My porn addiction is starting to annoy me

[StarStruck]

It was always a coping mechanism for me to deal with stress. Nowadays it is really a burden. I just relapsed after a 2 month streak. I feel devastated because when I relapse I usually do it 3-5 times back to back and feel totally exhausted. Today I had a bad day and that was the trigger. 

Too much porn and masturbation is really bad for the nervous system and brain. It takes time to recover from it and it influences concentration, motivation, mental and physical strength. 

In the last 2 months I solved most of my problems ranging from procrastination, low energy, anxiety, not having courage to approach girls.

I think my issue is my super high levels of testosteron. It builds up so much that it seems and exit. The excess energy goes to other areas of my life such as productivity,  sport and mental faculties. I really need to stop this shit. I'm limiting myself to sex with a real girl once a week. I don't want to do porn anymore. 

[Manusia]

If masturbation is a cope mechanism like what you say. Maybe masturbation is not the core problem. Maybe masturbation is a causation of different bigger problem. If that the case, masturbation is relasing stress process because of bigger problem of yourself that maybe you didnt even aware yet. You will keep doing fap until the bigger problem is solved. Or if you do stop fap you need to find others cope mechanism that less damaging.

I found this mechanism is actually really obvious to me now. The bigger problem that make me masturbrate is always in front of me all the time. I fapping for years without knowing this. Without awareness to it, maybe impossible to me to find this issue is literally what happened. ?

Yeah I know fap is freakin worst if you do it overly. I suffer this before. I know the pain ans the pleasure. Hope you can solve your problem brah.

[StarStruck]

@Manusia

if shit gets real, it feels like the turbulence in my body gets unmanageable. I go to the gym but I can't go to the gym all the time. I really become fearless so it is good for pickup but I'm too focused on sex which is not good. 

[StarStruck]

11 minutes ago, dflores321 said:

@StarStruck then let it go :). 

Everyone has a different life. 

Just because some people can pmo and be fine doesnt mean you can too. 

I'd suggest not trying to be perfect, find what works for you. 

I'm set on doing 90 days no pmo. At this point I really have to go hardcore no fap. I'm so pissed off right now. In the past I had ED with girls and it is directly linked to pmo. I really need to fix this shit. I have been postponing it for 5 years.

[lmfao]

@StarStruck 2 months!!! You're killing it bro. That's loads of time for you to recharge dude. So what if you do it a few times now, you can go back to not jacking your dick to porn.  

I'm porn addicted as well. I never did/(could do) nofap properly. 

Nofap is supposed to be able to reset your dick sensitivity and libido and etc. I don't know if it will do the job fully tbh, since things like depression and overall lifestyle/consciousness can control that. 


But what you talk about in erectile dysfunction and etc puts it into light about how important fixing the addiction is for me. Honestly, I don't know what the causes of everything with me is regarding that domain. 
For myself, I view inability to get an erection on command/will as a deviation. Since that's something I could do with just imagination/thought. 

Obviously I must remember to not get lost in negativities of "what I've lost" or anything like that. In regards to reduced/numbed pleasure from jacking it. 
_ _ _ _ _ 

When it comes to how or why I use porn too much. In recent times, its been because I overused it as a painkiller. Relatable story for a lot us I suppose. Feeling stressed and it takes the edge of.

This thread is good timing for me. I've been jacking it every day for a while now. Past few days I haven't due to stress/being busy. 

What I've found is that even if I don't feel the pure horny urge, I still have the psychological craving. I'm fairly limp, but part of me wants to make it go erect anyway to jack off (which I could do). 

Edited May 23, 2021 by lmfao

[StarStruck]

8 hours ago, dflores321 said:

@StarStruck stop saying "Need" and "Should". 

You turn yourself into a puppet hanging on strings with these words.

You WILL let go of pmo . Why? Well, because you WANT to :). 

You can do this man. I've been 20 days free so far, meditation, exercise, and better eating make it a piece of cake ??. 

I'm already doing all the right things; gym, exercise, meditation, concentration exercises... It is just that my resistance is very fragile at certain times. Espcially when I'm down about something.

 

6 hours ago, lmfao said:

@StarStruck 2 months!!! You're killing it bro. That's loads of time for you to recharge dude. So what if you do it a few times now, you can go back to not jacking your dick to porn.  

I'm porn addicted as well. I never did/(could do) nofap properly. 

Nofap is supposed to be able to reset your dick sensitivity and libido and etc. I don't know if it will do the job fully tbh, since things like depression and overall lifestyle/consciousness can control that. 


But what you talk about in erectile dysfunction and etc puts it into light about how important fixing the addiction is for me. Honestly, I don't know what the causes of everything with me is regarding that domain. 
For myself, I view inability to get an erection on command/will as a deviation. Since that's something I could do with just imagination/thought. 

Obviously I must remember to not get lost in negativities of "what I've lost" or anything like that. In regards to reduced/numbed pleasure from jacking it. 
_ _ _ _ _ 

When it comes to how or why I use porn too much. In recent times, its been because I overused it as a painkiller. Relatable story for a lot us I suppose. Feeling stressed and it takes the edge of.

This thread is good timing for me. I've been jacking it every day for a while now. Past few days I haven't due to stress/being busy. 

What I've found is that even if I don't feel the pure horny urge, I still have the psychological craving. I'm fairly limp, but part of me wants to make it go erect anyway to jack off (which I could do). 

Read the book "Your brain on Porn". It is really a must read if you are doing no fap.

My porn addiction is really at the root of all my life problems like I explained in the original post. If your brain being wired to porn instead of flesh and blood women is huge problem for you, you need to go balls to the wall. A lot of motivation is needed. Rally yourself up.

Some say my porn addiction is not the cause but the effect of something. I think it is a combination.

Watching porn is so easy. With couple of clicks you get the best looking girls so why go out and chat girls right? I did chat up some blonde hottie the other day and she ghosted me right after. I think that was the trigger.

[StarStruck]

For people that are not convinced

 

[lmfao]

6 hours ago, StarStruck said:

I'm already doing all the right things; gym, exercise, meditation, concentration exercises... It is just that my resistance is very fragile at certain times. Espcially when I'm down about something.

 

Read the book "Your brain on Porn". It is really a must read if you are doing no fap.

My porn addiction is really at the root of all my life problems like I explained in the original post. If your brain being wired to porn instead of flesh and blood women is huge problem for you, you need to go balls to the wall. A lot of motivation is needed. Rally yourself up.

Some say my porn addiction is not the cause but the effect of something. I think it is a combination.

Watching porn is so easy. With couple of clicks you get the best looking girls so why go out and chat girls right? I did chat up some blonde hottie the other day and she ghosted me right after. I think that was the trigger.

Yep 

[Carl-Richard]

Of course you will feel like shit if you go for 2 months and then suddenly fap 3-5 times in a short span of time. You need to find a golden middle way because this is obviously not healthy. I've been at both extremes of the spectrum, and I have no energy issues from fapping once every 2-3 days (that's the optimal frequency for me). I also feel way calmer mentally and much smoother physically than when I did 6 months nofap. Fapping isn't negative at all.

Edited May 23, 2021 by Carl-Richard

[Heart of Space]

I'm gay so I'm impervious to brain damage caused by porn.  

[Dwarniel]

If you are empathetic and lean towards spiral dynamics stage green - maybe the ethics can motivate you? There's a lot of abuse and trafficking in the industry. You really do not have any idea if the girls you are watching are mentally healthy, getting paid and consents to the act. Many of them are addicted to drugs or can't get out of the industry due to their financial situation. fightthenewdrug is a good resource if you want to educate yourself about the shadow aspects of porn. Also consider that every click + screentime on free websites (such as p*rnhub) is money in the company pockets. There's a lot of problematic stuff about free sites like this, for example child abuse, r*pe & trafficking. Even if you are not watching the child abuse, there's still many many videos like this on free sites, and eyeballs makes the company profit of others pain. I read this case about a video of a baby being r*ped on p*rnhub, it was up for months before the site finally deleted it. You can find more information about the ethics of it all at fightthenewdrug, they have a good website and instagram page.

...And don't beat yourself up, shaming yourself will only deepen your problem. Reaching out (like you are doing now) and being forgiving towards yourself is better. Hugs <3

[StarStruck]

@Dwarniel thank you for the advice. My problem is a matter of impulse control. I know all the negatives of too much porn, both for the watcher and for the performers. If I feel bad about myself I use porn to treat myself to cure the moment and after that I feel even worse.

@Heart of Space he was a good guy.. before his psychosis. He is an example of what can go wrong.

@Carl-Richard  I really can't limit my usage to for example once a week. It is comparable to an alcoholic person who can't be happy with 1 glass of beer.

[Carl-Richard]

10 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I really can't limit my usage to for example once a week. It is comparable to an alcoholic person who can't be happy with 1 glass of beer.

Have you actually confirmed that this is true after your nofap adventures or is this based on experiences before nofap era? I was in your spot, but after I did nofap, it somehow reset my brain. You don't even have to do something like once a week. Just find the spot where you don't lose too much energy. If you're able to go 2 months, you're able to go 2-3 days. This alcoholic analogy might be a limiting belief you have.

Edited May 25, 2021 by Carl-Richard

[StarStruck]

@Carl-Richard that is actually how I build my streak. I started with one week no fap, then two weeks, then 4 weeks and so on. I want to stop with porn for good. I don't have a healthy reaction to porn and I'm trying to date.

[Carl-Richard]

2 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

@Carl-Richard that is actually how I build my streak. I started with one week no fap, then two weeks, then 4 weeks and so on. I want to stop with porn for good. I don't have a healthy reaction to porn and I'm trying to date.

I used to think like you, that nofap is some magic solution for everything. It's not. In the end, it makes you tense and restless, and then if you keep going, you eventually you lose touch with your body and your emotions. You'll never get a girl while being a stiff, emotionally repressed stick insect. Fapping in correct amounts levels you out, makes you chill, more grounded, more able to connect with people emotionally. Too much makes you drowsy, yes, but too much nofap turns you into a robot.

[Dwarniel]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

@Dwarniel thank you for the advice. My problem is a matter of impulse control. I know all the negatives of too much porn, both for the watcher and for the performers. If I feel bad about myself I use porn to treat myself to cure the moment and after that I feel even worse.

Remember you are not a bad person for struggling with a porn addiction. Most people are exposed to porn before they have any idea of what it is and what it does to you, your brain etc. I know it might be difficult, but try to be kind to yourself. I have never struggled with porn, but I did overcome an alcohol addiction and I'm finally sober. Addiction is tough, I might imagine it's even harder with something that is so easily accessible as porn. Try to be patient with your progress and keep fighting <3 I have learned that shame ultimately only makes things worse. From what I can tell society actually promotes porn use, so it might be difficult to motivate yourself as well. I found that hard when I quit drinking, most of my friends did not get it at all and actually tried to talk me out of ditching the bottle. The good old "it's all about balance!". Yeah, but actually no. If something has a negative impact on your life & relationships t's not about balance, it's about weeding it out. 

[intotheblack]

8 hours ago, Dwarniel said:

You really do not have any idea if the girls you are watching are mentally healthy, getting paid and consents to the act. Many of them are addicted to drugs or can't get out of the industry due to their financial situation. fightthenewdrug is a good resource if you want to educate yourself about the shadow aspects of porn. Also consider that every click + screentime on free websites (such as p*rnhub) is money in the company pockets. There's a lot of problematic stuff about free sites like this, for example child abuse, r*pe & trafficking. Even if you are not watching the child abuse, there's still many many videos like this on free sites, and eyeballs makes the company profit of others pain. I read this case about a video of a baby being r*ped on p*rnhub, it was up for months before the site finally deleted it. You can find more information about the ethics of it all at fightthenewdrug, they have a good website and instagram page.

 

Wow, never thought about that side of it.  I just looked at that website, I’m going to check out the documentary.  Thanks for the info!

[StarStruck]

38 minutes ago, Dwarniel said:

Remember you are not a bad person for struggling with a porn addiction. Most people are exposed to porn before they have any idea of what it is and what it does to you, your brain etc. I know it might be difficult, but try to be kind to yourself. I have never struggled with porn, but I did overcome an alcohol addiction and I'm finally sober. Addiction is tough, I might imagine it's even harder with something that is so easily accessible as porn. Try to be patient with your progress and keep fighting <3 I have learned that shame ultimately only makes things worse. From what I can tell society actually promotes porn use, so it might be difficult to motivate yourself as well. I found that hard when I quit drinking, most of my friends did not get it at all and actually tried to talk me out of ditching the bottle. The good old "it's all about balance!". Yeah, but actually no. If something has a negative impact on your life & relationships t's not about balance, it's about weeding it out. 

Success is not a coincidence. It is basically being one step in front of the reptilian brain. For me it is about letting go of the attachment to the substance. I want to have the choice. And choice is power. At this moment I don't have to choice to not do it and it is really hurting my self esteem. There is also shame but nobody knows about it. And the sad part is that I'm on and off with my porn addiction for the last 5 years.

 

1 hour ago, Carl-Richard said:

I used to think like you, that nofap is some magic solution for everything. It's not. In the end, it makes you tense and restless, and then if you keep going, you eventually you lose touch with your body and your emotions. You'll never get a girl while being a stiff, emotionally repressed stick insect. Fapping in correct amounts levels you out, makes you chill, more grounded, more able to connect with people emotionally. Too much makes you drowsy, yes, but too much nofap turns you into a robot.

Fapping is not only way for releasing. Having sex with a girl is another way. I prefer the latter because I did too much of the former. You are right that no-fap builds life energy in the body, but I'm into sports and I can channel it into that. Or I can channel it into pickup; I'm very sharp when I'm on no-fap. There is only stiffness if doesn't know how to channel the energy out of the body.

[Carl-Richard]

58 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Fapping is not only way for releasing. Having sex with a girl is another way. I prefer the latter because I did too much of the former. You are right that no-fap builds life energy in the body, but I'm into sports and I can channel it into that. Or I can channel it into pickup; I'm very sharp when I'm on no-fap. There is only stiffness if doesn't know how to channel the energy out of the body.

You're acting like fap is your cryptonite. It's not. The cryptonite is the black and white approach. You go for 2 months and then you wonder why you fap 3-5 times in a row. It's not rocket science: it's unsustainable. If you're doing pickup and sports, that means you're capable of disciplining your impulses and taking a nuanced approach (there are "other ways than fapping"), so why the black and white approach only when it comes to nofap (why aren't there "other ways than nofap")? Let's say we took a black and white approach to pickup: do nothing else but pickup every day for 2 months. Does that sound smart?

Edited May 25, 2021 by Carl-Richard

[Alex bAlex]

On 22/05/2021 at 5:08 PM, StarStruck said:

I just relapsed after a 2 month streak. I feel devastated

? I feel like a champion if I go for two days without. 

 

Relax, this should not be a "life purpose". When your life will get in line with your life purpose or working on a new project or set up some dates, you'll likely to forget about porn when something exciting is going on in your life.  

Most of the time we rely on porn to give us a bit of pleasure when we feel down. 

 

Set goals and make some changes in your life and you'll be"cured" ?