I don't like to be masculine

[Max Green]

16 hours ago, universe said:

If you want to start to enjoy your masculine side you could explore it in different avenues in your life. Not only while playing instruments. See how it feels.

For example what avenues?

[Max Green]

15 hours ago, Roy said:

@Max Green With that particular kind of woman you don't even need to be THAT masculine to attract her. She isn't looking for fucking Dwyane Johnson to swoop in and pick her up with one hand lol.

Personally I'm not even that masculine comparatively in my own gender, but I know when to apply it and I don't neglect it. So if I do want to attract that kind of women I can pull that out of my "bag" so to speak, and get the job done. There is no reason you can't do that either even if you are very "feminine" like you say.

I think you're scared and have the false assumption that you need to completely change and go to the other side of the pendulum, and become this sunglass pop-T wearing douche so you can provide what she might want. This isn't the case, that's actually a messy and reckless way to do it. What is important is recognizing what it takes to become a healthy developed person, and adequately working on your weak spots so they don't hold you back.

A "real" man isn't someone who is purely traditionally masculine, it's a complete person who has leveled up all aspects, male & female, within themselves and is so secure within that that they cannot be shaken by the world or other people.

Thanks man! Something clicked within me when i read this post.

[cookiemonster]

Generally speaking, which of these 8 statements do you most identity as:-

 

1. A man who likes to penetrate women.

2, A woman who likes to be penetrated by men.

3. A man who likes to penetrate men.

4. A man who likes to be penetrated by men.

5. A woman who likes to penetrate women.

6. A woman who likes to be penetrated by women.

7. A man who likes to be penetrated by women.

8. A woman who likes to penetrate men.

 

 

[universe]

You might want to see if you can enjoy these activities.

• Speaking in a deep voice, clear and decisive.
• Lead other people, guide them and tell them what to do.
• Create space, first for yourself and then for others. Ground your bubble.
• Heavy exercise. Something like boxing, sprinting, weight lifting or even just push ups.
• Look out for others in need, manage their situation for them. Create a container.
• Breath deeply and be present.
• Don't avoid tension. If you have the urge to change the topic or leave. Stay.
• Step into tension. Say whatever is on your mind, be loud, get noticed. Touch others.
• Handle conflict. Don't avoid conflict.
• Hold eye contact.
• Smile and be self-amused with other people. Do things for fun. Or to make the situation more fun.
• When you talk to an attractive woman and feel turned on, embrace that feeling. Don't hide it.

 

 

 

[Max Green]

11 hours ago, cookiemonster said:

1. A man who likes to penetrate women.

7. A man who likes to be penetrated by women.

This two.

1. I like the idea of penetrating a woman, but i kinda afraid of it, because i never did it successfully. When i think of sex i mostly fantasise about oral and anal penetration, rarely about penetrating a vagina.

7. Never tried, but maybe i'll try it someday  

[Max Green]

10 hours ago, universe said:

You might want to see if you can enjoy these activities

 

• Speaking in a deep voice, clear and decisive. - It feels super-unnatural to me. When i tried it my girl said that she liked it. But I'm not always able to reproduce it intentionally so i can please her.
• Lead other people, guide them and tell them what to do. - I can tell people what to do, but they're rarely hear me. And i'm not interested in proving something to them.
• Create space, first for yourself and then for others. Ground your bubble. - Didn't understand this. Maybe because i'm russian and english is not my primary language  
• Heavy exercise. Something like boxing, sprinting, weight lifting or even just push ups. - This is like HELL for me. I never really was into physical activity. Even in my childhood i tend to avoid it and play calm games. In school during physical education lessons i was always slacking off.
• Look out for others in need, manage their situation for them. Create a container. - Don't like it cause i can fail and that will affect someone besides me.
• Breath deeply and be present. - Practicing it daily.
• Don't avoid tension. If you have the urge to change the topic or leave. Stay. - Doing it, because i think this is the only way to eliminate that tension. But it's not enjoyable by definition.
• Step into tension. Say whatever is on your mind, be loud, get noticed. Touch others. - Trying, not always successfully. Not enjoyable too.
• Handle conflict. Don't avoid conflict. - Trying, not always successfully. Not enjoyable too.
• Hold eye contact. - Practicing it. Sometimes my girl says that it scared her
• Smile and be self-amused with other people. Do things for fun. Or to make the situation more fun. - This is enjoyable, but the only people with whom i can do it is my colegues on work and my GF. My only friend is my GF and i don't know how to make friends anymore. In the past i had a lot of friends, but our friendship was based on alcohol and marijuana. Now i stopped using those substances (not drinking for 7 years, not smoking pot for like 2 years) and i don't know how to make friends. Sad but true.
• When you talk to an attractive woman and feel turned on, embrace that feeling. Don't hide it. - I'm turned on but i don't know how to express it properly. Or maybe too afraid of doing that. 

[Max Green]

1 hour ago, Peter Miklis said:

Have you ever thought about being borderline gay? Or is it just your preference for women?

90% of the times it's a woman. Tried watching gay porn once or twice - was not disgusted, but not entertaining either.

[integral]

On 5/23/2021 at 2:55 PM, Max Green said:

@egoeimai the problem is that my women asks me to fuck her, but i can't. She's great, i love her. But she's suffering without a proper fuck and i can't give it to her. And i even offered her to find second partner for sex, but she tells she can't do this - she wants one man to cover all her needs.

What's the issue in role playing? Its a game? 

[JonasVE12]

I'll tell you something about a friend of mine. My friend is quite passive when it would come to engaging in things that are traditionally masculine. He is more laid-back, relaxed, artistic, feeling & letting things come to him. He does not have a real drive to engage in actitivies that require the engagement into masculine energy. Yet, he told me that in his imagination, he had thought about becoming a police officer, which requires you to be engaged in masculine energy. 

On the street, if he sees a beautiful woman, he is attracted. Yet he is too passive to go up to her and talk to her. If I ask him about it, he just says that it is not who he is. I see an identifcation to a story of his personality. Though, there is a dissonance between his desire and action. He does not recognize this. I would say that he is not fully embodied and lacks integration of certain qualities he instinctually desires. If he is attracted, why not go up to her? He physically and subconsciously desires that, but is identified to a story that it is not who he is, so he should not step up and learn to integrate this. 

A desire is often instinctual, like attraction. Not acting upon that desire is often conditioning. I know he has a very passive family with very low masculine energy. He was never encouraged to try masculine activities, to be purposeful or intentful, not allowing him to explore these avenues. The gravitating towards traditionally masculine activities in his mind could mean that he misses those qualities and would like to explore, yet lack the masculine capacities to really try, so it is only imagination. There is no real force moving him in the direction of trying because he is identified to his current personality story. He does not have the insight & intuition that might lead him to try exploring and possibly expand & integrate. Every male has a balance of masculine/feminine that is very much genetic, yet there is also conditioning at play. There is a lot of opportunity to expand & integrate. If you can integrate your both energies, you can become very dynamic sexually and learn to enjoy a more masculine/dominant role as well. But first, there needs to be a shift in your internal energy first, and then there is more dynamic range in polarisation potential in a sexual setting. If you feel more powerful and ability to penetrate the world, that energy manifests into your sexuality. It means you can learn to enjoy a more penetrative mode. But that does not mean you need to prefer it. 

This lack of masculine energy in his personality is very much related to his upbringing. It is partly natural and authentic. Though, there is a potential and desire for masculine integration as partly, this was repressed through weak masculine mirroring in childhood. This desire now surfaces through his imagination and instinctual desires.

Maybe if you can observe for yourself where you instinctually desire to be masculine, you can try to step into that tension and learn to be embodied within it. Such as going up to a woman to talk to her when you are attracted. You don't have to abandon your more feminine outlets, but you can step up aspects of yourself that are related to more masculine energy and integrate them into your personality. Enjoyment is not what should lead you. A good vision might be better, like trying to expand yourself. When you learn to face tension with women & going up to her, of course this will feel unnatural and not enjoyable at first. If you feel more comfortable doing that, there might be room for enjoyment. 

But don't feel like you should do anything & change if you don't want. Feel what is in allignment and go from there. And if it really feels unnatural, try to find a partner who is compatibel. 

 

[Consilience]

On 5/23/2021 at 2:25 PM, RedLine said:

Also, Elliot Hulse is the man.

Lmfao wut.

[cookiemonster]

12 hours ago, Max Green said:

7. Never tried, but maybe i'll try it someday  

 

Great - go for it. It would be interesting to know whether such experiments led to any great revelations.

Unfortunately, a lot of people make the mistake in thinking that masculinity implies assertiveness, and femininity implies passiveness. In actuality, there is both assertive masculinity and passive masculinity, just as there is passive femininity and assertive femininity.

So for example:

Quote

4. A man who likes to be penetrated by men...

 

...would likely involve energies typically associated with passive masculinity. Which is all fine and dandy.

The key understanding is that passive masculinity is an archetype in its own right, and does not imply femininity.  Similarly, assertive femininity is an archetype in its own right, and does not imply masculinity.

For example, the types of energies associated with assertive femininity are wildly different from the energies associated with assertive masculinity.

For this reason:-

Quote

7. A man who likes to be penetrated by women...

 

...does not imply borderline homosexuality (or attraction to masculinity), but rather is an archetype in its own right: The passive masculine disposition with an attraction to the assertive feminine disposition.

It can be helpful to understand such nuances when trying to figure out who you are and what you actually want.

 

 

 

 

Edited May 25, 2021 by cookiemonster

[Raphael]

It's funny because I thought about creating the exact same thread recently.

I can relate to you, however, I can also see that many times I create excuses and I do feel satisfaction when I'm into my masculine side. Balance is important.

[SgtPepper]

On 5/23/2021 at 6:19 PM, Roy said:

A "real" man isn't someone who is purely traditionally masculine, it's a complete person who has leveled up all aspects, male & female, within themselves and is so secure within that that they cannot be shaken by the world or other people.

+1

On 5/23/2021 at 7:22 PM, Consept said:

If someone was hyper masculine, the advice theyd get is to integrate their feminine side. Similarly if you feel you're leaning quite far on the feminine side then you should integrate your masculine, it's really all about balance to become complete. 

+1

Very much agree with these.

Do both man. Do feminine stuff and give a good fuck. (lol)

 

Edited May 26, 2021 by SgtPepper

[Roy]

On 5/24/2021 at 7:05 AM, Max Green said:

Thanks man! Something clicked within me when i read this post.

Excellent. Good luck Max.

[cupe]

Do things that raise your testosterone.

Being masculine isn't supposed to be easy. People are the most masculine in difficult situations. 

You need to face discomfort.

How about this motivation as a starter: "Stop being a bitch." Works pretty well for me. 

I saw you said that physical exercise was "Hell" for you. This shows you're lacking discipline.

Cultivate discipline and your masculinity will grow. Stop hiding from hard things. 

Edited May 26, 2021 by cupe
final things added