Die Single Or Share A Partner?

[Raptorsin7]

Given the trends toward isolation amongst modern young people there are many more single men and woman nowadays than in other periods of history.

I think there's a stat saying around 1/4 black woman will get married in the US, and there are other shocking single stats in countries like Korea and Japan.

If you were a single woman would you be content to die alone, or would you be content in sharing a partner with other woman? Also, for the men would you be comfortable having multiple partners? 

Are there any woman would want multiple male partners? Also, would any mean here be content sharing a woman with other men. 

[intotheblack]

why are the options only between dying alone or an open relationship? Lolz  
But No. I wouldn’t want multiple partners. Too big of a distraction and too much effort.
I also wouldn’t want my partner to have other relationships going on, because then he would be too pre-occupied with that. 
I don’t see the point of having all these different relationships going on at the same time, unless you have a sky high sex drive or you are avoidant.  Avoidant because jumping around different people allows you to keep distance from getting too close to one person. 

I like to focus on one person.  I wouldn’t have time to be also seeing other people!  

[Raptorsin7]

@intotheblack I'm not saying those are the only options lol. 

I'm mostly speaking to the demographics around being single, like the stat about 3/4 of black woman won't be married or the epidemic of being single in Asia, and what the options would be for people in these situations.

Like imagine if you are 35 year old single woman who is having trouble finding a partner. Lots of people are on a trajectory of dying alone, but maybe some of them would look back and think they would have rather shared a man. I mean in Islam you are allowed up 4 partners haha

Not that I agree with this personally. I think the ideal situation is to have 1 partner, and I think men who deal with multiple woman while claiming to love their wives or partners etc are delusional

[intotheblack]

@Raptorsin7 ah ok.  Then no, I would rather be alone than to settle for a shared partner! 
 

[Raptorsin7]

@intotheblack What percentage of men do you think you find desirable for a relationship? 5,10,20%?

I think a lot of woman want the same small percentage of men so it's kind of inevitable that some woman will get left behind, so dying alone or accepting some kind of poly situation may be the only options available.

I think there is an unfair double standard that works against woman. I would be willing to settle at a certain point but even then if there were no desirable options I would be content to die alone, but I also think it's easier for a man to adjust his desirability to woman than vice versa. So this more of a problem for woman than men. 

[intotheblack]

@Raptorsin7 I don’t know, but not many. I’m in a relationship now though, which happened by chance. But before that I was single for 5 years. 

35 isn’t old btw, people still meet people and start relationships in there 40s and 50s.  Infact the older you are the more likely it will work out, since both people are mature and both want a companion etc. (unless you are a Peter Pan type)

my boyfriends mum is in her late 50’s and she’s always going on dates. 

the problem arises when your mindset is that you need to find a partner. Trying to find someone gets very frustrating and distracting.  Just go do your own thing and have fun, travel etc.  Don’t let your world revolve around trying to find a perfect person. 

[hyruga]

It all depends on how toxic or good your partners and spouses are.

[Raptorsin7]

36 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

35 isn’t old btw, people still meet people and start relationships in there 40s and 50s.  Infact the older you are the more likely it will work out, since both people are mature and both want a companion etc. (unless you are a Peter Pan type)

35 is pretty old. High risk pregnancy starts at 35 for woman, and if you are that age you are limited in the amount of children you can have. Also, when it comes to dating preferences men prefer younger woman, so the dating options for a 35 year old woman are severely limited compare to 35 year old men. A 35 year old man will have no issues dating woman 25-35. A woman who is 35 will have severe issues dating men who are 25-35 etc

36 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

the problem arises when your mindset is that you need to find a partner. Trying to find someone gets very frustrating and distracting.  Just go do your own thing and have fun, travel etc.  Don’t let your world revolve around trying to find a perfect person. 

I think you run into problems with this mindset too though. How many people have followed this philosophy only to wake up in their mid 30s etc and realize they want a family or a long term partner but their options are severely limited.

I think the dating options tend to dry up quick as you approach your 30s. I'm 25 but I hope I don't end up in my mid to late 30s looking for a partner. I have an uncle who's in his late 30s and it's sad to see him try to find someone. I think that same situation is way worse for woman.

 

 

Edited May 20, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

@hyruga So you would be open to it?

See it's kind of like a catch 22. A man who has high character, loving etc would they be the kind of person who entertains a poly situation? I would like sideways at a guy who claimed to be high conscious but who who has a relationship with 6 woman or something.

But if a person is a genuinely a good person then maybe it would be a good situation to have multiple partners. I think most men are low quality for relationships so it would make sense for 1 guy to have lots of woman

[intotheblack]

9 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I think you run into problems with this mindset too though. How many people have followed this philosophy only to wake up in their mid 30s etc and realize they want a family or a long term partner but their options are severely limited.

I’m not saying don’t date or start relationships, just saying do other things and don’t stress too much about finding someone.  That’s why so many people rush into relationships and marriage out of desperation and fear of being alone.  
I’m saying get out and see the world, and meet all kinds of people along the way. 

[Raptorsin7]

@intotheblack What do you think of the other stuff I wrote?

[intotheblack]

12 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

A 35 year old man will have no issues dating woman 25-35. A woman who is 35 will have severe issues dating men who are 25-35 etc

39 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

Yeah maybe sometimes.  But I honestly don’t see this in my day to day life.  I don’t really know any guys who are dating a 10 year younger girl. People are usually with someone the same age or up/down buy a few years. 

[Raptorsin7]

@intotheblack Hmm yeah I guess 10 years is a pretty big disparity. But you don't think there's a double standard with men and woman dating older vs younger?

I couldn't imagine dating an older woman. A few years younger or maybe the same age sounds ideal

[intotheblack]

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@intotheblack Hmm yeah I guess 10 years is a pretty big disparity. But you don't think there's a double standard with men and woman dating older vs younger?

I couldn't imagine dating an older woman. A few years younger or maybe the same age sounds ideal

Yeah of course.  But I’ve seen it changing. More guys are dating girls older than them. 
I always found it slightly weird when the girl is much younger than the man. It’s only recently that men stopped marrying children, infact it’s still happening in some countries. 
 

[Raptorsin7]

1 minute ago, intotheblack said:

Yeah of course.  But I’ve seen it changing. More guys are dating girls older than them. 
I always found it slightly weird when the girl is much younger than the man. It’s only recently that men stopped marrying children, infact it’s still happening in some countries. 
 

I would be very surprised if it became a trend for men to date older woman the same way men date younger woman, but I guess it's possible.

It's depends on the age disparity. Like a 35 year old dating a 25 year old isn't a big deal imo, especially when you consider the emotional maturity of both partners. I think it's odd when someone dates someone who is very dissimilar in their mindset and emotional maturity 

[Raptorsin7]

@intotheblack Do you have any sense of what the dating market is like for woman around your age?

Also, I guess this is kinda tough and personal, but would you consider yourself someone who is desired by men you desire or do you struggle to find compatible people in dating?

Do you have any sense for why you were single for 5 years?

[intotheblack]

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Do you have any sense of what the dating market is like for woman around your age?

Well I live in a city, and it’s hard to form relationships no matter what your age is.  I think the biggest problem is that everyone is very disconnected and avoidant.  

Also, I guess this is kinda tough and personal, but would you consider yourself someone who is desired by men you desire or do you struggle to find compatible people in dating? 
I never had a problem meeting anyone, and dated many types of people. It was hard to find compatible people. 

 

Do you have any sense for why you were single for 5 years?

Because I went through a toxic relationship and a rough breakup, then I moved to another country by myself and had a lot of issues to work through. I still dated people. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@intotheblack Ahh interesting thanks

I think this generation of people will see lots of single people. The red pill community talks about this online a lot, but I think many people aren't aware of the epidemic of single people that is occurring in many developed countries.

Are you originally from North America? Where did you move from and where to? (Don't have to be specific if you don't want to, maybe just continent or region if you're more comfortable)

 

 

[intotheblack]

5 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@intotheblack Ahh interesting thanks

I think this generation of people will see lots of single people. The red pill community talks about this online a lot, but I think many people aren't aware of the epidemic of single people that is occurring in many developed countries

yeah Because everyone is doing everything online and not making action in ‘real life’ 

Are you originally from North America? Where did you move from and where to? (Don't have to be specific if you don't want to, maybe just continent or region if you're more comfortable)

I would rather not say but no, I’m not from the US.  what I will say though is that when I lived in my hometown I was always dating because i was very social, had a big friend group and was going out all the time. I never once used a dating app.  But once I moved and didn’t know anyone I started using dating apps to meet people, but it was all so shallow and the people were very flakey, I rarely connected with someone. So I started going to meet up groups in the city, but again just so hard to connect with anyone. 
I decided to quit trying to meet people and I started taking solo trips, and it was on one of these trips that I met my boyfriend, totally by chance we were both staying in a hostel together, in the same room. We connected immediately, and then began a long distance relationship until he moved to my city last year.  I think it is mostly luck meeting someone like that. Right place at the right time. 

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

3 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

I would rather not say but no, I’m not from the US.  what I will say though is that when I lived in my hometown I was always dating because i was very social, had a big friend group and was going out all the time. I never once used a dating app.  But once I moved and didn’t know anyone I started using dating apps to meet people, but it was all so shallow and the people were very flakey, I rarely connected with someone. So I started going to meet up groups in the city, but again just so hard to connect with anyone. 
I decided to quit trying to meet people and I started taking solo trips, and it was on one of these trips that I met my boyfriend, totally by chance we were both staying in a hostel together, in the same room. We connected immediately, and then began a long distance relationship until he moved to my city last year.  I think it is mostly luck meeting someone like that. Right place at the right time. 

That's interesting wow. I'm planning on going on solo trips once covid is over i'm hoping it'll be a good growing experience.

It's definitely tough out there good luck with dating hope it works out