I feel like giving up...

[Strangeloop]

I have no hope, the matter of fact is that I am so fucking angry at the world and myself for not doing the tlvery best I could do before. Before I had abs, I had a diet but I was also doing drugs then. Now I'm fucking disgusted. In a negative rut. My mind is taking a toll on me, all I hear is complaining, gaslighting and hatred towards myself and other people. I thought I had so much to gain by doing this contemplation like thinkint but all I've got is anxiousness hatred and depression. All I want to do is escape from this world into some goddamm forgetten place where no one will find me, where I will die in a long and painfull death. Just me myself and I. Dying, alone... No one there beside me. Just me being a victim towards the world, because the weakling me is trying to act tough so much that I'm fucking Hating this part of me sooo fucking much.

I'm just begging God to kill me already, end this misery so I could die. Or atleast lay in a coma and never wake up.

My head is exploding with thoughts. It's like World War 3 in My Brain. I can't fight much longer. I think I will need to surrender to the devil and burn in hell for it.

[Bojan V]

Hi. 

Please remember, you are a worthy human being. You are loved and respected in many ways. Sometimes we all feel like this. But there is a Light in us that is much stronger then our darkness. Our wounds are bleeding and we are in pain. But there IS hope! There IS healing and there IS Peace! You don't deserve hell, no matter what your mind mind is telling you, there is the solution. You are NOT weakling, you are vulnerable. We all are. The solution can and does come in many different ways. Sometimes in the form of a friend, a family member, a stranger, or in the form of a professional therapist. Please understand, death is NOT a solution! You are never alone, my friend! Love is in your heart?...

[Preety_India]

The same thing is happening to me.

I feel like I'm not worthy of anything.

It's very hard.

 

I feel like death is so much better and life seems very hard emotionally on me.

So I can understand your pain 

 

[Bojan V]

@Preety_India And yet you ARE WORTHY!

Worthy of love and peace and happiness.

Life is difficult yes, but death is NOT better. 

My intuition is telling me that we are here to deal with our problems in this physical shape and form...

[Strangeloop]

@Bojan V the moment I see hope, it slips away like sand through the fingers. sure I'm moved by your little comforting speech in written form, but I would probably just die anyway. one way or the other. I saw the light, it was beautiful but as the cycle continues darkness comes forth once again. The darker it gets the more tears will drop, the lighter it gets the more Compassion will arise. But I can not control the darkness nor the Light. Both of these come and go and neither stays longer than eternity.

[Bojan V]

@Strangeloop I understand. But the eternity can shine HERE, in this physical life, when the Light penetrates the darkness.

I will ask you directly... Are you planing to complete suicide? PLEASE?? DON'T do it!

There is the way to be happy in this life.

[Roy]

You feel like giving up, and that there is no hope. But is it written somewhere you have to indulge those feelings, or do you feel compelled that it's the truth?

[Strangeloop]

@Bojan V No I don't plan to suicide, I just sometimes have suicidal thoughts when my life goes unexpected ways.

@Roy The negative thoughts seem very persuasive even if it's the partial truth, a perspective/worldview.

I realised that the thoughts can be the source of my suffering, but on the other hand living without thoughts can cause suffering too.

To indulge the feeling of leaving this earth is probably the most horrifying thing there is. And I've seen an attempt of suicide, it was devastating to watch and don't wish anyone to experience that.

[hyruga]

Don't overthink.

You look at an ant. Does it think its way to a suicide?

If you pluck out one wing/leg, does it kill itself or fight to survive?

[Bojan V]

@Strangeloop Hugs.

[Michael569]

@Strangeloop I don't know you and I won't presume I know what it feels like to be in your skin right now. I have gone through periods of depression and anxiety in my life and I know what it feels like to be at your lowest. 

What I'm going to say is that there is nothing that happens to the human body and the human mind that cannot be remedied and that cannot be transformed. An environment can be changed, health problems can be solved and a mind can be healed to start seeing the light and the love even if this seems hard to believe at the moment. 

Don't suffer alone and don't you dare to quit. I know you are a solution seeker and I know you're a fighter, otherwise, you wouldn't be here. We are all seeking for some guidance and some improvement on here. Do not hesitate to ask for help. There are people out there, probably living close to you who can help, experts, guides and mentors. Reach out to someone to guide you back into the light. 

What are you good at? What were you passionate about when you were younger? What gives you spark? 

You said before you had a diet and routine. What has changed? Is there any chance you could find the motivation to get back to it again? I'm happy to have a chat to you about health (no fee) if you'd like. 

Just do one thing today that will make you feel better. Make your bed, take a hot shower, grab a cup of coffee and go outside for a short walk. Get outside of your mind and your body and look out, look around you and take it in. Today is a new day, a new start and a new opportunity. You have what it takes to change your life but you gotta believe this......you better believe this. 

You have a great potential in your life that is just waiting to be discovered. I don't know what it is and maybe neither do you yet but don't go and waste that, don't rob the world of your contribution. Find someone who can help you even if it takes another 6 months and even if you had to borrom money for it. 

You've got this, there is still good in this world and it is worth fighting for

 

 

[Strangeloop]

Thank you for all the support!

[Bojan V]

@Strangeloop ???

[Nahm]

We get to passion, love, empowerment, freedom and enthusiasm by first getting to contentment. This is counterintuitive at first, as we get to contentment not by any doing or solving, not by any thinking... but by letting go of all of it, by relaxing, by giving it to love when it’s become to much for us to handle. We get to contentment by shifting focus away from thoughts - to seeing, hearing, breathing and feeling. The thoughts must be aloud to settle. The resistance felt is not about who you are.

The thoughts about you are not true.

The resistance in feeling is the all-too-tangible literal evidence of the truth of feeling, that these thoughts about you are not true about who you really are. Who you really are is unconditional. Unconditional can not meet you in these conditions held in mind, or, focused on in thought.

Talk to someone. Talk to me today if you like, (no charge). Express to let go. Nothing is need of solving. Let go and allow well being is, allow comfort in, allow the love in. The true nature floats like a cork, when no longer held done by the focus on these conditions, these beliefs about itself. They don’t hold any water, and they don’t hold this love back - but boy do we feel that resistance when we’ve momentarily lost our way. 

Everyone who has ever lived has been there. You are not alone my friend. We’re all with you. We support you. We believe in you. We can not let go for you. We can not choose to talk to someone for you. We can not express and release for you. We can only tell you do not lose faith, do not give up on hope. There is so much love here for you. 

[fopylo]

@Nahm Is it possible for me to feel empowerment, freedom, enthusiasm but also some anxiety at the same time? I mean, it is happening but I don't see how it reconciles with the emotional scale. It's confusing when you regard several emotions in play

[Mu_]

On 5/19/2021 at 11:22 AM, Strangeloop said:

I have no hope, the matter of fact is that I am so fucking angry at the world and myself for not doing the tlvery best I could do before. Before I had abs, I had a diet but I was also doing drugs then. Now I'm fucking disgusted. In a negative rut. My mind is taking a toll on me, all I hear is complaining, gaslighting and hatred towards myself and other people. I thought I had so much to gain by doing this contemplation like thinkint but all I've got is anxiousness hatred and depression. All I want to do is escape from this world into some goddamm forgetten place where no one will find me, where I will die in a long and painfull death. Just me myself and I. Dying, alone... No one there beside me. Just me being a victim towards the world, because the weakling me is trying to act tough so much that I'm fucking Hating this part of me sooo fucking much.

I'm just begging God to kill me already, end this misery so I could die. Or atleast lay in a coma and never wake up.

My head is exploding with thoughts. It's like World War 3 in My Brain. I can't fight much longer. I think I will need to surrender to the devil and burn in hell for it.

Sounds like your in a "strangeloop".  Sorry for the pun, but I've noticed a lot of user names match how people see themselves or the quality of life they have.  I'm not sure how to exactly help you, but I have been down my own depressive road before and wanted to die, and deeply thought about and almost went through suicide.

First thing I'd get to the bottom of is if you had a choice between relaxing or going through what you are, would you choose to relax? If so, what are some things that relax you?  Maybe do some more of that, and if this negative voice comes up, just say hey, lets just relax, thats what we want.  This may only work if you deeply get to the truth if you'd rather suffer or relax.  Sometimes a good bit of self care can help you unwind just enough to get your wits back and then maybe make some progress to getting some abs back

[Preety_India]

Practice acceptance and letting go 

 

[Logan]

1. Start a mindfulness meditation habit. You need to cut out your negative self talk ASAP. You can learn to recognize and stop your negative thoughts in their tracks. You can create peace in your mind.

2. You are not bad or worthy of suffering. You deserve love and peace. You can get these things for yourself if you make the commitment to yourself. I did it.

3. Your language (self-talk) is key. Start using kind language with yourself. Use I am statements. Example: "I am worthy of love."  

4. You are not alone and you are loved.

5. Find a therapist as soon as you can. It can be uncomfortable asking for help, but I assure you that there is nothing to be ashamed of and that it can help you.

[Leo Gura]

@Strangeloop You need to seek professional face to face help from a therapist. This forum is not sufficient for dealing with such a serious condition.

Please seek out someone local who can help you work through your thoughts.

[BipolarGrowth]

@Leo Gura Is right. You need to have a local support system for your mental health at this point. Check in with professionals, but I can tell you some things that have helped me through similar stuff. Also, don’t forget that there are hotlines for this stuff. Just talking to another person can shift the emotions and thoughts to a better place to give some relief and clarity in thought.
 

This works kind of the same as someone who wins big at a casino then loses it all thinking they were gonna become an instant millionaire. In that, the person become hyper optimistic due to a good outcome which clouded their judgment through their emotional state. This is the reverse. You’re having quite a difficult time it sounds, and this has pushed more and more hyper pessimism onto you. This is just a natural way this works. My point with all this is that finding some temporary relief will allow you to break out of those thought patterns and frame of mind to gain a clearer view of things. Try some things out which you typically enjoy. Buy yourself a fancy meal. Wear your favorite shirt. Whatever small thing you try to feel even a little better can end up being the thing that helps pull you up for a while. Of course if you can go for a walk in the sun on a nice day, this is going to have a chemical effect on reducing the pain you’re in. Spend more time with people you care about if you can. Getting a haircut or other self care stuff can give a mood boost too. 
 

Life is change. It looks like everything is horrible and will continue that way, but you can snap into a period of luck and happiness potentially at any time. It happens to the vast majority of people who go through such things. Some treatment is found or some negative factor is removed from the situation, and suddenly everything starts to heal. That’s what I happened for me. I’ve been deeper into it than I ever thought was possible, but I was prescribed one new medication out of dozens and dozens I had gone through which had varying effectiveness. This new medication turned everything around or at least was what gave me the ability to gain traction again in order to pull myself together of my own volition which happens quite naturally and effortlessly once you return to your old self or at least a more pleasant emotional experience than what was going on. 
 

I hope this has helped.