Isha Kriya. What is happening?

[MrWolf]

Hi everyone. I been having some experiences lately that I hope some of you could help me shed some light on to what’s going on.

- So this got a lot longer than I anticipated. But that’s how it goes I guess. So If you have the patience to read throughout it. Thank you.

Theres is a long backstory like always :). But to cut it short, it has involved a classic massive existential crises from losing “everything” and a complete chattering of my identity. Leading both to immense beauty and despair. Witch at fist led me back into an old lover; Philosophy, to try and find answers, witch I felt in the end let me to the limits of philosophy/logic. A deep dive into psychoanalysis and philosophy kind of stranded, exemplified for me by this notion by Hegel: “The thought of contradiction is the essential moment of the concept” and Lacan´s “I think where I am not, therefore I am where I do not think.”. At this point I started feeling kind of like a recovering "intellectual". Suddenly it made sense to me when OSHO say: “Baybe!.. My whole job is to confuse you”.

But to cut to the chase, I then did the online inner engineering course by Sadhguru some time ago (Not the initiation into shambhavi mahamudra). And I been practicing the Isha Kriya + 7xA 7xU 7xM + 21xAUM meditation every morning and then just the Kriya again in the evening. I didn’t really have any expectations about it to be honest. Just taking it like an experiment to see if anything would happen. I did it in kind of the same spirit as brushing my teeth I guess. From what I have read its supposed to be a very sudle and gentle process. And I have also seen it referred to as a watered-down version of Kriya yoga here on the forum. And I have heard Sadhguru say that its a safe practise where nothing crazy will happen to you.

So 21 days into the 48 day madela, I had the fist experience, where for just a few seconds, a taste of bliss rolled trough me. It was fine, pleasant and quite sudle. Then for the next days things stated moving around between my dick and my anus during the two practices. It feels like tingeling + something moving around. Like a fetus moving around in an egg, the area being the egg.

Around the same time, not during meditation, I had an experience where everything suddenly went silent. My existential crisis and loss of identity has led me into a purpose search spiral, (that I have noticed im not the only one getting caught in this confusion). For a long long time I had the feeling that this is the thing im gonna do/be, but then it collapsed. Like this is not it, again ´this is it-this is not it´,´this is it - this is not it´on and on to the point where it was driving me so crazy that I started thinking if no matter what I come up with is not “IT” any longer, then maybe really all of it is it.. Ore it and neither it at the same time, so to say. Like the purpose is not having to ask the question in the first place, but again it has to go full circle, back to where it started. 

Anyways, what triggered this experience of silence/emptiness was, -in my trying to understand- listening to different talks on non-doership. And in one talk, one woman from the audience told a story of a mosquito landing on her shoulder and her hand just smacking it by itself. Somehow that simple story just made everything go completely silent. For the first few days I feel like having no thoughts. Thoughts suddenly felt just like a toolbox I could pull out if I wanted to ore just leave it in the closet otherwise.  My irritation towards others opinions completely disappeared. that witch would previously get me annoyed didn't bother me the slightest anymore. I noticed some reactions happening automatically in the body like it was just a learned pattern that was just happening by itself. But It was just the body doing its thing.

And at the same time I also started being unsure of my exact location.  Having trying to located where I am before I have had the experience of being kind of more in my visual filed the behind my eyes. But now it has gotten intensified. I started doubting if I was going mad. I had a family weekend that I was getting uncertain if I could handle. Like if I could act sane if that makes sense.. But in the end it went fine.

I had just before that cut down on the practise and just stuck to the kriya not to ruin the madela. Morning and evening and skipping  the AUM.

But now to the reason for my post. This morning doing the kriya ( I started adding the AUM back again yesterday as I now felt integrated with the experiences ). But after the “Im not the body, Im not even the mind” During the 7xAaaaa it got intense. A bit of tingeling like before between the A & D and then suddenly my body just started lifting up from my seat and down into the seat in a rhythm of woooom… woooom …woooom bouncing up and down, up and down. I have never had any experience like this. I know there was no physical movement happening.  But it was as real as real. I stuck trough the kriya, kind of hoping I would not blow up, and I did not. But it was a wild experience. 

I have a job for the fist time In a long time in a week that I have to be functional at and my feeling is I can’t go further right now into the experience. Im already balancing my sanity at this point I feel. 

As I have understod it these exercises is ment to ground you in your root/muladhara. But my experience is that they make me take off. And it feels like a bigger engine in warming up to shoot me somewhere I have no idea where is.

So today after this experience my feeling is that I should take my foot of the pedal. Even thou I haven’t even completed the 48 day madela of something that is just supposed to ground me!. 

I do have some on of experience with labelling meditation and do-nothing. So im aware of the the state where, even just a small gap between mind/body and awareness, the process is on for me. But this thing seams to go waaaay beyond that. This process is on a whole other level from my experience so far.  There are some energies at play that I have no idea of yet. And I have a lot of respect for that I guess. Ill admit that I am on the cautious side with these things. I like to keep up with the process to some extend I guess.  Im not especially kind to my body to be honest. I do eat very healthy naturally, but other than that not much in that direction. I do have a feeling that at this point maybe I have to shift somehow into taking more care of my body before continuing the process.

Am I being over sensitive about the whole thing? I do have a feeling that things are gonna go really fast if I continue. In some sense I feel like its already on, and its just a question on how fast in some way.

To context a bit more, I can add that im also sensitive to pshycadellics. I have taken 1/4 of what others have taken, with them feeling nothing at all, and I get blow away. But for alcohol its the opposite. I can drink as much as i can stand and it never changes my personality at all. It never has as long as I can remember, not even the slightest. In contrary to what I notice in others. My experiential field changes but I dont if that makes sense.

Also I should maybe say that for the last year I have been taking the opportunity of Corona to just spending time alone. So I have been alone close to 99% of the time for more than a year. To the point of hearing my own voice is a funny experience.

My post I basically just about the bouncing wooom wooom wooom experience. The rest is just more ore less relevant context that I could come up with.

I haven’t been able to find any similar experiences described. The tingle and the moving around down there, I have seen described as Kundalini. But the bouncing? I have heard yoga masters say that it is extremely rare to get an accidental kundalini awakening. Though YouTube is full of people saying exactly that’s what happened to them. Am I messing with kundalini unintentionally here? I do not feel comfortable fooling around with that energy without anyone to guide me to be honest. But maybe it has nothing to do with that and im just being a spiritual baby ? ?  And its just a .. well I dont know what is is.

Edited May 23, 2021 by MrWolf