Ex is willing to give up sex to get back together

[somegirl]

So me and my ex met up today because he told me I forgot an item in his house so he wanted to give it to me.

We broke up 2 months ago so this is the first time I saw him. We talked a bit, and I told him (since we were talking about our relationship) that I wouldn't be willing to have sex with him because I have developed aversion towards it so I feel more at peace when I don't do it.

He told me that he would be okay with not having sex because he misses so much and he wants me more than sex itself.

Is he telling the truth? 

He is obviously a heterosexual guy with needs so I was suspicious about this. 

 

Edited May 23, 2021 by somegirl

[Leo Gura]

Pathetic guy.

Stay away! This is not good for him or you.

[Harlen Kelly]

@somegirl He is manipulative and incredibly pathetic. A good representation of a weak, codependent doormat. 

[RendHeaven]

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

So me and my ex met up today because he told me I forgot an item in his house so he wanted to give it to me.

We broke up 2 months ago so this is the first time I saw him. We talked a bit, and I told him (since we were talking about our relationship) that I wouldn't be willing to have sex with him because I have developed aversion towards it so I feel more at peace when I don't do it.

He told me that he would be okay with not having sex because he misses so much and he wants me more than sex itself.

Is he telling the truth? 

He is obviously a heterosexual guy with needs so I was suspicious about this. 

The fact that you have a manipulating snake slithering in front of you and yet you need the forum to tell you to run away - as though that were not obvious - is kinda cute.

[universe]

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

We talked a bit, and I told him (since we were talking about our relationship) that I wouldn't be willing to have sex with him because I have developed aversion towards it so I feel more at peace when I don't do it.

Why would you tell him this?

Did it happend like this:

You told him you would be fine with being together again on the condition you don't have sex.

He agreed.

[Roy]

Don't do it. Relationship ended for a reason! Your suspicions are a signal coming from a valid place.

Edited May 24, 2021 by Roy

[somegirl]

9 hours ago, universe said:

Why would you tell him this?

Did it happend like this:

You told him you would be fine with being together again on the condition you don't have sex.

He agreed.

We talked about our relationship and us possibly getting back together, and so I told him that of we were to ever get back together, that I wouldn't be having sex since I feel more at peace when I don't (because of an aversion I have). And that wouldn't be fair towards him and me also, I said.

That's when he told me he would be okay with not having sex because he realized for him I am more important than sex itself.

Honestly, he said all the right things during this conversation. He was willing to sacrifice lots of stuff for me...

Edited May 24, 2021 by somegirl

[somegirl]

9 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

The fact that you have a manipulating snake slithering in front of you and yet you need the forum to tell you to run away - as though that were not obvious - is kinda cute.

It might be cute to you, but he is very good with negotiating and honestly, he said all the right things yesterday. He was basically willing to sacrifice a lot for me.

[somegirl]

@Harlen Kelly @Leo Gura

Thanks for your advice.

I too was taken aback by how much he was willing to do just so we can get back together. He was telling me all the "right things" that I almost felt bad declining. I just thought it was unfair towards him to suffer because of potential lack of sex, and frankly it would be unfair towards me too because I wouldn't enjoy it due to my aversion from it. 

[intotheblack]

Why did you break up in the first place? Those problems will likely arise again. 
I would also question what is it around sex that you don’t like? 

[Leo Gura]

@somegirl It is kinda ridickilous that you expect to be in a relatiinship with a guy and not have sex.

This is like buying a cat and telling him there will be no litterbox and no pooing.

[StarStruck]

19 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@somegirl It is kinda ridickilous that you expect to be in a relatiinship with a guy and not have sex.

This is like buying a cat and telling him there will be no litterbox and no pooing.

A lot of relationships end in a no sex zone and people stay together for the kids but in new relationships sex is important. 

[somegirl]

37 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@somegirl It is kinda ridickilous that you expect to be in a relatiinship with a guy and not have sex.

This is like buying a cat and telling him there will be no litterbox and no pooing.

Sure. I told him it wouldn't be fair towards him and it wouldn't be a healthy relationship if it doesn't involve intimacy. But he insisted that he wouldn't mind us not having sex as long as I am with him. "And then maybe things would eventually change", he said.

I know that I would not want it. I would just be forcing myself. I have fear of it and I am honestly more happier when I don't do it. Then I wouldn't be worrying of potentially catching something or getting pregnant.
 

Edited May 24, 2021 by somegirl

[somegirl]

2 hours ago, intotheblack said:

Why did you break up in the first place? Those problems will likely arise again. 
I would also question what is it around sex that you don’t like? 

Breakup happened for many reasons: his sexual condition which I was afraid would threaten me in the long run, so I have developed some kind of overall fear towards sex because of it (plus I think I have lack of trust in him because, as an older guy with much more experience than me, I thought he would know more about potential dangers of sex without protection, which he didn't, which made me fearful) ,
and another reason was my discomfort due to age gap (I thought I would get used to it). He is a guy in his early thirties, different stage in life than mine.

[Harlen Kelly]

@StarStruck Only a very pathetic man would accept such a relationship. 

[Harlen Kelly]

@somegirl You can do a lot better than him. A relationship with such a codependent person will not lead to personal growth or psychological development. 

[StarStruck]

49 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@StarStruck Only a very pathetic man would accept such a relationship. 

If there are kids involved, people make the sacrifice. It is very main stream if you look at the statistic. Usually it is one of the two who get fat, the woman not getting wet or guy not interested in a fat chick, both are miserable but they stay together because of the kids.

[somegirl]

@StarStruck There are no kids involved in this story. I would have mentioned it. lol

[somegirl]

@Harlen Kelly I get what you mean. Thanks.

[RendHeaven]

4 hours ago, somegirl said:

It might be cute to you, but he is very good with negotiating and honestly, he said all the right things yesterday. He was basically willing to sacrifice a lot for me.

Yes - he said all of the "right things" to manipulate you. That is the nature of good manipulation lol.

If there was authentic love between you two, he wouldn't have to bribe you with "sacrifice."