Reality is absolutely merciless

[4201]

3 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

@4201 It's well known that some people are naturally happy, and some people are naturally unhappy and they can never become happy no matter what. For example in the same way as someone is hardwired to be introvert or extrovert. It's because of the physical structure of the brain.

There's no doubt about this.

There's no point in talking to you since you twist everything to fit your wishful thinking fairy tale.

Ah yes, the very well known hardwiring 

If you think it's well known, ask literally anyone. Ask the author of the paper, she literally debunks you IN THE PAPER. The fact that your average depressed joe think like you doesn't make it any more true. 

[kag101]

On 19/05/2021 at 2:37 AM, Blackhawk said:

I don't remember.

I don't like any psychiatrist.

I'm not going to waste more time and energy on those things.

I'm sorry you're close-minded about that.

You'll keep on suffering then. Depression, like cancer, tends to grow if it's left untreated.

For more severe cases like yours, medication is a must.

[Blackhawk]

20 minutes ago, kag101 said:

I'm sorry you're close-minded about that.

You'll keep on suffering then. Depression, like cancer, tends to grow if it's left untreated.

For more severe cases like yours, medication is a must.

The doctors say that they don't recommend medication for me.

Edited May 22, 2021 by Blackhawk

[kag101]

27 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

The doctors say that they don't recommend medication for me.

why not?

[Blackhawk]

Just now, kag101 said:

why not?

Because all the chemicals are flying around in my brain just fine. But my life is fucking shit. So that's why I'm living in hell.

If you would be put inside a fucking box, and your brain would work fine, don't you think you would be miserable? In that case medication wouldn't help shit.

[Blackhawk]

Sorry for talking like that in my post above, but I'm sick of everything and I've had enough of life.

I think I have never been feeling as bad as I do now..

Edited May 23, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Windappreciator]

29 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

Sorry for talking like that in my post above, but I'm sick of everything and I've had enough of life.

I think I have never been feeling worse than I do now..

Why?

[Blackhawk]

15 minutes ago, Windappreciator said:

Why?

I don't know. Time makes everything worse. Keeping your hand in boiling water for 2 seconds is worse than 1 second. And 5 seconds is worse than 2 seconds. Etc.

I don't even want to think about how painful the future will be.

Edited May 23, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Blackhawk]

Life is like something in a vise which gets squeezed tighter and tighter as time goes on.

At birth it's loose, and then it constantly gets squeezed tighter and tighter, right before death it's at its tightest.

And then you get reborn and it starts all over again.

Edited May 23, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Windappreciator]

1 hour ago, Blackhawk said:

I don't know. Time makes everything worse. Keeping your hand in boiling water for 2 seconds is worse than 1 second. And 5 seconds is worse than 2 seconds. Etc.

I don't even want to think about how painful the future will be.

I mean, what is causing it? What circumstances?

[Blackhawk]

1 hour ago, Windappreciator said:

I mean, what is causing it? What circumstances?

Loneliness. Unloved. Disliked.

[4201]

50 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

Loneliness. Unloved. Disliked.

I would suggest simply going out and making friends. A good easy way is to join a club of some hobby you like or get involved in local volunteering. If you do volunteering you'll meet other people, there's a lot of respect and people will appreciate you just for being there. It's generally quite stress-free work and the people going there are very nice people.

You seem to know what you want, just keep focusing on that, and in no time you'll be out of this bad place. The only way the future can be more painful is if you keep focusing on what's bad. There is no reason to do that. You have the power to change your life and make your future better. 

You aren't disliked here. You are going through tough times like many of us did in the past. On top of that we are in mid pandemic, everyone is a bit more lonely and grumpy. It sure is harder, but it's going to pass.

[Windappreciator]

1 hour ago, Blackhawk said:

Loneliness. Unloved. Disliked.

Oh, sorry about that mate. 

[Blackhawk]

Merciless reality: I would need help. But there is no help which can help me.

It's not a fun situation to be in.

Reality simply doesn't give a fuck about how much it tortures its fellow conscious beings.

Without consciousness there wouldn't be any problems. None at all.

Edited May 31, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Grateful Dead]

I give a fuck

What's your situation like? And what kind of help would you need?

 

[Blackhawk]

6 hours ago, acidgoofy said:

I give a fuck

What's your situation like? And what kind of help would you need?

I'm lonely and have no hope for better times. So I have nothing to live for. I'm a walking dead.

I don't have motivation to do anything other than work. Well actually I don't have motivation for that either but I have to work. No drive for anything. 

I don't know what kind of help I would need.

Some kind of miracle would be needed, or death.

[Blackhawk]

1 hour ago, Blackhawk said:

I'm lonely and have no hope for better times. So I have nothing to live for. I'm a walking dead.

I don't have motivation to do anything other than work. Well actually I don't have motivation for that either but I have to work. No drive for anything. 

I don't know what kind of help I would need.

Some kind of miracle would be needed, or death.

I'm in a collapsed state 24/7.

Every second is a struggle.

Edited June 1, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Blackhawk]

1 hour ago, Blackhawk said:

I'm in a collapsed state 24/7.

Every second is a struggle.

It's so bad that I struggle with sending a simple two sentence e-mail, I procrastinate doing it. But I have sent it now.

Anyways, sorry for bothering you all with this. But I don't have contact with anyone, so this is one of the few places on internet where I can vent about stuff.

I don't ask anything of you guys here. I write here instead of in the self actualization journals section because there's more interaction here.

Just don't say that all my problems is only because I have a victim mindset, or that I'm creating it all, or that I'm enjoying it. It's the absolutely worst thing you can say to someone who is struggling. It can make more harm.

Edited June 1, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Grateful Dead]

@Blackhawk

Oh, sounds like dark times...it may seem like there is no hope right now but in 5 or 10 years everything could be completely different.

I think I read that you are already in therapy, right?

Have you tried psychedelics? They could give you a new perspective on life.

[Ananta]

@Blackhawk I know you've said you won't go to therapy because you tried it, but wasn't that years ago? Maybe you need to seriously rethink it.

Anyways, if not therapy, then you need some sort of support group, even if you won't talk. 

You can't expect different results when you keep doing the same stuff over and over, so make a change.

However, don't do the psychedelics recommended, with your history, it's a very bad idea.