Reality is absolutely merciless

[Windappreciator]

1 hour ago, Ananta said:

@Blackhawk I know you've said you won't go to therapy because you tried it, but wasn't that years ago? Maybe you need to seriously rethink it.

Anyways, if not therapy, then you need some sort of support group, even if you won't talk. 

You can't expect different results when you keep doing the same stuff over and over, so make a change.

However, don't do the psychedelics recommended, with your history, it's a very bad idea.

 

Therapy in a dysfunctional country might also a bad idea.

Edited June 1, 2021 by Windappreciator

[tatsumaru]

On 5/17/2021 at 11:34 PM, Blackhawk said:

Reality gives absolutely no mercy. I think reality might be the devil himself. I think I'm literally living in actual hell. What else could you call this torture chamber? And this isn't just a temporary thing. It's my entire life, 99% of all the time while I'm awake.

I think people in this forum are just wishful thinking. I think they are worse than religious people, because at least religious people aren't deluded enough to think that they have created (and are creating) reality, their lives, and everything.

There are 3 reasons why I don't kill myself: 

•  Fear of what happens after death. I don't believe in the materialistic notion of eternal death.
• Survival instinct.
• It would hurt my parents. It would destroy their lives even more.

If I wouldn't have parents, then I would probably kill myself.

If I would get a terminal illness, like cancer or something, then I would get super happy. Because then I would finally leave this place, and it wouldn't even be my own doing, so I would be completely innocent for dying. A death with good conscience. What a dream that would be. But of course the deluded people here would then think that I created the terminal illness, but I wouldn't care about that.

I went through a hellhole a few years ago. Pure torture. I thought my body would crumble apart from suffering. I wasn't sure I could actually bear all the pain I was feeling. I thought it was impossible for a person to feel worse. Pure suffering and despair on every level - health, wealth, sanity, spirituality, social life and all at once, couple that with panic attacks and clinical depression and extreme loneliness. I wanted to kill myself multiple times per day for 6 years straight but I was even afraid that this wouldn't help and I will be transported into an even worse hell which resulted in even more suffering, I thought I would just snap and break. I am only saying all this so that maybe you will trust me that I know what true suffering feels like. I am not sure why it happened and why I had to go through it, but I did solve it. There were many problems that I thought were 100% unsolvable in my life like for example all kinds of health symptoms that no doctor understood - all of them are gone now. Solving everything was excruciatingly hard and slow. Had to read many books, had to think myself almost to death, had to try countless supplements, had to talk to therapists, had to try all kinds of spiritual practices, had to unlearn millions of things, had to learn millions of things, had to change my mindset millions of times etc. Honestly I am not sure why the price was so high, I bet less than 0.01% of humanity goes through so much pain. Regardless, it is solvable if you really want to solve it. I super highly recommend that you supplement daily with 400mg magnesium citrate or magnesium glycinate as well as ashwagandha, they helped me so much to not completely fall apart during the toughest times, I think I would have died without them. If you need to talk to someone and discuss different problems and potential solutions, feel free to PM me. Good luck buddy, happiness is possible even for those stuck in the lowest pits of hell.

[Someone here]

Hey man. Sorry to hear about your struggles.  Please feel free to contact me if you wanna someone to talk to. If I can help you out with anything 

Edited June 1, 2021 by Someone here

[Ananta]

1 hour ago, Windappreciator said:

Therapy in a dysfunctional country might also a bad idea.

Speak for yourself. Plus, he lives in Sweden ?

Over a decade ago I had a skilled therapist help me after a suicide attempt. She was fabulous.

Therapist are like anything though there are good ones and not so good ones. If you come across one not working for you, try another.

Giving up and not talking to a professional when you are seriously depressed/anxious shouldn't be an exceptable option.

Edited June 2, 2021 by Ananta

[4201]

8 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

Just don't say that all my problems is only because I have a victim mindset, or that I'm creating it all, or that I'm enjoying it. It's the absolutely worst thing you can say to someone who is struggling. It can make more harm.

You are not your mindset though. No matter how much people "insult" your current mindset, that mindset is just a mindset, it's not a mind and it's not you.

What are you if you are not your mindset? You are a mind capable of adopting any mindset there is. This gives you infinite potential. Infinite potential for suffering and infinite potential for pleasure. Some mindset feel good (pleasure) some mindset feel bad (suffering). Your mindset might convince you that you can't change your mindset, but that's just the mindset and not the mind itself.

That being said I'm not saying this in support for the few people who came into your thread to bully you. I don't think name-calling people who struggle as "victims" is going to help that much either. But the problem definitely is in the mindset. We went deep in genetics. You can keep finding new "causes" for your suffering that are not your mindset if you want but none of them will ever be true.

[Flowerfaeiry]

@Blackhawk

Have you looked into somatic experiencing? Simply put, it is a method of processing trauma, difficult emotions and stress --through-- the body and movement, rather than trying to talk or reason your out of it. It is the work of Peter Levine. 

traumahealing.org is his website. You can also type somatic experience into Google and YouTube for more resources. 

[Ananta]

8 hours ago, 4201 said:

That being said I'm not saying this in support for the few people who came into your thread to bully you. I don't think name-calling people who struggle as "victims" is going to help

You obviously didn't read any of the replies, because no one bullied him or called him names, including saying anything about being a victim.

I believe he's going on past experience of when he has written threads very similar to this one in the past. 

[4201]

@Ananta I'm not taking about recent replies. Bullies have deleted their messages since but you can still see some replies to their messages in the early pages
 

 

I don't think we should focus on this now but I believe this is what OP meant when he talked about people calling him a victim. I don't think anyone else brought up the topic here.

Who said what is quite irrelevant though. Not trying to make a trial here.

Edited June 2, 2021 by 4201

[Blackhawk]

21 hours ago, acidgoofy said:

@Blackhawk

Oh, sounds like dark times...it may seem like there is no hope right now but in 5 or 10 years everything could be completely different.

I think I read that you are already in therapy, right?

Have you tried psychedelics? They could give you a new perspective on life.

Yes I have tried therapy, several years ago.

I have tried psychedelics one or two times. They gave me a hellish experience. I got locked up in mental hospital for some days, but it was mainly because I was suicidal then. And then I got psychotic episodes for years after the trip. I have actually recently healed from it, I think.

So I don't know if I should take psychedelics again and fuck up my psyche again.

19 hours ago, Ananta said:

@Blackhawk I know you've said you won't go to therapy because you tried it, but wasn't that years ago? Maybe you need to seriously rethink it.

Anyways, if not therapy, then you need some sort of support group, even if you won't talk. 

You can't expect different results when you keep doing the same stuff over and over, so make a change.

However, don't do the psychedelics recommended, with your history, it's a very bad idea.

I don't expect different results, I don't expect any improvement.

18 hours ago, Windappreciator said:

Therapy in a dysfunctional country might also a bad idea.

I don't think Sweden is dysfunctional. Or Sweden is dysfunctional in the sense that it isn't a member of NATO.

18 hours ago, tatsumaru said:

I went through a hellhole a few years ago. Pure torture. I thought my body would crumble apart from suffering. I wasn't sure I could actually bear all the pain I was feeling. I thought it was impossible for a person to feel worse. Pure suffering and despair on every level - health, wealth, sanity, spirituality, social life and all at once, couple that with panic attacks and clinical depression and extreme loneliness. I wanted to kill myself multiple times per day for 6 years straight but I was even afraid that this wouldn't help and I will be transported into an even worse hell which resulted in even more suffering, I thought I would just snap and break. I am only saying all this so that maybe you will trust me that I know what true suffering feels like. I am not sure why it happened and why I had to go through it, but I did solve it. There were many problems that I thought were 100% unsolvable in my life like for example all kinds of health symptoms that no doctor understood - all of them are gone now. Solving everything was excruciatingly hard and slow. Had to read many books, had to think myself almost to death, had to try countless supplements, had to talk to therapists, had to try all kinds of spiritual practices, had to unlearn millions of things, had to learn millions of things, had to change my mindset millions of times etc. Honestly I am not sure why the price was so high, I bet less than 0.01% of humanity goes through so much pain. Regardless, it is solvable if you really want to solve it. I super highly recommend that you supplement daily with 400mg magnesium citrate or magnesium glycinate as well as ashwagandha, they helped me so much to not completely fall apart during the toughest times, I think I would have died without them. If you need to talk to someone and discuss different problems and potential solutions, feel free to PM me. Good luck buddy, happiness is possible even for those stuck in the lowest pits of hell.

I see. Thanks.

17 hours ago, Someone here said:

Hey man. Sorry to hear about your struggles.  Please feel free to contact me if you wanna someone to talk to. If I can help you out with anything 

Okay thanks.

13 hours ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

@Blackhawk

Have you looked into somatic experiencing? Simply put, it is a method of processing trauma, difficult emotions and stress --through-- the body and movement, rather than trying to talk or reason your out of it. It is the work of Peter Levine. 

traumahealing.org is his website. You can also type somatic experience into Google and YouTube for more resources. 

No I haven't looked into it. Thanks.

Edited June 2, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Ananta]

11 hours ago, 4201 said:

@Ananta I'm not taking about recent replies. Bullies have deleted their messages

Woops, my bad, I guess I should have read all the replies closer myself.?‍♀️ (inserts foot in mouth) 

8 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I don't expect different results, I don't expect any improvement.

Well, that's very unfortunate ?, but you could still "try" to make a change that would potentially improve your situation over time, but you'd have to want it. 

Many, many years ago I had bulimia (I was in my mid-late twenties) and I couldn't stop on my own. Finally, a professional at their absolute wits end with me said try "Overeaters Annonymous" meetings. I said, yeah-yeah, ain't gonna work and I refused. He kept bringing it up and finally after I hit my lowest low of that disorder I finally went. I hated it and I thought it wouldn't work, but made a choice that I had nothing to lose (but an hour a week), so I would just keep going.

Little by little the eating disorder got better and in 6 months it was completely gone. I stayed 3 more months doing weekly meetings before I stopped. 

So, we all have had our struggles. A decade ago, I had depression to the point of a suicide attempt, so I can say with a good amount of certainly that if you don't put in the work and effort to make change, however small it may be, then you'll potentially stay stuck, lonely and unhappy. Why not open your mind to finding a good therapist to help you? What do you have to lose?

Edited June 3, 2021 by Ananta

[Blackhawk]

@Ananta Well.. Okay.

[Zeroguy]

On 6/2/2021 at 4:19 PM, 4201 said:

@Ananta I'm not taking about recent replies. Bullies have deleted their messages since but you can still see some replies to their messages in the early pages
 

 

I don't think we should focus on this now but I believe this is what OP meant when he talked about people calling him a victim. I don't think anyone else brought up the topic here.

Who said what is quite irrelevant though. Not trying to make a trial here.

Shock therapy.Also enjoying being bad cop.Everyone is good so we kinda lack in that department.

Simple question.

What I am going to do with my life in next few years.Let him sit with himself pen an paper and write it all down.Let him focus on that.

Beleiving in these negative thoughts is the problem .Hey you can think positive thoughts?Not forbidden?!

Edited June 3, 2021 by Zeroguy

[snowyowl]

@Blackhawk   Sorry to hear you're still in a bad way mate. I can't quite understand if you have got to the root cause of your unhappiness, you mentioned  'loneliness, unloved, disliked' which sound more like symptoms than causes. You've seen therapists & psychologists or doctors before, I wonder did they reach a diagnosis? It might help us to give advice and support. Even if you have an incurable condition, there's usually support groups for people with the same problems who can understand what you're going through and be friends with you. 

Do you feel like this all the time or does it come and go in waves? Could be there's some underlying triggers which bring it on. Keeping a diary of how you feel, what you're eating, drinking, doing etc might help to identify the triggers so you can avoid them. 

You are liked here by the way, I know we can't show it so easily on a busy internet forum, but I do value your presence here, so do lots of others. I understand now why you sometimes give short pithy replies to our suggestions, it's difficult to string sentences together when you feel rough. It's tough making an effort to reach out for help when you need it most, I know from my own experience, but it really is worth it. 

Edited June 3, 2021 by snowyowl

[Zeroguy]

Maybe  Reality is Love.It can be.Pretty much is Heaven.What else would it be?

Sort yourself out man.Some disipline healthy habits some dream you have to motivate you and that's all.

Not a rocket science?!

Edited June 3, 2021 by Zeroguy

[Blackhawk]

16 hours ago, snowyowl said:

@Blackhawk   Sorry to hear you're still in a bad way mate. I can't quite understand if you have got to the root cause of your unhappiness, you mentioned  'loneliness, unloved, disliked' which sound more like symptoms than causes. You've seen therapists & psychologists or doctors before, I wonder did they reach a diagnosis? It might help us to give advice and support. Even if you have an incurable condition, there's usually support groups for people with the same problems who can understand what you're going through and be friends with you. 

Do you feel like this all the time or does it come and go in waves? Could be there's some underlying triggers which bring it on. Keeping a diary of how you feel, what you're eating, drinking, doing etc might help to identify the triggers so you can avoid them. 

You are liked here by the way, I know we can't show it so easily on a busy internet forum, but I do value your presence here, so do lots of others. I understand now why you sometimes give short pithy replies to our suggestions, it's difficult to string sentences together when you feel rough. It's tough making an effort to reach out for help when you need it most, I know from my own experience, but it really is worth it. 

Thanks.

Sometimes I feel a bit better..

[Andrew John]

4 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

Thanks.

Sometimes I feel a bit better..

my friend, can you at least consider for one second that you are creating your own reality with the thoughts that you have?

I have been where you are and had to realise I was creating my own nightmare. 

[Breakingthewall]

On 21/5/2021 at 5:22 PM, Blackhawk said:

It's well known that some people are naturally happy, and some people are naturally unhappy and they can never become happy no matter what. For example in the same way as someone is hardwired to be introvert or extrovert. It's because of the physical structure of the brain.

There's no doubt about this.

 you have no doubts about that, maybe you should. friend, reading you it becomes clear that you have no real intention of getting out of the well. be honest, do you want to go out? 1 the well in which you are is been creating by yourself, you know it, right? 2 you don't want to get out of it, you are torturing yourself and you don't want to stop doing it. Why? You have to find the answer

I have been in the well of desperation, i got out of it, and now i see that all was my creation, because my vanity. I thought I was the last of the last and the reality is that my vanity was enormous, that's why I was tortured for myself. for my "importance", for my inability to accept what is. for rebellion, pride. As tatsumaru i have gone through a long, difficult, strange way of struggle. I just tell you one piece of advice: be honest

 

Edited June 4, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[Grateful Dead]

On 2.6.2021 at 6:49 PM, Blackhawk said:

So I don't know if I should take psychedelics again and fuck up my psyche again.

It depends, what psychedelics have you tried and at what dose?

I think in your case it would be best to start with milder substances like mdma, ketamine or low doses of shrooms.

But it would be best if you do it in combination with therapy and you have to be very careful.

[Blackhawk]

2 hours ago, acidgoofy said:

It depends, what psychedelics have you tried and at what dose?

I think in your case it would be best to start with milder substances like mdma, ketamine or low doses of shrooms.

But it would be best if you do it in combination with therapy and you have to be very careful.

2-CB-FLY. I don't remember the dose.

[Ananta]

On 6/2/2021 at 0:49 PM, Blackhawk said:

I have tried psychedelics one or two times. They gave me a hellish experience. I got locked up in mental hospital for some days, but it was mainly because I was suicidal then. And then I got psychotic episodes for years after the trip. I have actually recently healed from it, I think.

So I don't know if I should take psychedelics again and fuck up my psyche again.

 

On 6/7/2021 at 7:18 AM, acidgoofy said:

I think in your case it would be best to start with milder substances like mdma, ketamine or low doses of shrooms.

@acidgoofy As a non-psychedelic user myself I wonder why would you keep recommending psychedelics, of any kind, to a member after he said the statement above ^^ ?