ADHD Stripping Me of Passion and Life Purpose

[2neurotic4u]

Ever since childhood I've had ADHD. Continually acting out, I was constantly chastised by my parents for my impulsivity and inability to focus. At the time I simultaneously was known as "that weirdo kid" and "the smart kid." As I've learned that many ADHD kids face, I was repeatedly told how much potential I had (inferring that I’m wasting it). Throughout middle and high school I was able to tame my inner spirit of acting out, as I became aware how much I was screwing up my own life by never paying attention, so I was able to force myself to get it together. The main remnant of my ADHD (which, I'll note, I was never diagnosed with for a very long time) was lack of focus. 

It seems pretty straightforward. You can do concentration practice, and you can meditate. You can find your passion and do things that really excite you. One of these things is sure to tame your inner beast. It's just focus, right? 

Unfortunately, it was never so easy for me. 

I really don't like being the victim and relinquishing all hope over my life, so as a precursor to the rest of this, I haven't given up hope. I just need some input. Back to the story.

Throughout taking some pretty difficult classes (for an undiagnosed ADHD kid), I found myself studying more than my peers for many assignments and taking school seriously. Doing work was so infuriating, and it still can be. Because even on medication now, I have trouble focusing. It only alleviates the issue. In school, no class would go by where I didn't look at the clock at least 5 times. 

If you're not familiar with the brain chemistry component of ADHD, people are not hyperactive and unfocused because there is a chemical that causes them to be distracted. Rather, it's a lack of dopamine, which leads to a lack of sustained focus and interest. I've heard theories that this is because back in hunter-gatherer societies, humans couldn't be focused on one thing for too long, otherwise they could be killed by a wild animal. Whatever the cause may be, it makes it so that you don't find an interest in so many things. I can’t “lose yourself" in many activities as many neurotypical people can. Simply "find your passion" is *not* enough to ignite me. I've taken Leo's life purpose course and read books on mastery + LP. I've done meditation and concentration practice, as well as breathing work. I still meditate on a daily basis. I've watched countless videos on YT for how to "find your passion," and I have probably more than 100 google docs journals writing in pure frustration and confusion, not to mention I've tried probably around 10 - 15 activities/hobbies in search of finding that *one* I really enjoyed. 

I can only imagine the ease with which a neurotypical person can "find their purpose" and just be done. I would do anything to wake up in the morning out of love of one's craft. I've had periods where I would be willing to trade an arm and a leg for a deep passion. I'm so jealous of people who can immerse themselves in activities. When I see someone who goes "I can work for 12+ hours at a time in full immersion because I love what I do." all I can think of is what hells I can put myself through to get there. It's excruciating. 

Most people probably know the general idea of the concepts presented in Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's "Flow" by now. This is where you become a master in your craft of choice, and get to points where you can just focus for extended periods of bliss. Although I find certain things can be enjoyable, I don’t really have a passion that can get focus/flow states, (sadly) with the exception of videogames: For me, the main thing I've really been able to achieve a flow state in is videogames. It's all I really want to do a lot of the time. Before I even had my personal computer, my parents told me I would try playing some rudimentary games on the ancient preschool computer/device. I don’t know what it is, but I just lose touch with my body, the world, and can lose myself for hours. This is what's known as "hyperfocus" in ADHDers. We can't control what we hyperfocus on. We just do. For me, it's videogames. I become immersed. Apart from that and some really beautiful shows I've seen, nothing can grasp and pull me in the same way. After a long day of confusion, I just want to load up my game and fight against other people. It’s just me and my mouse at that point, and it feels great, except for that nagging feeling in the back of my head that I’m wasting my life and that I’m being lazy again. 

As for some other things I (sort of) enjoy, there’s story building and creating fictional, intricate worlds, fine visual arts - specifically drawing people and detailed machinery. I always liked the line-making aspect of drawing over the creative aspects of it, though. The repetitive motion and the pursuit of perfection was nice. I’m not super creative. Ever since a young age, I was much more logically inclined (left brain) and I always gravitated toward more puzzle-type logical things. Everyone knew me as being really good at math and a fast thinker. I remember also getting really into deck-building games and I would pore over different combinations for cards for hours. Adding onto that, I also really liked strategy and I remember getting lost in my head with different strategies for the games I played. I liked the aspect of tinkering with arranging different parts into something unique with deckbuilding in particular. Putting things together like that was always fun. That might be the closest I got to enjoying something creative, but I don’t really know how to transfer something like that to an LP.

Pure creativity without a purpose to make something of value/something useful (I intellectually know all of this is still subjective) like abstract art or art in general turned me off, and it still does. A reason I was never really able to get into writing/world creation was because no matter how many hard magic systems I built, nothing felt like it had inherent meaning (Again, subjective opinion). I liked making really intricate, detailed things through art, but never really the actual artistic part. There are a few artistic works I've seen that have just really struck me like lightning, but other than that, I haven't really been able to appreciate much art throughout my life. More so than creative, I also enjoyed any sort of competitive activity - I was fiercely competitive and it would engulf me. I liked the skill ladder for any pursuit that I could climb and improve against others.

As for my skills, I’m very intuitive. When I was very good at math as a kid, it would be because I knew how all the cogs of the metaphorical machine worked, and I could just intuit the answer. I didn’t really think in words by saying (seven times four means I add seven.. one, two, three, four times), but instead my mind would just jump to the answer. I wouldn’t think in pictures, but I would just feel the way of doing the problem. I’ve pondered the idea of being like a hands-on-craftsman, or, more generally, I like the idea of going into a field where I can tinker and feel my way through things. As I grew up, though, I was taught to solve all problems in words via deductive reasoning, and given the complexity of many problems in school, I often made silly mistakes and, to this day, take longer than most to understand most concepts.

Also, I can read people’s emotional states very well. Sometimes I find myself responding to people based on the “vibe” they’re giving off, rather than the words that are coming out of their mouth. I can be very socially attuned to how people react to certain things. I also really enjoy being able to give presentations/talks and teaching information. I remember teaching concepts would always light me up. I can’t really see myself being a teacher, or therapist though.

It’s very frustrating because I feel like I have all these strands, yet asked “what do you really want?”, the strands don’t come together to form any cohesive piece. I’m incredibly mercurial, switching from one thing to the next. Nothing really sticks. As for my impact on the world, I care more about quality of impact on more individual scales, rather than widespread, thinned impact. Apart from this, I’m still searching, as I have been for as long as I can remember.

Unfortunately for me, I can’t really "hyperfocus" on much of anything else besides games, including many of the activities I listed above. When I have to do something, I can do the activity, and often I do. I force myself, though. I’ve gotten good at doing chores, and unfortunately 95%+ of life feels like one to me. This had led to a lot of neuroses, such as constantly, constantly thinking about the future. I can stay in the present for short periods of time, but there’s little attraction to the present moment for me. I’m an excessive overthinker and I tend to live in my head and doubt myself a lot. I'm a big worrier and perfectionist too, although I'm working on not feeding these thoughts.

One skill I’ve obtained from suffering with ADHD for so long is the ability to “just get through it”. Especially on medication, I can force myself through the day, but I rarely enjoy most of the activities. I “get through” this activity, then “get through” this work, and then I “get through” this other thing. It’s not purely a mindset thing, either. I just don’t enjoy so much of life. Always living for the future.

 

The first approach to this problem : Reading a lot about the creative freedoms of mastery and the fulfillment that masters get from improving their craft, I’ve always wanted to master a skill. 

I read “So Good They Can’t Ignore You” by Cal Newport and "Mastery" by Robert Greene, and I’m starting to think that maybe I need to force and grind my way to mastery. My dad always commented that “You only seem to really like the things that you’re good at.” Perhaps when I’ve reached the top of skill mountain, I can see things from a different vantage point and do what I really enjoy. With implementing strong habits and having friends keeping me accountable, I could pick a domain I’m willing to put in the time for, and grind out the skills necessary. I’m super competitive, so that could help in this quest for developing skill. I know this doesn’t seem too healthy, putting grind over passion, and putting competition over creativity. At this point though, it’s the best strategy I can think of for myself.

I have a habit of switching my focuses right away (because again, I find so little things interesting), so perhaps if I could just stay stuck like glue to one skill and put in 2k-5k-10k hours, I’ll be able to enjoy life more. If I make a plan and force myself to stick to it, maybe I would begin to enjoy it along the way. I don’t think keeping the habit or laziness would be the issue if I really decided to go down this road, it’s more so whether I would genuinely want to make this time commitment. 

The second approach I could take is to just keep looking. To find something that really gets me on fire, that one thing I can laser-focus on and I can keep coming back to by being pulled, rather than pushing myself. (everything right now is me pushing myself). This would be nice. It feels like I’ve exhausted so many options, though. 

 

TL DR 

Is it a pitfall to make a synthetic LP through just getting skilled at one thing until I can appreciate that thing at a deeper level and attain deeper levels of focus? Or should I keep searching for something that really draws me in?

I have bad ADHD and cannot find enjoyment in many activities the “normal” way.

 

Thank you for sticking with me through the long read. I’d be grateful for any advice. 

[diamondpenguin]

Damn. Those people were literally torturing you. 

[Abren]

Reading this I related to most of what you said. I also grew up with undiagnosed ADHD and your struggles are almost the same as mine. Although I have a life purpose I've known since I can remember. But what I think is really important in your case is finding right medication for you. I've been diagnosed at 18 years old and got methylphenidate and my life changed since then. In a first month I wrote, recorded and put out a full song, what I wasn't capable of doing before because i couldn't focus and it wasn't even that interesting. Medication made me get interested and hyperfocused on things that I wasn't good at. And with that focus and passion I easily gained a skill. Unfortunately my meds made me really anxious and it took me about six months to realize why, I still am struggling but that's too long of a story. What I want to point out is that ADHD medication is not only making your brain work better but unleashing parts of you that you didn't knew. Processes happening between your subconscious and conscious mind are greater. I learned a lot about myself just by taking meds and closing my eyes, just thinking and trying to understand what my subconscious mind is trying to tell me. I recommend you trying out different medication, but also giving yourself the time you need to cure and feel good so that your authentic self can find the passion you need. Also experimenting and going out of your comfort zone might be helpful. 

[Space]

@2neurotic4u Just out of curiosity, do you have any metal amalgams (fillings) in your teeth? 

[cupe]

Just DO.

You will never find your purpose at a standstill.

Nobody has ever found their purpose writing in journals while doing nothing with their lives.

Go out there, and just DO. Whatever comes to you, do it.

People find their purposes months or years after they've already started working on things. 

[Rigel]

What do you eat?

[TheSomeBody]

you can treat your adhd so it will decrease to 5-10% only but it takes long time , pretty worth it 

[JonasVE12]

It's easy to deceive onself when one misinterprets the interconnectedness of aspects of direct experience. if one does not see the bigger picture, certain aspects are left unintegrated. Thus allowing the misunderstanding of the relationship between ADHD, your inability to focus and inability to find fullfillment in life.

Do you remember when you were a child, when you had the freedom to follow your authentic self? Things were light, playful and there was passion for whetever that interested you in the present moment. Could you be present with whatever you enjoyed doing? With following your intuition and authentic inspiration?

I have ADHD, I have been diagnosed recently. I had wasted years and years of time and energy pursuing things that I didn't care for, just so I could get back to that flow. To get these emotions back of freedom & joyful expression. To pursue whatever I wanted without pressure from inside/outside. The explorations were never about 'now', they were always an escape from 'now' - to becoming free of what is now . Why wasn't I free now? Where was I running from?

For me, all these explorations and ideas I wasted so much time with was the acting out of my hidden toxic shame that was twisted around my personality and had me in it's power for all those years from when I was 13 or so. It was all avoidance and distraction. 

When I attuned myself to self-help, my toxic shame became so happy. It offered me the perfect distraction possibility so I would not be aware of it for many more years. The notion of mastery & life-purpose was so beautiful. So I distracted myself with them for so long so I could set myself free. Also the outside pressure of society and parents played a big role. You 'have' to do something that garuantees survival and if you can even find flow (as it is marketed in books), then of course you are on your way and attach some hope to it. It's self-deception.

But of course you can't focus because it is not you...It's not authentic... It's all escape & conditioning. Supressed emotions steering your life in the wrong direction very unconsciously. Thoughts come up 'It's all ADHD', again, another attempt at avoidance driven by my toxic shame so it can remain in darkness (in my situation).

What I would have done if I didn't have to do anything and was free was going out with friends, exploring activities that I loved doing and enjoying presence... I didn't even know what I loved doing anymore because I was so distracted with running away from my fears and trying to gain that freedom. You start to dissociate from yourself. And so you dissociate from what is now too (distraction, zoning out). Because fundementally, you have dissociated from yourself. 

while in reality, it is all here waiting to be released and integrated. You have to become aware of it first, and that is the difficult part. When you can live life from this internal freedom to do whatever you want to do, this inspiration and joy comes naturally. 

Of course in that free space, you can find your life-purpose, but it comes when you are ready and psychologically free from the things holding you back now. The exploration and route to mastery would then not be as painful as it is to you now. It is a sign that you really need to look at yourself deeply and become conscious of the big picture of your life.

Do you spend all your time in your mind? How much are you driven from your emotional centers? What is the contrast? Why is it so in your direct experience? All worthy questions to ask yourself.

I recommend getting sessions with a good psychoanalyst. 

I don't deny the existance of ADHD, and how it might influence your perception and processing of information, but your lack of focus and inability to find fulfillment is not primarly driven by that. If you have a hyperfocus, it seems logical to conclude that your internal and external world also has much (most) to do with it, no?

I have cognitive issues too where conceptual reasoning doesn't come natural to me, and when I have to, I easily become distracted and brain fogged, and a part of me intuitively senses that I can improve on that with purification of my body & mind, but also I realise that I'm oriented elsewhere and I follow that as it is most authentic. 

Give up the search for meaning deeply and really stop looking in the future for some weeks until you have found some clarity. Really accept it in your core. Maybe go walk outside for some weeks. No meditations per se, but just being with yourself and becoming honest. 

Edited May 27, 2021 by JonasVE12

[TheSomeBody]

1 hour ago, JonasVE12 said:

It's easy to deceive onself when one misinterprets the interconnectedness of aspects of direct experience. if one does not see the bigger picture, certain aspects are left unintegrated. Thus allowing the misunderstanding of the relationship between ADHD, your inability to focus and inability to find fullfillment in life.

Do you remember when you were a child, when you had the freedom to follow your authentic self? Things were light, playful and there was passion for whetever that interested you in the present moment. Could you be present with whatever you enjoyed doing? With following your intuition and authentic inspiration?

I have ADHD, I have been diagnosed recently. I had wasted years and years of time and energy pursuing things that I didn't care for, just so I could get back to that flow. To get these emotions back of freedom & joyful expression. To pursue whatever I wanted without pressure from inside/outside. The explorations were never about 'now', they were always an escape from 'now' - to becoming free of what is now . Why wasn't I free now? Where was I running from?

For me, all these explorations and ideas I wasted so much time with was the acting out of my hidden toxic shame that was twisted around my personality and had me in it's power for all those years from when I was 13 or so. It was all avoidance and distraction. 

When I attuned myself to self-help, my toxic shame became so happy. It offered me the perfect distraction possibility so I would not be aware of it for many more years. The notion of mastery & life-purpose was so beautiful. So I distracted myself with them for so long so I could set myself free. Also the outside pressure of society and parents played a big role. You 'have' to do something that garuantees survival and if you can even find flow (as it is marketed in books), then of course you are on your way and attach some hope to it. It's self-deception.

But of course you can't focus because it is not you...It's not authentic... It's all escape & conditioning. Supressed emotions steering your life in the wrong direction very unconsciously. Thoughts come up 'It's all ADHD', again, another attempt at avoidance driven by my toxic shame so it can remain in darkness (in my situation).

What I would have done if I didn't have to do anything and was free was going out with friends, exploring activities that I loved doing and enjoying presence... I didn't even know what I loved doing anymore because I was so distracted with running away from my fears and trying to gain that freedom. You start to dissociate from yourself. And so you dissociate from what is now too (distraction, zoning out). Because fundementally, you have dissociated from yourself. 

while in reality, it is all here waiting to be released and integrated. You have to become aware of it first, and that is the difficult part. When you can live life from this internal freedom to do whatever you want to do, this inspiration and joy comes naturally. 

Of course in that free space, you can find your life-purpose, but it comes when you are ready and psychologically free from the things holding you back now. The exploration and route to mastery would then not be as painful as it is to you now. It is a sign that you really need to look at yourself deeply and become conscious of the big picture of your life.

Do you spend all your time in your mind? How much are you driven from your emotional centers? What is the contrast? Why is it so in your direct experience? All worthy questions to ask yourself.

I recommend getting sessions with a good psychoanalyst. 

I don't deny the existance of ADHD, and how it might influence your perception and processing of information, but your lack of focus and inability to find fulfillment is not primarly driven by that. If you have a hyperfocus, it seems logical to conclude that your internal and external world also has much (most) to do with it, no?

I have cognitive issues too where conceptual reasoning doesn't come natural to me, and when I have to, I easily become distracted and brain fogged, and a part of me intuitively senses that I can improve on that with purification of my body & mind, but also I realise that I'm oriented elsewhere and I follow that as it is most authentic. 

Give up the search for meaning deeply and really stop looking in the future for some weeks until you have found some clarity. Really accept it in your core. Maybe go walk outside for some weeks. No meditations per se, but just being with yourself and becoming honest. 

it is true what you say here , but adhd is still happening even if you are authentic , no matter how much i got myself clear and authentic it didnt helped me . you should also know how to manifest focus like feelings to get focused if you are having adhd 

[JonasVE12]

22 hours ago, TheSomeBody said:

it is true what you say here , but adhd is still happening even if you are authentic , no matter how much i got myself clear and authentic it didnt helped me . you should also know how to manifest focus like feelings to get focused if you are having adhd 

That's true and I definitely don't deny that as I experience it myself, but I find the context around what you are trying to focus on in the bigger picture to be much more important.

I can get in flow and hyperfocus at times when I'm attuned to the things I love doing in the present moment. For example, I can be so present and focused on doing Jiu jitsu, but then, when reading books or watching video's about Jiu jitsu Techniques, I find myself to be very distracted. It's because mostly I love doing it instead of reading & watching video's about it. They are both related to a field that is authentic to me, yet they are both different ways of engaging in it. 

I think authenticity is relevant in micro like ways and also macro. Some things are natural to you, some things aren't. When you have a goal in mind, sometimes it's neccessary to do things that are not natural to you, like reading books maybe, but you put up with it because you value what it represents in the future. But as life is experienced only in the present, things that are not congruent with who you are feel forced and more difficult to do, so focus is harder. It's only natural.

also, if you created the habit of zoning out because you were pushed into things that weren't natural for you your whole life, of course your brain wiring adapts and the habit of dissociation forms into your brain structure just like smoking often becomes a long term habit that's difficult to break out of.

And there might also be neurochemical and systemic health imbalances inside your body that make it simply harder to focus.

ADHD can be looked at from many perspectives and every person is different as well. The problem is that the diagnosis says nothing really about the cause, yet when you get the diagnosis, you identify your lack of focus with having ADHD (a weird genetic neurochemical imbalance, so it seems), closing your mind to more obvious causes and solutions.  

Edited May 28, 2021 by JonasVE12

[TheSomeBody]

19 minutes ago, JonasVE12 said:

That's true and I definitely don't deny that as I experience it myself, but I find the context around what you are trying to focus on in the bigger picture to be much more important.

I can get in flow and hyperfocus at times when I'm attuned to the things I love doing in the present moment. For example, I can be so present and focused on doing Jiu jitsu, but then, when reading books or watching video's about Jiu jitsu Techniques, I find myself to be very distracted. It's because mostly I love doing it instead of reading & watching video's about it. They are both related to a field that is authentic to me, yet they are both different ways of engaging in it. 

I think authenticity is relevant in micro like ways and also macro. Some things are natural to you, some things aren't. When you have a goal in mind, sometimes it's neccessary to do things that are not natural to you, like reading books maybe, but you put up with it because you value what it represents in the future. But as life is experienced only in the present, things that are not congruent with who you are feel forced and more difficult to do, so focus is harder. It's only natural.

also, if you created the habit of zoning out because you were pushed into things that weren't natural for you your whole life, of course your brain wiring adapts and the habit of dissociation forms into your brain structure just like smoking often becomes a long term habit that's difficult to break out of.

And there might also be neurochemical and systemic health imbalances inside your body that make it simply harder to focus.

ADHD can be looked at from many perspectives and every person is different as well. The problem is that the diagnosis says nothing really about the cause, yet when you get the diagnosis, you identify your lack of focus with having ADHD (a weird genetic neurochemical imbalance, so it seems), closing your mind to more obvious causes and solutions.  

i think that this authenticity come with self simulating , this self simulating is what help you to focus , this is also what adhd drugs do, they make your brain more active so you can focus. you can do this prosses on your own without taking stuff or doing only the stuff you want . it is your brain that making this stuff .
the higher self is what hint you to do some stuff but you cant relay on that for focus .
i made myself focus like adhd medication in 4 days after understanding how to self simulate myself, the psycology of today is pretty stupid 

[2neurotic4u]

@Rigel

Overall, I eat pretty healthy. I've been avoiding gluten for a while now, and I eat protein + vegetables every day, with not a whole lot of carbs. I have three meals a day.

[2neurotic4u]

@Space

I don't, to my knowledge. I think I may have gotten a small cavity filled at a young age.. but it's so far back and I don't really remember. Pretty sure I would know if there was metal in there.

 I do think maybe doing some sort of detox could help, but I'm not too clear on how to proceed with that.

[Space]

@2neurotic4u If its a silver coloured filling then it's an amalgam. Definitely worth double checking that. Not saying that mercury poisoning is absolutely the cause of your problems, but it's something to consider and cross off the list.

[TheSomeBody]

i made a toturial about how to treat adhd better than medication , it takes a long time but worth it.
eating healthy is important but it will help you adhd like 5% if you eat tons of garbge , if you eat pretty healthy it wont change much

 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@JonasVE12

Yo, what you're saying makes sense. It's a lot more difficult to focus on something that you don't like doing, as doing what you have to do is just unnatural.

Yet, this life is what it is and we sometimes have to do things that we hate, just out of pure survival. 

What would you suggest to make yourself more focused and disciplined to actually do the necessary stuff, that you have to do (like work that you really hate, but will get you money, that you need to follow your purpose and promote your business)? 

I find myself really fucking frustrated and mad sometimes, it's hard to balance this stuff.

PS. When it comes to diet, exercise, habits in general, etc. - I've done it all, yet that's not enough.

Not sure what it is, maybe some kind of inner conflict, like I feel that I'm selling my soul and that drives me crazy.

Edited May 31, 2021 by 28 cm unbuffed

[JonasVE12]

@28 cm unbuffed It's difficult, yes. Being conditioned into a certain path from the outside pressure of society is like being a kid that wants to go out with his friends to play, but needs to sit inside for 5 hours to learn mathematics. It's always gonna feel like an inner conflict. When you are so attuned to your own intuition, of course it feels like you are selling your soul and missing out because you feel there is a potential inside of you that you can't yet connect to because of the structure of society and how survival obligations are tangled up in it. Mechanics of society are just so unnatural to our individual instincts and tendencies that inner conflict is unavoidable. 

Some individuals learn to escape it and find their own path or don't escape it fully, but find themselves in it. I think that's the only real thing you can do. Finding peace with the current struggle and distraction and survival obligitations, but at the same time attuning yourself to possibilities, creativity, life purpose, practical solutions and focusing on those things like a laser so in the end you can transition to being fully alligned with yourself. In the end, you should strive to things being effortlessly 90%. People that run a business they love doing also have to put up with doing things that are related to the business, yet not fully what they love doing such as dealing with difficult clients, criticism, administration, BTW stuff, logistics. They will be less present with that, thus the other 10%.

At the same time when you are on your way / transitioning to that 90% effortlessness, for the purpose of survival and doing the 'necessary stuff', find ways to fulfill these needs that does not feel like a chore doing it. It's a lot easier when you actually fulfill some lower values of yours doing these activities for the sake of survival. Such as when you have social anxiety and feel lonely for example, it's a lot more fun when you find a job where you constantly talk to people. That way, you mix up some personal development in it as well. You can even find enjoyment in it. I used to have very bad social anxiety and worked a job in door-to-door sales which I loved doing because it forced me to grow, get out of my comfort zone and relate to people. Therefore the effortless ratio was not 10% effortless, but rather 60% effortless because I enjoyed it, but not completely as I felt I was nowhere near my potential. The context of the job allowed me to partially be authentic, yet the job itself wasn't fully me. It was a lot more survival than that authentic inspiration.

I didn't care for the job itself and the product I was selling. I didn't care how much products I sold, yet I was able to find enjoyment in relating to people and seeing people react increasingly positive to me after I did it for a bit. I learned to enjoy the 'neccessary stuff' when mixing it up with things that I value such as connection & personal development. Maybe you can try to connect this neccessary stuff with something that you enjoy/value. If you like being outdoors and doing adventurous things, maybe become a sports camp monitor for teenagers.

"Yet, this life is what it is and we sometimes have to do things that we hate, just out of pure survival. "

What you said above, I can relate to very much, yet I think the framing is a bit off. Being creative & finding practical opportunities can rebalance this effortless ratio significantly until you actually don't hate it anymore but look forward to going to work. Although it is still survival and not fully driven by your authentic inspiration, it can still be enjoyable. This is the most important. If you can find peace and presence in what you are doing, you stabilize yourself, and you can find much more freedom to transition to things that are even more in allignment. 

We all want this LP and passion right now so we can be free of now. The whole journey becomes about that place in our mind that represents that freedom you are chasing after through ourLP. The LP is important, if you are passionate about it, but it should not be a means to become free of now. Maybe if you filfill it, you can drive in your Lambo and get the freedom to travel the world, and those are worthy things to pursue, but in the end, a lot of freedom & fullfillment is found doing things that are authentic in the present despite the unrealised potential in that moment. Such as finding a job that is 60% in allignment. A lot of lifes treasures is found in how present you can be with what you are doing and how much personal value and enjoyment you get out of that which is happening now. The other 40%, you can grow to when you find that LP.

At the same time, finding catalysts for your life purpose helps a lot too. Such as for me, releasing shame & gaining social freedom was the key factor. Sometimes there are hidden blocks between you and your LP that need to be discovered and worked around. Logistical issues as well. 

Just realise that there's things that will always be more difficult and unnatural for you to do. Even when you are fully in allignment in your life, there's always tasks that will demand your attention that you'll rather not do. Embracing the struggle & realising that distraction in those areas are part of the journey helps. Also when working on your actual LP, some things are harder, yes. Just keep progressing to that golden 90% effortlessness ratio. See the bigger picture of your life and how you can rebalance. Even make radical decisions and changes if you have to. 

I'm curious what your LP is and what you are currently working on. 

Edited May 31, 2021 by JonasVE12

[SLuxy]

On 21/05/2021 at 11:18 PM, 2neurotic4u said:

chemistry component of ADHD, people are not hyperactive and unfocused because there is a chemical that causes them to be distracted. Rather, it's a lack of dopamine, which leads to a lack of sustained focus and interest. I've heard theories that this is because back in hunter-gatherer societies, humans couldn't be focused on one thing for too long, otherwise they could be killed by a wild animal. Whatever the cause may be, it makes it so that you don't find an interest in so many things. I can’t “lose yourself" in many activities as many neurotypical people can. Simply "find your passion" is *not* enough to ignite me. I've taken Leo's life purpose course and read books on mastery + LP. I've done meditation and concentration practice, as well as breathing work. I still meditate on a daily basis. I've watched countless videos on YT for how to "find your passion," and I have probably more than 100 google docs journals writing in pure frustration and confusion, not to mention I've tried probably around 10 - 15 activities/hobbies in search of finding that *one* I really enjoyed. 

I can only imagine the ease with which a neurotypical

@2neurotic4u Hey, thank you for your post. I didn't read it in full, but I wanted to voice the following general comments.

I'm going to be honest with you.

If you had done what you have already done, and didn't have ADHD, it is likely you'd have experienced exceptional results. (Seems you agree with me on this).

My opinion, regarding many matters, is don't listen, or take advice from anyone who doesn't have ADHD, or isn't well researched in it.

The standard reply to your message will be:

1) I don't have ADHD, but I struggle too!

2) I don't have ADHD, but this is what helped me.

3) Some BS ungrounded spiritual nonsense.

I understand they are well meaning, but I hate those sorts of replies. Consequently, I ignore them.

Leo Gura hasn't published much, to my knowledge, related to ADHD. Is this frustrating? Yes. Is it understandable? Yes. The man can only do so much.

However, the result is that the forum is often full of misinformation for ADHD sufferers, and I've seen comments by Gura and the moderators regarding ADHD that I seriously disagreed with. 

Edited May 31, 2021 by SLuxy
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[Twega]

On 5/22/2021 at 1:18 AM, 2neurotic4u said:

Rather, it's a lack of dopamine, which leads to a lack of sustained focus and interest.

It is not just dopamine, ADHD involves many neurotransmitters and neuromodulators.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tpB-B8BXk0

 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@JonasVE12

Hey man, thank you for your answer, you seem like a really great guy. That's a lot of information and effort for a stranger on a forum. Thank you.

About my life purpose - I want to grow my YouTube channel, I am looking for a 9-5 high-paying job that will help me to make a transition towards my purpose. By getting into the flow and following higher guidance I got job positions that are more and more aligned to what I want to do, which I find fulfilling, and I already somehow managed to achieve what you are talking about in your post - to get as much as possible from the job I currently do, to use it later in my purpose - work ethics, excellence, discipline, etc. 

There is only one thing that is pulling me back over and over again and really cock blocks my progress, I made a topic about that just a second ago, maybe you can relate. 

A whole bunch of self-sabotages mechanisms come from that one only. Still didn't find a root cause and it took years of my life away already.