How Do I Stop Hating My Mother

[Raptorsin7]

So I have a complicated relationship with my mother and I think it has a big negative effect on my ability to grow up and form relationships with woman.

I have a deep hatred and resentment for my mother and some for my grandma too (I grew up with my mom and grandma). I was very spoiled growing up, it's a cultural thing where boys are coddled and smothered by woman. As a result i have a co-dependent relationship with my mom, and i'm basically a mammas boy who deep down hates his mother. She just kind of ignores my distain and still wants the best for me, but I just have this general sense of hatred and I know I have to get over it.

Has anyone dealt with this and overcame it? I think I have some underlying misogyny towards woman as a result of my relationship with the woman of my family. I want to have healthy relationships with woman, and I've resolved to treat other woman in life better than my mom but I still think it affects my interaction with other woman too

[Average Investor]

With your mother and grandmother directly, I would work on becoming aware of the emotions while around them. If you inspect them further it is something that you are perpetuating and  not the reality. For example if you feel like your mom is annoying. You will be around her making yourself annoyed because you are carrying that idea that she is annoying. Even if she hasn't really changed her behavior. 

As for other women. I would see what kind of patterns of behavior that you have as a result of this. Then working on finding out where those behaviors came from. You might be able to pin point it to a few times that something happened. You can then work on forgiveness if it is needed with those situations. That and identifying things that you unconsciously decided from those situations. 

[RickyFitts]

The hatred you're feeling towards your mother is what's known as a secondary or 'cover' emotion - we humans tend to get caught in such surface emotions (anger, resentment, hatred, bitterness, etc. - ie all forms of negativity), and we find it very difficult to feel the deeper, more vulnerable feelings of, for example, grief and hurt (this tends to be more difficult for men, I suspect). I've struggled to let go of such feelings myself; I've found that becoming more sensitive in the body and allowing it to relax and gradually release both the surface emotions, and also those deeper feelings that the surface emotions are unconsciously designed to keep at bay, is what's required. It can be a bumpy ride, but I think it's necessary to do that inner work in order to let go of the negativity you're feeling.

Edited May 20, 2021 by RickyFitts
Completing an incomplete sentence.

[Arcangelo]

Psychedelics

[karkaore]

@Raptorsin7 If you still live with your mom - move out. Problem solved at the surface level. From there you can start to investigate whats what. If you already moved out - contemplate, journal and talk with her.

[Arcangelo]

2 hours ago, karkaore said:

move out.

Yes the relationship will improve significantly or even drastically

[blankisomeone]

You ABSOLUTELY have to read the book “recovering from emotionally immature parents”. I cannot stress this enough

[TreyMoney]

1. Establish boundaries. If your mother does something that you feel is inappropriate, tell her that is not ok, and you won't accept that behavior anymore.

2. Establish independence. Move out on your own as soon as possible if you still live at home.

3. If your mother tries to guilt or shame you for doing 1 of 2, she is trying to manipulate you, and you should consider either cutting her out if your life entirely or only seeing her at certain times of the year at your choosing.

Hope this helps.

P.s. I have personally cut off communication with my grandmother and other family members so I speak from experience.

Cheers to health, wealth, peace and love.

TreyMoney