Not getting sex

[28 cm unbuffed]

You guys are giving her answers without knowing her, him and the situation itself.

He might be cheating, she might be really ugly, he might have erectile disfunction - we just have no idea which of these are true and which are not, as we don't know these people.

If I was her, I would just tell him I will give him a BJ and waited for his reaction. If he declines, just ask "Why? I don't want anything in return."

If he will proceed to decline to answer than tell him "Something's wrong, you're hiding something". If he will still decline, than give him an ultimatum - "You either tell me the truth or we're done, I can't be sure if you are not lying to me, cheating on me or something like that". 

He will then either tell you the truth out of fear of losing you (f.e the case with erectile disfunction) or NOT - which will mean, that he cheated on you or didn't really care about being with you anymore  - which is the reason to stop this relationship on it's own.

Ps. You can also tell him that he can rub your pussy or something like that (to give YOU the pleasure), just to be 100% sure that he is not saving his dick for God or something like that, but I highly doubt that. 

 

 

Edited May 20, 2021 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Zeroguy]

@28 cm unbuffed Hey there was guy on this forum who had sex with 74 old woman. Never underestimate  horny dog mentality of guys. 

She will find guy. 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Zeroguy

Yo, I never said she will not, just giving a piece of advice on how to solve her problem once and for all (my perspective at least)

[Maria Fuentes]

Thank you to all the replies and sorry this is such a long rant. I read each one and do appreciate the feedback. Yeah it’s complicated and sucks for sure. Tonight I told him I want him to go to couples counseling and he agreed which is an improvement from last time I asked. Although, he is convinced that the therapist is going to tell me it’s all my doing why no intimacy/sex  because I do to much and spend to much time with my kids etc etc... maybe he or she will I know I have my faults too and am not perfect, but the issue that most upsets me yes his lack of willingness to except responsibility or growth personally, within or outside the relationship . I go to counseling, I go to yoga, I go to retreats and I try to find different ways to show up to the relationship better. Yeah, I mess up I don’t always act perfect or nice I get frustrated and I have resentment. I’m open about it and I do express my feelings to him. I apologize when I’m wrong. He doesn’t. I’m hoping that he will be open but I am not so sure. The main issue that complicates this is I have three children who are now teenagers and who I am desperately trying to have some consistency for. This man has been the only man that I’ve dated after healing from my divorce with my kids father and I am trying desperately to keep a family like environment for them. They don’t know all about this but I’m sure they can sense their mom isn’t super happy. I hate to model a relationship that I would not want them to be in but I also don’t want to Uproot them and Financially it would be too difficult, even though I am now working a second job to help out because he doesn’t help with all of the bills at home. I’ve thought a lot about just doing it on my own and teaching the kids that we can do fine with much less, but I don’t want to disappoint them. I guess I figure if I can just hold it together grin and bear it 4 more years till youngest graduates it will be better for the greater good and then I can just focus on me. It’s not a great situation but it’s what I’ve got to work with right now I’m looking into the future and have a plan. I’m  working on trying to find some contentment and keep my sanity in all this. I know I’ve settled possibly  sold my sole, I’m not proud of that at all but I’m trying my best

oh.... for the response about male performance problems...and he got the blue pill years ago and never took it said it was a mistake getting it cause he didn’t need it. I tried to be super supportive about it all and sensitive because it didn’t bother me but him not trying does bother me

I’ve told him several times I want to leave and don’t deserve this and he puts out a list of how much money I will owe him that he’d take the house, our stuff goes on and on. Doesn’t want me to leave or even think about me with someone else but doesn’t seem to know how to show up

that’s all 

 

[intotheblack]

3 hours ago, Maria Fuentes said:

I’ve told him several times I want to leave and don’t deserve this and he puts out a list of how much money I will owe him that he’d take the house, our stuff goes on and on. Doesn’t want me to leave or even think about me with someone else but doesn’t seem to know how to show up

 

This is not healthy. Start saving money and look at your options for leaving.  I understand staying for your kids, but a better example for them would be seeing their mother putting herself first and making a change if she’s unhappy. 
Best thing you can do is have an honest talk with your kids about how you’re feeling, it will form a deeper bond with them and they will also want you to be happy. 
 

Are you married? If you are married then everything will be 50/50 split.  If not then does the house belong to him or is it joint?  
this is mostly just threats from him to stop you from leaving. 
 

Edited May 21, 2021 by intotheblack

[intotheblack]

It also sounds very much like you have been taking the masculine role in the relationship, by doing everything and working 2 jobs, whilst also being a mother and wife. whilst he takes no responsibility. 

This will have caused an imbalance in polarity. 

He needs to step up and take some of the weight off you so you can embrace more of your natural feminine. 

But the threats about money are a red flag so really think about if the relationship is even salvageable.  Do you want to remain with a man who will threaten to leave you in financial distress if you divorce him?

Edited May 21, 2021 by intotheblack

[Bando]

Yea definitely a tough situation mabey your ranting but you don't seem very happy, have you considered getting a consultation from a divorce attorney to help navigate with finances and other legal issues? (if you guys are married) Do you think you could support your kids by yourself if you guys moved out? Do you have parents or trusted friends you could live with temporarily if you moved? How would your kids react to this? 

What do you mean by growth, how exactly would you want for him to improve, better communication skills, make more money, give better sex? Have you tried to understand this from his perspective, see what's stressing him out? 

8 years is a long time to be with someone and not notice the red flags that this could be a possibility in the relationship. Have you ever thought that he likes where he's at and doesn't see the need to improve and you may be forcing his hand? Based of your posts it seems like your outgrowing your husband and expect him to catch up while that may not be what he wants.

If he isn't providing an openly toxic environment for your kids and is helping support them but doesn't have the qualities you want should you leave him and hope to find better? This should be a time for you to reflect and ask these important questions before making any rash moves.