GF found out I watch porn

[intotheblack]

5 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

1 - The vast majority of men are inclined to sex variety not because of ''boredom'' or ''lack of fulfillment'', most men are attracted to the idea of sex variety because that is how the male mind works. Not understanding this will create unnecessary suffering. 

Does that mean a man has to always have multiple relationships and his partner has to accept it? No, he can definitely control his desires, but do not get it twisted, your boyfriend or husband is literally attracted to thousands upon thousands upon thousands of women weather you like it or not, and guess what? That will not change, why? Because that is how the male mind works. 

Men get attracted to women instantly and there is no limit to the amount of women a man can be attracted to simultaneously. 

Instead of denying and vilifying aspects of reality that you cannot change, you should strive to understand and transcend those aspects. 

Wasn’t denying that men will look and appreciate the beauty of many women. 
but that need to ‘get’ is what can be transcended.  
 

❤️ ✌?

[Harlen Kelly]

@intotheblack I agree. Just keep in mind that even if you are fulfilling all of your boyfriends desires, he will still be attracted to other females, and that does not make him a ''bad'' person. That obviously does not mean that he should let his desires override his relationship with you. 

A tough pill to swallow for most women, but a pill that needs to be swollen nonetheless. 

[somegirl]

56 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

A tough pill to swallow for most women, but a pill that needs to be swollen nonetheless. 

It's not that hard to swallow that, but excuses are.

Edited May 22, 2021 by somegirl

[mamad]

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Leo GuraConsider dating girls who are more secure and cool.

 

can you dump a girl easily.

I find myself struggling for dumping  the girl I love but I realize we are not compatible.

since I consider myself as spiritual person I always have hard time for breaking the heart of girl I am with.

I can deal with being a dumpie like a piece of cake but I cant be the bad guy

Edited May 22, 2021 by mamad

[Harlen Kelly]

@mamad It will be absolutely catastrophic later, it's better if you end it now. 

[Twega]

cheating is one thing; sexual freedom is another. I personally have thick skin and don't jealous easily. My first gf cheated on me (I was 18) and it did hurt me a lot. Now, I don't think about cheating because I'm radically honest and I don't put myself in situations where I would need cheat. I don't think cheating is a deal breaker, and if the lie didn't go on for years or something like that, I would forgive her.

Luckily, I haven't experienced monogamous relationships since I was 18 (24 now)

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, mamad said:

can you dump a girl easily.

I find myself struggling for dumping  the girl I love but I realize we are not compatible.

Of course breakups are never easy. They sting like a bitch.

Quote

since I consider myself as spiritual person I always have hard time for breaking the heart of girl I am with.

I can deal with being a dumpie like a piece of cake but I cant be the bad guy

Of course. Totally understandable.

But on the other hand, if two people don't fit, it will break up eventually anyway.

You should try to make it work, but if it keeps not working, at some point you gotta move on.

Personally, if a girl gets emotionally upset at me for watching porn like in the movie clip above, she's not my kind of girl. I'm not saying she's wrong, I'm just saying I got different standards than her and I don't consider porn cheating. In fact, I would watch porn with her. To me it's just not an issue. But those are my standards. Of course some girls won't agree.

Just get clear on your standards and values, and what you're willing to compromise on and what you're not. To me, a girl as needy and insecure as the movie clip above is a turn-off. I don't need that much drama in my life. That kind of emotional reaction is suitable when someone cheats on you, not over porn.

[The0Self]

2 hours ago, mamad said:

can you dump a girl easily.

I find myself struggling for dumping  the girl I love but I realize we are not compatible.

since I consider myself as spiritual person I always have hard time for breaking the heart of girl I am with.

I can deal with being a dumpie like a piece of cake but I cant be the bad guy

I'm painfully empathetic, but it doesn't keep me from breaking up with anyone I feel is going to lead to the continuance of a toxic relationship. Piece of cake. Usually we still hang out for a while after the breakup and are good friends... who happen to have sex... AND used to be in a relationship ... so it obviously doesn't work for long. And we eventually just kinda fade out and stop talking to each other, with no trouble. Works for me. Every ex I broke up with are straight up DEAD to me (as in I have no idea if they even still exist) and yet I still love them all. No hard feelings.

[Joel3102]

6 hours ago, integral said:

I imagine it went something like this? 

'Porn has awards too' made me lol good

[Roy]

This is something you've GOT to discuss earlier in the relationship (2-4 months) before there is too much attachment. Hint at it first, but eventually bring it up explicitly.

Say something like, "Hey, when we're away from each other and we get horny, how do you feel about watching porn? Would you feel jealous if I masturbated to other people once in a while? Obviously I don't love them and there is no attraction. It'd be ok on my end if you wanted to."

You want to clear the air and see where the lines in the sand are drawn. You don't want to be hiding something like that and get caught literally with your dick in your hand . The opinion of whether either person thinks it's "cheating" is irrelevant, what really hurts is worrying about trusting each other.

You have to build those boundaries and find out what they are to create something stable and prospering.

Edited May 23, 2021 by Roy

[The0Self]

4 hours ago, Roy said:

This is something you've GOT to discuss earlier in the relationship (2-4 months) before there is too much attachment. Hint at it first, but eventually bring it up explicitly.

Say something like, "Hey, when we're away from each other and we get horny, how do you feel about watching porn? Would you feel jealous if I masturbated to other people once in a while? Obviously I don't love them and there is no attraction. It'd be ok on my end if you wanted to."

You want to clear the air and see where the lines in the sand are drawn. You don't want to be hiding something like that and get caught literally with your dick in your hand . The opinion of whether either person thinks it's "cheating" is irrelevant, what really hurts is worrying about trusting each other.

You have to build those boundaries and find out what they are to create something stable and prospering.

? 

[bejapuskas]

Has anyone here considered that it might not be toxic behavior? I mean you only have so much information from what the OP has mentioned.

While I don't consider porn cheating and I don't think it is an issue in terms of emotional attachment and stuff like that, it can affect a relationship in other ways and there are many examples of where porn affected a relationship in a negative way. Perhaps the girl is afraid of that and needs to communicate.

Also maybe she just cares about pleasing her boyfriend and maybe thinks, because of some personal experience perhaps, that him watching porn means that she is not good enough in bed for him and she genuinely wants to improve by again, communicating. I guess watching porn is more understandable from this perspective during a pandemic, when people cannot see each other as often for obvious reasons, but if people spend a lot of time together having sex and then one of them wants to watch porn, there might be an issue.

[DIDego]

13 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

Has anyone here considered that it might not be toxic behavior? I mean you only have so much information from what the OP has mentioned.

While I don't consider porn cheating and I don't think it is an issue in terms of emotional attachment and stuff like that, it can affect a relationship in other ways and there are many examples of where porn affected a relationship in a negative way. Perhaps the girl is afraid of that and needs to communicate.

Also maybe she just cares about pleasing her boyfriend and maybe thinks, because of some personal experience perhaps, that him watching porn means that she is not good enough in bed for him and she genuinely wants to improve by again, communicating. I guess watching porn is more understandable from this perspective during a pandemic, when people cannot see each other as often for obvious reasons, but if people spend a lot of time together having sex and then one of them wants to watch porn, there might be an issue.

❤️

Edited May 23, 2021 by DIDego

[Harlen Kelly]

3 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

Has anyone here considered that it might not be toxic behavior? I mean you only have so much information from what the OP has mentioned.

While I don't consider porn cheating and I don't think it is an issue in terms of emotional attachment and stuff like that, it can affect a relationship in other ways and there are many examples of where porn affected a relationship in a negative way. Perhaps the girl is afraid of that and needs to communicate.

Also maybe she just cares about pleasing her boyfriend and maybe thinks, because of some personal experience perhaps, that him watching porn means that she is not good enough in bed for him and she genuinely wants to improve by again, communicating. I guess watching porn is more understandable from this perspective during a pandemic, when people cannot see each other as often for obvious reasons, but if people spend a lot of time together having sex and then one of them wants to watch porn, there might be an issue.

She's acting the way she is acting because she is insecure and neurotic. 

[bejapuskas]

I suspect many of you guys do not actually have experiences with relationships that are intimate and include healthy, honest communication.

[DIDego]

1 minute ago, bejapuskas said:

I suspect many of you guys do not actually have experiences with relationships that are intimate and include healthy, honest communication.

❤️

[Harlen Kelly]

@bejapuskas It's just a matter of standards. There are hundreds of thousands of women that are psychologically and emotionally healthy. Putting up with somebody who has neurotic behavioral patterns is unnecessary and it's a sign you have low standards. 

[bejapuskas]

@Harlen Kelly  My problem is, it is not obvious from what the OP wrote whether it actually is a toxic behavior. And so many people here started assuming it is without even questioning it. 

[Harlen Kelly]

@bejapuskas She is getting jealous because he is masturbating to porn. It's pretty simple. 

If your girlfriend got mad at you for masturbating to porn, would you bend over backwards for her and stop masturbating to porn to please her? Or would you simply look for a more suitable and secure partner? 

Edited May 23, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[DIDego]

@Harlen Kelly ?❤️