kelly how can wanting a deep emotional connection be a selfish  expectation? What kind of a bond  holds two people together and if it's so temporary that they simply forget each other then how fickle is that bond?

Where is the place for deep emotions in such a relationship? Deep emotions don't end abruptly.  And in the absence of such emotions, how can such a bond be called love?

Emotions exist for a reason and when emotions are involved, it's natural for such emotions to crave a lasting connection. 

I fail to see selfishness in this. It's like saying loving your blood is selfish. But all wonderful relationships whether it's blood relationships or friendships are rooted in loyalty. Without loyalty how can a bond even exist?

Without loyalty or emotions, which relationship has truly made any sense? Then it would be pure hedonism. 

In fact I see the opposite.  I see pure selflessness in wanting to be someone's companion forever or in being a loyal friend. 

Because it takes a lot to commit someone  

If people didn't value commitment, the word loyalty or marriage would cease to exist. 

 

[Heart of Space]

Consent and honesty is key @Preety_India

Anything outside of those two things is NOT ethical.  Period.  

[Preety_India]

@Heart of Space oh wow that's good. 

[Heart of Space]

@Preety_India  Thank you.  I'm very happy you brought up this topic.  I think men need to understand this.  

It's very important that we protect women from this piggish males and their gross behavior.  It's disgusting me how some men view women to be used in this manor for their physical pleasure.  It's not right in my opinion.  

Perhaps I'm being too harsh, but it's just how I feel on this subject.  I feel very strongly this way.  

[Harlen Kelly]

@Preety_India Wanting to have a monogamous relationship is selfish simply because its main objective is to advance and guarantee your survival (psychologically, emotionally and physically) that does not mean is a ''bad'' or ''immoral'' thing, but it is categorically selfish. Just like a guy wanting to have sex with multiple women is also selfish, categorically different than wanting to have a monogamous relationship but selfish nonetheless. 

Not only is the expectation of a monogamous relationship selfish, it also creates a lot of suffering for you. Why? Simply because you cannot force anybody to have a monogamous relationship with you, that is completely out of your control. 

Selfish does not necessarily mean bad, and there is nothing wrong with survival, you just have to survive consciously and don't delude yourself into thinking that your survival is ''above'' or ''pure''. It's just survival. 

By the way, the desire for a monogamous relationship is what I am describing as selfish, I am not talking about deep connections or emotional bonds. You can have deep connections and unconditional love for people without wanting to have a monogamous relationship with them, or projecting any expectations on them. 

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Preety_India]

@Harlen Kelly but nobody is forcing anyone.

It's just an expectation, plain and simple,  just the way we expect ourselves to be honest.  

How can a relationship or any friendship exist in reality without  expectation?

Wouldn't we allow ourselves to be completely scammed if we never had any expectations?

Then why do we choose healthy food in a grocery store? Because we expect that the product is designed to keep us healthy?

How can any human being even survive without expectations, wouldn't they end up dead sooner or later?

And I dont understand why the word forced was used?

Well expectations are never forced.  A person is always free to not fulfill expectations and simply walk away. Who is forcing them to conform and how is such force applied?

 

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Preety_India

[Harlen Kelly]

@Preety_India

''How can any human being even survive without expectations, wouldn't they end up dead sooner or later?''

That is exactly my point that you fail to understand, survival is selfishness which again does not make survival ''immoral'' or ''bad'', it simply makes your survival selfish. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a monogamous relationship or a family for that matter, the problem occurs when you delude yourself into thinking that what you are doing is not survival and is not selfish. 

Your expectation for a monogamous relationship after a guy has sex with you will create unnecessary and deep suffering, it will also severely limit your psychological growth and development, this is painfully obvious and I am certain you intuitively know this.

If you never had any expectations what would happen in practice (not in theory) is you would feel deeply connected and joyous with this moment. That's what happens in practice when you let go of expectations. 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Harlen Kelly said:

monogamous relationship or a family for that matter, the problem occurs when you delude yourself into thinking that what you are doing is not survival and is not selfish. 

I never said that it's not survival.  It is definitely a part of survival. But even though it's selfish, I see it as necessary rather than as bad. 

 

1 minute ago, Harlen Kelly said:

Your expectation for a monogamous relationship after a guy has sex with you will create unnecessary and deep suffering, it will also severely limit your psychological growth and development, this is very obvious and I am certain you intuitively know this.

Without such an expectation, I won't even consent to sex with a guy. He won't deserve it in my eyes, a relationship wouldn't even begin from my end. 

However the dilemma is not the obvious suffering such an expectation would create since I'm not trying to eliminate such a suffering.  

The dilemma is whether it's healthy or not. Whether allowing my heart to be broken  is okay? Whether  such suffering is worth the amount of sex had with him?

And the other dilemma is whether to continue  to enjoy sex with him or continue wanting him both romantically and sexually and keep feeding the hunger for his lust?

In other words, whether to give up sex if he is not committed or continue enjoying his  ways of giving sex even if it's not going to be long term?

Will having sex with him lead to becoming lenient with sexual boundaries and remove the essence of pure innocence one has before entering such relationships? Will it make a person more immune or redundant when it comes to pure innocent emotional love (like feeling used up sexually,  usually men who are 18 and have sex with much older ladies tend to experience such immunity or redundancy, they can't experience the joy of the first kiss anymore,  they feel sexually used up). 

Should one let go of the hearts expectations and simply give into the attraction felt in the moment or should one stop surrendering to it and preserve oneself for something more committed?