I have my dream girlfriend

[JJfromSwitzerland]

So this is it, this is what I wished for.

It's just not how I envisioned it.

I thought this shit would be different, here my story:

About 1.5 years ago I dated a chick, at the beginning everything was great, I thought I fell in love, in fact I loved her so much that I was becoming a pussy and she quit the relationship. I still think about her to this day.

So what happened: I was depressed and heartbroken for a while so I made a list for the next woman I wanna be with on how I wish her to be so that the same thing won't happen again to me. Ta-daa - appr. 1 year later I met the woman who looks exactly like I envisioned it, who is very nice and kind to me, who wants sex more often than me and so on and on. Exactly how I dreamed of she should be. It's crazy.

Now that I am with her for a couple of months, you probably think that must be great.

No.

I'm starting to doubt if I still wanna be with her cause I am not horny anymore to sleep with her, I am doubting if I even love her and more. 

Same happened to me with my last long term girlfriend I had, I was always doubting if I even love her - so after 2 years relationship I broke up with her. After a couple of months when we were seperated I regreted so much that I broke up cause I started to miss her really bad but I had no chance to get her back.

It's crazy, isn't it?!

So for all you pickup guys and desperate for sex guys or whatever: I wish you get as much sex as you want with the hottest women ever so you will realize that this is for nothing.

Same I wish for all the women who wish to be with their dream guy.

You only value it so much if you don't have it and once you get it, you realized that you valued it waaaay too much when you didn't have it.

Now you might say: "Yes, everybody knows that. "

True, but knowing and hearing it from somebody or somewhere else and experience it by yourself is much different.

 

Funny

[RendHeaven]

fax

[JJfromSwitzerland]

3 minutes ago, Peter Miklis said:

In what ways? Too needy?

yeah, I was becoming too needy

 

3 minutes ago, Peter Miklis said:

I mean that's kinda weird, can your sexual drive for one person simply dissapear? Sounds like your issue, which you're projecting

That happened to me with all the women I dated - after a while having sex with the same woman I was bored of having sex with the same person

Edited May 18, 2021 by JJfromSwitzerland

[JJfromSwitzerland]

2 minutes ago, Peter Miklis said:

@JJfromSwitzerland Interesting that on one hand, you didn't want to have sex but on the other hand you were becomming increasingly needy. It's almost as if you wanted to have a gf just for the sake of having one, so you're not lonely.

No you confuse some things, the one who quit with me last time, I wanted more sex but we didn't date so long so I hadn't have sex that often yet with her so that it got bored. It only gets bored after a while - a couple of months normally

[Javfly33]

Yeah, but it's just like Enlightment.

You already "there", but you need to go the self development work to get there. It's not the result, is the path.

[NoSelfSelf]

We treat dating/women as something really big and important and then get down when we finally have it because its not as advertised ? its just one aspect of life an add on to life not a big part of life...

[JJfromSwitzerland]

45 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Yeah, but it's just like Enlightment.

You already "there", but you need to go the self development work to get there. It's not the result, is the path.

True, that's why I don't make posts about Enlightment cause I didn't experience it yet, just red and heard how it is.

[Globalcollective]

@JJfromSwitzerland Regardiung the getting board of sex part why don't you practice tantra with your GF, books like the multi orgasmic man and Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy are good places to start. When you ejaculate you get a big dopamine dump and then the more you ejaculate with the same partner the less dopamine you get. The cycle repeats itself when you get a new partner but if you learn a few tricks you can get around this. And don't worry you don't have to give you ejacualtion you just use it more sparingly and also you can lean deeper orgasem which can grow your love for you GF. 

[JJfromSwitzerland]

23 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

We treat dating/women as something really big and important and then get down when we finally have it because its not as advertised ? its just one aspect of life an add on to life not a big part of life...

facts !

[Preety_India]

 

What you're describing is not true Love but Lust.

Lust always ends in disappointment.

 

True Love is long lasting. And lovers never lose interest. No fantasy.just truth.

You never had emotions to begin with. They were false emotions. Like a false alarm.

True emotions are very strong and don't disappear simply due to time or circumstances.

 

[JJfromSwitzerland]

13 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

What you're describing is not true Love but Lust.

Lust always ends in disappointment.

 

True Love is long lasting. And lovers never lose interest. No fantasy.just truth.

You never had emotions to begin with. They were false emotions. Like a false alarm.

True emotions are very strong and don't disappear simply due to time or circumstances.

 

not to offense you but this sounds like some disney movie bullshit

[JJfromSwitzerland]

22 minutes ago, Globalcollective said:

@JJfromSwitzerland Regardiung the getting board of sex part why don't you practice tantra with your GF, books like the multi orgasmic man and Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy are good places to start. When you ejaculate you get a big dopamine dump and then the more you ejaculate with the same partner the less dopamine you get. The cycle repeats itself when you get a new partner but if you learn a few tricks you can get around this. And don't worry you don't have to give you ejacualtion you just use it more sparingly and also you can lean deeper orgasem which can grow your love for you GF. 

yes why not

[intotheblack]

2 hours ago, JJfromSwitzerland said:

I'm starting to doubt if I still wanna be with her cause I am not horny anymore to sleep with her, I am doubting if I even love her and more.

If you have a fear of intimacy or avoidant then this is totally normal.  One of the many tricks that the ego plays to make you not let love in.  The ego makes you judge the other person and look for reasons why they aren’t good enough for you etc. Before you run away from it, question yourself deeply and ask yourself why you are doubting it.  Sometimes you have to push past that fear and dive straight in, after that it gets better honestly.  
what’s the worst thing that would happen if you did decide to fully let this girl in your life and be open to her?  Let me guess, you would feel trapped and suffocated right?  This is your ego protecting you from love.  
another thing to know is that love is not easy. It’s not like a fairytale where you fall in love at first sight... love is what happens after you push past the fear and insecurities, and stick around to get past the tough and uncertain times.  That’s when love happens.  

 

[intotheblack]

3 hours ago, JJfromSwitzerland said:

Ta-daa - appr. 1 year later I met the woman who looks exactly like I envisioned it, who is very nice and kind to me, who wants sex more often than me and so on and on. Exactly how I dreamed of she should be.

Because you imagined and wrote down the dream girl based on material things and what she can do for YOU! (How she will look, how much sex she will give you, being kind to you) 
you didn’t do it right. 
that’s why when you got these material things you realised they don’t make any difference. 
 

next time don’t imagine how she will look. Picture no face. 
Instead write down the kinds of traits she will have and things you would wanna do together.  Write down what kind of things she would be interested in. Write down what you would want to give to her. Not what she will give you. 

So basically, when you meet her she will look nothing like you imagined but the energy will be right.  
 

Edited May 18, 2021 by intotheblack

[JJfromSwitzerland]

22 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

If you have a fear of intimacy or avoidant then this is totally normal.  One of the many tricks that the ego plays to make you not let love in.  The ego makes you judge the other person and look for reasons why they aren’t good enough for you etc. Before you run away from it, question yourself deeply and ask yourself why you are doubting it.  Sometimes you have to push past that fear and dive straight in, after that it gets better honestly.  
what’s the worst thing that would happen if you did decide to fully let this girl in your life and be open to her?  Let me guess, you would feel trapped and suffocated right?  This is your ego protecting you from love.  
another thing to know is that love is not easy. It’s not like a fairytale where you fall in love at first sight... love is what happens after you push past the fear and insecurities, and stick around to get past the tough and uncertain times.  That’s when love happens.  

 

 Most helpful comment so far on this topic, thanks

[Consept]

From your original post it sounds like the fantasy you had of the perfect girl only really existed in your mind. Once you 'got it' you no longer wanted it because the real image could never live up to the mental image. Also in fantasies its more about what the person can do for you and how their perfection will enhance your life in some way. The fact is the reality can never live up to this, this isnt limited to relationships, it can happen with jobs, businesses, holidays, whatever. Our minds are amazing in what they can create but on the flip they can almost ruin reality. I think true progression will just be the acceptance of reality for what it is and not think that some particular outcome or achievement will enhance or complete you in anyway. 

I also agree with your sentiments that its good to get things so that you realise their limitations and then you can stop basing your life on these things. Anyway its all progress so happy for you that you had this realisation 

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, JJfromSwitzerland said:

not to offense you but this sounds like some disney movie bullshit

And what you're saying is bullshit. Because it comes from a place of ego gratification. 

You don't love or like someone because they fulfill a list of criteria (it's not menu selection), you love someone for who they are. If you can't do that, it means you only love yourself. 

You haven't grasped what loving someone means because you haven't experienced it.

You live in denial of true understanding and Love to justify your worldview. By your logic the whole world would have been divorced. Lots of wonderful people who can truly love each other. So what if you can't do it. Don't negate them..

Edited May 18, 2021 by Preety_India

[Girzo]

35 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

By your logic the whole world would have been divorced.

I don't think that what's keeping people together is necessarily True Love as you describe it.

Bullshit is an awesome glue for relationships, too.

35 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Lots of wonderful people who can truly love each other. So what if you can't do it. Don't negate them..

I think the scenario JJ described in his first post is more relatable to people, at least it is to me, than your Disney-like interpretation of romantic relationships. What I mean is, I can totally envision myself in the situation that JJ finds himself in, but yours seems like either 1-in-10 000 fluke event or people bullshiting themselves that this is true love while playing the same game as everyone else.

Edited May 18, 2021 by Girzo

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Girzo said:

I don't think that what's keeping people together is necessarily True Love as you describe it.

Bullshit is an awesome glue for relationships, too.

I think the scenario JJ described in his first post is more relatable to people, at least it is to me, than your Disney-like interpretation of romantic relationships. What I mean is, I can totally envision myself in the situation that JJ finds himself in, but yours seems like either 1-in-10 000 fluke event or people bullshiting themselves that this is true love while playing by the same game as everyone else.

You can call it Disney if you wish to. I just call it denial of aspects of reality that you haven't seen or experienced. Just because it's not possible for you doesn't mean it's not possible for others. There's a lot of positivity out there that doesn't categorize as Disney. Just Because you experience reality a particular way doesn't mean everyone has to experience it the same way. Learn to assimilate everyone's experiences rather than generalizing your own experience as universal.

(And let's not forget there a ton of red pillers in this section that skew people's minds)

 

Edited May 18, 2021 by Preety_India

[Girzo]

@Preety_India I am all in for Universal Love, and I love everyone I meet from depths of my heart and I accept them as they are, even the ugly red pillers. (Ugly in a sense of behavior.) It's actually a part of my life purpose and my most important value in life.

Mating is ruthless, though. It's not that I lack such romantic experience as you describe, it's that I have never even seen it play out like that in a real life ever. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen, but it must be rare then.